This story is heavy, but I think it’s an important one. At a charity event last week, Sheryl Lee Ralph talked to People Magazine about a deeply traumatic period in her life 10 years back when her son had been mugged and shot shortly after suffering a brain-altering car accident. Her daughter Ivy-Victoria told her she needed to go to therapy and Sheryl said no because she didn’t believe she was traumatized. Ivy-Victoria was able to convince her that she needed help when she pointed out that “the more you deny it, the more you need it.” Sheryl then explained that as a “child of integration,” it was hard for her to ask for help from other people. But therapy helped her and now she’s stronger because of it.
Sheryl Lee Ralph isn’t afraid to seek out help when she needs it.
The Abbott Elementary star, 66, recently opened up about a harrowing period in 2013 when her son Etienne, 31, was mugged and stabbed after being involved in a brain-damaging car accident.
With the scary moment now 10 years behind them, Ralph is getting candid about how she was able to push past that troubling time — and the important role her daughter Ivy-Victoria, now 28, played at the time.
“My daughter said to me, ‘Mommy, you need therapy because you have been traumatized,’” she told PEOPLE while attending Project Angel Food’s “Rise to the Challenge” ceremony on Thursday. “And I was like, ‘No, I haven’t.’ And she said, ‘See? You’re the kind of person that really needs it.’ The more you deny it the more you need it. And I was just like, ‘Wow.’”
The actress revealed that her experiences as a “child of integration” had made her adverse to seeking out help from others. She also explained how she was “set up” to take on her problems with “slings and arrows.”
“You’re literally set up to be hurt by the forces that come for you, and I think that I’ve been in that position my whole life, that it’s like, ‘Okay, what’s one more back stab?’” Ralph said of her past and how she’s learned from her experiences. “But we will get through it, because I have gotten through it in the past. And I think in some way, I’ve been made stronger by it all.”
I’m so glad her daughter got through to her and that Sheryl got the help she needed. It sounds like she has found healing, but what happened to her son was horrifying and would traumatize any mom. This story also showcases an issue that is important to me: the barriers that exist to accessing therapy. What Sheryl is describing sounds like a combination of being in denial (which is a normal coping mechanism for trauma), as well as the effects of systemic racism. When she references being a “child of integration,” I think that’s what she’s talking about. It makes sense that she wouldn’t trust outside help. It’s also challenging to find therapists who are culturally competent or understand how racism can create trauma or compound existing trauma. And therapy is still stigmatized in many communities. I was in therapy for a long time, and it transformed me. I had some roadblocks to accessing care, including insurance malarkey. However, I am also privileged. As a white woman with parents who could help me pay for it, it was still relatively easy for me to access therapy. But therapy should be accessible to everyone, no matter their background, and there are way too many things standing in the way right now. One organization that does great work around this issue is The Loveland Foundation, which provides free culturally competent therapy sessions for Black women and girls. If you don’t know about them, check out their website and their annual report.
I absolutely adore her. There was a great interview with her on a podcast a few months ago…unfortunately it was the Hollywood Reporter’s “Awards Chatter” podcast hosted by that entitled jackass Scott Feinberg, who Kaiser had a story about earlier this week. But I’d recommend ignoring him this one time and listening to the interview solely for Sheryl.
She’s a great role model.
Their bond makes me misty eyed. A good mama/daughter bond is so beautiful and healing
As a Black American woman it’s crazy to me that some American audiences are only now being introduced to her even though she’s been acting for over 40 years. Black women have to keep grinding and pushing to get a smidge of the recognition they deserved. Better late than never I guess.
As far as being traumatized by the effects of Jim Crow being raised in Connecticut she needs therapy in the way that most Black Americans her age figured that’s just how it is. I’m not sure if I worded that correctly but I get what she means.
It’s very difficult. I am a woman of relative (insurance) privilege and a woman of color. I grew up in a family that was impacted by segregation and integration, addiction, and mental illness. There is a lot of trauma associated with that, but the intersection just makes it 10 times worse. I had a lot of difficulty finding a provider who takes insurance. I don’t have the means to pay cash for every visit. As it is I pay $50 for every other week. The current mental health model is bad. It makes me super mad because I know that there was legislation passed under Bush (I think) that emphasized mental health parity in treatment. And that straight up doesn’t exist.
As a Black woman who is American by birth but is of Trinidadian descent let me tell you that a lot of us, especially if the family is religious, don’t believe in therapy. They expect you to pray about it and it will all go away. I recently found out that my Mother suffers from anxiety and depression and has kept it a secret ( yes, EVERYTHING is a secret) from us . Knowledge of this explains a lot of her actions and behaviors that has been stressful to us over the years. Shes 92, her Dr. gave her a prescription after she talked to him and now she refuses to take it. It’s always an uphill battle.
I’m sorry to hear she’s refusing treatment. My white family is like that too, as far as praying things away and feelings about medication.
My grandmother was on anti anxiety drugs the last 15 or so years of her life, but the Dr. framed them as being heart medications. In a way that was true, she’d get anxious and then have arrhythmia. Maybe some creative explanations would help?
💕
I am white and privileged with good insurance. But I live in a therapy wasteland. I need meds for mental illness issues and have struggled with a revolving door of providers to get a decent psychiatrist. I decided back in May I wanted to seek a new psychiatrist for a second opinion/re-examination of my issues. First available appointment with a new psychiatrist? November! And I desperately need therapy, but I have been on a waitlist since May with no hope in sight. All this to say, I can’t imagine what POC, the uninsured, those who don’t have my privileges go through to get the (mental) healthcare they need. I’m frustrated and discouraged so I can see how hard it must be for others who are not in my relatively “lucky” position.