I watched the first season of Schmigadoon. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a playful send up of Broadway musicals about a modern couple who happen into a world that exists as if it was a – wait for it – musical. Everything about the show should have been right up my alley – the ridiculous concept, the musical, the irony, the cast. But while I saw it through until the end, it fell short for me. I haven’t watched the second season… and now I know why! Those b@stards turned down Patti LuPone. As in, they had the opportunity to have Patti LuPone grace them with her presence and they said “no.” And if there is one thing La Patti is going to do, it’s tell on you. So she did. She told Mashable that she approached them for season one because she really wanted to be a part of it and was told she was too old. Uhm, they said what?! Patti surmised it by saying “it’s their loss!” No, Patti – it’s our loss.

Apple TV+’s Schmigadoon! is a delirious dream for theater kids, combining playful parodies of a slew of major musicals with an ensemble cast stuffed with Broadway stars. Incredibly; however, Patti LuPone, one of the celebrated living legends of the Great White Way, was denied a chance to join in.

Season 2 (aka Schmicago) spoofs the songs of Stephen Sondheim, with whom LuPone has worked repeatedly and iconically in shows like Company and Sweeney Todd(opens in a new tab). So, Mashable asked if she’d been approached about the musical TV series. In fact, she approached the show first for Season 1.

“I wanted to be in Schmigadoon!, and I was too old,” LuPone said. Asked what she meant, she responded, “Exactly what I said. We reached out to them and said I want to be in Schmigadoon!. They said, ‘Sorry. You’re too old.'”

“It’s so sad. And it’s depressing,” she said of the rejection, before declaring, “It’s their loss! I don’t know what else to say. I so wanted to be in it!”

[From Mashable]

While I am playing up the hyperbole to match the Broadway tone of the story, I am generally stunned by this. Keegan-Michael Key and Cecil Strong play the “modern couple” but the rest of the cast includes Alan Cummings, Kristin Chenowith, Jane Krakowski, Aaron Tveit, Ariana DeBose – some real theater powerhouses. People who would probably list Patti as their hero. In addition to those folks, as Kristy Puchko at Mashable points out, is Martin Short, who is 73 years old – the same age as Patti. Now I’m doubly ticked. Because this is ageist and sexist. There are people who should have a Golden Ticket for roles and one of them is Patti. If Patti wants to make an irreverent Apple TV+ musical, write her a part. If Patti wants a role on Ted Lasso, make room for another coach. If they’re remaking JAWS and she wants to play the shark? Give her a swim cap and call her Bruce for christsakes! Mashable reported that Apple hasn’t responded for comment. I’ll bet they haven’t. Whoever told Patti she was too old is currently hiding under a desk and the rest are trying to gather their notes because Patti keeps her receipts. She’s not worried about being liked. If some idiot told a woman with Patti’s credentials that she was too old to appear on a show for which she was overqualified to appear, she’ll put them on blast.

Thankfully some casting people have sense, though. And this news will especially delight my fellow Penny Dreadful fans. Patti is joining Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey Plaza in Agatha: Coven of Chaos. This is, of course, the Wandavision spin-off for Kathryn Han’s character Agatha Harkness. Patti plays Lilia Calderu, a 450-year-old Sicilian witch who’s been a part of the MCU since 1973. (Oh thank goodness – a role Patti’s not too old to play!) Honestly, if I don’t hear another word about Coven of Chaos until the premiere, I would still be on the edge of my seat to watch it. Witches? Patti? Kathryn and Aubrey? Say no more – I’m in.

Photo credit: Robin Platzer/Twin Images and Jeffrey Mayer/Avalon and Cover Images