Wootton: Send ‘peacemaker’ Duchess Kate on a mission to rescue Prince Harry

The Duchess of Sussex’s The Cut cover profile surely rose to the level of DefCon 3 for the royal commentary class. They’re still screaming, crying, throwing up about the Sussex’s Montecito palace, the fact that Lilibet is a blue-eyed ginger, the fact that Meghan and Harry seem quite happy and loved up in California. Instead of merely keeping calm and carrying on, the royal reporters are panicking. One might think, what’s it to Dan Wootton if a couple of royal has-beens have a nice home, a popular podcast and a publicist? Wrong. Wootton’s emergency column is called “Meghan’s latest comments about the Royal Family and Britain should be the final straw for Prince Harry. Charles and William must now intervene.” Always complain, always explain, and when all else fails, Wootton suggests putting the Duchess of Buttons on a flight to Montecito to convince Harry to leave his wife and children. I sh-t you not. Some highlights from Wootton’s hilarious screed:

Harry must be saved!! There comes a moment in every toxic relationship where friends and family of the wronged party must put their own grievances aside to save their loved one from a life of misery. That time has now come for Prince Harry’s relatives. An intervention should be staged, no matter the limited likelihood of success, to try and protect the troubled Duke and talk to the couple to sort out fact from fiction. Because it’s now abundantly clear to anyone that Meghan Markle appears to have no grip on reality and is on a mission to take down the Royal Family, no matter the cost.

Meghan’s statement that she would be photographed taking her kids to school in England: “Er, the problem is, such a scenario is a total nonsense – Prince William and Kate drop off and pick up their three children, including a future king, at school virtually every day, without one photograph being published in the British media. There’s certainly no press pen! As public figures, the Cambridge’s have made the decision, on very rare occasions, to allow photos to be taken officially, but that is a personal choice that could have easily been rejected by the Sussexes.

Wootton understands Meghan’s threat: Even more risibly, Meghan makes it clear she believes the Royal Family owes her an apology, as she maintains a thinly veiled threat to release more damaging information if she doesn’t get her own way….[He quotes her statement about forgiveness.] No, I don’t like it one bit. It’s blatantly obvious what you’re trying to do.

The interview slapped the Queen and bombed Buckingham Palace: It’s easy to try and ignore Meghan’s constant whinging and claims of victimhood – after all, this is the first of many woe-is-me interviews planned to plug her Spotify show – but it’s critical the Royal Family read the nonsense tell-all in full to discover just how far down their own rabbit hole the Sussexes now find themselves. It’s obvious to me they no longer have a shred of respect for the Queen or the monarchy, an institution they seem to wish to damage, even as they continue to profit off their connection to it.

Send in Katie Keen!!!! That’s why Prince Charles and William, ideally with peacemaker Kate in tow, should board a plane to California. I know there’s a million reasons why such an idea would be dismissed as preposterous and impossible, especially given the chance of getting through to Harry seems close to nil – he’s co-pilot of this kamikaze mission, after all. But at least they would have tried everything, on behalf of the Queen, the institution she has worked her life to protect and the country she loves, to save Harry from this destructive madness.

[From The Daily Mail]

One of the most telling moments – one might say a “gotcha moment” – is when Wootton accurately quotes Meghan’s statement: “It takes a lot of effort to forgive. I’ve really made an active effort, especially knowing that I can say anything… I have a lot to say until I don’t.” Wootton sees this correctly, as a warning shot that Meghan hasn’t even begun to talk about all of the sh-t that went down. And, as always, the palace and their sycophantic press have no idea what receipts Meghan has or what story she’ll tell next. Wootton’s “No, I don’t like it one bit. It’s blatantly obvious what you’re trying to do” means that he hates that she has any shred of power. They all hate that she has power, credibility and the willingness to talk about all the sh-t they did to her.

As for the idea that Charles, William and Kate all need to board a plane to California to somehow drag Harry back to the UK….LMAO. First of all, that’s called kidnapping, because there’s no way that besotted ginger is leaving his wife and children willingly. Second of all, Kate needs more notice because she has to buy a new California Keen wardrobe based off the clothes Meghan wore in The Cut’s editorial. Third of all, I would pay to see a closed-camera feed of Charles, William and Buttons on an international “rescue mission” to California. Peggington’s incandescence could fuel the plane.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Instar, Backgrid.

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236 Responses to “Wootton: Send ‘peacemaker’ Duchess Kate on a mission to rescue Prince Harry”

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  1. Haylie says:

    Kate can’t even convince her own husband to stay home and stop getting peggings from other women. How is a crone gonna convince a man to leave the wife he’s madly in love with and the children he always wanted?

    Child, please!

    • SussexWatcher says:

      This right here! Let her focus on saving her own marriage first, as her own husband seems to hate the sight of her and has downgraded her to a “cottage.”

      • aquarius64 says:


      • whatWHAT? says:

        yeah, I don’t get how anyone can think that Harry is “miserable” or “trapped” when he almost always seems happy to be in Meghan’s presence, smiling and kissing on her. Or that Prince Pegged and Buttons are actually in a happy marriage with the way that he looks at her and that he seems to take all precautions to not have to even TOUCH her.

        but do go on…

        (PS – in all honestly, Kate looks at Harry in the way that Harry and Meghan look at each other. I know I’ve said it before but I think Kate’s biggest issue with Meghan is that she (Meghan) “stole” Harry from Kate. Kate wanted to be queen, but I think she also wanted to have Harry around to boost her ego or something. Not that Harry was interested, but I think she liked having the attention of both the Heir and the Spare.)

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ whatWHAT?, oh yes!! Kate loved that Harry was kind and willing to pay attention to her. Once Meghan came onto the scene, she lost any form of kindness and attention she was being given out of the kindness of Harry. But she severed any form of kindness that Harry will exert to her now. She messed with his wife and she will never be forgiven, as she shouldn’t.

    • Kokiri says:

      I understand the sentiment: Kate isn’t anyone to send to negotiate anything.

      But let’s not start blaming women for the choices their husbands make.
      William having affairs isn’t because of anything Kate did or didn’t do: women are NOT responsible for the choices men make & shouldn’t be held accountable for them.

      William cheating is all his own. Kate many things, but let’s let go of the misogynistic “a woman needs to satisfy her man or else he will look elsewhere” outdated point of view.
      Women deserve better.

      • notasugarhere says:

        Kate chose to sleep with William behind his public girlfriend’s back for months, after being tested out in bed and approved as ‘discreet’ by his friends. She chose to participate in this relationship for 10 years during which he cheated on her constantly. She chose to be in a relationship where he called her ‘sex waiting’ and used her for sex whenever he was striking out with other women. She chose to marry him knowing he would never be faithful, because she wanted the titles at all cost. No sympathy for her; she has gotten exactly what she knew she was getting.

      • sunny says:

        Yes to everything you wrote @Kokiri.

        Kate isn’t the person to send for diplomacy because she is a vile human being who has never shown any talent for diplomacy or strategic thought.

      • Jessica says:

        You’re absolutely right. Women are not responsible for the unfaithfulness of men. It doesn’t matter if you like the woman in question or not — it’s the principle of it.

        This column, as usual, is deranged and unhinged to the core. I keep wondering how Dan manages to slip out of his restraints and escape whatever secure facility he’s normally housed in to pen these noxious columns week after week, but I guess we’ll never know.

        Keep going Duchess, they’re going mad! We love to see it!

      • notasugarhere says:

        Again, I have no sympathy for a woman who chose to sleep with a man behind his girlfriend’s back, who has chosen to be in a relationship with a cheater for 20 years. She chose this because she wanted money, status, titles. She could have chosen not to become his Sex Waiting, she could have chosen not to marry him. She is no innocent victim surprised by his cheating. She chooses to stay in this unhealthy dynamic, they’ve both subjected innocent children to this miserable business arrangement. Nothing healthy going on relationship-wise under any of their three roofs – and Kate has 50 percent of the responsibility for that.

      • Kokiri says:

        Who said anything about sympathy?

        Like this: you don’t have to like Kaitlyn Jenner. Her policies are terrible, and she’s actively setting back trans rights. But don’t dead name her, because every other trans person sees exactly what you are: someone who only supports rights when you like the person.

        Same here. Kate, regardless of her past, is NOT responsible for Williams choices. To even think she’s done something that made him cheat & that she “can’t convince him” to stay?
        Is misogynistic. And if you are a woman thinking this way, then you’ve got some internalized misogyny that needs to be addressed.

      • Haylie says:

        Nah. Kate can have all this smoke. I’m not playing feminist for someone who leaned into racist and anti-feminist tropes to destroy Meghan because of white women’s entitlement. Dan Wooton and Kate Middleton beat both heel their noses out of Harry’s marriage and the one where the husband is a heavily rumored cheat and where the couple appear to live in separate houses.

      • A says:

        Baldy’s cheating isn’t Kate’s fault. But Kate’s insecurities, her inability to stand up for herself and demand respect, and the fact that she decided that the way she’d get respect would be by being a disgusting racist instead–all of those ARE her choices. And she absolutely should be held responsible for them.

        There are thousands of other ways she could have coped with her insecurities and the fact that her husband is cheating on her and that she’s disliked by everyone in the society she finds herself in. Instead, she chose to deal with it like this–by being a lying racist, a bully, and a see you next tuesday to her SIL, who did nothing to her. She can go f-ck herself.

      • Mrs.Krabapple says:

        Kate is an enabler. She is perfectly content to be William’s doormat in exchange for a wealthy and titled lifestyle. And she uses her wealthy and titled position to be mean to other women. And all the while she lies to the public that she and William share domestic bliss, and are perfectly perfect in every way. And she panders to the outdated, misogynistic notions of a woman’s place (brood mare, look the other way when husband cheats, silent and dumb, starve yourself and dress up like a paper doll, everything superficial and nothing of substance). Kate is the opposite of a feminist, and she is living the life that she chose for herself. She reminds me a LOT of Melania.

      • A says:

        Something else I wanted to add actually–“Kate, regardless of her past, is NOT responsible for Williams choices. To even think she’s done something that made him cheat & that she “can’t convince him” to stay?”

        Everything that is important to Kate in her life, that she has relentlessly chased and sought after desperately for ten years, are things that she derives entirely as the result of her marriage to William. Everything.

        Her title as Duchess of Cambridge, her being an HRH, the potential FFQ, the mother to the potential FFFK–she simply cannot be any of those things in her own right, because she was born as the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Michael Middleton, and not as anything else. This is how the British royal family and the British aristocracy works.

        Is this misogynistic? Absolutely, it is. But this is how this sh-t works, and Kate has decided that she wants to be a part of it. So she has to either play the rules, try to change the game, or get the f-ck out. Considering she’s done very little to change the game, and that she’s not doing anything to gtfo any time soon, she has an obligation to play by the rules of the society she’s willingly chosen to be a part of.

        Given that all that Kate cares about is stuff that she can only get from her marriage to her husband, yeah, it’s of prime importance that Kate do everything she can in her power to “convince” her husband to stay in their marriage, or to at least be discreet in his affairs, because any respect she hopes to get from the people she cares about hinges entirely on how her husband treats her. Her life’s work depends on convincing William that remaining married to her is worth it, for whatever reason, bc if he decides it’s not, she would have to kiss everything she’s worked for goodbye. This is the choice she made when she married William.

        If we’re going to be feminists here, then we should remember that even women who uphold, and perpetuate, misogynist institutions that actively harm them are still exercising their agency as human beings when they do so. Kate is doing the same as well. If she wanted to be in a marriage where it wasn’t on her to convince her husband to not be unfaithful and put their marriage in jeopardy bc of it, she shouldn’t have married William.

      • Debbie says:

        @Haylie: Everything you said! Honestly, even after reading all the vile things DW wrote about Meghan and the sanctity of her marriage. Some just overlooked ALL of that and jumped headlong into defending… Kate of all people. Sweet jumping Jesus. Go figure. And they actually dare to wag their fingers at people and expect everyone to go along.

    • Chloe says:

      A wife she made cry. And then lied about. So i don’t think harry would be too happy to see her.

      • Well Wisher says:

        If ascertained as true some of the revelations in this particular thread are quite interesting, and without prejudice beggars the question:
        Why would Harry even entertain the thought that any contribution from Kate will be beneficial to his well being?
        Usually when people find genuine love, many of them rise to the occasion and try to be a better version of themselves, in order to be a better partner.
        Is there any way of knowing that Kate and Harry share the same values in terms of marriage or life in general?

      • Mrs.Krabapple says:

        @Well Wisher — I wondered what on earth Kate would “bring to the table” if she were to ever speak to Harry. Kate’s marriage is not a love match, Kate knows her place is to be William’s foot stool, and William will carry on however he wants, with Kate looking the other way. That is NOT the dynamic with Harry and Meghan, who actually love and respect each other. Kate doesn’t know what love or respect from a spouse looks like, so how could she ever relate to what Harry and Meghan have together?

      • Feeshalori says:

        I’d like to know what argument Kate could even persuade him with. “Please come back and leave your wife and children, it’s not so bad being a doormat and we can be downtrodden doormats together!” As she bats her manic eyes at Harry.

    • SugarHere says:

      Catherine Middleton as a crisis negotiator? So why not Camilla as a marriage counsellor. I’m wondering whether Woottoon is trolling kate, or what.

    • Jen says:

      I’m f-ing wheezing 😂

    • Geegee says:

      What reality are these people living in?

    • Christina says:

      @Whatwhat, I saw the same thing in pictures of William, Kate, and Harry. Kate always looked like she was sort of crushing on Harry in pictures of the three of them. Harry and she appeared communicative, leaning into each other in a lot of them, I recall. It looked like family together. But she doesn’t have that look on her face in pictures anymore save with her children, that look of admiration and love.

      When you see her with William, I don’t see that look. It’s something that is very hard to hide in pictures, that animal attraction that people have to each other. Diana’s facial expressions changed, too, when you look through the photos. It’s always in the eyes and body language regardless of what the press release says about how happy and stable the marriage is.

      • Green girl says:

        I noticed those looks too. It is entirely possible it’s strictly platonic. I can also see Harry being kind and respectful in a way that William never is to her.

        Also: I think it reveals quite a bit of the brothers relationship that Harry said he didn’t really know Kate when she married William. And that was after like 10 years!

      • Tessa says:

        Harry appeared to be uncomfortable when Kate gave him those looks. Kate has attempted to give william those looks but he just ignores her. Kate undermining Meghan alienated Harry for good. I imagine what he would say why did you lie about Meghan and confront her. But I doubt he wants anything to do with her now.

  2. equality says:

    She couldn’t “release more damaging information” if there wasn’t info to release. Maybe they should have all thought about behaving like decent people before. Is there some reason they (or anyone) should “respect the Queen and the monarchy”? It’s funny that he wants to send the brother who screams at PH and is petulantly not speaking to him now to make peace.

  3. mia girl says:

    An intervention?! Bwahahaha 😂😂
    This man has lost his god-damned mind.

    • Duchcheese says:

      LOL,😂😂for whatever strange reason, I read the heading as “should send duchess Karen” and I was like oh oh…LOL. Dan Wooden must be smoking something, my goodness. He is such a clown🤡🤡. Kamikaze mission?????

    • Midnight@theOasis says:

      😂🤣😂🤣😂What the hell did I just read? This is the funniest crap I’ve read in awhile. Wooten is certifiable. Dude must have access to the good drugs to write this crazy nonsense.

    • Lorelei says:

      “Wooton’s emergency column” 😂

      I especially enjoyed how he says, “it’s easy to try and ignore Meghan’s incessant whining and claims of victimhood…”
      OH REALLY?? If it’s so easy, how come Dan here is absolutely incapable of not reading and listening to every single word this woman says the moment she says it, and then immediately typing up his columns- which seem to be devoted to Meghan weekly at this point? This tool is a joke.

      The idea of Charles, William and Kate just popping up on their doorstep in Montecito for an intervention is so ludicrous I laughed out loud. (TBH I doubt Harry even gave them his address.) But if by some chance this batsh!t scenario does somehow come to pass (it won’t), I hope to god that the much-maligned “Netflix cameras” are there that day to capture allllllll of it.

      • BeanieBean says:

        Considering Charles stopping in every day to see his mother for a few minutes is considered extraordinary, Charles AND William AND Katie Keen getting on a plane for California would apparently take at least five years of planning. This guy is nuts.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ BeanieBean, don’t forget the charts that Wooten mentioned, as CopyKeen is a master at this arduous task!!!

        @ Lorelei, it is quite comical that Wooten has delivered this ludicrous story…..Harry must be saved and CopyKeen is the one to do it!!! Wooten ignores the fact that KKKate isn’t welcome at the house of Sussex. K would be mumbling and bumbling with every bodily function.

        I agree with you regarding Wooten who refuses to stop writing of every moment to Meghans existence. Wooten has lost his bloody mind….

      • Well Wisher says:

        @Lorelei Dan said the quiet part out loud. He is openly advocating for Meghan’s erasure as an individual. Her dehumanization should have been enough, only to find out that there are enough people who do not agree with him.
        They are willing to at least listen to her, probably curious about her views on the monarchy.
        She may never share her views on the matter but they are inclined to listen.
        It is enough to make him nervous, what if ranting goes out of vogue??

      • Lorelei says:

        @WellWisher, I see what you’re saying, and I completely agree, and I’m definitely not trying to trivialize the fact that these people think they can somehow lure Harry away from HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN. It’s disgusting that they never mention Meghan; she matters not one iota to them. I was able to laugh at this one only because Wootton is so clearly delusional and this scenario he proposes is too preposterous to be taken seriously by anyone, ever.

        But ita with you overall that the way they speak only of “getting” Harry back, ignoring the existence of the three people he loves most in the world, is extremely disturbing.

      • aftershocks says:

        @Well Wisher: “They are willing to at least listen to her, probably curious about her views on the monarchy.”

        Huh? 🤨 While I agree with the rest of your commentary, your above assessment skews too polite and generous toward Salty Isle nonces. Without a doubt, they all wish to dehumanize and erase a lovely, self-confident, accomplished woman.

        But no, they don’t ‘at least’ want to lend her an ear out of curiosity over her ‘views on the monarchy.’ They are absolutely BAT-SHIT OBSESSED with Meghan and the very air she breathes! They can’t wait to read everything written about her, and they are salivating 24/7 over weekly Archetypes, for the fodder it gives them to spew more insane bile.

        Let’s be honest, please. Salty Isle nonces and clowns are racist misogynists who don’t care what Meghan thinks, much less have they ever been interested in knowing who she is as a person. They do not even view her as a person. We should all keep that in mind, front-and-center!

    • MeganC says:

      It is absolutely killing Wooton that Harry is happy and successful. They are all desperate to see him fail.

      • Lorelei says:

        @MeganC, it’s killing a lot of them to see the Sussexes happy and successful, but for some reason, it’s particularly satisfying to me to see so clearly how it’s positively driving this idiot Wootton off the rails. Especially since we know he’s William’s megaphone. 🥰

      • Debbie says:

        Well, much like the so-called “bullying” claims, D. Wooten doesn’t say what they should be rescuing Harry from? I don’t get it. And by “they” I mean the people who cut off Harry’s security and disclosed his family’s whereabouts to the hostile media, and the ones who openly rage at Harry, and brag about snubbing him. Yeah, those rescuers. Off topic, but are these people drug-tested before allowing them to publish?

        I’m beginning to think that, for the sake of their ulcers, the BM should layoff news about Meghan for a month. Then, they can go back to talking about the color of her grass.

    • MakeEverydayCount says:

      The Brits are officially rabid and out of control when it comes to Meghan. Their reaction is completely unhinged. At this point I just laugh at them. I don’t get angry or upset….I just laugh

      • Lorelei says:

        @Debbie, right? Never any concrete examples. Exactly like the “bullying” nonsense. (And considering how that turned out for them, you’d think they’d avoid using the same exact freaking playbook.)

    • Christine says:

      I agree with all of you, this one is absolutely hysterical. I am enjoying the hell out of the British media unraveling spectacularly.

      • Haylie says:

        Right? They’ve completely lost it! What’s in the drinking water over there?

        Oh yeah. Feces. It’s feces. Maybe they should write an article about it.

  4. Amy Bee says:

    The family believes that Meghan has radicalized Harry so Dan Wootton is actually speaking for them here. In my opinion Harry and Meghan is finishing what Diana started and I’m here for it.

    • Snuffles says:

      I tend to agree. I’m certain that the Cambridges 1000% believe that. I’m sure a number of other members think the same too.

      I still wonder how much Charles and the Queen think that. I can see them automatically being wary of Meghan being American and not falling in line. But equally wary that Harry, who always had one foot out the door, would be motivated to and get the means to leave The Firm because he was with Meghan. I don’t translate that as believing Harry was brainwashed, but more like afraid that if Harry was given a choice, he wouldn’t choose them.

      • notasugarhere says:

        DanW is William’s mouthpiece, so this is all about William’s anger at Meghan ‘stealing’ his scapegoat.

      • lanne says:

        I think that’s why they didn’t do what they should have done: gave Harry an ultimatum and said, “It’s her or us.” They know he would have picked her and walked away. So they pretended to accept her, and then worked to push her out as quickly as possible, thinking they could have it both ways: get ride of Meghan and keep Harry, who would then fall in line behind his brother with his eyes downcast. Heck, he could be a drunk for all they care, so long as he made Cain look better.

      • Lorelei says:

        @AmyBee, I also totally agree. Which is sickening.

      • aftershocks says:

        ITA with your insights @Lanne. It’s surely true that the BRF feared Harry would choose Meghan over them if they point blank said ‘No’ to Harry marrying her. At the same time, the BRF completely underestimated Harry’s intelligence, resolve and determination. They had tried to keep his unique ambitions in check and channeled into serving the monarchy as third wheel, and drinking the cult kool-aid. Meghan freed Harry by seeing him for who he is, believing in him, falling in love with him, and then encouraging and supporting him in his efforts to be the ‘best version of himself.’

        Someone here in a recent thread said people want to become their best selves when they find true love. I think that’s accurate. Plus, Harry told us himself in the engagement interview: “I knew I had to up my game.” He’d finally found someone special who greatly inspired him to ‘up his game.’ The rota and BRF were and are clueless in thinking they could break up true love. 💞

    • Mymooniagarden@gmail.com says:

      I think its the other way round, as someone said Meghan was the fairy tale that rescued Harry from the scary tale

      • aftershocks says:

        @MyMooniaGarden, I like and agree with your take. If we can equate true love to a fairy tale. Still, we must mix reality, responsibility, commitment and sacrifice with the fairy tale romance. That’s how M&H have made their true life fairy tale work. A deep, loving bond involves clear-eyed hard work.

        Also, I don’t think your take is the opposite of what @Amy Bee said. Both takes are reasonable + realistic, and can coexist.

    • aftershocks says:

      ^^ I completely agree with @Amy Bee and @Lanne! On target! Exactly! 🎯 💯 @Lanne’s final passage particularly resonates: “Harry could be a drunk for all they care, so long as he made Cain look better.” This is so true. They all took Harry for granted as the spare, even as they knew and still know with greater in-your-face clarity that Harry, the Ginger Prince, is the better Wales brother (despite how they always tried to diminish and downplay his leadership talents).

      The kicker that the firm and the BM never bargained for is Harry meeting his WOC soulmate, Meghan, and soaring with the double whammy charisma they possess. Fittingly, in the process of the firm and rota trying to abuse and gaslight M&H, everything skullduggery about the monarchy has been exposed! Touche re Diana’s sleight-of-hand from the grave! ITA with @Amy Bee’s take re M&H carrying on Diana’s legacy. As I’ve always felt, Sussexit in many ways is ‘Diana’s Revenge!’

  5. MsIam says:

    They don’t have to fly anywhere, Zoom and phones work just fine. It’s the words and the intent Dan Rotten, as you full well know. But whatever, Harry and Meghan are peaceful under their intertwined palm trees, lol. Meanwhile, the UK branch can boil and churn as usual. And is it just me, or does even Dan Rotten seem to be getting bored with spewing the fake outrage on behalf of the Unroyals?

  6. Snuffles says:

    When I read his crazy rants, I wonder how much is from him and how much is him translating Kensington Palaces own psychotic rants.

    • windyriver says:

      IIRC, isn’t he the one who knew about the Sussex half in/half out proposal early on and was threatening to reveal it? And that’s why Harry and Meghan were forced to put out the information before anything had been decided? Wootten thought he was on top of the world, with a pipeline to inside information, and it all came crashing down when the Sussexes walked away, stopped telling the RF their business, and cut off tabloid contact. That’s why he frequently demonstrates PM level anger/frustration, and writes what he thinks is attention grabbing, but ultimately silly, stuff like this.

      • Becks1 says:

        Yes, it was him, except that he wasn’t threatening to reveal it, he did reveal it. He wrote a story about the Sussexes moving to Canada and leaving the royals etc and then later that day Sussex Royal made its announcement. I think he was given that in exchange for backing off the Rose rumors.

      • windyriver says:

        Ah, okay. I might have missed that that story actually came out. Wasn’t following things as closely then! Meanwhile, was he also involved in the story about someone paying off the boyfriend of someone at KP?

      • Becks1 says:

        That was a crazy day here at Celebitchy! Kaiser has a post up about the story, we’re all debating it, I know I was insisting that there was no way they were going to move to canada…..and then in the early-mid afternoon their Sussex Royal post was up and we were all like uhhh…..check their instagram, lol. And I think it happened when Kaiser was at the gym LOL so she couldn’t edit the post quickly so it was just a mess in the comments. Ahhh, simpler times on CB.

        Anyway, re: paying someone off, I think you’re referring to Christian Jones and I get the timing confused. But yes there is some connection between Wootton and paying the boyfriend of CJ for presumably leaks about the royals, I think?

      • Nic919 says:

        Knauf is friends with Wootton from uni and he would have known about the plan for part time through William if not a direct email from BP. He is the one who told Wootton. Based on his glee in helping out tabloids he had no issue breaking NDAs

      • windyriver says:

        Oh, that’s right @Nic919! That’s why Wootten thought he had it made, only to see the door slam shut a few months later. I knew there was a background reason for the extreme anger that comes across in everything he writes.

    • A says:

      I think it’s actually neither. I think that his rants are designed and intended to whip up his incredibly reactionary audience.

      People in the British media, like Dan Wootton, have made Meghan and Harry the targets of an awful and terrifying cultural war they’re waging on everything that doesn’t conform to their own reactionary, right-wing outlook. They’re using them as figureheads to rail against anything that they feel doesn’t conform to their idea of a lily-white, Little England, Brexiter society.

      That’s what this column is designed to do as well. It’s designed to make Meghan look like a crazy, “angry black woman”, who has trapped Harry using nefarious means like how all non-white women who are in relationships with white men of status do. Harry is the poor, hapless white knight who needs to be rescued from her clutches by his reasonable, rational, logical white family, headed by Kate, the paragon of white womanhood.

      That’s the sort of image this column is supposed to invoke in its audience. Look at how Wootton spun a very mild, very milquetoast statement from Meghan as a defcon level threat against the the royal family. And this is the sort of media figure that William has chosen to ally himself with to get his own messaging and PR out. It really makes you think what sort of public figures William and Kate want to be for the society that they represent.

      • QuiteContrary says:

        This is what I wanted to say, but you said it, better, A.
        The idea that Harry needs to be extracted by his white family members from the clutches of his Black wife is disgusting.
        They don’t just want to silence Meghan — they want to erase her from the royal picture.
        And because they know that Harry won’t comply, they are furious.

      • Bisynaptic says:

        They’re a beleaguered mess. This, more than most anything else, tells me that the monarchy is on its way out.

      • San Diego says:

        @A Really enjoy reading your inputs/ comments on here.

    • Lorelei says:

      @Snuffles, I was just wondering about that the other day (the day of Wootton’s most recent unhinged rant before this one 🙄). We know he definitely gets his talking points from William, but I’m also curious as to whether so much cruel, delusional vitriol also comes directly from W, or if Dan is just such a maniac that he is simply incapable of writing about Meghan without losing his entire sh!t.

  7. ThatsNotOkay says:

    The captives swooping in to rescue the free? As logical as anything Wooton’s ever written.

  8. lanne says:

    So…he’s saying that Harry needs to be dragged home by force. Will they drug him, like the Sheik of Dubai did his daughter when she attempted to flee and he dragged her back? Heck, why not sned the military after poor hapless Harry? I think Mr. Wooton needs to be checked into a mental health facility, by force if needed. He is clearly unwell. He can rage in a padded cell.

  9. Islandgirl says:

    As I’ve said before..what did they do to Meghan Markle? They are in full panic mode – and completely helpless because they have no control over Meghan.

    • Becks1 says:

      She wouldn’t have anything to say if nothing had happened, you know? Some bad shit went down behind the scenes and the press and the Firm know it and that’s why they panic every time she opens her mouth.

    • lanne says:

      They are like scavengers trying desperately to pile dirt over a trash heap they ransacked. Or like criminals frantically trying to camoflage a crime scene. Man leaves the family business with his family to strike out on his own. This happens all the time. This is only a huge story because they have made it one, through their actions. A few token gestures: “We’ll miss them, but we wish them well with their future endeavors.” Crisis averted.

      Have they forgotten that Eugenie left the UK to live in Portugal? Why is she allowed to do what Harry is not? Again, the bigger story here seems to be: why do the royals need Harry so much, and what does that say about the suitability of FFK Will-di Amin to be the FFK?

      What are they hiding about William? Whatever it is, that’s a much bigger story than Meghan could ever be. Don’t they realize that if they push Harry too far, that he could decide to reveal it once and for all?

      Maybe that’s why they’re so afraid of his book.

      • MsIam says:

        @Lanne, how dare you ask logical questions like that, lol? But I agree, the way this so called family is portrayed to be acting by the press is totally irrational. And wasn’t the queen quoted early on as saying “If they feel they must leave, then let them go”? That should have been the end of it right there. I guess it’s a combo of jealousy by the others with the boredom of the UK press with the leftovers.

      • KFG says:

        I think the fire in the nursery was one of several attempts on Archie and that there were probably some “accidents” that occurred with Meghan during her pregnancy with Archie and both peen, keen, and tampon know that if Harry tells, the monarchy is done. Plus sir peggs is horrible in general and off-putting so none of them want him in front anywhere internationally,bc he is incapable of anything except looking angry or being racist, i.e. the flop tour.

      • Harper says:

        Harry knew what was up with that fire. Even if (and that’s a big if) it was a complete coincidence that Archie had a close call as soon as they got him alone, the scare had to have done Harry in. It had to have amplified that voice in his head that was telling him to get out. It had to have reminded him to stop ignoring what he knew was true about how they felt toward Meghan and Archie, because Archie was in Canada not too long after.

      • Charfromdarock says:


        That gave me chills. That possibility never occurred to me.

      • Puppy1 says:

        @Lanne, I completely agree that they are hiding something BIG about William. My Tinfoil Hat Theory (THT) and Gut Feeling is that William is actually gay. I know a number of men who have been married for years with children and “come out” later. What if the affair was not with Rose but with David instead? It could explain why Harry was supposed to be there to always be a buffer for William, why Will couldn’t commit to Kate and the aristocratic girls wouldn’t consider him (they knew). Maybe the pegging story was a warning from someone (CarolE/Kate?) he could be “outed” if needs be. To me it explains the RF freaking out about what Harry could say in his book or allude to in some way. I could be wrong, but who knows!

        BTW, my brothers husband was married to a woman for 30+ years and has several children so my theory is not so far fetched to me.

      • lanne says:

        @Puppy1: there’s already a member of the royal family (distantly related) who left a 30 year marriage to his wife and recently married his husband. Charles gave the bride away at the first wedding I believe, and I’m pretty sure the Queen gave her blessing to the 2nd marriage. It was recent–and written about positively in the papers, as I recall.

        There have been gay kings before. I don’t necessarily think that William’s gay, though he certainly could be. I think that would be shocking for the public, but it wouldn’t be unprecedented. And the knowedge of it would be pretty safe, because I don’t think that either Harry or Meghan would out him–there’s a lot of pushback against outing people, after all. I personally think it’s more Henry 8th style anger issues, narcissism, and cruelty–perhaps exacerbated by getting hit on the head as a kid. Maybe he has CTE issues.

      • Becks1 says:

        William being gay wouldn’t explain the constant narrative that William NEEDS Harry when he’s king. I know its possible that he is, but I really dont’ think that’s it.

      • SomeChick says:

        @KFG, that was one of my first thoughts! I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to get yelled at for being a conspiracy nut. but ITA. it was on purpose and Harry knew it.

        remember when they fired a nanny in the middle of the night? what did SHE do? it’s never even been hinted at; just used to criticize them.

        I think Diana was set up. and I think they totally tried to do the exact same thing to Harry and Meghan and Archie – what with pulling their security with very little notice and then right after that, leaking their location. and I have no doubt that nursery fire was part of someone’s plan. they’d already tried to drive Meghan to do something desperate before he was even born.

        @lanne I also agree with the CTE theory, and have been saying so for a while. in any case he’s an uncontrollable rage monster – we know that for sure.

      • Mymooniagarden@gmail.com says:

        Exactly that! They are terrified more about what Harry is prepared to reveal, he’s been around them all his life. He said it, he’s seen behind the curtain. But don’t they realise that their despicable behaviour does everything to encourage even greater defense and disclosure

      • Lorelei says:

        @KFG, if anything happens to a single one of the Sussexes, there are *so* many people who will have blood on their hands. One would think they’d be smart enough to know that, but considering who were talking about here…idk.

        I hope to god you’re wrong about the fire, but I also put absolutely nothing past these people at this point.

        @SomeChick, I KNOW! I’m also dying of curiosity over what happened that forced them to literally fire that nanny in the middle of the night. Even if they never name her, I hope either H or M explains it one day.

    • Jais says:

      Meghan has receipt on William but she’s waiting for Harry to address certain things, possibly in his book, before she drops anything. Harry would not let her walk into that fire first. But once he does, she will be free to share about TOB. If it’s something she chooses.

    • Nic919 says:

      I go back to the comment made by Kevin Maguire on the PM show a while back where he said that the family did something to make H and M angry and that for legal reasons he can’t speak of it, but that if the public knew, they would be far more sympathetic and view their current actions differently. He made this comment when the knew of H and M leaving was made public.

      • Becks1 says:

        I always circle back to that and to the comment by tom bradby about “things were said that can’t be unsaid.” It’s clear shit went down behind the scenes.

        and with Maguire, he was shut down pretty quickly by the other host and they moved on, but it was clear they all knew what he meant.

        And wasn’t there twitter gossip about Keir simmons saying to someone off the record that the problem wasn’t H&M but there was something big behind the scenes? does anyone remember that? It was from around this same time.

      • Digital Unicorn says:

        Whatever is it its about William – he has always needed Harry to be his scapegoat and I think H had enough and walked.

        Whatever it is its more than affairs and financial mismanagement at the RF – am thinking its up there with Trump.

      • Julia K says:

        @becks 1; I clearly remember the quote “things were said that can’t be unsaid” but I cannot recall where I read it. I also recall there was a legal reason why the conversation ended without further discussion, so I’m not surprised that it hasn’t been mentioned again. Was she falsely accused of something? And who were the accusers?

      • Nic919 says:

        Just speculation but what if Harry had been angry about what had almost happened to Archie in South Africa and William brushed it off implying that Archie wasn’t important enough.

        We do know that shortly after the South Africa tour they go to canada and don’t return except for Harry to negotiate the departure. And Meghan does not return at all until March 2020, leaving Archie in Canada for the last few events.

    • Jasper says:

      I think only a few close friends like Serena know about all the mess that went on in the UK. That’s probably why in her first podcast Meghan herself was shocked that she hadn’t already told Serena about the incident in Archie’s room in South Africa. What we know about is just scratching the surface, the BRF and BM are damned lucky Meghan and Harry haven’t decided to go scorched earth on them.

  10. B says:

    They really infantilize the men in that family don’t they. They need to go save Harry from himself because his wife can talk?? They are such weirdos on that island with how they handle there rage. When they are mad at Harry they attack Meghan. When they are mad at Meghan they attack Harry.

    • thaisajs says:

      It really is shocking sometimes how they infantilize Harry. He’s an adult. He can make his own choices and he already has.

  11. Seaflower says:

    “peacemaker” hahaha. I didn’t know Wootton wrote comedy.

    • kelleybelle says:

      All the time! Besides, I think Harry was turned completely off of Kate over the wedding lies in the press. After all he did for her and this is how she treats his wife? Bitch.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ kelleybelle, yup!! KKKHate made certain to cut off all possibilities of Harry ever coming into her corner, even when Prince of Pegging dumps her non existent ass!! She will be left out in the cold to be attached by the wolves and Harry still wouldn’t come to her rescue.

    • Giddy says:

      Peacemaker? The stony-faced one who cut both Meghan and Harry? I don’t think so.

  12. C says:

    Who is Wootton speaking for here? William or Kate?

    • Haylie says:

      Wooton speaks for himself. He has an unrequited crush on Harry.

      Kate should stick to Tom Cruise. She seems to have a thing for anal-retentive controlling creeps.

      • Lady D says:

        Are you sure, Haylie? I remember a full page love letter to William he published not that long ago. I thought for sure after reading that column that Dan had/has a huge crush on William.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ Lady D, I think we can all agree that Wooten would be happy to play pegger for TOB since KKKHate is much too delicate of an English lady to fulfill her husband’s sexual desires……🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

      • Beach Dreams says:

        That man was practically salivating over the Vegas photos and Harry’s looks in general back then. I can only imagine how bitter he is that he has to prop up William.

    • Jais says:

      I think William leaks to DW at times but sometimes DW also just goes rogue. He’s a loose cannon but unfortunately Will started feeding him to cover up the Rose story.

    • Well Wisher says:

      Good question??
      Just an assumption, both of them. William needs to re-idealize and re-imagine his supply/scapegoat and bring him into the fold, to a lifetime of ranting.
      What about Harry? his feelings? emotions?
      Harry can always drink himself to uselessness, to ensure that William’s mediocrity is enough.
      Kate will find her loveless marriage bearable and bask in the kindness of a broken Harry.
      Self entitlement is a helluva of a drug…..

      Meanwhile Dan will have badly scripted plotlines for the eventual upcoming farce er reign.
      Endless public appetite would mean a lifetime of employment.

  13. Miranda says:

    I like to think that Harry and Meghan scroll through the daily unhinged commentary from the dreck squad every morning over a healthy, sensible breakfast and laugh their asses off. Perhaps Meghan puts her acting skills to work and mimics Khate’s phony posh accent, begging Harry to come back and being inappropriately touchy-feely with him. I can only imagine that seeing and hearing this shit on an almost hourly basis has to be a laugh-so-you-don’t-cry situation.

    • SomeChick says:

      I actually believe that they don’t look at any of it. I certainly wouldn’t read that type of thing if someone was writing it about me!

  14. Harper says:

    Yes, haul Kate the Mute across the ocean to remind Harry of the kind of woman he should have picked. Wooten sounds scared and dare I say, panicked?

  15. Jay says:

    This is actually deranged. So the plan is to kidnap Harry from his wife and two young children who live half a world away? Yikes.

    He sees Meghan as a credible threat, as well he should when her very existence is so upsetting.

  16. Tessa says:

    This is so laughable I doubt Harry wants anything to do with her

    • Nic919 says:

      The photo of Harry giving Kate the death stare at the 2020 commonwealth service, after she pulled her little bitch move of snubbing Meghan has forever put her in Harry’s bad books. She was likely halfway there when he learned of the false crying story.

      He would never listen to her on any issue. Wootton is just trying to pretend that Kate has been neutral in all this when she is just as involved in the smears and lead the way in many ways.

      • Christine says:

        100%, Nic. He looks like he’s about to hand Meghan his earrings and his beer, and rip into Cannot.

    • lucy2 says:

      Right? He does not need to be “rescued” from his happy marriage, his wonderful kids, his beautiful home, and the purposeful life he’s created for himself, and he certainly doesn’t need Kate to be the one doing the rescuing!

  17. Zee says:

    These people are dumber than a snail, they clearly know Meghan has receipts yet they just won’t sit down, shut up and leave her alone….or do they WANT Meghan to spill?

    • equality says:

      The RR’s likely do want her to spill. They get headlines either way and it would give them the ability to report things they probably already know about the other royals but are gagged on.

      • swirlmamad says:

        At this point I have to agree that this is the only real answer. Their hands are tied and they cannot report on the real scalding hot tea even though they are gagging to do so. They’re desperate for Meghan and/or Harry to drop bombs so they can eagerly lap them up like the trashy scavengers they are. Money in the bank and then they can claim they weren’t the ones to open the floodgates, they’re just “reporting” the news. Unfortunately for them, not only do M&H have way too much class to do that, they’re also smart enough to know that’s exactly what they are attempting to bait them to do. They aren’t going to do anything to give these vultures a scoop — if and when the truth comes out, it will be on their terms and won’t help the rats in any way.

  18. S808 says:

    The thought of them standing outside the gate In Montecito and not being let in is too funny. Glad Dan’s two brain cells figured out the Meghan is saying she has an arsenal of info and stories she could release at anytime. I’m wholly convinced a tell-all is coming eventually.

    • equality says:

      That’s funny. I picture Tom outside Oprah’s gate trying to leave a note.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ equality, given the lack of reality that the RR’s have of comprehending California, I doubt he would be able to handle the streets yet alone find where Oprah lives….

        I can see Oprah saying “not today Satin, not today” and having his ass arrested!!!!!

    • Saucy&Sassy says:

      S808, that was my exact thought, too. Can’t you picture it? As they drive up to the gate, the Sussexes security has them roll the window down and ask who they are. Then looks at a clipboard and tells them they’re not on the list of approved visitors. I think incandescent will throw a tantrum ala Trump (whom I am convinced incandescent has made it his life’s work to emulate when angered). Chuck will puff up and state, “I am the Prince of Wales!” The security person asks (politely, of course), “for which country?” We mustn’t forget KHate, who all the while has been sizing up the security man like she just found a juicy steak. She starts speaking and the security person with a wrinkled brow says, “What? I don’t understand you.”

      Oh man, I really hope they go to California. Once they are not allowed through the gate at Montecito, they can go to Mexico and visit their good friend Tom.

  19. Becks1 says:

    Man the press is losing it over there. A few things.

    First – this bit about the school run – “As public figures, the Cambridge’s have made the decision, on very rare occasions, to allow photos to be taken officially, but that is a personal choice that could have easily been rejected by the Sussexes.”

    We know the Cambridges do not do the school run every day, isn’t that why they’re moving to Windsor so William can do the school run every day? Remember the complaints from parents about the kids security SUVs blocking the parking etc and the line about how the parents don’t know anything about it bc they’re not there? But finally, no, it was not a personal choice that could have easily been rejected. Remember when Meghan didn’t tell you the instant she went into labor and you all (the press) lost your collective minds??? If they said “no” to the first day of school pics or whatever the press would have destroyed her.

    Second…..LMAO that William and/or Kate has any power or influence over Harry. Part of the reason he left was to eliminate any power that William had over him, any financial control, etc.

    third – I think the press is hyperfocused on what Meghan said about what she’s NOT saying because it is definitely a not-so-veiled threat, but also bc thats more salacious than focusing on what she did say – about the RRs making racist comments about her children, about the process of the rota and having to present a picture of your child to them, about being told they could not escape working with the rota and making their own money even though several other members of the royal family do exactly that. I think the press would actually love if Meghan spilled some more about the royals, bc then the press can talk about that for the rest of their days. They don’t want Meghan talking about the press itself or the RRs themselves. And I think she and Harry are getting closer to being a lot more specific when it comes to them.

    • Jais says:

      A lot is being made about Meghan being wrong about paparazzi at the school runs and the RR have been saying how it actually works, the one or two photographers on the first day that give the photos to everyone else. But why would Meghan expect the same treatment as the Cambridges? She was never treated the same and would understandably have fears that it would not be the same once her children entered school.

      • MsIam says:

        Meghan was exactly right. Per the invisible contract, her kids would have been sacrificed to provide privacy for the Cambridge kids. And there were tons of pictures of Diana fighting through the press to take Harry and William to school. I can only imagine what it would have been like for the Sussex children.

    • equality says:

      What I find laughable is the “on very rare occasions” when it seems like every time you turn around there are pictures put out.

    • Harper says:

      The thing is, if Meghan was regularly taking Archie to school, we don’t know that there wouldn’t be photogs there trying to take pictures every stinking day, shouting horrible things at her to try and get a reaction in order to continue their nasty narrative about her. Diana was swarmed all day every day. Meghan is much more of a media sensation that Kate and Will. That’s why Kate and Will wanted her gone. The British media is protecting Kate and is out to get Meghan so this statement by Meghan is pretty accurate.

      • Becks1 says:

        Good point from you and @Jais. Why should Meghan have expected that just bc the Cambridges were treated a certain way, she would be treated that same way? By that point she knew that there was one set of rules for W&K and another set of rules for her and Harry.

      • Digital Unicorn says:

        Lets not forget that William ‘complained’ about Archie’s christening being private with some photo’s released afterwards and the infamous statement from a source about how he and Khate were pissed that them leaving with Archie reduced the privacy of the Keen kids. The Cambridges were expecting to be allowed to throw the Sussex kids under the press bus whenever they liked and H&M were expected to be grateful.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ Jais @ Becks1, Meghan knows that she would be treated differently as she stated that they “would” be taking photos of the school run. Meghan, and Harry, know exactly how the rules apply in Britain for them, ALL glove are off!! They are treated differently, they are attacked on a daily basis by the madness of the RR’s and there is no one, not ever QEII, will come to their defense.

        I’ve missed you @ Becks1!!!

      • FC says:

        She 💯 would have been photographed daily during the school run. Maybe not RIGHT in front of the school, but they would have tailed her from Frogmore until she got to the school grounds.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ Digital Unicorn, that’s an excellent bit of details to point out regarding W desperate need of using Archie to control the narrative. Bullyiam is an opportunist and will use anyone and everyone for his own egotistical pleasure, even an infant who is his own nephew. His arrogance is certainly beyond any control or doubt.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ Harper, your description of the actions of the photographers are spot on!! They would not leave one despairingly vicious comment off of the table. Their vileness have no bounds.

      • lanne says:

        The reporters shouted terrible things at Diana. She even said that she asked one if he cared if she died. He said no, that if she died, he’d take the pictures and sell them. They absolutely would take pictures of her on a school run, and they would shout nasty things at her AND at Archie to get reactions.

        We all said that Meghan would have been treated differently had Archie acted out as Louis had. The Sussexes know that the UK is not a safe place for them to raise their children at all.

      • Lady D says:

        @Both Sides Now, William still has another nephew he can throw under the bus to protect his son. I wonder if the Middletons realize that without Harry they’re up next for the manure pit press.

    • Nic919 says:

      They had lines crossed with privacy in ways they never dared for William or Kate. The drone on Cotswold for one, printing a letter from her father, these are just two things they never dared do to Kate.

      Meghan had no reason to trust the media would give her kids the same privacy as the Cambridges.

      And they can shut up about the lie that the Cambridges do the school run every day. They don’t. There are stories they don’t and the whole move was supposedly to make that easier for them to do it in private.

      • Both Sides Now says:

        @ Nic919, yes, you are absolutely right. To the RR’s there are no rules regarding H&M. All bets are off and they have no one to protect them. Hell, ever his own father, the FK, refused to step in. Their entire mind set of allowing H&M to be abused by the BM is unforgivable.

      • Lorelei says:

        @DigitalUnicorn, EXCUSE ME? Weren’t all three of William’s children’s christenings also private with limited photos released? Who is he to bitch about the way H&M handled it when he did *the exact same thing*?? (three times, no less)

        These people are exhausting.

  20. Saskia says:

    All aspects of royalty aside, what kind of sociopath honestly thinks it’s a good look to send someone in a troubled marriage halfway around the world to coax another person away from their wife and two children? These people are honestly unhinged, it’s like they can’t even grasp the basic concepts of reality.

  21. Lili says:

    Noooo don’t let Kate near Monticeto she only wants to have a go on their grand piano that Tyler Perry gave them

    • Tessa says:

      Aunt Kate ignored Archie when he was a few feet away from her and did not bother going to lili party she liked it when harry was third wheel she needs to worry about her own problems and stay away from the sussexes

  22. SussexWatcher says:

    Wow, that whole island just cannot believe that Harry chose a Black woman over every other Kkkeen/Chelsy-looking woman in the UK. And that he continues to choose his wife and children over the royal family.

    Send Kkkeen to get Harry. Don’t make me laugh.

  23. C-Shell says:

    His diatribes have been unhinged since forever, but this hits new heights! LOL! I know he’s channeling Bulliam, but does anybody buy this horse shit? I’m vastly entertained by the image of Charles, Bulliam and KKKhate in an enclosed space 60,000 feet over the Atlantic, drinking gin and tonics to avoid making eye contact or talking to each other. What an idea, Dan, let’s put all the heirs, FK and FFK, on a freaking flight together. Anyway, I won’t even give the preposterous idea that they can “intervene” to snatch Harry back to that viper pit a response.

    • Gabby says:

      I wonder why Mike “punch Harry in the face” Tindall was not included on the proposed rescue mission.

  24. SAS says:

    Normally I barely read the unhinged RR excerpts (sorry, Kaiser!) as I find them disturbing but this one was truly hilarious! I’m definitely getting Dad’s Army vibes from the rescue mission, with Will being strong armed to demonstrate his definitely legit rescue pilot qualifications lololol

    And omg that header pic, Kate really has a whole new damn face!!

    • Beach Dreams says:

      Wootton’s articles are always unhinged but I honestly thought this one was hilarious. Maybe it’s because of the clear despair coming through in some of these excerpts, like how he obviously sees the danger in Meghan’s casual comment about speaking freely, or his fervent hope for an ‘intervention’ from two people who are clearly going through a crisis in their marriage.

  25. Veda says:

    The Salt Island meltdowns are glorious 😂 If the monarchy had treated Meghan as a human being there would be nothing to fear. But they marked her as an equal and made her a symbol of good fighting an evil institution. Just like Voldermort marked Harry to be his end and gave him powers he wouldn’t have had otherwise.

  26. W says:

    Has Dan Wootton forgotten that Harry is suing his former employer The Sun and a Kensington palace aide for cash for briefings? If he thinks Meghan talking is the last straw, I don’t even want to imagine what he’ll do when he’s exposed in court as a criminal.

    • SURE says:

      Does anyone know what has happened with that case? It’s been maybe two years since the commencement of legal action and I’ve not read much about it since then. Did H drop the case or was it settled out of court?

      • W says:

        The cash for briefings is apart of the lawsuit (including phone hacking) Harry is taking against the Sun and NewsUk. I think it’s going to trial in 2023

      • Jais says:

        Ok, this is interesting. I’ve always read that Christian Jones’ bf was caught selling leaks to DW but always wondered what more happened with that. So it’s part of the phone hacking case? I feel like a lot could come out from these strings being pulled.

  27. Over says:

    All I can see is Katie mcbuttons standing outside the security gate using excessive jazz hands to try to communicate why she is there. When the security guard asked her for the fourth time she just mumbles buttons, I need buttons..And Harry should have been mine before she burst into tears which were clearly bought on by Meghan having two red headed babies , one with blue eyes.

  28. MoBiMom says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ….. “save Harry from his life of misery”. Thanks Dan, for starting my day off with a good laugh. Who knew that watching people consume themselves with envy could be so entertaining?

    • kelleybelle says:

      It’s eating them alive that Harry is happy and successful, so they have to spin it otherwise. Pity them. Lies and BS put food on their table. Pathetic.

    • Lorelei says:

      Sign me up for Harry’s life of misery!

  29. Blujfly says:

    Notice how Wootten smoothly changed having pictures taken doing the school run to “not one photograph appearing in a British newspaper.” First of all, it’s not even true, the Daily Mail ran photos of both Kate and Will behind the wheel of a car on the way to school, just not at the school gates (probably with permission, but regardless, someone has to be there to take the photo.) Secondly, it’s a tacit admission there are in fact photographers and the photos may be being printed abroad. Third, the reason the British papers don’t use those photos is because they have a deal in place with the Cambridges for syrupy access elsewhere and of course, gossip and leaks. That’s the game Harry won’t play. And the only reason the papers will do the deal is William’s previous willingness to attack them over photograph, and to insulate themselves from any further press regulation or Levinson style inquiries. William is a fool to give them such cover.

  30. Kokiri says:

    I laughed at the whole school run rant.
    Even with George being a king later, the Cambridges are still not as interesting as the Sussex.
    That’s why Meghan would be photographed & Kate not 🙄

    • kirk says:

      @Kokiri – My thoughts exactly.

    • Tessa says:

      I cringed at Wootton’s remark about bringing their three children One a Future King to the school. It sounds so pompous, especially since he is talking about children and wants George to be “the important one.”

  31. upstatediva says:

    Bulliam does not want Harry back in the UK. Wooten is barking mad. (He is not, of course, the only one!)

  32. Tarte au Citron says:

    What a soap opera! If anyone in my family or his tried to meddle in our relationship, they wouldn’t get a second chance to try that again. It is none of Kate’s business. Anyway, she couldn’t keep Jamaica, what chance has she got with Montecito? :))

  33. Eurydice says:

    Somewhere, in a secret location, they’re building a mental health facility just for deranged royal reporters and “experts” – Wooton will be patient #1.

  34. aquarius64 says:

    If anything the Windsors need to worry if damaging information about the BRF were found in the FBI seized from Mar a Lago.

  35. Emf999 says:


    That is priceless.

  36. MK says:

    God Save the Keen! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  37. AnneL says:

    “I know there’s a million reasons why such an idea would be dismissed as preposterous and impossible……”

    …..but I’m going to go ahead and say that it MUST be done in all haste and urgency to save the Monarchy!

    Oh my goodness, this guy. I picture him completely empurpled as he scribbles this. Hilarious.

  38. Pam says:

    I, too, agree one can’t blame Catherine for William behaving like a dog. Some people are going to cheat no matter what. As for her swooping in to rescue Prince Harry…spoiler alert: HARRY DOESN’T NEED RESCUING. He’s the happiest we’ve ever seen him. They just want to go back to how it was when any engagements involving William, Catherine, and Harry were wildly popular—mainly because of Harry. He was the buffer between the two of them. Also, honestly…the Queen is supposed to be the “Defender of the Faith.” Do they REALLY want to break up a marriage???

    • equality says:

      Not just a marriage. They want him separated and abandoning his children also. Wouldn’t that be a good look for the RF?

    • notasugarhere says:

      Only Keen stans refer to her as the C name, so you outed yourself there. Kate chose to be William’s sex waiting for a decade, around him cheating with her and on her. She knew exactly what she was marrying – a cheater who didn’t love her but wanted cover to continue living as a single man. She chose that in exchange for titles and position. It wasn’t love for the man himself, that’s laughable. She wouldn’t have put up with this for Bill the Plumber, but she wanted the royal titles.

      So in a way, yes, she can be held responsible for enabling his cheating on her for 20 years. A better woman, one who put self-esteem above a title, would have required better of him or dumped him. In fact, all the better women did dump him. Your partner can be your mirror in two ways. Show you all the things you need to improve about yourself OR reflect back all your selfish, negative, narcissistic, greedy behavior. Keen and Bill are the latter.

      • Christine says:

        LOL! Detective notasugarhere is on the case!

        But seriously, zero people on CB call her “Catherine”. Or “Kate”, for that matter.

    • Tessa says:

      There are pictures of Harry trailing after them and looking bored. Thankfully he is no longer having to follow the Cambridges around. He has a wife and children now and this is his realizing his dream. Thankfully Harry and Meghan found each other

  39. L4Frimaire says:

    This guy is a spluttering clown. The only reason he’s mentioning Kate is because Meghan’s comment messed up her school press run and thrown a wrench in that but of PR machinery. As for sending her to Montecito, sure, despite the fact Harry looks like he can’t stand her, and she may actually decide the drought ridden grass is actually greener and won’t want to come back. The press get so incandescent when they’re called out.

  40. PrincessK says:

    Does anyone know how I can get a copy of this Cut Magazine in the UK? Is it a magazine inside a newspaper?

    • Blithe says:

      PrincessK, The Cut is a section in New York Magazine. I’ve put links below. Maybe check a bookstore or newsstand that’s likely to have international magazines? In the US, I’d start with Barnes and Nobles, or Hudson News — which often has shops in airports and train stations.


      • Blithe says:

        Just want to add that if you’re looking for a paper copy of the issue, and can’t find it in the UK, it might be possible to order a single issue directly from the publisher. I’ve also seen single issues on Amazon and eBay. Good luck with your search.

      • Lady D says:

        Hospitals could use a book store section too. I took my son to emergency about 3 months ago and read 232 pages of S. King’s Dead Zone while I waited for him to be helped. It was almost 8 hours.

    • kirk says:

      You can link directly to The Cut article from the Celebitchy post by clicking on “From The Cut” link below the excerpt. You might hit a paywall if you haven’t cleared cache or deleted browser history… https://www.celebitchy.com/781644/duchess_meghan_just_by_existing_we_were_upsetting_the_dynamic_of_the_hierarchy/

    • Annalise says:

      Wooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity must be giving himself some painful wedges, he keeps getting his panties (or tighty-whities) ALL in a bunch 🩲🩲🩲

      NIC919- I’m sorry there wasn’t an option for me to write a stand-alone comment, so I piggy-backed off yours 😬😋

    • PrincessK says:

      Thanks for all the help and advice.

  41. Laura D says:

    I absolutely refuse to give Wooton any clicks so, here’s my twopenneth without reading the article!

    This is KP running scared because Meghan didn’t sign a NDA! The pure panic in what Kaiser has highlighted says to me that Meghan has a LOT more on Kate that she may (or may not) choose to reveal. Kate being a “peacemaker” is simply BS. A peacemaker who is reported to love babies would have made an effort to meet Lili when she was over here. Remember the “peacemaker” made a big deal about meeting Lili to a reporter in front of Jill Biden. A peacemaker would have pushed for Louis to go to Lili’s birthday party to meet his cousins, rather than leave him home alone. The more Wooton and his ilk push this nonsensical “peacemaker” narrative, the more I believe Pop and Peacemaker were absolutely vile to Meghan.

  42. HeatherC says:

    Fix or end your own marriage, Keen. Stay out of Harry’s.

    • TEALIEF says:

      For real, ignore Dan. The projection is out of control. Focus on fixing herself, and then everything else will begin to fall into place. They all (RR and BRF) could, invidually and collectively, benefit from objective self-examination. Physician, heal thyself.

  43. Rapunzel says:

    “Meghan’s latest comments about the Royal Family and Britain should be the final straw for Prince Harry. Charles and William must now intervene.”

    Am I the only one who read this headline and thought intervening meant arranging for Meghan to take a trip through a Paris tunnel?

    Like seriously.

    • Debbie says:

      Either a high-speed chase through a Paris tunnel or a nice friendly fire, one or the other, they’re not picky. Then they can say, “It was just smoke, that’s all.”

  44. Bunny says:

    “Meghan’s statement that she would be photographed taking her kids to school in England: “Er, the problem is, such a scenario is a total nonsense-“”

    Without her permission: She’s been photographed taking Archie to preschool. She’s been photographed at polo matches. She’s been photographed visiting her OB-Gyn, including when she must’ve been miscarrying. She’s been photographed at her own baby shower coming and going. She’s been photographed walking her dog. She’s been photographed out with friends at dinner. The British media trashed her repeatedly for not releasing photos of Archie and Lili as newborns.

    But they won’t photograph Meghan or Harry taking the children to school? Dan Wooten is willfully stupid.

    • Amy Bee says:

      @Bunny: The Palace already told Meghan and Harry that Archie was not going to get security and so it would have been open season on them when they took Archie to school. Furthermore, the press would have demanded that there be a photo call on Archie’s first day of school so the press is being obtuse on this issue. One of reasons put forward by William and Kate for moving to Windsor was that they wanted more privacy on their school runs. What’s not being said is that they are photographed going to out KP all the time but there’s an agreement with the press that those photos remain private.

      • Christine says:

        Yeah, the feeling overlooked at KP is apparently only a valid excuse for the lily white duke and duchess.

  45. jferber says:

    Great idea! Go to Montecito and fetch Harry back. With your diplomacy skills and wiles, it should be a cinch. NOT. The effing gall of these people.

  46. RiaH says:

    What do you think will happen when Harry applies for dual citizenship? I think it should happen, and I’m hoping it will.

  47. Gabby says:

    I love that the Sussex successes have Dan so tied up in painful knots. He looks like his head and too-tight suits are going to explode. His blood pressure must be through the roof.

    Dan, you are a useless tool. Harry and Meghan are not obligated to shield the monarchy from its ugly truths with their silence.

  48. lanne says:

    My goodness Kaiser! That thumbnail of Waity is fantastic. Definitely giving me: “They’re coming to take me away, ha ha hee hee ho ho” vibes.

    • SomeChick says:

      if I’m not mistaken, it’s from the event where she was waving a little dish of bugs around.

  49. TheOriginalMia says:

    Harry & Meghan are true loves. I mean…the trees, the salt/pepper shaker reference. Nothing Katey Keen nor Peggy say or do is going to break them up. Wootton is unhinged, racist, and ridiculous. Harry isn’t going to choose his white family and betray his biracial wife and children.

  50. girl_ninja says:

    They don’t think that Harry is trapped. They know that he’s happy and very in love with his wife and his life. This constant “save Harry’ narrative is made up just to diss Meghan. Peridot.

  51. MikeB says:

    Is it possible to arrange an intervention against Wootton and have him carted to a far away island where he can wallow in his own misery, perhaps even arrange for a few experts to accompany him.
    Joking aside here we go again, the monarchy’s position is so fragile that it is threatened by Meghan. The fear of the monarchy and the tabloids about what Meghan will divulge in her podcasts or interviews is pathetic, what exactly are they frightened of?

    • Julia K says:

      Wootton and Piers Morgan would be interesting on a far away island.

    • lanne says:

      Future reporter: “So why did the British monarchy fall?”

      Response from historian: “It was that nefarious wife of the 6th in line to the throne! The one who ate an avocado, wore black nail polish and get this, SHE SHUT HER OWN CAR DOOR!”

      FR: “I heard she wrote a cookbook that raised money for–”

      Royalist Historian: “No, you don’t understand! She took the 6th in line to the throne away from his home country! The Future future king couldn’t function without him!”

      FR: “But he wasn’t the heir himself–”

      RH: “You don’t get it! SHE WAS BLACK!! The wife of the 6th in line to the throne was half BLACK and THAT, THAT is why the monarchy fell! That witch sat on a chair with her legs crossed!”

      FR: “Um—are you sure you’re okay? It’s been a century, you know.”

      RH: (Huffing and Puffing): “My great grandmother was a royal reporter. She used to go to the castle at Christmas and eat cookies with the royals. When the monarchy fell, she was committed to an institution with the other royal reporters. They all spent the rest of their days screaming about Meghan in their padded cells.”

    • Nic919 says:

      I don’t think Wootten believes what he writes. He plays this role because it makes him money right now and there is a market audience out there that pays for anti Meghan articles. Should that ever shift to another topic, for example, a public Cambridge separation, then he will shift over to that in short shrift.

      • Bisynaptic says:

        None of the believe what they write; they all know the FF has no clothes. Heck the whole monarchy has no clothes.

    • Annalise says:

      Wooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity must be giving himself some painful wedges, he keeps getting his panties (or tighty-whities) ALL in a bunch 🩲🩲🩲

      NIC919- I’m sorry there wasn’t an option for me to write a stand-alone comment, so I piggy-backed off yours 😬😋

  52. Carmen says:

    They forgot that Harry had to get permission from the Queen to marry. They need to shut the hell up

  53. Gem says:

    Kate couldn’t even be bothered to befriend Meghan or show her the ropes during a time that Meghan really needed someone on her side. Now she’s suddenly some great peacemaker? Sure.

    • Tessa says:

      Kate just let Meghan take the heat for the crying story. All she had to do was call the media and said the story was not true. She could have saved face. Kate is no great peacemaker, never was never will be.

  54. Eacape says:

    This would make a funny-as-hell movie. Mr. Bean could play Charles.

  55. Mel says:

    Sigh… these folks are soooo dumb

  56. Julia K says:

    Did I miss pictures of the big combined 40th birthday bash? Have googled everywhere and come up blank.

  57. Feebee says:

    It would be such a shame for them to travel all that way only to be turned away from the gate by security. I suppose they could go to Disneyland, maybe do a bit of sightseeing in LA… but meet with Harry in his family home? I don’t think so.

    • HeatherC says:

      Turned away at the gate because Harry and his family aren’t home. They’re on vacation with Harry’s REAL brother Nacho and his family.

  58. Debbie says:

    Really? That’s their solution? Send in the clown?


  59. jferber says:

    Kate has been treated miserably by William for so many years because that’s who he is. Harry has always been gallant, attentive and kind to her because that’s who he is. In both cases, it’s nothing personal. William is a boor and Harry is a gentleman. In return for all Harry’s good humor and good manners, Kate has persecuted and lied about Harry’s wife. Harry has NEVER said anything bad about Kate, yet William refers to Meghan as “that bloody woman” and God knows what else in private. If Kate had one OUNCE of honor or chivalry in her (she doesn’t) she would keep the eff out of Harry’s life. In other words, they have failed to charm America and we see exactly who they are. Don’t come to the U.S. You are not wanted.

    • Tessa says:

      I think those days are gone after the way Kate treated Meghan. I wonder if Harry could see Kate’s phoniness before he dated Meghan, he probably did, He was polite to her but I don’t think that attentive, He has his own life and had his own life when he was introduced to Kate.

  60. The Recluse says:

    O.M.G., Dan. Just staaahhhhp!
    And if you go to the worst corners of Twitter, be prepared to have a little game of Whack a Troll. They were out yesterday trashing Meghan about the frightening incident in S.A.

  61. Bisynaptic says:

    Did he really write the plural of “Cambridge” as “Cambridge’s”?

  62. MangoAngelesque says:

    Have people actually talked crap about Lili’s colouring? Why are they mad she and Archie are gingers?? I thought they were going to be mad if they weren’t!

    • MakeEverydayCount says:

      Archie/Lili both look like Harry thus Royal. George/Charlotte/Louis look like Middletons thus common. This is why they continue to claim that Charlotte looks like the Queen or Margaret’s daughter anybody born royal instead of who she really looks like…..Carole Middleton. They HATE that Lili and Archie look exactly like their dad…HATE IT!

      • Feeshalori says:

        And that red hair runs in the Spencer family too, further linking the children to Diana, most likely causing the Middletons to further gnash their teeth.

  63. Noor says:

    A rather dumb suggestion from Wotton.

  64. Royalblue says:

    These poor royal reporters have lost their way and i pity them. rather than reporting on their existing royals they are completely distracted and posting about their true obsession. Let’s hope they give this same attention and energy to Keen when she starts her back to school engagements.

  65. Silent Star says:

    I’m no Kate fan, but I’m uncomfortable with the comments calling Kate a doormat and the judgmental view of her marriage dynamic. Why does every marriage need to be a love match? What’s wrong with two people marrying for other reasons that benefit them both? Not everyone cares if their partner has affairs. And it’s also fine if a marriage doesn’t go as planned and the couple adjusts their expectations.

    I think we all need to chill about what we think Will and Kate’s marriage “should” be. It’s their business, and if it works for them then that’s fine.

    • kirk says:

      Who actually gives a hoot what kind of a marriage Billy and Kitty have? The subject of the post is the ridiculous idea that Kitty is a “peacemaker” who s/b sent to kidnap Harry, leaving his children fatherless in America.

    • Saucy&Sassy says:

      Silent Star, well, if they were honest about their marriage perhaps there wouldn’t be the comments here. As long as they continue to claim to have a happy marriage/happy family, people are going to point out the inconsistencies of their words and their actions. If KHate doesn’t care that he has affairs, why are his affairs covered up? They are the ones to frame the narrative. We’re here rolling our eyes.

      The Cambridges wouldn’t go near H&M. The Cambridges have done too much to the Sussexes to smear and harrass them, and God only know what else.

    • JaneBee says:

      @Silent Star Have you stumbled across Celebitchy by accident?! Sure, for non public figures, I’d let this lie. But TOB+K are actively misleading the public and their ‘arrangement’ has just required the acquisition of a fourth property and the increased costs to taxpayer as a result of effectively splitting their household. Oh, and they are reliant upon literally throwing their own family members – including two young children – under the bus because they won’t acknowledge the reality of their marriage and need to deflect from it to prevent British public realising the ‘fairytale’ lie they’ve been sold is BS. So, no. Not inclined to just give them a pass.

    • JaneBee says:

      @Silent Star Are you using us to test out possible new KP talking points/strategy on the Lamebridge marriage? This is sinking like a lead balloon, my friend.