Jessica Alba is going to shank Lindsay Lohan

news chase warren 080509

Yesterday, CB talked about the rumors (originating from an Us Weekly report, via Jezebel) that Lindsay Lohan and Cash Warren (Jessica Alba’s husband) were full-on making out at a party. Us Weekly finally released their report online, and there are a few more interesting details in there, like some stuff about Cash and Jessica’s marriage being “shaky” (I’d say so… he’s making out with a Lohan) and how Lindsay might be “falling” for Cash:

There were barely any celebrities at West Hollywood hotspot Villa the night of November 19 — which might be why Lindsay Lohan and Cash Warren immediately gravitated towards one another.

Film producer Warren, 30, was partying without Jessica Alba, his wife of one and half years and mom to his daughter Honor, 18 months. “When he goes out with friends, he gets into trouble,” a pal says of Alba’s husband in the new issue of Us Weekly.

Indeed. Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan “ignored friends and just chatted.” The real trouble began half an hour in. “Lindsay and Cash started making out,” an onlooker tells Us.

“Lip on tongue,” the eyewitness continues, “It was raw. They were not shy!”

Another Villa patron that night gasped, “It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real.”

For her part, Lohan tells Us that the account is “absurd. He is married. I wouldn’t dare kiss him.”

But pals of both Lohan and Warren — who share a love of nightlife — insist otherwise. Those close to Warren and Alba worry that their marriage is already on shaky footing.

“Jessica is not as into Cash as she used to be,” one source says.

And the ever-fragile Lohan “becomes easily attached to everyone she meets and gets close to,” one friend says. Adds another: “she’s falling for [Cash].”

[From Us Weekly]

There are two interesting addendums to this story. First of all, Lindsay denied it in her typical cracked out fashion, writing: “Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!” Yes, Lindsay’s defense is that she and Cash are “working” together. Which is more likely, in all honesty – that Lindsay Lohan has a job, or that she made out with a married man in front of a full bar? Yeah.

Next up, People Magazine just released their publicist-written version of events, straight from the denials of a “source close to Alba and Warren”. Meaning “Jessica Alba”. Meaning “Jessica Alba is going to shank a Lohan.”

Did Lindsay Lohan make out with Jessica Alba’s husband Cash Warren at an L.A. lounge recently? Not a chance, a source close to Alba and Warren tells PEOPLE.

“The reports are totally untrue,” the source says, denying that Lohan and Warren got amorous at Villa on Nov. 19 as some online sites have reported. “They never hooked up.”

True, the two know each other “professionally,” the source says, “[but] they are friendly – that’s it.”

As for Alba and Warren, “the rumors are hurtful but they’re just so ridiculous,” the source says. “They are very happy together and busy being parents. They’re looking forward to spending the holidays together with family.”

Reps for Lohan and Warren could not be reached for comment.

[From People]

Personally, I could never really stand anyone in this uncool Bermuda Triangle. Jessica Alba has permanent bitchface, she can’t act for sh-t, and she always just strikes me as an unpleasant person. Part of the reason for that is she reminds me so much of a girl I knew in college who looked just like her, and was one of the biggest snots I’d ever met. As for Cash, well… he just seems like a typical Hollywood loser. He doesn’t really do anything other than spend his wife’s money and screw around on her. Allegedly. And Lindsay? Well, I will say that I don’t think Lindsay has “fallen for” Cash. I think she loves Sam Ronson, and Lindsay’s just hooking up with men to get Sam to pay attention.

Here are some pictures of Jessica, looking snotty and miserable, with Honor and Cash on December 1 and November 27. Credit: Fame.


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45 Responses to “Jessica Alba is going to shank Lindsay Lohan”

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  1. Tia C says:

    “Jessica Alba has permanent bitchface, she can’t act for sh-t, and she always just strikes me as an unpleasant person.”

    LOL!! Couldn’t agree more! Love the headline, too…

  2. Praise St. Angie! says:

    ha! Tia, I loved that line too, and totally agree with it.

    she’s certainly a very pretty girl and she has a rocking body (which is why she gets parts) but she is PAINFUL to watch on screen.

    and hearing her complain about being “too pretty” is just f-in annoying. Feel blessed for being such a hot chick, you talentless bitch!

  3. Sumodo says:

    Oh, look! Mommy’s little baby has bitchface, too!

  4. Relli says:

    Ugh I really cannot stand Alba, for many of the dumb things she has said in interviews, most of the in regards to her upbringing and being Latina. But i have always had the feeling that she was way too good for this loser, and that he was in it for who she was/is. Wasn’t he like an assistant on the Fantastic Four movie or something like that and that’s where they met. She should have gotten out of it before she ended up pregnant with his baby.

  5. dude says:

    I’ve never heard of him messing around her back before? Are there other rumors of him cheating?

  6. l says:

    is that baby wearing a freakin’ scarf? oh dear.

  7. gracie says:

    Putting aside Jessica (who I did enjoy on an early episode of Entourage) and her dumb husband Cash……little Honor is just a cutie pie.

    Jessica does keep her dressed in gorgeous and very stylish outfits and I get a kick out of seeing her.

    (Do I think Cash is dumb enough to make out with Lindsay in front of witnesses?
    YES. He must have a death wish.

    But rumor has it he has stepped out on Jessica before and she took him back.)

  8. dude says:

    Um how does a baby have a b*tchface? Please explain? Thats absurd…& pretty rude!

  9. DoMaJoReMc says:

    She (Alba) was on Lopez Tonight the other night and she is actually down to earth (or so she seemed). She smiled the whole time and laughed often. Maybe she is a bitchface because she is tired of all the cameras in her (and her daughter’s) face all the time. I dunno, maybe she really is a bitch (as I always thought), but my mind was turned around watching her on Lopez. (GREAT SHOW, BY THE WAY!! U GO GEORGE!)

  10. kimberly says:

    I’m not a “team” whoever person, but how can a guy who makes out with lindsay lohan be better than Jessica Alba?


    The deal is Cash is a drunkass coke head and so is lindsay.

    Didn’t Cash and Jessica have relationship issues before they had a baby or got married? Yup they did.

    why shocked now that their relationship is “shaky”?

    He’s ugly, Lindsay is ugly, Jessica is okay in the face but is flat forward and backwards, so if you’re into that. whatever. The baby isn’t attractive.

    This is just a sad, ugly, ugly story all around.

  11. Lantana says:

    Oh I think the baby is cute. I don’t think Jessica has all that going for her though. Have any of you people ever been drunk on your ass in a bar and flopped up against the nearest body? I haven’t been in a bar in years, but 20 years ago I went often, and it wasn’t unusual to be hooked up with somebody at 1AM (and I don’t mean sex, I’m talking about the cuddly stuff). Was it righteous and moral and all that? No. But it was what it was. So I read these stories and I just think “the more things change the more they stay the same”.

  12. GatsbyGal says:

    I would pay to see Alba go all ghetto on Lohan’s ass. Blood on the street, aw yeah.

  13. juiceinla says:

    A disaster, a coked up star f**ker babydaddy and a pretentious without a cause Hacktress- yuck. Not a fan of any of them, but come on- Lilo probably didn’t even know she was making out with Cash.

  14. bubbles says:

    It’s actually a fact that not too many people are aware of ,that Mr. Cash is loaded. he is independently wealthy and does not need wifie’s money.

  15. Roni says:

    Yeah, is father is Michael Warren of “Hill Street Blues,” fame if you can remember back in the 80’s that was a pretty popular show.

  16. Ron says:

    A friend of mine did a promotional tour with Jessica and of all the people he has worked with, she was one of his favorites. She was always pleasant, on time, and willing to do what needed to be done. We ran into her in a restuarant a little over a year ago and he went up to her and talked to her at the table and she was great then too. I really think the issue with her “bitch face” is that she truly dislikes the paparazzi invasions into her life and I can’t blame her for that.

  17. Yadira says:

    IF he did, and I do mean if, then Alba should kick him to the curb!

    And out of all people, Lilo? Nasty! He should have just hooked up with Sienna or Paris. At least they look like they shower after their coke parties.

  18. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Dont slate the baby, she’s a beautiful little thing and doesn’t deserve your putrid and cruel jibes…she’s a freaking innocent baby!

    Re Lohan & Cash, totally believed this happened, Lohan has no restraint, regardless of marriage – she sh*gs anything that moves

  19. Gistine says:

    Oooh. I want to watch her shank old ashtray face! Or at least deflate those liver lips. Gross. And how insulting to have your husband slumming with cokehead Mcbumpytwat. Bummer.

  20. Iggles says:

    Wow. This thread is getting crazy..

    I have to say I dislike Alba too. Her husband is gross and unattractive. Her baby, unfortunately favors her father in looks. Calling it like I see it..

  21. mila says:

    wow calling a baby “not attractive” or unfortunate looking? how very mature and sensitive!

  22. Akasha says:


    Being a mother, I find your remark quite shocking!
    It’s not very nice saying bad things about babies or children…why not leave sweet innocence alone and be nice?
    Mocking parents is one thing but babies and children??Please no!!

  23. Vermithrax says:

    Wow… the lady finds out that her husband could be skanking it up with Lohan and all you hateful-asses can do is make fun of her and her baby’s faces? How incredibly “miserable” YOUR lives must be.

    Pathetically low-end for real.

    Oh and wtf is wrong with baby wearing a scarf? Talk about reaching.

  24. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Her baby is cute, Alba is beautiful…and seriously slating a baby is really nasty…

  25. Essie says:

    It’s true what Bubbles said, Cash Warren has his own money and doesn’t need anything from Jessica. People should think before they hit the “submit” button!!

    Also true, Jessica Alba is the worse of the young actresses out there. Even worse than those fools at “Gossip Girl” and that’s saying a mouthfull. I recently watched that movie where she is blind (The “Eye” or something) and it was painful and hurt my heart to watch that child trying so hard to act. Painful, I tell you!! I felt so sorry for her, it brought tears to my eyes. And I fast forwarded through about half of it!! Terrible acting. I do, however, think she is not as bitchy or evil as people make her out to be.

    I think Cash Warren is quite handsome but if he even so much as TOUCHED that skanky Lohan, Jessica should kick him to the curb because he is TAINTED forever!! No amount of scrubbing can wash that taint off. Lohan is NASTY. For real!!

  26. Tia C says:

    @ DoMaJoReMc: I love George’s new show, too! It freakin rocks! He has good guests, it moves right along, and he is in top form. I’ll take your word for it that Alba was down to earth and stuff. She is a gorgeous woman. Her acting is just so…. sub-par, is really the only term I can come up with for it.

    We should not be making fun of her child. That’s not right, nor deserved.

  27. gg says:

    He’s ugly, baby’s cute, I wish I had Jessica’s gorgeous lips, and who cares if she’s a bitch or not.

  28. Cea says:

    Jessica Alba’s eyes have no expression in them when I watched her movies. She’s bland. Any comments I’ve read from her, she sounds like a total arrogant snob. She has a great body but her face is droopy. She has a major case of hound dog face.
    Lindsay Lohan’s even worse, her face reminds me of the Chucky doll. And people forget, she could have killed someone when she was speeding on that freeway, high on crack. At least when Robert Downey jr. did drugs he locked himself in a room. He wasn’t so selfish as to put other people’s lives in danger. Lohan is a sad excuse for a human being. No more chances for that brat.

  29. hula says:

    is that only me who thinks that in main photo lindsay looks like blond megan fox?

  30. orion70 says:

    That baby is always dressed better than me. But I think she’s adorable.

    This header made me laugh out loud.

  31. j lemonhead says:

    leave the kid alone. off limits to say the kid has a bitch-face. very off limits

  32. Cat says:

    @Vermithrax: Babies shouldn’t wear scarves because they can choke themselves by pulling on the ends. Honor may be past that stage but I’m not sure. That one looks pretty safe anyway but it’s risky.

  33. NicoleAM says:

    To start off, while I’m never a big fan of kids, Alba’s kid is cute. That said, I never got that stuck up vibe from her, although I haven’t read many of her interviews. I only really remember her when she was on that show Dark Angel. I was watching it for awhile and I thought she was good in that. As for her movie roles, can’t really comment.
    If the rumor is true, I hope Alba introduces Lohan’s face to some pavement! I bet she could too 🙂

  34. Jazz says:

    I remember some rumours about Cash cheating before, some skanky girl came forward or something and it was denied. Weren’t they breaking up or were going to break up then all of a sudden she’s pregnant and they got married. If he did cheat, with Shoe-han’s daughter of all people, Jessica needs to dump his butt now. At least she got a kid out of him, but once the seeds have been planted, you throw away the envelope!

  35. snowball says:

    I’ll don a flak jacket and say that I always thought Jessica was gorgeous. I loved Dark Angel and was ticked when it got cancelled. All my favorite shows do, which is why I only watch the weird cable stuff now. Really. Anyone remember Profit with Adrian Pasdar? Hands down, one of my favorite shows of all time and it lasted about 10 weeks.

    Back to Jessica – I wouldn’t pay to see her films, but I might watch them on television. C’mon, she’s not THAT bad. She acts with her lips. 🙂

    Honor is adorable. I’m growing to like that name.

  36. Raven says:

    Better a scarf than heels.

  37. snowball says:

    @ Raven.

    And she’s wearing a sweater, just like Mom!

  38. Green Is Good says:

    “Jessica Alba has permanent bitchface, she can’t act for sh-t”

    Ha ha ha ha! That cracked me up!

  39. skeptical says:

    slight randomness— seems the lindsay/samantha couple had yet another row.
    as of this posting, lindsay’s twitter had RT @contactseven9: @samantharonson go home to your girlfriend retard

    the contactseven9 account is now gone, and apparently so is samantha’s response to it. what is still there is FragileDestiny asking if Sam really tweeted she had no gf, Fragile’s tweet is still in existence.. and Sam responding “it was me, i deleted it coz the page i tweeted at got deleted.”

    and on and on we go… these two are a sopa opera, seriously.

  40. Buzzaroo says:

    So what if she has bitch-face? Why do we expect her to constantly smile at the paps? A celebrity she might be, but she is entitled to have any damn face she wants when she’s walking down the street.

    Honor is also beautiful.

  41. Lily says:

    I think Jessica is gorgeous too, and to me her body proportions are perfect. If I could choose to look like anyone in the world, she would be near the top of my list.

  42. CB Rawks says:

    There would be a photo if that had happened. Not one person at the bar had their camera phone out? Doubtful.

  43. kombizz says:

    I would love to take few portrait captures of her friends.

  44. italianbarbiee says:

    Why is everyone hating on Jessica?! She is very well put together and she is always with her daughter. Now Lindsay on the other hand is the total opposite. She sleeps with anything that moves. (Watch your pets) I mean, anyone who orders drinks and puts it on a strangers tab has no class. I’m sure this is just another stupid rumor.

  45. Ursula says:

    If this was a lie, they would sue. So I will go with my ever intuitive brain and say it is true. Both Jessica and Cash could have done better, together, they just bore me ‘paint dry’. That poor cute lil girl got her mama’s frown. Poor sweetie.