King Charles’s coronation might make too many concessions to ‘wokery’ lol

Already, we’ve heard repeatedly that King Charles III wants his coronation to be a less stuffy occasion, with fewer robes and a shorter ceremony. I’ve made the point that it’s not like the Windsors have to buy all new crap for the coronation – they already have all of the gold carriages, stolen jewels and gold swords. All they have to do is dust that sh-t off. Then I started reading this Telegraph piece about “how the culture wars could affect the coronation” and I found it grotesquely fascinating. There is just so much stolen treasure, ivory, ermine and priceless orbs and maces involved with any given coronation. So it’s a matter of choosing the least offensive pieces, I guess. Some highlights:

Sussex superfans got a shout-out: In an era of social media, where an army of republicans and Sussex superfans stand poised to pick apart the Royal family’s every move, the Coronation of King Charles III and Queen Camilla will be as fraught as any before them. On the other side will be traditionalists and historians, aghast at too much caving to a modern world of “wokery”.

Bear traps: “Everyone involved in planning this will be looking out for bear traps,” says a source. “They will be aware of what it all looks like. Anything with deep historical and religious significance will be incorporated, but nothing else is on or off the table.”

Fewer guests & shorter processions: The 8,000 guests, requiring a build of scaffolding which left the Abbey closed for five months in 1953, will be trimmed to around 2,000, drawn from a wider section of society than ever before. The processions will be a little shorter, with a military capability which once saw 40,000 troops over five miles in 1953 reduced.

Queen Consort Camilla: The clever compromise of calling her Queen Consort as the public gets used to a new era will phase out and, by the time they are in the Abbey, Queen Camilla it will be. Having secured that, a Palace veteran suggests, there is little appetite for waging unnecessary wars on other fronts.

Coronation robes: The Coronation robes of peers have already been cut in favour of lounge suits, reducing the fur-to-fabric ratio, but what of the King and Queen’s own Robes of State? Charles could use his grandfather’s and Camilla the Queen Mother’s, winning brownie points for “recycling” them in tact or even replacing ermine with fake fur in a virtuous gesture which may prove more ecological trouble than it’s worth given the original already exists.

Coronation oil?? Similarly the Coronation oil, used to anoint the King, is already made to a recipe including civet – a scented “glandular secretion” from a delicate area of an African cat – and ambergris, the “floating gold” from the stomach of a sperm whale.

So much ivory: The Queen Consort’s sceptre is an ivory rod topped with a decorative dove and the Abbey’s Ivory Cross is carved from a tusk. None can be undone, but all can be criticised by observers with enough energy.

The family placement: And that’s before the King untangles the placement of his family: the Prince of Wales’s young brood, one disgraced sibling and the expected presence of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex who will celebrate their son’s fourth birthday on the same day.

The coronation committee: Ironically, it is the least controversial decision of all which may, in the long run, prove the most important: who is on the Coronation committee? Where the Duke of Edinburgh took a leading role in planning Queen Elizabeth II’s ceremony, Queen Camilla is unlikely to want such a central role. If the Palace has a mind to the long-term preservation of the monarchy, Prince William will be the one to watch.

[From The Telegraph]

I do think it’s interesting that Camilla isn’t part of the Coronation Committee and that famously lazy William is part of it. I don’t think any of Charles’s siblings are part of the committee, so it feels notable that William is the only family member there. If the coronation is a disaster, will Peggington get the blame? LOL. As for Camilla’s title…everyone has already called her “Queen Camilla” anyway and the whole thing is just… blah. Either people don’t care or they’re sick about it regardless of the technicalities of her title.

Anyway, the usual rules apply here: whatever Charles is most worried about probably won’t matter much long-term, but whatever Charles is taking for granted will cause him the biggest headache. From this piece, I think it’s safe to say the biggest landmine is the palace’s assumption that Harry and Meghan will be invited and that they’ll choose to go. Does Charles understand THAT will be one of the biggest stories of the next six months? I’m sure people will write about the ivory, ambergris (WTF) and ermine, but there will be wall-to-wall coverage about the Sussexes. Think again about how the 11 days after Queen Elizabeth II’s passing played out, and how much energy was devoted solely to the Sussexes. Same with the Jubbly, same with the Diana-statue unveiling, same with Philip’s funeral and service of thanksgiving. Now make it a coronation narrative.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

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51 Responses to “King Charles’s coronation might make too many concessions to ‘wokery’ lol”

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  1. ThatsNotOkay says:

    Leave animals and their parts out of your stupid ceremonies.

  2. Sophie says:

    Excuse me the oil comes from where?!?!?!

    • MF says:

      Yeah, I’m ridiculously fascinated by the coronation oil! There’s a special recipe??? WHY? Why can’t they just use olive oil? And where does the recipe come from? Where do the ingredients come from? Does someone have to go and get the, um, glandular secretions from the civet?

      • lanne says:

        The animal has to be killed–it comes from their scent glands. That’s why animal scents have been mostly phased out in the perfume industry. The musk in perfumes is now labmade. They could do lab-made civit oil as well–they could get it from any perfume house. So that’s likely a tempest in a teapot, unless they decide they need to kill an endangered animal for the ceremony.

      • Sarah says:

        Or use oil from some of Charles’ farm products. Have it be exclusively sourced from the UK.

      • Tacky says:

        Civits aren’t endangered but sperm whales certainly are. As a conservationists, Charles should remove all animal products from his coronation even if they are historical.

      • Lady D says:

        Canada recently made it known that we had slaughtered 30 brown bears to create Beefeater soldier hats. Not sure if it was last year or this year those animals were killed.

    • Concern Fae says:

      Ambergris is basically a whale hairball. It’s the parts of their food that they can’t digest, so they hack it up in a waxy lump. It floats and washes up on beaches.

  3. SH says:

    I have to admit it makes sense for Will to be on the planning committee because whatever Charles does will set the precedent for Will’s coronation.

  4. Tessa says:

    His lovable old man persona again in that photo. Lol

  5. Nicole says:

    American here. I do find it a little weird that coronations involve priceless objects stolen from other nations due to colonization. Thanks to time passing, those who have been colonized are pointing out that not only is not a good look, it’s a reminder of abuse at the hands of, frankly, Christian nationalism. I guess that is “wokery” to point out to the abuser how you’ve been abused. I think it would be very good will of Charles to return some of the more problematic pieces in the name of global good will. I know it will never happen though.

    Some of this stuff is just archaic. Do you really need oil from a whale? Those traditions just point to the cruelty of procuring these items are artifacts. Why ware aren’t the streets I don’t know. I say all of this as a Black woman. The rage I feel sometimes grows by the day. Rage Against the Machine’s “Killing in the Name of” is turning into my soundtrack.

    • Maida says:

      Fellow American, and I very much agree. Our own country has PLENTY to repent of, obviously. No matter what country we’re talking about, this is the kind of statement that makes me crazy: “None can be undone, but all can be criticised by observers with enough energy.”

      As if pointing out that so many of the royal accoutrements are the product of looting and cruelty is just misplaced “energy.” If caring about how peoples have had their cultural possessions and wealth stolen over the centuries is “woke,” then I guess I am.

    • Chaine says:

      I totally agree with you. He has billions of dollars now, he should design new crowns and orbs and scepters with jewels he purchases him self at fair market value and retire the old ones and return their components to those from whom his ancestors stole them. And the whale! I mean why does his coronation require killing a whale to get some ingredient from its stomach for an oil that no one will smell except him and whosever in his ten foot or so radius? Almost all nations on earth have outlawed whale hunting for all purposes, but he gets to have one killed just for his special crowning ooze.

      • Janet DR says:

        Ambergris is actually something a whale vomits (but it could be extracted from a killed whale I think). Once upon a time it was a real stroke of luck to find some! IIRC, both the civit oil (extracted from anal glands) and ambergris are scent fixers and make it last longer. Nowadays, there isn’t a reason not to use a synthetic fixer but, you know, tradition.

      • Tacky says:

        Ambergris is digested squid beaks. If I had to choose between actual whale poop and a synthetic fixer, I’d definitely go synthetic.

      • Lorelei says:

        @JanetDR, why was it a stroke of luck to find it? I’m fascinated by the conversation about the…oils.

      • JanetDR says:

        @Lorilei, The current value is 40,000$ a gram, so if you find a chunk on a beach it could be worth over a million!
        It’s always had a high value, so finding a piece has always been a life changing event.

    • Sunday says:

      You’re exactly right. The totality of the coronation, all the traditions and artifacts and bells and whistles and …excretions, are a direct result of colonization, plunder, and cruelty. To carry this out and avoid any criticism of the obvious, myriad ways in which every single aspect of the entire ceremony stands as a stark reminder of Britain’s brutal history is an impossibility, and to think that you can skirt that valid criticism by “winning brownie points” for fake fur is actually delusional.

      Those planning this train wreck can watch out for “bear traps” all they want, but even if they truly cared about changing for the better (which they don’t, they only want to appear benevolent to avoid criticism), they don’t know what they don’t know and therefore are wholly incapable of identifying “bear traps.” They are the bear traps.

      • SomeChick says:

        it’s the Canadian bears that need to watch for bear traps. they only get one hat per bear! gross.

  6. HeatherC says:

    Less guests from a wider section of society.

    Brace yourself for some epic whining when some “high ranking” white man isn’t invited.

  7. Woke says:

    Doesn’t the church have oil around why the specificity of this oil ?

    • Feeshalori says:

      Probably because it’s anointing the so-called sacred body of the king. So ridiculous, if they want to use fancy olive oil and preserve the environment get the extra virgin olive oil. And maybe sprinkle in some unicorn dust just to make it more magical and mystical.

  8. Amy Bee says:

    I agree the biggest story of the coronation will be Harry and Meghan’s presence. I remember a story earlier this year, I believe it was after the Queen gave Camilla her blessing, that said Harry wasn’t going to attend the coronation. CH quickly denied it saying he would be attending. I’m now wondering if Harry not attending was the truth. I hope he doesn’t go.

  9. Arhus says:

    Ambergris is a big part of perfume! It smells really good. Also the whale isn’t harmed by this, it’s floating around the ocean.
    another fun fact – hyaluronic acid is usually sourced from the red part on top of a rooster’s head!!

    • lanne says:

      It’s whale excretia, basically. A kind of whale vomit/tonsil stone. It’s very, very expensive and hard to source naturally–most of what’s used in fragrances is lab made, but it doesn’t kill the whale.

  10. Jen says:

    Excess, excess, and more excess while the nation goes through very hard times. Extremely classy this lot is.

  11. Mslove says:

    The palace staff need to worry about King Chuck throwing a hissy fit on camera. They need to make sure the servants know what they’re doing, lol. Maybe that’s why they want a shorter ceremony.

  12. aquarius64 says:

    The Sussexes have to be there to assure people will watch. The excess for this slimmed down coronation is ridiculous. Send Chuck a bottle of Crisco to use to be anointed with.

  13. sparrow says:

    Just concede to a bank holiday. No one I know is in the least bit interested in his coronation.

    • Princessk says:

      Hundreds of people will be coming from the US alone.

      • Beverley says:

        Why? Especially when the RF and British media go way out of their way to disparage Meghan and blame their dislike on her American ways. They think they are sooo sly.

        The Brits must take us Americans for fools! If Americans are too gauche or unacceptable, the Waleses should stay the hell away.

  14. Chantal says:

    Evil C-Rex needs to swap out the coronation oil for holy water!
    This coronation has major fiasco written all over it. “modern world of wokery” indeed! They’re not ready for all the smoke coming their way as they work hard to diminish the very valid criticisms of this archaic and racist institution.
    Great to see they recognize the power of the Sussex superfans, whoever they are! Lol at them trying hard not to mention the Sussex Squad who keep dropping receipts eviscerating their hateful narratives and have proven to be a force to be reckoned with.

  15. jferber says:

    That is not the face of a popular king. The queen had IT (no matter that I didn’t like much of what she did and didn’t do), but Charles does not and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it, except to punish people around him who has IT to dim their shine (which he loves to do, the bastard).

  16. Pam says:

    The oil sounds like it probably STINKS, never mind the horror of where it comes from. Surely they can think up an alternative. I think I’m getting why they want the Sussexes there…just the gossip and furor over their presence will detract from all these other off-putting things.

  17. Emily says:

    Why does Camila get the title of Queen or Queen Consort, while Phillip was a prince?

  18. lanne says:

    Can I tell you how amused I am that Charles’s people are wringing their hands over whether or not Charles should get some skunk ass oil and whale stomach nuggets wiped on his head?

    The could send the royal ratchets out to do the squeezing. They are certainly familiar with anal excretia and vomitus.

    • Angelica+Schuyler says:

      “skunk ass oil and whale stomach nuggets wiped on his head” – You have me dying of laughter over here! That was hilarious!

  19. J. Ferber says:

    Charles has a face that would launch a thousand ships and then sink them in a fit of pique.

  20. J. Ferber says:

    My sincere respect for Christopher Marlowe, a brilliant writer and gay man still under-appreciated.

  21. Blue Nails Betty says:

    I love how their mindset is “whelp, it’s always been this way so we can’t change or replace anything” when Charles is the gorram King and rich as God so he can change/replace whatever he wants.

    They are so pathetic.