Unemployed divorced bum Tom Brady tried to thirst-trap & it went horribly

I still remember the moment most of us figured out that all was not well in Tom Brady’s marriage last year. Brady returned to the Bucs after a nearly two-week absence, and the man looked pulled, tucked, sucked and buffed. He also looked tired and thin, and he couldn’t hide the fact that his marriage to Gisele Bundchen was in shambles. People took one look at him and said “oh, he’s getting DIVORCED.” And he was.

I bring that up because that man is now divorced and unemployed. He retired from professional football last week and it’s time for Divorced Jobless Bum Brady. Yes, I know he’s rich. But he’s still a bum at heart. This 45-year-old man is out here thirst-trapping on Twitter. Have some decency, man, at least do it on Instagram. Drop into some 21-year-old’s DMs like you have some PRIDE. And tagging Gronk and Julian Edelman?? What are you up to, Tom Brady? (I would give anything to see Julian Edelman’s thirst-traps, my God, that is a fine man.) Anyway, it turns out that this was even sadder than a thirst-trap: it was sponsored content. He’s trying to sell his Brady-branded underpants. SAD!

Meanwhile, Brady did confirm that he’s moving into football commentary, but not immediately. For a while, he’s had a contract to start his broadcaster position with Fox Sports for whenever he retired from the NFL. Now Brady says he’s actually going to wait until the fall of 2024 to start, meaning I guess Tom Brady is about to go on his Eat, Pray Love journey for the next nineteen months. Reportedly, Brady’s Fox Sports contract is worth $375 million for ten years. Bonkers.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Brady’s Twitter.

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94 Responses to “Unemployed divorced bum Tom Brady tried to thirst-trap & it went horribly”

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  1. girl_ninja says:

    Whew. Chile. The actual embarrassment I was able to summon for him was real. He is struggling and barely has an ounce of dignity left. G knew already and wisely bounced.

    • Josephine says:

      He lost a bet. He should have gotten help to post a decent pic even if it was the result of a lost bet.

      • molly says:

        Or made it clearer what exactly he was doing and how it related to a bet.

        It just looked like a thirsty underwear pic for no reason. Someone come help this Gen X’er with his phone, please.

      • minnieder says:

        @Molly I am crying over “can someone help this genXer with his phone?” 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

      • Josephine says:

        @Molly – love it!! comment of the day. I agree it was stupid as hell but I guess he got the attention the company wanted out of this??

    • Vivica says:

      I seriously thought that was Jerry O’Connell at first glance and was worried about him being so skinny

  2. Amy Bee says:


  3. Lolo86lf says:

    Okay is Tom Brady officially having a middle age crisis? His long-suffering wife divorcing him is doing a number on him. I think is just a matter of time before he hooks up with a 25 year old woman.

    • NotTheOne says:

      Nothing says “I’m on top of the world” more than dating someone half your age and telling yourself it’s because you are so awesome.

    • lunchcoma says:

      At the rate he’s going, 5 years from now he’s going to have a 28-year-old wife and 2 toddlers running around. Such a stereotypical midlife crisis.

      • Liz Version 700 says:

        At this rate I actually feel sorry in advance for the 25 year old trophy wife he is parched my Goodness

  4. CROWHOOD says:

    Lookin like Tom Baby in those little briefs. Young man can’t even fill them out.

  5. Betina says:

    I cannot express how much that picture bothers me. Just immediate cringe. My shoulders are up to my ears. He is so deeply unsexy to me. Tom Brady what are you DOING 😂

  6. Hannah says:

    I just don’t find him in anyway attractive. And the hand covering his (clothed) 🍆 is just making me think more about his 🍆 and ngl, it’s making me fkn uncomfortable. Does anyone else find this verkakte *thirst trap* completely creepy?

    • Lolo86lf says:

      Tom Brady is not unattractive. That picture is not good: He is sitting down looking uncomfortable and he is covering his crotch. If you are going to advertise a garment you don’t cover it up, unless he was told to do that in order to make it G-rated. Perhaps he should hire a advertising firm to hire models to model his underwear for him.

      • JW says:

        @Lolo86lf Proving the adage that there’s dip for every cracker, you are of course free to find Tom Brady attractive. But many many of us do not. At all. Even before this unfortunate picture. Particularly this year when he has literally looked like walking karma.

      • shanaynay says:

        @JW says:

        I’m completely with you. In my opinion there is nothing attractive about him. Personally, I find him kind of doofy looking. He’s definitely not my cup of tea.

    • Kittenmom says:


      First thing I noticed and I found it completely the opposite of sexy.

      • ama1977 says:

        I fully acknowledge that Reddit is a cesspool. HOWEVER. There was a thread on the Pop Culture subreddit re: this pic yesterday that had me HOWLING. The comments were sublime. Go find it and read. You’re welcome.

        No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tom. Nobody wants to see this. You have children whose friends will make sure they see this. This is Not It. I did not and have never found TB attractive, and now I find him less so. In summation, blech.

    • Josephine says:

      i don’t know if it’s a thirst trap if he posted the pic because he lost a bet? i really, really hate defending this man but the vitriol is a little over the top and facts actually matter. he has a long history of wearing silly t-shirts and the like as a result of lost bets, and everytime it gets tons of attention. and my guess is that this bad pic did just that – got tons of attention for his brand at his expense. tagging his boys made it clear that he was in on the joke but it sure does make for great gossip.

      • MissMarirose says:

        Yeah, that’s the reason he tagged Edelman and Gronk. That’s who he lost the bet to. I don’t think this was supposed to be a serious thirst trap. I mean, he’s sitting down in a dark room and the focus of the photo is on the (amazing!) view outside. I’m pretty sure this was supposed to be a joke.

      • Lady D says:

        I saw that view and thought wow, you could see the tsunami coming from eighty miles away. Ditto the hurricanes. Can you tell I don’t want to live oceanside?

      • Kristinka says:

        No one likes him enough to make a silly bet with him. As someone who has thirst-trapped in her time, the fake “bet” is a classic gambit.

        Taking this opportunity to call out the “you knew the plug was coming” line from the brand post – if this pun wasn’t purposeful someone needs to be fired.

    • shanaynay says:

      He’s so gross. I don’t find anything attractive about him. He just gives me doofus vibes.

  7. JW says:

    He looks like someone stuck Jerry O’Connell in a microwave and melted his face. Eek.

  8. Harla A Brazen Hussy says:

    He looks so much like Jerry O’Connell that I wouldn’t have known it was Tom if his name wasn’t attached.

  9. DouchesOfCambridge says:

    Is that a pet or someone hiding in the back? Divorced, unemployed, underwear selfie Tom is so unsexy lol

  10. Roo says:

    I am not a fan of his and when I tell you I CACKLED at that tweet. Dear lord! Christmas came early! 🤣

  11. Miranda says:


  12. Eleonor says:


  13. Linder says:

    I have never understood what is attractive about this man besides his money and fame.

  14. Mireille says:

    What is this fresh amusement? Another mediocre white man sad sack blundering his way into a laughable Instagram pic? Sorry, I also meant to add cringe-inducing. Can this be THE PHOTO to upstage Brad Pitt’s white man sad sack Cabo photos? I didn’t think it possible BUT YES I feel Tom Brady has reached Brad Pitt-douchey-ness. Congrats Tom! No Super Bowl ring but hey at least you’re in pathetic company.

  15. smcollins says:

    Wow, nice view. Wouldn’t mind waking up to that every morning *I think to myself as I look past TB to the ocean & palm trees*

    • Lolo86lf says:

      He looks lonely. Not even the most beautiful penthouse view in the world can compensate for a loving wife and children.

  16. Roo says:

    Is it wrong to hope Giselle gives another “best wishes on your future endeavors” type of comment to this tweet?

    • Lucy2 says:

      That would be fantastic. Copy paste the exact same wording.

      Also that fully made me LOL, which I don’t think is the response they were hoping for.

  17. FHMom says:

    Oh my. Think of his children. The embarrassment.

  18. Izzy says:

    Those last two Tweets have me cackling.

  19. Eurydice says:

    Yeah, definite cringe – but I wouldn’t call a $375 million contract “unemployed.”

  20. Frippery says:

    Okay so I’m not a fashionista, is it common or trendy to have a seam right down the crotch for men’s underwear? Seems like odd placement.

  21. Mtl.Ex.Pat says:

    His eyes are too close together, just like Channing Tatum. Not attractive.

  22. Emmi says:

    ‘Tis the season of hot successful women divorcing douchey athletes it seems. Said athletes don’t seem well. But from a gossip perspective, I can’t wait to see what Gisele and Shaki are going to do next, dating-wise.

    The hand placement is both gross and neccessary. The face is filtered to hell and back, what is even happening.

  23. K says:

    He looks like he is waiting in an exam room for The Rubber Glove. He obviously learned no modeling tips whatsoever from his years with G. This is hilarious and somewhat creepy.

  24. ChillinginDC says:

    That last tweet was every damn body. NOPE.

  25. Imara219 says:

    I remember about 10 or so years ago Brady was considered handsome by a certain demographic and I just…never saw it. About 2-4 years ago he slimmed down even more and defined his body but his looks were fading with the weight is and I got it, he was transforming his body for the foundation of youth, but this past fall I was shocked. Brady just didn’t look good. I know we like laugh at him but this selfie is just cringe and tragic. It kind of makes me feel sorry for him 🫣😬

  26. Giddy says:

    If Gisele is really the genius at self-promotion that I have read she is, look for the slow start to their reconciliation. This time next year will be their fabulous second wedding with their children as their attendants.

    • lunchcoma says:

      Why on earth would she want that? That dude needs more than a year to figure his shit out, and I really hope she understands that she can expect more from life.

  27. Laughysaphy says:

    Omg between the write up, the tweets and all the comments THIS IS THE HARDEST I’VE LAUGHED IN A HOT MINUTE! At least some good came from this truly poor decision, TB.

  28. HeyKay says:

    What an awful pic. Slumped over, lousy posture, looks sad and tired.
    If he wanted to sell underwear he should have had a professional take the pic.

    There is a dog in the pic, so he at least has a pet with him. The dog should have talked him out of this.

  29. Scarlett says:

    Oh Tom, oh honey no! Not in the year of our lord and savior Beyonce. I just threw up in my mouth a little but I am loving this for him….not our eyes but him .

  30. C-Shell says:

    “(I would give anything to see Julian Edelman’s thirst-traps, my God, that is a fine man.)”

    Too right. Anyway, here you go!


  31. HeyKay says:

    C-Shell, thanks for that! Holy moly, that Fella is fit. 👍

  32. AmelieOriginal says:

    He could have had more fun with it asking a friend to model them in a “fun sexy” pose but maybe from the back if he was to self conscious to do it from the front. Which I totally get, not all men want to show off their goods, I know I don’t want a pic of me in a bra and underwear out there on social media. He’s not ugly but as people have said above, I never found him attractive, just kind of bland. Anyways he probably had to do some post for sponsored content but he should have had a Gen Z tell him what to do.

  33. AnneL says:

    The producers of “Eighty For Brady” must be smacking their heads in frustration that the movie launched NOW, of all times. Ouch.

    Also, why is the underwear that color? It’s not a good look.

  34. Budsbunny says:

    Leave Tom alone.

    He’s light years ahead of your envy based gate.

    Superstars have hearts too and his is breaking.

    Be sure and smile through your next divorce. You can only fantasize about the life he lives.

    • Coco says:


      • C says:

        My thoughts exactly, LOL

      • Emily_C says:


        I admit, I’d like Tom Brady’s bank account. The rest of his life is awful though. I mean, football? Really? It’s not like he gave everything up for something of any lasting importance even. Not art, not love, not some cause. Football. Absolutely pathetic.

    • ama1977 says:

      What, you mean my satisfying life that is more than just the job I do? Or my ability to care for others and put their needs ahead of my own when warranted? Or is it the fact that I eat potatoes, tomatoes, sugar, dairy, and really anything I want (in moderation) because life is meant to be enjoyed?

      You must mean be referring to my happy, fulfilling long-term (almost 20 years!) marriage and the fact that my two beautiful kids live with my terrific spouse and me in our comfortable home full-time. Yes, I can dream.

  35. Solidgold says:

    Brady has no charm, he’s not attractive and he just seems like a big doofus. Athletes and celebrities are a two very different breeds. Some athletes can merge the two but others like Brady just come off awkward.

  36. Chaine says:

    — *record scratch* *freeze frame* “Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation“

  37. Well Wisher says:

    He’ll be fine. If not for his looks, his money.

  38. Jaded says:

    Good god that’s awful. He looks like he’s doing an Anthony Weiner and about to sext some woman. Ewwwwww, just ewwwwww!!

  39. Cel2495 says:

    😂 😂 no he did not do it right 😂

  40. HeyKay says:

    CBers, for an example of the correct way to advertise mens undies Google Jim Palmer for Jockey photos.
    Palmer, a HoF baseball pitcher and overall good looking Fella, did print ads for Jockey underwear and he was confident without being icky at all.

    Having lived thru a divorce. I can’t kick Brady.
    He has nothing to occupy his time after retirement, G is fine without him.

  41. WTF says:

    I’m not bothered by the picture honestly. BUT – I’m here for the Tom Brady mockery. Please carry on!!

  42. Twin Falls says:

    It looks like a ransom photo from a wellness retreat.

  43. Emily_C says:

    He traded his whole life for sportsball. For nothing.

  44. J.Ferber says:

    I totally don’t believe he lost a bet. He’s competing with Gisele for attention because has lost his mind over retirement. What next, d-ck shots? I agree with the therapist who said Tom needs to go into therapy stat. He really does.

  45. J.Ferber says:

    Despite my above comment, he looks good as hell in that picture.