I didn’t watch Sunday’s coronation concert because A) I’m American and B) it sounded like it was going to be a pretty dull show. British artists avoided the concert like the plague – Adele, Elton John, Ed Sheeran, the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney all skipped out. The planning committee just went with Americans: Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and Nicole Scherzinger. Well, Rolling Stone’s Louis Staples had an incredible review of the chaotic concert and it’s worth highlighting some of his review:

A very American concert: When I heard that there was going to be a Coronation Concert at Windsor Palace to celebrate the crowning of King Charles III and Queen Camilla, my first thought was: “Wow, who would voluntarily perform at that?” Some international viewers might have expected the biggest stars the U.K. has to offer, like Adele or maybe even Elton John, Harry Styles, Dua Lipa or Ed Sheeran. But no, instead the baton seemed to fall primarily to people whose management didn’t get the memo that this was the most uncool gig ever: Americans! Yup, it turns out that there is only one thing more undignified than British people who are completely obsessed with Monarchy: hardcore American royalists. People whose nation was supposedly founded on completely opposing principles but, somehow, have flown across the Atlantic to show fealty to our King anyway.

The American Idol cameo: When Katy Perry was announced as a headliner for this concert, the collective reaction was: Why? Does her publicist hate her? But it seems both Lionel Richie and Perry were part of a deal in return for the King and Queen making a cameo on American Idol. The British press are calling this a “surprise cameo,” of course, because it’s an obviously pre-planned arrangement which somehow feels like a bad deal for everyone.

William’s bit: Sunday’s Coronation Concert did feature some British people, of course. Prince William took time out from the smear campaign against his brother and sister-in-law to do a heartfelt speech in support of his father, which was good of him, I suppose.

The celebrity cameos: Elsewhere, there was an attempt to make the concert feel more high-art and distinctly British by including performances from pretty much everything with “royal” in the title, like the various ballet, Shakespeare, and opera societies the royals are patrons of. By contrast, it was the sketches and linking videos played in between the acts which felt most out of place: Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog joined host Downton Abbey star Hugh Bonneville, who at times looked like he was being held hostage at the event. One of the videos shown on the big screen featured Tom Cruise in a jet, telling his Majesty the King that he can be his “wingman” any day, which made me question whether I’d accidentally taken a tab of acid.

Somehow worse than North Korean propaganda: These pre-recorded segments were where the royal propaganda — designed for the thoroughly King-pilled — was at its most intense. Saying it was “like North Korea” would be not only lazy but also inaccurate because, really, North Korea wishes it was at the U.K.’s level here. A key theme of these bizarre videos was “Did You Know?”, which manifested as a bunch of celebrities — all of whom were clearly desperate to lick the boot hard enough to be made Knights and Dames — queuing up to tell us various complimentary “facts” about the new King. The most undignified of these was probably award-winning artist Tracey Emin, who sat with one of King Charles’s watercolor paintings and tried to suggest it was some sort of artistic feat.

Camilla was checking her watch: After this, we got to the heaviest musical hitters of the evening. Lionel Richie had even the stony-faced royals (minus Prince Andrew, who must have been enjoying a sweat-free evening elsewhere) on their feet dancing. Even Queen Camilla — who seemed bored and was checking her watch every time the camera panned to her — looked like she was briefly enjoying “All Night Long.”

[From Rolling Stone]

I saw the clips of Camilla checking her watch – it really happened, and she must have been sick of it. Charles seemed to enjoy it though and Kate also tried to look like she was enjoying it, probably because she didn’t have to deal with Louis acting up. Anyway, yes, this whole thing was completely embarrassing for all involved, especially Katy Perry. I told y’all she was a royalist. This is what has finally changed my mind on Katy, btw – I used to half-heartedly defend her, but no more.

Ready for bed, Camilla? Royal fans claim Queen checks her watch during Coronation Concert https://t.co/EWBJqMSfeP pic.twitter.com/GF3w43u8Ai

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) May 8, 2023

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.