Chris Evans: ‘I don’t like to argue, I don’t like… any forms of manipulation’

Chris Evans is our nation’s Sexiest Man Alive, at least according to People Magazine. I’m already seeing some complaints about this pick, but honestly? Evans probably should have been chosen as SMA years ago, during his Marvel years, when people were lusting over him 24-7. Nothing was worse than when People Magazine chose Adam Levine and Blake Shelton as SMA, come on. I still don’t know what it will take to get Chris Pine the SMA title though. Anyway, as I mentioned yesterday, Chris Evans’ pickup line has been “but I really just want to get married and have babies” for years and years. As long as I’ve written about Evans, he’s said that in interviews. Just because it’s his pickup line, doesn’t mean it’s untrue though, and he once again leans into that “nice guy just waiting for the right lady to wife up” persona in the People interview. Some additional highlights from Chris’s People interview:

How he chooses his roles now: “When it comes to seeking out the people I play it’s more of an issue of where the movie shoots. I’m too old to be living out of a suitcase for six months and I’ve settled into a nicer phase where I’m just happy being at home.”

He’s “very content” right now, but he yearns for marriage & fatherhood: “That’s absolutely something I want. Wife, kids, building a family. When you read about most of the best artists, whether it’s actors, painters, writers, most of them [admit] it wasn’t the work they made [that they are most proud of], it was about the relationships, the families they created, the love they found, the love they shared. So it’s also something through my long 41 years that also rings true. Those things are the most important. I love the idea of tradition and ceremony, I had a lot of that in my life so the idea of creating that, I can’t think of anything better.”

He thinks he’s a better romantic partner now than in his youth: “You spend a lot of time learning what’s been helpful and what hasn’t been. We all have patterns, hang-ups or baggage that repeat and echo, so I’ve really been able to kind of identify where I need improvement and what works. I also really see the value and strength behind saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ If you’re able in those vulnerable moments to stay calm and listen, and say you’re sorry even if you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong because it’s not from your perspective it’s from the other person’s I think that opens up a door in a very healthy way.”

What he values in a partner: He says that what he values most in a partner is “vulnerability and humility…I don’t like to argue, I don’t like to raise my voice, or any forms of manipulation. I find a certain level of humility sexy but that doesn’t necessarily mean physically at all. I just think it’s very wise to recognize that you might not know [everything]. It’s wise to recognize you could be wrong. It’s wise and mature to be able to say ‘I’m sorry I made a mistake,’ to be vulnerable and not always be looking for the argument or take things to an argumentative place. That takes a lot of maturity and I find that very sexy.”

He’s romantic: “I think declarations of love are great. I love love. I’m a bit of a sap like that. I like being sentimental, I cry pretty easily. At a good song, nice sunset, yeah, my emotions are bubbling.”

[From People]

One of my favorite parts of the original Sex and the City series was the point when Carrie was dating Aleksandr Petrovsky and she and the girls are talking about whether she actually ever wanted marriage and children, and this is after Petrovsky basically takes that off the table for her. Carrie is like “if I really wanted those things, wouldn’t they have already happened, wouldn’t I have already made it happen?” I think that conversation a lot, about what we tell ourselves we want versus what we actually go out and make happen. (It was an imperfect show, but I loved that storyline.) As for how that conversation relates to Chris, I think… if he really wanted to be married with kids, it would have happened already. To borrow another SATC line, his light isn’t on yet. He isn’t “ready.” Again, I’m not saying he’s a douche to women, but he strikes me more of a closeted commitment-phobe and serial dater more than anything else. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m just pointing out that this is his shtick, this is how he wants to present himself, as a romantic longing for commitment. When the reality is probably quite different.

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39 Responses to “Chris Evans: ‘I don’t like to argue, I don’t like… any forms of manipulation’”

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  1. Bridget says:

    I disagree with your assessment of “making it happen” as it relates to having a spouse and children. It is not something you can just make happen if you are concerned with finding the right partner, not just any partner. Having the wrong partner and having children can of course lead to a lot of heartache that many people want to avoid.

    • Carrot says:

      100% Thanks Bridget!

    • ReginaGeorge says:

      Accurate AF!

    • Nessa says:

      Exactly, Bridget. It’s easy to just ‘make it happen’, but if you want something authentic that will last, it takes patience. If he hasn’t decided to settle down yet, it’s possible that he hasn’t found someone that he knows it’ll work with long term. If you just try to ‘make it happen’, you’re probably going to be heading for heartache & divorce, honestly.

    • Ladiabla says:

      Thank you for saying this Bridget

    • The Recluse says:

      Thank you!!! Precisely this.
      If it was so bloody easy to find someone to settle down with – and not settle for whoever was convenient at the time – I might have had a relationship or two along the way. Guess what? I didn’t, so I haven’t. I have accepted my life of solitude now that I’m barreling toward 60.

      It isn’t inconceivable that he just hasn’t crossed paths with someone when the time was right for both of them or that perhaps he has and is with someone, but is keeping it exceedingly private. I’m leaning toward the latter, just a feeling.

  2. mel says:

    I take your point…I definitely think he could be married with kids if he really wanted it.

    But people are always a bit more complicated. We get in our own ways for so many reasons. Mostly it sounds like he needs to resolve the discrepancy between what he says he wants and where he is now and why. That’s his work!

    • The Recluse says:

      No one factors in family conditioning. He’s surrounded by people who have settled down and had kids and perhaps he’s been convinced that that is how he should be living his life – and yet, he hasn’t, which may suggest that deep down, that sort of life may still not suit him – yet – or ever. Or he could pull a George Clooney.

  3. kit says:

    is an argument a form of manipulation?

    • Twin Falls says:

      Saying you refuse to argue when really you’re just refusing to communicate is a pretty common manipulation tactic but that’s not what he said.
      I don’t like to argue. Emotionally heated discourse is not comfortable for me.

      • Gelya says:

        I have such a massive crush for this man. I am buying People just to lust after him, lol. I was thinking “He’s the perfect man for me!” When I read he hates to argue, raise his voice or doesn’t play a manipulation game.
        I am around so many who argue all the time and raising voices. I just shut down. They are loving people but have grown up learning arguing and yelling gets them heard. The only person who doesn’t hear them is me because I just walk away or shut down. I really hate arguing and yelling.

    • Jen says:

      I was saying in yesterday’s thread that I heard Jessica Biel ended their relationship because he was boring, and that although I wouldn’t have any idea which of the interpretations of boring she meant (and could be totally benign,) one possible interpretation was lack of conviction about anything. I could still be off base, but with that in mind, reading this notion about arguing being manipulation sure makes him sound like someone who doesn’t want to have an opinion, doesn’t want to declare a position out of fear of being controversial. Like, imagine you have a view of fighting against some injustice and you’re talking to someone who thinks we just need to calm down and not antagonize bigots.

      • AMA1977 says:

        I’m not an Evans fan (he’s cute and seems smarter than some movie stars, but he’s not on my List if you know what I mean) but coming from Jessica “No Vax” Biel, who married a literal mess on two feet, I’d consider being called “boring” a compliment. She probably meant that he likes to read books and can somewhat intelligently discuss current events and expected his partner to do the same.

        Also, I agree that he wants to want marriage and kids more than he actually wants them. He probably thinks he does, but if he did, he’d be there by now. His “light” might come on and he pulls a Clooney, or he might just enjoy life as it is.

      • Jen says:

        anti-vaxer called him boring, maybe that’s a point in his favour. saying argument being manipulation remains a weird thing to say, though.

  4. JackieJacks says:

    Sounds like CE is getting close to where he needs to be to talk the talk and the walk the walk. Can’t imagine it would be easy to find someone ‘normal’ given his current career choice. It must be hard to weed out opportunists etc.
    In any event I am never upset when an objectively handsome man wins this ‘designation’ from People. It’s all stupid and fluff at the end of the day but that’s showbiz baby!

  5. Case says:

    “I think that conversation a lot, about what we tell ourselves we want versus what we actually go out and make happen.”

    Reading his comments, I came to the same conclusion before reading this assessment! I think people in Hollywood are told by PR agents they’ll be unlikable and judged if they don’t express a desire for a spouse and children from a young age. That’s kinda what we’re all told — marriage and kids are simply what people do. But it is completely valid to not want that life for yourself for all different reasons. It’s okay for some people to prioritize their internal happiness and independence, or their careers, or their pets. The traditional route isn’t for everyone and I think if we more openly talked about that, less people would feel forced into it.

    • LadyMTL says:

      I was thinking along those lines too re: spouse and kids. (I don’t have either, and I’m perfectly fine with that.)

      That said, this is an interview for People magazine and they know their market. I doubt very much that they would have been happy if he’d said ‘god no I don’t want kids, I’m perfectly happy with Dodger and Dodger alone.” It might be the truth deep down, but he’d never say it out loud.

  6. Lentilcracker says:

    I know what you mean about having your light on but for some people, it’s just so hard. I met my husband on a total fluke at 19. I think if I hadn’t met him I would have probably dated aimlessly throughout my 20s and maybe found someone in my 30s but I was so career and education focused I just never had my light on, and he sort of broke through that with his own ambition and shine. His best friend on the other hand has had his light on for a long time, he’s 38, handsome, tall and accomplished and from a great family, just like my husband but he’s dated a string of women who acted like their light was on but in reality, weren’t ready for marriage and kids. He finally found his person last year at 37 after a few pretty serious relationships that just weren’t quite right and he’s worried because his fiancée is 37 and they want kids so much so they are moving fast to get married within 6 months on their engagement and having kids right away. You can tick off the boxes of kids and marriage easily if you just chose anyone.

  7. milliemollie says:

    Maybe he’s the opposite Clooney- George always said he never wanted to get married again and have kids and now he’s married with kids. Chris says he wants to get married and have children so maybe it never happens for him, lol. He jinxed himself.
    I don’t think he’s planning on having a family any time soon and he probably has a very set idea on what kind of woman he wants to marry and he either hasn’t met her yet or they are not interested in him.

  8. Green Desert says:

    He sounds like someone who has done a lot of self-reflection and/or therapy (and that’s obviously a good thing).

    I was always meh on him, but that scene in Knives Out where he’s in the white sweater at the restaurant – I’ve been able to see the hotness since then. 😛

  9. Twin Falls says:

    I think he’ll be married by the time he’s 45.

  10. Woke says:

    I think he has an idea of what type of woman he want and he just doesn’t attract that type or he didn’t come accross it yet also he probably have an idealized version of marriage so he stall because doesn’t want to be disappointed.

  11. Aly says:

    Poor Chris is always being pressurized to marry lol. If he is truly a commitment phobe then I’ve so much respect for him for sticking to his frat bro lifestyle rather than marrying someone just for that family guy image while screwing anything that walks. This puts him above guys like Justin Timberlake, Channing Tatum,etc. It’s much better to stay unattached and date around rather than being a cheater.

  12. Ellie says:

    I have no idea what he means when he says ”I like humility but not physically”?

    My armchair psychology take on him is that all of this is either his PR persona or he’s the type of man who is looking for a fairytale princess and nobody in real life can match his ideal ”wife”.

    He looks good in a sweater tho.

  13. Liz in A says:

    I don’t watch superhero movies at all so really only knew Chris Evans through here talk here and Lainey’s. I’m a leftist American who has lived abroad for forever, so he and Captain America just passed me by. But this past summer I watched Snowpiercer on an airplane, fell in love and stopped watching to go back and check the name of the actor I found so hot and doing a great job.

    I saw the name Chris Evans and actually laughed, this sensitive actor with this compelling nuanced performance in a korean film before they were popular…he had the same name as that beefcake captain america dude bro! I thought wow that sucks for him, what a coincidence. Yes really! I laugh now, it took me a day or two to sort out it was the same guy.

    So I have spent the last 5 months wishing I were a few years younger and able to give him babies. I’ve gone back over his gossip history and actually, really believe how he wants family and kids, but I didn’t suffer through years of him oversaturated in media either.

  14. ML says:

    I don’t find CE to be a creepus maximus or anything, but does he date women similar in age to himself? Like when older guys start longing for wives and babies in their 40s, it starts giving me an icky vibe. You don’t need to get married and if you don’t find a partner, you can be a single dad if you really want kids.

    • kit says:

      rumour is that he is dating 25 year old Alba Baptista… probs met when she was 23/24

    • milliemollie says:

      He’s been talking about wanting a wife and kids for ten years now. Even the quotes about people looking back and only caring about their family and not their work and that sunsets make him weep are ten years old.
      He’s been talking about the same things for ten years now.

  15. detritus says:

    His comments regarding arguing and manipulation are red flags for me.

    This is the soft roll out of his way younger GF Alba

    • Lizzie says:

      I was thinking the same thing re: the soft launch. First the pumpkin picture, then the IG likes, now he’s commenting on her photos. This is what he did with Jenny S.

    • Emily says:

      I got the ick factor from the comments about not arguing too. Conflict can be healthy and he almost seems dismissive of it + the much younger, less famous girlfriend.

      • detritus says:

        I think this time it will be posed as ‘found the one’. Maybe PR will throw in that she’s an old soul who wants the same things as him cough*tradwife*cough.

        Surprised he couldn’t find a Blake Lively type, but that’s concerning too because he chose not to.

    • Almonddanish says:

      You certainly called this one correctly. 😲

  16. Emily says:

    Rumour has it that he dated Selena Gomez. Let’s hear the more personal music she’s promised and assess.

  17. jferber says:

    I wonder if he’s really happy or if he’s just constructing this persona because his agent tells him this is what America wants and this is how you become an even bigger star.

  18. CourtneyB says:

    There are old interviews with Jessica biel (they dated for about five years at the start of his career) where she raves about how romantic he was. She says they’d talked marriage. I think he does want it, wants all the traditional trappings, he just hasn’t found someone and he doesn’t want a broken family like his was. But he’s been linked to a number of women but only confirmed with Biel, minka Kelly (on and off for years) and 2 years with Jenny slate. Not counting lily James since that seemed more a fun fling than a relationship. Everything else is rumor so I don’t know that he’s a ‘serial dater’.

  19. Jennyloo says:

    I like him and I think he’s attractive. He just gives me an ick feeling lately; when a man who is 41 serially wants to date women in the early 20’s that creeps me out. Is this just me? I suspect his maturity level possibly matches that of a 25 year old. And I mean absolutely no offense to 25 year olds or people who date/ marry with wide age gaps.