Roxane Gay is a royal-watcher and she’s very into the culture of royal gossip. Gay wrote an absolutely terrific column in the New York Times on Monday called “When Harry Met Meghan.” It’s about the Sussexes’ Netflix series, the larger messages of the Sussexes’ media, and how the British monarchy needs to be burned to the ground alongside their complicit partners, the racist British tabloid media. I would highly recommend reading the full piece here. I’ve already seen some huffy pieces in the British tabloids about Gay’s column, so you know she’s already ruffled some feathers. Some highlights:
Monarchies are almost never benevolent: They are often upheld with one form of violence or another, and their gilded existence is subsidized by the people they rule. In exchange, the titled surrender most of their privacy and lead lives of service to the crown. Lots of people fantasize about royal life, but when you look past the obscene wealth, pomp and circumstance, the day to day seems absolutely miserable. There is so much demanding protocol and so little room for individuality or humanity. Marrying into a monarchy comes at an incredibly high cost. When Prince Harry met and married the American actress Meghan Markle, we saw, in real time, just how high a price the crown was willing to extract from an outsider, up to and including her life.
We already know the Sussexes’ story: There is no mystery as to why Harry and Meghan decided to step away from their royal duties. They were saving their lives and preserving what peace of mind they could salvage from the wreckage of the almost three years they spent trying to solicit support from the royal family.
The perfect prince & princess: Even in royal exile, Meghan plays the part of a perfect princess. As she speaks, she looks flawless: graceful and poised, even when discussing the most difficult aspects of her life as the Duchess of Sussex. When discussing Harry’s family, she is surprisingly diplomatic….As for the Duke of Sussex, he too is graceful and poised — but in the way of someone who has lived his entire life as an heir to the throne. He speaks with the zeal and conviction of the newly converted when damning the unholy alliance between the royal family and the British press, when advocating for mental health, when explaining the clear trauma of losing his mother and when making it crystal clear that he will protect his family, at any cost.
Harry was always going to leave the UK: When he smiles as he walks along a sandy beach or lifts his son onto his shoulders, it’s clear that Harry most likely would have left the royal family one way or another. Meghan wasn’t the reason Harry left. She was the doorway through which he exited.
Royal racism: It would be easy to dismiss the Sussexes and their plight. But their immense privilege could not shield them from racism which, ultimately, forced the wedge between them and the royal family. In the end, racism was more powerful than familial bonds. The monarchy’s consistent unwillingness to protect Meghan Markle in the face of truly horrific tabloid coverage and online harassment was indefensible.
What was behind the Netflix series: Given that there aren’t many grand revelations in “Harry & Meghan,” it seems the Sussexes made this project, in large part, because they needed the money. A prince is accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Security details are costly. The mortgage must be paid. Exiled from the royal family, the Sussexes know that their story is, for now, their most valuable asset. When you’ve been misunderstood and maligned, you want nothing more than for people to know the truth as you’ve experienced it. Because you want to be seen and understood, you wrongly assume that if people know every last detail, finally they will empathize with your suffering. Alas.
The increasing irrelevance of the Windsors: The British monarchy is an aging institution defined by tradition, delusion, even hubris. However popular royal gossip may be, the monarchy’s power, influence and relevance are waning. When Harry met Meghan, the members of the royal family had a unique opportunity to evolve and modernize a deeply problematic institution. Here, the royals had a biracial woman joining their ranks. For many Black Britons, Markle was something of a beacon, a sign that the power and reach of the monarchy could extend to them, too. It’s chilling to realize that racism is so powerful that the royal family would ruin what is for now the one opportunity they were given to reach the hearts and minds of the very people who make their lives possible. They had a gift: In Meghan Markle they had a woman who is intelligent, poised and largely able to live in the public eye, play the role of princess and give the best of herself in service of something bigger than herself.
Jeremy Clarkson’s enraged rant about Meghan: It’s worth noting that Mr. Clarkson joined the Queen Consort and others for a Christmas lunch days before he penned his vile thoughts. And thus far, the royal family has said nothing about his words. They still refuse to protect her.
The monarchy will never be able to shake their treatment of Meghan: “Harry & Meghan” is best understood as an indictment of what the two left behind and a declaration of independence. If just a small fraction of the couple’s claims are true — and I believe all of them — the British monarchy’s treatment of Meghan will mark the monarchy for however long it persists.
Why the Sussexes had to go: If they had been allowed, I think Harry and Meghan would have led that change, which is also probably part of why they were pushed out. The Sussexes were incredibly popular in Britain, in Australia, in South Africa and throughout the Commonwealth. Had they stayed in the monarchy, they may have become more and more of a threat. And yet I also have this on my mind: Harry and Meghan seemed content to be part of the royal family if only the royal family had been willing to embrace change. But the monarchy doesn’t need to be changed. It needs to be dismantled. If Harry and Meghan were to have acknowledged that, it would have made their story infinitely more interesting.
Roxane Gay hits on something which has become something of a throughline of all of the Sussexes’ interviews and projects, which is that both of them show a great deal of restraint when naming names or talking about what their exit means for the broader future of the monarchy. I have no doubt that Harry and Meghan could do much more substantial damage to the Windsors, so the question is, why haven’t they? The fact is, we’re coming up on the third anniversary of the Sussexit and they still haven’t come out and said: the system is fundamentally broken, racist, misogynistic and unworkable. Sure, they’ve explained parts of that, they’ve tried to show us some of it, but Harry still isn’t in “burn it all down” mode. Is it misguided loyalty to his brother and father? I don’t know. I agree with everything Gay says here, especially about “Harry would have always left” and “racism is more powerful than familial bonds.”
Photos courtesy of Netflix.
This was a very powerful column by Roxane Gay. I too wish that the Sussexes would just say it: the monarchy is the problem.
I do not believe it is out of loyalty to his father or brother.
Meghan said in an early interview after Covid that she was very careful with what she said because it might harm her family. If they said the truth about the monarchy you think this is bad for them….it would be ten times worse.
It is not their job to dismantle the monarchy. If people watch how they have been treated and come to that conclusion fine but they don’t have to lay out every horrible thing about it and their experience with it.
@Truth-
I agree with you- it’s not an issue of loyalty. I believe he has been counseled to create firm boundaries and move forward with his life bc they WILL NOT change. H is gray rock-ing the brf (the barf), for his own mental health.
@Truth- You’re so right it’s not their job to destroy the monarchy, it’s the job of the people to say “No more”. They don’t need to carry that weight. As for Harry leaving, if anyone really looks at that little boy’s face when he was walking behind his Mother’s casket… not surprised that he left at all.
100% – I think they HAVE faced danger and it would be even worse if they really let it all out. Maybe someday they’ll be able to tell the full truth. Imagine how it must feel to know your father put you in that much danger. It also makes Meghan’s father’s role in it that much worse
THANK! YOU! @Truth
Anyone who is waiting on H&M to do the dirty work of “dismantling the monarchy,” while they sit back and reap the benefits that would accrue while watching as brf-sponsored mercenaries and assassins go after H&M can just eff right off.
Harry and Meghan are not personally out to dismantle the monarchy. They are merely showing us where the gaping cracks are. They are showing us where to look as the whole Firm crumbles.
Recall that the Queen was still alive when they finished filming this. Harry would never have said anything like that out of respect and love for his grandmother. The old biddy may not have deserved it – she probably did not – but Harry obviously loves her.
The problem is that the RF is in a double bind. They believe that the only way they can survive is by doing a deal with the press. Deference is dead. In the past monarchy was revered and you could get into serious trouble for criticising them or revealing their secrets. The British media are willing to protect their secrets in exchange for stories that will make them money. If the RF stop cooperating with the media then they will have to change the whole way they operate completely and be more transparent. Things are so bad currently that if they come clean they are doomed, too big a risk for them. Sections of the British public, and those with deep invested interests in it survival, are afraid of losing the monarchy because British identity seems so tied up with it, and they are now using Meghan as a scapegoat for trying to destroy the monarchy.
“But the monarchy doesn’t need to be changed. It needs to be dismantled.”
I mean it proves again and again that it can’t change and adapt to the times.
And fundamentally… a system built on “ruling” people it obviously views as lesser should not continue to stand.
As I understand it, the aristocracy is a cornerstone of British democracy. How can you dismantle the monarchy without dismantling the House of Lords? The same logic justifies the existence of both.
I’m an American though, so my understanding of the British system of government is mostly based on open source Wikipedia articles.
In the US, you can leave laws on the books, but take away the fundng associated with them. Do the same with the monarchy. Cut the funding down to the heir getting so much per appearance and an office. The royals will see themselves out.
It’s going to take time for them to process this all, they may come out some day and say thr quiet parts out loud, they may not. My parents (boomers who loved the queen) watched H&M on Netflix and they came out of it calling for the end of the monarchy! They were appalled and horrified and have been sending letters to their MP calling for Canada to become a republic. I am proud.
Amazing! More of that, please!!!
I’ve wondered for a long time if loving the Queen was a thing aside from being a loyal monarchist. It’s just hard to imagine anyone being fiercely protective of Charles in the face of family scandal.
Harry’s story/journey has happened in parallel with my own reckoning with my toxic family, and it’s been cathartic to me to watch it play out on such a grand scale. (No jewels at stake in my family!) But yeah, it takes a long time to completely process all the rage and hurt. And if you’re an empathetic and compassionate person as Harry clearly is, it’s even harder because you see that the people causing you such torment are deeply damaged themselves.
Harry and Meghan’s responsibility right now is to heal themselves and build the family they want, not to punish or bring a reckoning to the royal family — something that would threaten their safety tremendously. I think Roxane Gay is brilliant, and I loved her insights about telling their story being primarily a way to keep the lights on in their new life — it’s a huge asset, and they don’t need to overthrow the monarchy to take advantage of it. I also agree it would have made a much more powerful documentary if they called for an end to the monarchy, but again, that’s not their current responsibility, and it’s not a good way to keep their family safe.
Your reply is spot on. I wondered in the back of my mind why Harry isn’t seeking revenge but the best revenge is living well.
I’m a massive fan of Roxanne Gay’s writing and this is fantastic.
Roxane writes with a good deal of nuance, including in this situation. While she sympathizes with H+M, she is also critiquing their willingness to remain in the BRF had they not been racist a-holes.
It’s not their place to say anything about the monarchy ending, that is for the people to decide. I could only imagine the vitriol that would have come from that. I like Roxanne Gay, but she’s talking a good game when it isn’t her safety or the safety of her spouse and children on the line. She needs to sit down with that. Don’t write checks with your mouth that other folks bodies have to cash.
There is nuance but she’s also very clear in stating how they were leaving to save their lives. Would I love them to burn it down? Sure. I’m not mad they haven’t. There are some very real threats still happening against them and they’re still processing. And it’s not up to 2 people alone.
It was a great article.. the best part is that it was published in the NYT and they can’t do anything about it.. it is driving PM and other rota crazy with faux outrage. Of course they are not blaming their racist hateful behavior or calling out the racist hateful behavior of the BRF who is working with them. Like all abusers they are blaming the victims that the world is seeing the truth.
The NYT’s coverage of the Sussexes has been disappointing to say the least, which is why I was really into seeing Roxanne Gay’s piece. Does it redeem the NYT for their shit coverage of the Sussexes and quoting Tom bowers? Nope, it doesn’t, and the paper is still a lot of trash, but I’m v into the overall way Gay eviscerates the monarchy in a major publication.
Those final lines — ” And yet I also have this on my mind: Harry and Meghan seemed content to be part of the royal family if only the royal family had been willing to embrace change. But the monarchy doesn’t need to be changed. It needs to be dismantled. If Harry and Meghan were to have acknowledged that, it would have made their story infinitely more interesting.” — are EVERYTHING.
Multiple things can be true at the same time: H & M may end up destroying the monarchy by having left it. AND they never intended to destroy it– at least not for the reasons we might want. They left because the family/institution was abusing them (totally legitimate!!! good for them!!) *and* they would have happily continued the family business of propping up colonialism (which is to say, institutional racism) via the commonwealth if the family had just treated them nicer.
his is why I have said H&M are good people but not nearly as progressive as some want them to be. Their motivation for leaving the monarchy was personal, not political. They left not because they are “against” monarchy as such but because the monarchy abused them. So I’m glad they got out, but let’s keep in mind that people want them to be more leftist/radical than they actually are.
very much agree with all of this. they are in this contradictory space – that because their stance puts them in opposition to the royal family, their supporters are largely those who are anti-monarchists. but they are not (yet) interested in getting rid of it. the opposite really – they both continue to lament what the commonwealth lost with meghan when, meghan would only have been a symbolic placeholder – she would not have offered reparations or loan forgiveness or anything real. I wonder what the discussion was like around including the criticisms of the commonwealth/monarchy in the documentary – did they ask meghan and harry to comment on the connection and they declined?
also I like that Roxane just says it clearly – the royal family’s racism and hatred of meghan is so much louder than any concern about global press or meghan’s life.
Agree! I mean they offered to work for the crown for free. It’s why I would not at all be surprised if they turned up the coronation.
They were interested in doing public work on behalf of the Crown and giving a bigger voice to those who went unheard traditionally, like the women at The Hub. Listening to Meghan, you can tell that she thought she was given a platform to do good things, and she wasn’t. They don’t have to say anything about the monarchy needing to end, I think people again are trying to put too much on them. I hope after his book promotion is over that they both say that they will not discuss the family anymore because they are NOT a part of it. As for turning up at the coronation, at the end of the day, as crappy as Chuck is, he’s STILL his Father, Harry and Harry alone gets to decide what his relationship will be with his Father. They are low contact at this point.
Yes, Harry and Meghan have never been revolutionaries. The good they’ve done has been through existing structures. But I also think that everyone, friends and foes, seem to expect superhuman feats from H&M. Their lives have been jam-packed since they got together and yet people expect them to do more…or do less…or do something different…
And what would be the use if H&M call for the destruction of the monarchy? The passage of time is doing that and it’s up to the British people, anyway.
I don’t think their goal was to continue the family business of propping up colonialism. Their goal was to use the monarchy to do humanitarian work that matters, like Grenfell, the clothing for working women thing, Invictus, and Sentebale. Yes, there could have been a benefit to the monarchy of finding a path forward if anyone besides Meghan and Harry actually believed that their job was service.
Exactly this!
I agree with @Eurydice, @WhatWhen , @Mel, and others who have expressed the complicated dynamics that M&H are dealing with. There are a lot of nuances involved that royal followers and Sussex supporters probably see a bit clearer than even intelligent observers and intellectuals like Roxane Gay. It’s not clear how long Gay may have been following this royal drama. Some observers may only have been taking an interest since Sussexit, or off-and-on perhaps only since the royal wedding. There’s a lot to unpack.
I agree with most of the brilliant points Gay makes. And while I understand her opinion in the last paragraph, I disagree that M&H and their story would be “more interesting” if they said the monarchy needs dismantling. They obviously aren’t going to say that for reasons a number of posters have already mentioned. It is in fact the tensions between M&H standing for change, while still respecting some of the traditions and high profile status of the institution, which make M&H very interesting.
There’s so much more to discover about M&H. And that’s the thing: they are still young, and still on their own fascinating journey of discovery. Like Harry said in the documentary, “Our love story in many ways, feels like it’s just beginning.” How romantic is that? Their love story and their passion for change and for doing good in the world is all bound up in why they ended up becoming such targets of hate (with racism, of course, the underpinning factor in regard to most of the hate).
I’m glad Roxane Gay said that last bit about dismantling the monarchy. It’s not an institution that can coexist with the modern world. I said this last week, but modernizing it would dismantle it. The monarchy is in direct conflict with the modern world because it’s not modern; it’s feudalism and bloodline superiority.
The only way they have really evolved is that they are no longer locking each other in the Tower and chopping heads off. They leak and brief against one another instead.
I really do like Harry and Meghan. I think they’ve done some good work, but @Naomi is right: they aren’t as radical as people believe them to be. There’s inherent tension in the position they occupy. It would probably be personally dangerous for them to call for dismantling the monarchy, and honestly, I’m not sure they want that.
^^ Yes, I have said in recent threads that M&H are not revolutionary. There are plenty of others who can advocate for change from outside the system. M&H appear to want to make change from within the status quo. They were seemingly eager to explore doing that via their roles with the QCT. Alas, it was not to be. Sussexit was probably inevitable, fated, and necessary.
Too many people seem caught up in the BM’s created drama, based on lies and gaslighting. IOW, some Sussex supporters appear to be more angry on M&H’s behalf than M&H might actually be. Taking a step back might be in order to recognize their humanity, their youth, and the fact that we don’t know either of them personally, despite the fact there’s so much about them many of us can identify with.
None of us can tell M&H what to do, or what’s best for their lives. What we can do, is take heed of all the important work they are doing via Archewell, Invictus, and with their entertainment projects. There’s already so many lessons we can learn from how M&H have navigated the craziness surrounding their union. I think their next chapter will be focused more on the passions they have to make a difference in the world.
M&H are moving on, and the obsessed haters, supporters, rota/ BM, BRF, detached essayists, and neutral observers, need to relax the intensity a bit on the sidelines and try to keep up. 😉 While of course, as supporters, also continue keeping the Sussexes in our prayers because of the haters, rota/ BM, and BRF endangering their safety.
Meghan was attacked when she encouraged people to vote in a democracy FFS. It would have been 1000X worse if either of them had called for the end of the monarchy. They were willing to play their part in the family Firm because that’s what was expected of them.
It is not their job to decide whether or not the monarchy should exist. That is up to the 67 million citizens of the UK and every citizen of the 14 countries that still have the Windsor monarch as their defacto head of state.
Right, everything else aside (I don’t think H&M ever claimed to be radical….), even if they do think the monarchy should be dismantled, can you IMAGINE what would happen if they actually said that? Meghan already gets credible death threats. (so does Harry but I imagine they’re worse for Meghan and the kids.)
If they sat down in an interview and said the monarchy should be dismantled, especially when the Queen was still alive?? I can’t even imagine how people would react.
I completely agree with you. FFS, they call it MEGXIT in England. Can you imagine how rabid these people would be if Harry or Meghan suggested the end of the monarchy?
The people have chosen to live under a monarchy, and the Commonwealth countries that remain have chosen to let that monarch be their head of state. Suggest any country leave, and you will get miles of excuses for why it’s just too hard to rework the government in [insert any Commonwealth country here].
I would disagree that H&M *leaving* would end the monarchy.
Even before H married M, I *knew* George would never be king, though I wasn’t sure when the monarchy would end or how. By Christmas 2019, I *knew* the timeline had changed – due to the very obvious leaks (and lies) about Meghan as well as the complete silence over her treatment. And heck, stupid stuff like “flying coach” and buying stupid followers on Instagram. It was all abusive, neglectful, oolish, and pathetic. I don’t know the new timeline, but the Royal Family did it to themselves, they didn’t need any help.
^^ Yes, exactly. The institution is rotting from within. Gay acknowledges that M&H were a huge asset to the monarchy in that Meghan initially appearing to be accepted within it, seemed to signify change. Yet, Gay also feels the monarchy is outdated and needs dismantling. So which is it? Would acceptance of Meghan have helped change and lengthen existence of the monarchy? Maybe, but only if the firm wasn’t so toxic, racist, old-fashioned, petty, dysfunctional, and already crumbling due to divisive tensions and conflicts within the palaces, that pre-dated Meghan meeting Harry.
So, despite M&H’s sincere enthusiasm to make change from within the monarchy, it was fated not to be. They are finding their own path without being overly hampered and burdened by the contradictions the ancient monarchy represents in the modern world.
As others have said, changing or dismantling the institution is not M&H’s responsibility, nor their desire. At this point, it’s only about Harry, in conjunction with Meghan, trying to be gracious toward his family (despite their betrayals), as well as respecting his grandmother’s memory, and using fame and royal stature for a larger purpose.
The closest Harry has ever got to saying anything anti-monarchist is when he said that nobody in the family wanted to be monarch and that Charles and William feel trapped. He got bashed by the British establishment for those comments. I think he believes that it’s not his place to say whether the monarchy should still exist and that should be up to the British people.
Yeah, I’m with you on that. If he says “abolish the monarchy,” he will have lost even Charles forever. Even though Charles doesn’t want to be king, he’s addicted to the wealth and power. It’s all he knows. It’s all he is (un)qualified for. I too think Harry, as a royal, has to say, let the people decide. Unless and until he stops giving every last f and finally leads the anti-monarchist movement/brigade.
Yes @Amy Bee, I agree with your thoughts, and thanks for pointing out some of the things Harry has said about the monarchy, even as a working royal. Additional examples of how Harry tried to work from within to modernize the monarchy:
Harry is responsible for getting the monarchy to update their communication strategies by establishing Twitter and Instagram accounts. Harry also worked with Sir Christopher Geidt to create the Queen’s Commonwealth Trust. We’ll never know what kind of progressive collaborations with Commonwealth youth Harry and Meghan may have been able to achieve in their QCT roles. Since the firm is being run by anachronistic a’hole courtiers with vested interests in blocking change, it seems apparent that it was going to be impossible for M&H to work effectively from within in any case.
I think you’re all correct about this. Even though I wish they would say monarchy is the problem, I still understand why they don’t. They may well believe it at this point but there are many reasons not to say it, as far as they’re concerned. For one thing, Harry grew up with all the privilege of royalty along with the disadvantages. He does not want to seem ungrateful. And no one knows better than him that this is a decision for the people of Great Britain and the Commonwealth to make. Maybe we’ll get more of his thinking in SPARE.
@ThatsNotOkay, I don’t feel that Harry is worried about “losing Charles forever.” Harry would never have taken the step to leave in the first place, if that was one of his worries. No, Harry would like for his family to respect him for who he is and to fully accept the wife and soulmate he fell in love with. He would like his father and brother to “call off the rota/ BM dogs.” At the same time, Harry understands how and why his father and brother remain trapped. Their betrayals are surely hurtful, and that part is personal. Harry had the balls and the courage to save himself and his family by leaving. In doing so, he has clearly rejected the toxic, outdated aspects of that way of life. The only thing he’s responsible for now is healing, and taking care of his sweet core family unit.
@Brassy Rebel, you’re right that Harry grew up in that system, and so there’s a lot about the traditions and duties that remain a part of him, which he touched on in the documentary. Hopefully, we will find out more from him in that regard, in his memoir. I honestly don’t think Harry is at all concerned about “seeming ungrateful” for the privileges he was born into. He probably still has respect for some of the traditions, while recognizing the problematic contradictions of the monarchy’s existence in the modern world.
As his cousins Eugenie and Bea went on record to say last year: “Harry has the right to express himself by writing a memoir, because when he was a working senior royal, he was never listened to.” So obviously, Harry questioning the system from within, and advocating for progressive change, is not new.
Bottom line, Harry’s father and brother should have visited him and his family in California after their second baby was born. If they can arrange lavish trips to the other countries. Camilla traveled to India for a spa weekend. Despite everything, they should have visited Harry and Megan.
But you must admit, they are likely of the mindset- I’m on the throne (c3); I’m heir (bulliam)- you plebes come to us. We will not deign to visit you.
Interestingly, Charles invited the Sussexes to stay not that long ago and they politely declined. The leakers from Charles’s camp were in shock because an invitation from Charles is “an honor”. They (or Charles) didn’t consider how odd it sounds to describe a family invitation to visit your father as an honor. It told me quite a bit about Charles and the lack of judgment around him. Harry and Meghan were used and abused yet they were supposed to feel “honored” by a simple family invitation. Apparently, it was inconceivable for them to feel any other way
No. The abusers should not have gone to visit the home of the people they abused and harrassed out of the country and especially NOT while their primary target was in that vulnerable and sensitive time/space right after having had a baby.
That’s crazy talk.
@Yup, agreed. I’ve been in a interracial marriage for 32 years and counting. If my in-laws were racists, they would NEVER be welcome in my home and I would’ve actively kept my precious children away from them. Period. There’s no reason to expose innocent youngsters to haters and bigots, even when they’re family. Especially not when they’re family.
With racist family members, who needs enemies?
“A prince is accustomed to a certain lifestyle.” He is likely accustomed to being able to afford things but most of his adult life was spent outside palace walls. And, I bet, he was constrained by being in the RF as far as what causes he was allowed to donate to because others controlled the funds. Lovely that she drew a direct line from Cam’s lunch to JC’s scribblings.
I agree. Considering there was nothing luxurious about where the Sussexes lived in the UK, I don’t think Harry is like his father, taking his own special toilet seat with him when he travels.
This is a really good article, I’m a big fan of Roxane Gay’s writing in general.
I do think that people are just putting too much on H&M at this point though when it comes to the monarchy. They’ve never said they’re anti-monarchy, they have never said they want to dismantle it or destroy it, so why are people surprised that they aren’t trying to do that?
Meghan may feel differently about it now than she did 5 years ago and may have a different perspective, but this has been Harry’s whole life. He’s been doing so much mental work over the years in terms of confronting the racism in the institution, confronting the press relationship, trying to protect his wife and children – I don’t think his mind has even started to process whether the monarchy should be dismantled.
There are familial issues and structural issues and while I love what Roxane Gay wrote, it is a lot to expect one couple, where one of them was born into the institution, to start a revolution which would involve his family members on the other side of it. Most of us wanting to abolish the monarchy (at least in canada) don’t personally know who is on the other side of it.
Even in what they have chosen to say they have indirectly caused a lot of damage because they have simply highlighted how blind and racist that family is, even toward their own.
We are in how many days and still no denunciation of what Clarkson wrote? Unacceptable.
It is not Harry and Meghan’s job to dismantle the monarchy – it is the job of the people of Britain, if there ever will be enough of a popular momentum to do so.
It is an extremely complicated position Harry is in vis-a-vis this issue because the institution cannot be distinguished from the family. And while his family has abused him and Meghan, he may not want to lead the attack to dismantle the institution/family he was born into, even though they have treated him abominably. And it would be seen as vengeful. They presented their side of the story – and it is up to the audience to draw their own conclusions and perhaps for the britons to take action if they oppose the monarchy.
Like you said, Becks1, this has been his whole life. The RF operates as a dysfunctional and abusive cult. Tyler Perry was careful to say that actually both Meghan and Harry had been abused. As victims, they have the right to process their complicated thoughts on the monarchy. Whether that means they’ll become anti-monarchists and publicly pronounce that, I don’t know and am not sure they need to? I know I’d like to see their family safe and happy though for a very long time.
Exactly! They are victims of abuse on a global scale and they should be allowed to heal at their own pace without strangers expecting them to lead the charge to dismantle a millennia old institution.
This is the problem with making people the faces of social justice movements, they are just human beings with foibles like everyone else. The ideals should never be linked to the behavior of an individual because they can’t (and shouldn’t have to) live up to it. They are bound to do or act in a way that people disagree with, and it unfairly links the actual ideal with human behavior. People need to separate the fight to end systemic injustice, and gender-based violence, and institutional racism without making other people representative of it because of their own individual experiences with it. I know I would hate if I had to be representative of the trials of black women in all incarnations, what we should speak out on, who we should support, what we need, and how people should view us, it’s an impossible standard to live up to.
Your response struck a chord, Dee2. I remember when Gloria Steinem fell in love with a fellow and got married. She was vilified because she “lost touch with her feminism”. She was vilified for her betraying her comment “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle’. She was saying women don’t NEED a man to have a full and satisfying life. She never said “don’t love a man, don’t marry a man, have nothing to do with men in a personal, intimate way”. She just said women don’t need a man to live. In the same way, H&M haven’t said anything about the monarchy, in or out. They have said “Service is universal” and that they intend to continue a life of service. That the monarchy rejected their offer to serve doesn’t mean they must dismantle it single-handedly. It simply means they can and will live their vision outside of the monarchy, instead of allowing the monarchy to enjoy their reflected grace. Stupid monarchy? Yes indeed. But they need to live their human lives, same as Gloria needed to follow her heart when she fell in love with another human who happened to be a man. Whatever they do, or don’t do, in our home the first rule, the most important rule of all is ‘Safety First’ and that applies to H&M living their lives in full. They must, first and foremost be safe.
@Becks1 – I agree, people are putting too much on the Sussexes re: the monarchy. Plus I don’t think even going scorched earth would do much of anything. Not right now, anyway. It would also bring down an even greater level of abuse on the two of them. For the moment, it’s reasonable to focus on raising their children, establishing their careers, and continuing to recover from the last 6 years.
Having said that, what I think is overlooked is the war Harry is waging against the press and the absolute power it has in the UK to destroy individuals as they choose. In the long run, that might be just as, if not more beneficial to more people. He and Meghan have won at least a couple of judgements, and he has I think four more pending, including the suit with Elton John and Doreen Lawrence. Didn’t he say in the doc something like, if we don’t have the resources to take on these people (the press), who does?
In the meanwhile, the RF are doing a good job on their own of showing us who they are, with no help needed from H&M. Reverence for HM has evaporated surprisingly quickly. With the same crack PR teams in place, chances are excellent we’ll see more examples of smug, petty, vindictive, racist, etc. behavior from the lot as time goes on.
Agree. It seems that every time H & M do something the BM shouts “They are trying to destroy the monarchy!” in that perpetually outraged way they have. Usually, someone on the other side yells back, “That’s right, burn it all down!” But let’s not forget that it was originally the BM’s talking point, but it seems to have seeped into people’s minds as H & M said they were going to “burn it down” so what happened, why didn’t they do it? It’s not H & M’s job to burn it down, if the British want to do so, then let do the heavy lifting required.
^^ Yeah, but that’s the BM and their gaslighting intentions. Plus, they troll Sussex supporter sites on the Internet for storylines, talking points, and rallying cries like, ‘Burn It All Down,’ in order to concoct their twisted narratives. Nothing that supporters, haters, and sideline observers say or think has much to do with who the Sussexes truly are, or with what their thoughts and plans are.
“Harry still isn’t in “burn it all down” mode. Is it misguided loyalty to his brother and father?”
I think it’s largely self preservation. Partly because he loved his grandmother and the monarchy was her entire existence. Partly, because, for his own sanity, he needed to contextualize the situation to understand why his own flesh and blood are behaving this way. And generational trauma is a big part of it. And lastly, as much as he’s pissed at William, he is fully aware that William has literally nothing else going for him and couldn’t survive without it.
Long term, the best that can come out of this is that the next generation might lead the charge to change it, or to leave it if that’s not what they want for their lives.
William is a BILLIONAIRE. He doesn’t need to do anything.
This series was about what happened to Harry and Meghan in context of racism, etc. It was both descriptive and provided proof.
It was diagnostic of the problem(s) not prescriptive in what needs to change. They don’t live in the UK nor any part of the Commonwealth. Not their problem at all
“it’s clear that Harry most likely would have left the royal family one way or another. Meghan wasn’t the reason Harry left. She was the doorway through which he exited.”
I believe that more and more. And having a true partner in Meghan really did lead to that transition that he needed and allowed Meghan to come back home where they could heal and be loved.
^^ Yes, it’s like Meg said in one of the Netflix episodes: “Harry was always on his own path.” The firm and rota/ BM should try to stop blaming Meg for so-called ‘stealing’ Harry.
It’s not Harry’s job to dismantle his family. Leave that to the Windsors, they’re doing a great job destroying themselves, lol.
Not only was/is their racism (and classism and sexism) stronger than familial ties, it’s also apparently stronger than their supposed all-consuming desire to maintain the monarchy. Much like the New Deal regulations in the 1930’s saved American capitalism for the capitalists, Harry and Meghan and their updated vision of a modern monarchy would have ensured the continuation of the monarchy for maybe another generation or two. Even though I personally believe it is an inherently vile institution that needs to go, if the BRF is truly interested in saving the wretched monarchy, I think they’ve missed their chance and seem to be doing everything they can to hasten it’s demise. We have a saying in union organizing that the boss is the best organizer, meaning oftentimes all you have to do is sit back and let the boss just be itself and push workers into the waiting arms of the union. No one is doing more to help the republican movement than tbe BRF and their flying monkeys in the press and establishment.
It’s not Harry and Meghan Job to dismantle the Monarchy that Job is up to the British tax players it’s all up to them . All Harry and Meghan can do is shine a light Harry and especially Meghan are victims of that system The British media also needs to be abolished they have a hand in everything.
The only thing I disagree with is the assertion that they did the Netflix doc for money. Yes, they need to make a living. But their motivation for the doc is to tell their own story, without the biased filters of the racist rota or “palace sources.”
^^ Exactly @Izzy. I disagree with that suggestion by Gay too. They made a deal with Netflix to earn independent income, and to pay for hefty security costs. Then, they explored what they are passionate about and began to develop with their staff, some of their creative ideas. Harry is passionate about Invictus, and he’s always dreamed of writing his own truth to correct all the lies about him others have profited from. Thus, his memoir and the Invictus documentary. Meghan is passionate about advocating for women and girls in our misogynistic culture. Thus, her Archetypes podcast was born.
Together M&H have also felt the desire and the need to tell the truth about their love story, and about why they left the firm. So, their Netflix documentary came to fruition. It’s a legacy for their children, and a tribute to their loving mothers.
Part of it is they’re deliberately holding back/keeping their cards close. Another part, imo is that they still have some naivety re: the true danger and evilness of the institution and the family members, press and establishment hellbent on upholding it. They obviously still have a lot of trauma to unpack, process, and effectively cope with as the unrelenting abuse continues. Harry has decades of brainwashing and misplaced loyalty to circumvent while Meghan has previously unexperienced levels of misogynoir and outright hatred to continue to deal with. All while they’re trying to earn a living and protect the physical and mental health of their family. They’re a package deal and true soul mates but the vast majority of the hatred and vitriol is directed at her.
You can see the toll all of this has taken/is taking in their facial expressions and body language when talking about their experiences. Tyler Perry was able to summarize in a couple of sentences what Harry and Meghan, many years later, are still unable and/or unwilling to verbalize. Specifically the abuser and slave owner/runaway slave mentality and corresponding punitive actions the RF/BM/establishment exhibits.
I’m not sure that they understand the level of danger their very existence poses to the monarchy. They want peace in a one sided war constantly being waged against them by the principal beneficiaries of a 1000 yr old institution.
H&M understand the existential threat they face in even the little bit of pushbk theyve done to the brf, better than any armchair expert on the internet ever could.
PS: theyre not going to do the work of millions of cowards in the UK and the so-called commonwealth, who know the monarchy is a scam but are too yellow-bellied to do anything about it.
It’s not the Sussexes’ job to encourage or demand the dismantling of the monarchy. As with any narcissist, boundaries are necessary, which means you don’t engage with them on any level. Narcs are always pushing for a fight, often a dirty one full of threats, lies and manipulation, and the one thing they cannot tolerate is being ignored. That’s why the BRF are getting the tabloids to do their dirty work because they just can’t let it go. I’ve had plenty of experience over the years dealing with narcs in my family and in the workplace and learned that the more you ignore them and set boundaries, the more incensed they become and end up revealing their true awful, spiteful selves to the world. In a sense the Sussexes are letting the BRF sink themselves while they create the good life they deserve and are reaping success after success.
Roxanne Gay for the win…again. What the typical NYTimes reader doesn’t get is that the next generation sees the royal racism and doesn’t hold the family/monarchy in high esteem. They wear their stolen jewels and pretend everything is status quo but it isn’t. The castle is crumbling.
It’s not about whether it’s appropriate for them to call for the monarchy’s dismantlement.
In my opinion they continue to show restraint out of self protection. Meghan made it clear when she said it herself, she wants PEACE. I think that at this point both of them know that the institution will not hesitate to kill or physically harm her or their children or Meghan’s loved ones. Diana’s death was not a random accident.
It seems as though the RF (except for Diana, of course. R.I.P.), the people who worked for them, and the heinous media made a BIG/GIGANTIC deal about Meghan because they are RACIST underneath it all. That’s also why H&M has made the decisions that they have made for the happiness, health, and well-being for themselves and their family! 👏🏽
The article is a very important one and has generated a lot of good points, however I think H&M have been out only 2 years now and they are facing an onslaught of abuse for just that step. I think they need to focus on surviving that. I also think this will be a systematic generational thing, in a way what we are seeing today most likely started with Edwards abdication, at that time they weren’t ready, they still wanted the status quo, it makes sense why E2 stayed so long and never put a foot wrong or raised her head above the parapet, for fear of calls at abolish the monarchy, I think that it will be Louis that will be the catalyst, if his father manages to hold on when he takes over. We live in different times
^^ No @Lili. Edward VIII’s abdication is a completely different animal. It must be understood within the context of the historical events and personalities during that time. Edward’s self-indulgent personality, his self-interested and traitorous Nazi-leaning sympathies and his utter unfitness to be king, are the reasons why the U.K. government used his infatuation with Wallis Simpson to force his abdication.
The whole romanticization of Edward abdicating for “the woman I love,” is the sentimental, cover-up narrative that suited Edward, the government, and the monarchy. The real story needs to be unpacked with detached logic and precision, not with blind ignorance and romanticism.
In fact, the entire abdication saga, which the government forced for the preservation of the monarchy, has unfortunately also been allowed to haunt and toxically impact family members over several generations: e.g., Princess Margaret and Peter Townsend; Prince William of Gloucester and Zsuzsi Starkloff; Charles and Diana; William and Kate.
I love Roxane Gay’s writing. She is so on point here. I’m glad she addressed it.
I love Roxane Gay’s writing. Her book “Hunger” was incredibly powerful.
I am so glad she stated this plainly: “When Prince Harry met and married the American actress Meghan Markle, we saw, in real time, just how high a price the crown was willing to extract from an outsider, up to and including her life.”
“Up to and including her life.” Precisely. And horrifying. The sacrifice would have been demanded of anyone (see Diana), but Meghan’s life was particularly devalued by The Firm because she’s biracial.
@ AnneL: My very first sentence is the same as yours, which I didn’t see. Sorry about that.
If find it a little incredible that the writer feels they should have stayed and brought down the Monarchy. Does she think they have a death wish? Does she see what they’ve been put through firstly for existing with so much popularity and then deciding they’re not putting up with being treated so badly?
It is up to the British people as a whole to decide the Monarchy’s future and they are not ready.
Precisely. They’re already dealing with enough threats to theirs and their children’s lives as it is, to put that pressure on their shoulders is ridiculous. There are enough adults in the UK who could open their mouths and clamour for change without expecting Harry and Meghan to do the heavy lifting for them.
^^ Yes. I also feel that M&H are interesting in many ways, without having to say, ‘dismantle the monarchy,’ in order to be interesting. The constant attacks against them by BM and BRF have raised their profile and gained them increasingly more supporters. Their story is larger than life, in part because the challenges they are dealing with are about much more than just them.
For me, M&H’s love story is endlessly fascinating. But if this was just about their love story, there definitely wouldn’t be as much sustained interest in them as currently exists. I remain intrigued and inspired by M&H because of their huge impact as a couple! It’s their shared charisma, and their shared passion for giving back that deeply resonates with many people around the world.
Many of us can identify with Harry’s grief-stricken travails and the journey he has traveled toward healing and redemption. We see his mother in him and we know that she would feel so proud of him. As Harry has said, Diana is “providing me with guidance.” That’s an entire, amazing story all by itself. Equally, Meghan’s life story resonates on a number of levels that have nothing to do with being a so-called ‘fairytale princess.’
M&H are appealing in part because of their naivete, their courage, and their steadfast belief in each other, bolstered by their shared optimism.