Donald Trump indicted by New York grand jury, will likely surrender next Tuesday

LMAO. So, earlier this week, Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg let everyone believe that it could be late April or early May before the grand jury indicted Donald Trump. Then by the end of business on Thursday, Bragg was like “hey, here’s a 34-count indictment on Trump.” Glorious! The indictment is still sealed, so we don’t know exactly what he’s being charged with, nor do we know the extent of the evidence against Trump. Considering this grand jury has been empaneled since January, I think we can safely say that Bragg has a lot of evidence of fraud, criminality and shenanigans, all related to Trump’s hush-money payments to Stormy Daniels, an American hero and icon. We also know that these charges could involve significant jail time. LMAO.

The New York Times has been doing rolling updates on the situation all of yesterday evening and into this morning. New York law enforcement is bracing for a sh-tshow of violent morons demonstrating on behalf of their orange god. About 20 people (SAD) showed up outside Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach to cheer for Trump. Trump is currently living in Mar-a-Lago, his Florida compound, and there seems to be a lot of energy towards getting him to peacefully surrender in New York next week, likely Tuesday. I imagine there will be a lot of coordination with his Secret Service too. Meanwhile, Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, has already huffed and puffed about how New York law enforcement better not try to extradite Trump from Florida.

What else? Trump has been going bonkers on Truth Social and there are very real fears that he is once again trying to incite his army of heavily armed sh-theads to do something awful. Still, I can’t wait for the perp walk. LMAO.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Backgrid.

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98 Responses to “Donald Trump indicted by New York grand jury, will likely surrender next Tuesday”

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  1. Truthiness says:

    🍾🍸 Cheers Celebitches to the start of Indictment season!

    • Bikny says:

      Come on Fulton Cty, Georgia you’re next!

      • Truthiness says:

        There are crimes we’d never heard of in Georgia. Trump called the Georgia Speaker of the House, David Ralston, and instructed him to convene the House just to turn over the election results. Ralston taped it and it’s being used despite Ralston dying in the interim.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ Bikny, Yes!!! Fulton County DA do your best!!! He deserves it, every single bit of these indictments coming his way!!!!

    • otaku fairy says:

      Over the past few years he’s had quite a few pick me bitches invading liberal spaces to sympathize for him and the values of his base, all while claiming it has Nothing To Do With Being Conservative (very different from actually saying, “I’m not conservative”). It was cool to mock and revel in the abuse of marginalized people who rejected the trad shit, all while having defenses ready for a pussy-grabbing racist or tearful speeches about why we should listen to Candace Owens about feminism. This type will probably try to play it cool about his indictment to keep up the ruse and keep some distance from the republican party. But secretly? She’s screaming, crying, throwing up into her Trumpy bear with a pack of cigarettes, trying to avoid the booze and pull it together in time to pick up Lil’ Giuliani jr. from A.M. kindergarten. Sad!

    • ML says:

      Cheers everybody! With orange juice. May this lesser crime be the appetizer on a justice-filled menu.

    • PrincessOfWaffles says:

      This is such a hood day!!! Good news onlyyyyyyy

  2. SIde Eye says:

    Get that son of a bitch outta Mar-a-Lago! What a day!!! I have my indictment shoes on. Let’s go! 👠 🍾 🍷

    • Yonati says:

      @side eye I laughed so hard at your comment that I scared the dog!

      • Side Eye says:

        Cheers to you @Yonati! 🍾😀

      • Catherine Mitchell says:

        Please get him out of state I call home. Who’s DeSantos to try to block extradition. There’s been many much more questionable requests for extradition that DeSantos actually helped pass through. He’s playing politics with the justice system. If you don’t agree with him, no matter who you are even Disney World he’ll come at you with extreme force.

      • SIde Eye says:

        I really feel for you @Catherine Mitchell! DeSantis and Trump in the same state – ugh. Well at least you won’t have to deal with one much longer…

    • Giddy says:

      I have my indictment cowbell out and will ring that sucker! I was stuck on what should be the perfect indictment drink when I realized that Screwdrivers were perfect…gotta get that Florida orange juice! I may be on the floor by the time all 30 counts are unsealed. This celebrating can be hard!

      • SIde Eye says:

        😂 i love this @Giddy! i’m on a plane having my indictment glass of wine. A guy (possibly drunk, possibly my soulmate) got on the plane and yelled out: “Happy Indictment Day!!” and the plane burst into applause. (I’m in Canada and the mood here is joyous and celebratory) 🍾🍷⚖️

      • VoominVava says:

        @Side Eye: That is hilarious !! and must have been fun! 🙂

      • SIde Eye says:

        @VoominVava it really was. I just burst out laughing. Nothing could have made this day more perfect. (But I did buy a lottery ticket lol)

      • Lucky Charm says:

        @Giddy, I’m wishing you good luck. It’s actually 34 counts, not 30 lol. Pro tip: if you start out sitting on the floor then you don’t have to worry about falling down haha. 😀

    • Blithe says:

      Lol Nancy Pelosi has a Trump Impeachment Outfit. I think Trump Indictment Accessories are definitely on point! HaHaHa

      • SIde Eye says:

        @Blithe yes absolutely! I love the concept of indictment accessories! My friends and i picked out our indictment shoes last year! I think maybe i’ll get a special manicure if he’s convicted cause 2 friends and I promised each other we would meet up for a spa day when that day finally comes.

  3. Throdster says:

    Poor Trumpy. If only he hadn’t run for President and shined a light on himself. He could have kept on grifting his grift until his inevitable coronary, but alas, here we are with likely more indictments to come. 🍾

    • Digital Unicorn says:

      Given how much debt he’s in I think he saw the Presidency run as a grift plus I always think he was ‘talked’ into it by others who saw him as a useful idiot.

      • Seraphina says:

        I too think he saw the office as a means of protecting himself and that is why he and his minions (who are probably doing illegal things as well) are screaming a former PONTUS should not have to be subjected to this. They played into his ego and he loved the attention. A very dangerous combination. What scared me the most is how well he aligned people to try and get what he wanted – Jan 6 truly is a test to our democracy. Not just the events of the day but everything leading up to it and afterwards.

      • Truthiness says:

        Yes, he’s a grifter through and through, his ego and desire to be a king needs to be added in there. He kept trying to heckle Obama because he wanted the trappings and title.

      • ThatsNotOkay says:

        He sees the presidency as shield. Like Putin and Netanyahu. If they can stay there forever by controlling the courts, they can stay out of prison and grift, steal, and/or kill till their dying days.

      • Lightpurple says:

        Like his daughter

      • Seraphina says:

        @Lightpurple, there was some article this week about how Princess of MAL has distanced herself from her father and wants her old NY social life back and to focus on her business. I think she got enough money from the Saudis that they hightailed it before she and Jared were investigated too. And she also realized if she had political ambitions that may open up the books on her 4 years in the WH.
        I had a shirt from her brand (bought at Ross) and I threw it in the clothes recycle bin where they recycle fabric. And we did the same to my husband’s ties.

  4. Amy T says:

    DeSanctis’ Anti-American and anti-Semitic statement was horrifying. Florida deserves better and there’s no scenario in which he would be president and I wouldn’t move my family out of the US.

    That said, as far as the Orange Nightmare is concerned, it’s about damn time. {raises coffee toast to the grand jury and DA Bragg}

    • Rapunzel says:

      The fact the right is still using Soros aa the big bad boogeyman behind some evil left wing cabal is…. laughable.

      • Chaine says:

        Right?!! Soros is in his 90’s, who will they blame when he dies of old age and progressive honest public office holders keep being progressive and honest?

      • Nicky says:

        I’m sick of people blaming Soros he’s the designated whipping boy, but if they can’t make this stick then they’ll have won him the election.

        I’m in the uk but DT sends my blood pressure through the roof.

      • Tacky says:

        DeSantis isn’t playing 3D chess, he’s eating the pieces. He just set a precedent for all blue states to refuse to extradite anyone red states want to prosecute based on their grotesque abortion laws.

      • bisynaptic says:

        “Soros” just means “Jewish”. It’s their version of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

    • Kitten says:

      Does it even matter whether Florida “assists” or is this Just more political theater from DeSantis? And I’m not really sure Florida deserves better. The majority of the state keeps voting for monsters so monsters are what they get.

      • OriginalLeigh says:

        DeSantis is a clown. He released that statement only after Trump confirmed that he would turn himself in… And I find it rich that he is criticizing “the weaponization of the legal system for political purposes.” This is from the guy who just tried to use the Office of the Governor to take over Disney and previously had a data scientist arrested for accurately counting the Covid numbers in Florida???

      • TwinFalls says:

        “While all eyes were on Trump this evening, paperwork was filed in the Florida Senate to begin the process of revising election laws, possibly so that DeSantis can run for president without resigning as governor, as under current Florida law he must.“

      • Korra says:

        Don’t forget that DeSantis also canned elected state attorney Andrew Warren because DeSantis wanted to win brownie points with the base. Warren was seen as an easy target because he is a Democrat who verbally said he disagreed with any type of state abortion ban, but had not broken any laws. A judge even ruled that DeSantis admin was out of line, but unfortunately did not have the jurisdiction to reinstate Warren.

        Then there was the DeSantis Election Gestapo that arrested dozens of Black Floridians for “voting fraud” even though the state had given them the OK to participate in elections. These people were let go, but their arrests were recorded so DeSantis and his team can continue their streak of malevolent PR at the expense of marginalized groups. Funny how the only verified cases of voting fraud coming out Florida in recent years were all in the Villages. Wonder why DeSantis didn’t send his goons there? Hmm…

        So DeSantis would know a thing or two about the weaponization of the legal system — it’s practically his speciality and what he is best at.

  5. Rapunzel says:

    Kevin McCarthy was huffing and puffing about how the House would go after Bragg for abusing his power. He didn’t pass basic civics, apparently, or he’d know there’s nothing the House can do about State criminal prosecutions.

    • Seraphina says:

      According to what I have heard, and I have not researched if this is true, Bragg (who is a Harvard grad in government and has a JD) was once called the anointed one in law school because he was THAT good at what he was studying. What I do know is true, is that Kevin is a business man – also has an MBA – so I would LOVE to see him take a basic civics test. He should think before trying to match wits with Bragg – he will be severely out matched.

      • Brassy Rebel says:

        The Republican party, which foisted Ken Starr’s fishing expedition on the American tax payers for YEARS, to now complain about weaponizing the criminal justice system against political opponents just proves how deep their hypocrisy goes and their total indifference to it. And this DA was investigating actual crimes, not investigating people looking for crimes. Big difference.

        DeSantis cannot refuse to extradite if it comes to that. But again, he won’t be stopped from trying. The Republican party in its current iteration is a criminal enterprise masquerading as a political party.

      • Seraphina says:

        I do not have the timeline, but according to what I have seen in social media – Ron posted his little tweet AFTER Trump’s camp said he would go willingly. Which makes sense – Ron wants Trump’s crazy base but did it so it was safe to say. I would LOVE to see Trump not comply and see what happens when push comes to shove.

    • otaku fairy says:

      This man was supposed to be the nail in the coffin of ‘the woke mob’. People are going to have a hard time with this.

  6. Seraphina says:

    I had to ask the Lord for forgiveness because I was giddy with glee at someone’s misery and pain. Twitter was WONDERFUL last night and is wonderful this morning as well. And the great part? Allegedly 45 found out from the NY Times and not his people. CBs let’s all raise a glass and toast that no one is above the law – not even a former President.

    • Kristen820 says:

      The grin I couldn’t stop wearing would be best described as “sh-t eating” 😁

  7. Amy says:

    C.U. Next Tuesday, LOSER!! Karma.

  8. girl_ninja says:

    I saw Lindsey Graham on the verge of tears on his Faux News appearance. It was hilarious and disturbing all at once.

    • Orangeowl says:

      Don Jr was absolutely melting down on Twitter last night. I think a lot of people who decided to go all in with Trump are in an absolute panic. You love to see it!

      • Digital Unicorn says:

        Jr looked like he’d been crying LOLz – he’s next as Daddy WILL throw him under the bus to save his own lard ass. Jr has yet to understand Daddy will never love him like daughter wife.

        Also, Jr is looking a lot thinner – i guess he and Daddy are losing weight due to all the stress of the upcoming indictments.

        I hope Randy Rainbow does a cover of Its Raining Indictments for this lot soon.

    • Lizzie Bathory says:

      Lindsey was a mess–he seemed hammered to me as well as being emotional. He’s up to his ears in the crimes & corruption of the Trump years.

  9. AmyB says:

    You know the irony that Trump will face charges for someone he ACTUALLY paid is not lost on me LOL

    We all know this Orange POS doesn’t like to pay anyone; ask any one of his lawyers.

    Also: Here is his statement from his Truth Social account:

    “These Thugs and Radical Left Monsters have just INDICATED the 45th President of the United States of America, and the leading Republican Candidate, by far, for the 2024 Nomination for President. THIS IS AN ATTACK ON OUR COUNTRY THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE. IT IS LIKEWISE A CONTINUING ATTACK ON OUR ONCE FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS. THE USA IS NOW A THIRD WORLD NATION, A NATION IN SERIOUS DECLINE. SO SAD!”

    Trump was INDICATED folks 🤣🤣

    • Kristen820 says:


      • BothSidesNow says:

        I am always imagining that his devices have Sharpies all over his screens as he simply can’t help himself!!

        I can’t wait to see what Smith comes up with regarding the insurrection and charges come after Drumpf for that as well.

        Drumpf is getting his due!! Finally!!! Though I am still pissed that Bragg didn’t indict him for Drumpf Organization. 😈

    • Inka says:

      Yeah and’s also not how the old ‘first world country, third world country’ thing works. In decline??

  10. Lightpurple says:

    Tuesday, April 4 sounds like a perfect day for mug shots in New York and a Second Indictment in Georgia.

  11. Party in NYC says:

    Merry Indictmas to one and all!! 🎉

  12. Jekelly118 says:

    No one is happier than Melania today.

    • Kitten says:

      No way is she happy about this. I’m sure she feels bottomless shame and embarrassment and I love that for her. ♥

      • elle says:

        I’m not sure she’s capable of shame and embarrassment. If she is, I REALLY DON’T CARE, DO U?

      • Kitten says:

        She’s not ashamed because she thinks what Trump did was wrong or anything, she’s ashamed because the façade she’s tirelessly curated for the past 20 years has now officially crumbled, Teflon Don is no longer, and she has to admit o herself and the world that she married a crook and a grifter.

        But yeah I definitely don’t GAF about her feelings. Hope she rots in hell like her shady ass husband.

    • Lizzie says:

      Either it’s a big payday for her, cheeto will have to pay her extra for a trial appearance, or she’s looking for the next victim.

      • VoominVava says:

        I don’t know how it would be a big payday for her. If he’s broke, she’s better off staying with him as she wouldn’t get much in a divorce. Maybe that’s why she stays. She knows it would be based on what wealth he (doesn’t have) has. She knew what she was getting into (even if I hate that phrase) and she has known what he’s all about for years. I don’t really care, do u?

  13. ThatsNotOkay says:

    Let these indictments be the first of many, Georgia, you’re up!

  14. Fina says:

    I guess I am one of the very few not happy about this. I had counted on Trump loosing the Republican nomination to another candidate and then ruling up his followers against that candidate, thereby splitting the Republican voters and making things a little easier for the Democrats. Now whoever gets the Republican nomination will have easy access to Trump‘s voter base by claiming that his arrest is result of left wing conspiracy yada yada. Overall I am really not sure this is good in the long run. Would have liked this indictment much more after the next elections.

    • Kitten says:

      Not everything is about political strategy though. Sometimes you just have to do what’s f*cking right and let the chips fall how they will. And if people insist on viewing this through a political lens, then we need to acknowledge that never holding Trump accountable for his crimes will cause a level of unprecedented, historical detriment to both the executive office and our country. The time has come for this bitch to see bars and if one of the unintentional outcomes of that is Biden losing the election, I can live with that.

      • RL McGruder says:

        I need him behind bars as well. What else are we doing here if justice is not done?

    • Lightpurple says:

      I am putting my faith in Gen Z. They took over the Tennessee state house yesterday. It seems they aren’t happy with the Republican Governor and legislature deciding to do nothing about the state’s nonexistent gun control because Republicans think drag queens, who they banned, are more dangerous than guns. The children shall show us the way.

    • Doodle says:

      There was never going to be a perfect time for this. Maybe this will make DeSantis think twice before doing anything too unscrupulous though, since the precedent has now been set.

    • AmyB says:


      Think about it like this: Trump will continue to have his loyal, idiotic & brainwashed MAGA base, yes. But he lost in 2020, both in the popular vote and the electoral vote. He lost the popular vote in 2016! Both the 2018 and 2022 Mid-terms did not bode well for Trump either. It’s not like he is going to GAIN the support of independents or moderates with (possibly multiple) indictments!! I think so many people (and I mean in the GOP) are sick and tired of him and want to move on. I cannot see this asshole winning the general election in 2024, especially with the turnout that happened in the last mid-terms. Yes, he very well could win the GOP nomination, fine. But I cannot see him winning the general.

      And others are right. There is no perfect time for this; political motivations should not interfere with the rule of law and holding a criminal accountable for their crimes.

      • Renae says:

        Remember, nobody thought he could win in 2016 either.

      • AmyB says:


        I totally get that. But this isn’t 2016; he isn’t an unknown commodity (in politics) like he was then. My point is, it’s not like he is gaining more supporters with all his BS. Since 2016, he has not fared well at the polls.

        Many of us (like me) knew he was horrible from day one, but here we are….

    • DeeSea says:

      @Fina I understand where you’re coming from because a big part of me feels the same way and has the same concerns. But the other part of me is relieved that our judicial system is actually working (in this case) and that things like accountability and consequences still matter. It can be both things at once, I suppose, even though that tension feels uncomfortable. I just hope that all of these legal proceedings are extremely boring in the end. I don’t like this trend of viewing legal proceedings and politics as a form of entertainment. In an ideal world, I want legal proceedings and politics to be extremely boring and extremely ethical.

  15. Jessica says:


  16. Mrs. Smith says:

    Indictment szn indeed!!! Bragg got his man. I cannot wait for the Fulton County indictment. That one’s gonna be a doozy. While I’m saddened there probably won’t be a perp walk, I — and no doubt Hillary Clinton — feel buoyed knowing that we’ll soon see Don’s mug shot. Lock him up!

    • Renae says:

      Georgia best hurry. Bill is on governors desk which would allow the Ga. house to remove any prosecutors they don’t like. Hurry Fanny!

  17. Sass says:

    The second the news hit my inbox yesterday I rushed here to see if it was posted yet. Thank fuuuuuuuuuck

  18. one of the marys says:

    So he really is a C U Next Tuesday kind of guy after all

  19. Odin says:

    He made so many enemies while he was president, so, now, it’s payback time. Keep covering this story!

  20. Acclaim says:

    I’m so gloriously HAPPY!

    Cheers, Celebitches!

    Rule of Law prevailed yesterday, & here’s hoping Georgia is next on the list.

  21. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    Welp, it finally happened bitches. And I’m finally quiet lmao. I’ve got this permanent grin on my face, and the world is still on its axis. Just sitting back listening to which Republicans are saying what…and what they aren’t saying.

  22. Amanda says:

    So the easy joke is really See You Next Tuesday?

    I cannot.

    Cheers, everyone. It’s not everything, but it’s a start.

  23. Ameerah M says:

    34 counts is MUCH bigger than Stormy. That means they have him on MULTIPLE cases.

    • DeeSea says:

      @Ameerah YES! The number 34 is exactly what jumped out at me too. Stormy Daniels is only the tip of the spear.

  24. Lucy2 says:

    It’s a good day.

  25. antipodean says:

    I almost feel as if I can take a full, deep breath at last!!!!! Nearly eight long years of this orange buffoon’s larcenous shenanigans, and FINALLY his debt to all law abiding citizens has come due! Go Melvyn Bragg and all his law upholding colleagues! Get him, and get him GOOD. Indeed, no-one is above the law! Praise gods almighty!

  26. BeanieBean says:

    Ooh, a 34-count indictment! Can’t wait to see what all he’s being charged with. I’m wondering if any of his followers will finally, finally, stop sending him money once they find out what he’s been doing with it. As for inciting violence, I think since we’ve been seeing a lot of arrests & jail time for the Jan 6 insurrectionists, people are getting the picture & not actually willing to go to jail for him, especially since he’s not president & there’s no promise of a pardon (not that I believe he would have pardoned anybody).

  27. jferber says:

    He looks mentally unhinged in the car window. Because he is.

    • AmyB says:

      LOL, yes that pic always makes me laugh, and feel terror at the same time, since he was our President for four years.

  28. Meh says:

    It’s Indictment SZN, Celebitches!!!! What are we having for dinner to celebrate? I’m thinking… champagne, popcorn, New York style pizza, FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGES… Bwahahahahahahahh!!!

  29. notasugarhere says:

    Who else thinks he might use the plane to flee the US instead of showing up in NYC?

    • Stef says:

      This crossed my mind too…

      Which country do you think he’d pick to fly to?

      • notasugarhere says:

        Saudi, UAE, Russia. Russian has owned him for 3 decades, starting with all the Russian money laundering through his properties in NYC.

        The judge wanted him to report Friday morning, Drumpf did a song and dance about the Secret Service couldn’t be ready by then. For some unknowable reason the judge allowed it. That gives Drumpf four days to flee and/or get his rabid followers to descend on NYC.

  30. Emily_C says:

    I am not as happy as a lot of people, because they should have indicted and jailed this pos decades ago. But they were too corrupt to bother. Obviously it’s not the same people, and I’m glad the people in there now are doing it — but how many other white collar criminals are getting away with not paying their workers, scamming everyone, and being in bed with the mafia? What damage are they currently doing, what damage will they do in the future?

  31. Beverley says:

    The Orange Menace will finally be held accountable? I won’t hold my breath.

    But if tRump is finally charged AND convicted, my faith in the criminal justice system *might* resurrect.

  32. jferber says:

    I live in a leafy, well-tended upscale community. My neighbor just shared that she’s a trump supporter. We were very civil, but I was shocked. She’s a smart, well-educated, professional woman. I still don’t understand his appeal, especially after everything that happened, that to (rich) white women. It CAN’T just be the tax cut. I just don’t get it. She seems normal and nice, too. What IS it?

  33. MangoAngelesque says:

    So Trump is literally pulling a “see you next Tuesday”…

  34. Moo says:

    I’m waiting for his supporters to try and pull a Jan 6.The NYPD will hand them their collective asses.

  35. jferber says:

    Don’t eff with the NYPD. They will take you DOWN.