The 4th episode of “Amy & T.J.” dropped on Tuesday. I thought a lot of podcasts were taking the week off because of the holidays and all, but not “Amy & T.J.” For however will its hosts get their weekly attention fix if they don’t release a new episode oversharing some side-eyeing information? Two weeks ago, they talked about a crazy fight that made them spend the night apart and seek out a couple’s therapist. This week’s topic dealt with interpersonal conflict and how they deal with it. T.J. needs several days to think about if he wants to forgive Amy and Amy takes too long to apologize for T.J.’s liking. They’re trying to be relatable, but there’s just so many red flags.
T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach have different ways of dealing with conflict.
Holmes, 46, admitted on the latest episode of the couple’s “Amy & T.J.” podcast that he needs to remove himself and think about things for a while following their arguments, which the ousted “GMA3” co-anchors referred to as “hiccups.”
“I am really, really bad about this. I don’t scream, I don’t yell, I don’t do anything. I don’t name-call, I don’t get aggressive, nothing — but I will check out,” he explained. “I don’t need you to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ I don’t need you to help me. I have to work through it, and I’m trying to get better at doing it quicker.”
But according to Holmes, Robach, 50, doesn’t apologize fast enough.
“It drives me crazy. Why? Because ‘I’m sorry’ comes 24 hours late,” he said. “It’s how you react in the moment that makes all the difference in the world because, in that moment, we have a chance to go this way or this way. And if you go that way, I’m out. I’m done. … I’m checked out for the day.”
Robach, for her part, isn’t a fan of how long it takes Holmes to come around post-disagreement.
“It’s two days, at least,” she shared. “I would rather have him yell at me than freeze me out for two days. … I’m like, I don’t know what to say, what to do, what he thinks.”
Okay, so not to nitpick, but if Holmes is checking out for two days, what chance does Robach have to apologize sooner? It sounds to me like he wants an immediate apology and admission of wrongdoing so he has all of the power, and when she doesn’t cave right away, he decides to manipulate her with two days of silence. That is not a healthy relationship. Honestly, their relationship sounds exhausting. Couples having individually different ways of coping with conflict is nothing new. I am a “let’s hash this out right now!” kind of person while Mr. Rosie needs some time to cool down. We have an agreement that he can call for a timeout for up to two hours so cooler heads can prevail but I don’t have to wait too long for resolution.
In the comments each week, there’s always some pondering as to who is listening to Holmes and Robach. Honestly, I don’t know who is listening to them beyond the poor podcast beat reporters at Page Six or People. And even then, I don’t know if they’re actually listening or just reading PR talking points. Either way, these two are a hot mess in every single way. I can only imagine T.J.’s ex, Marilee Fiebig, chuckling when she catches wind of the press from this episode. I’m sure she knows exactly what Amy goes through and is grateful not to be dealing with his whole vibe anymore.
Stonewalling is an early predictor of divorce. I read that he also said something along the lines of, he’s “sick (or tired?) of introducing a fifty year old as his girlfriend” (presumably as reason to upgrade her to wife, but liars are always telling the truth once you parse out the language, so I do believe him when he says he is sick of it.). Yeah, this won’t end well.
Agreed. My ex-husband used to do that to me. And the # of days became longer and longer. Hence, our divorce.
It’s a very gaslighting (you think YOU did something wrong) passive-aggressive, selfish behavior. 100% correct – it won’t end well.
stonewalling is controlling, and borderline abusive.
My ex used his moods to control me. He made it so uncomfortable with his silent treatment and sulking that he would gain my compliance so I did not have to go through multiple days of suffering. His father did it to his mother. This is not borderline abuse. It is full on abuse. Emotional abuse is domestic violence too. This guy is damaged goods.
Wow these two deserve each other 100%. As soon as they stop getting headlines the nastiness will begin.
The nastiness is already present.
These two still haven’t learned to communicate in relationships, which given their professions (communicating with an audience) is all sorts of ironic. It’s a matter of time before one or both of them cheats again, because they definitely have a past of discussing problems with people outside of their relationship.
Sounds like neither make good partners. They deserve eachother. Both give me an ich factor.
What is the point of this podcast? Genre?
Right? They’re already selling their souls to stay relevant. I really want to know who their fans are. Other cheaters?
Because “arguing / disagreeing is bad so it’s better to not talk and we will act like we forgot in two days” was the required method of dealing with things in my husband’s family of origin, this is exactly how our fights go and it’s not healthy (his family is incredibly fractured and dysfunctional). It’s gotten better over the years, but it sucks to feel like you’re not worth their breath for a few days. My husband has improved significantly, but it’s always there, and he has to really make an effort not to revert to the behavior when he’s upset.
Oh, this is my husband too! He’s gotten SO MUCH better, though. The silent treatment for 24-48 hours is just the worst feeling, especially if you’re someone (like me) who is definitely a “okay, we’ve calmed down, now let’s talk it out and apologize immediately” kind of person. Happily my husband has somehow now turned into a better a communicator than I am, so I need to step up my game.
That is straight up abusive.
Yeah, between that and the other article there are very straight up (anns well honed it seems) emotionally abusive elements to his behaviour. This is awful.
Have a workaround like lovely Rosie and Mr Rosie! If the “silent treatment” partner isn’t willing to accept a really practical and helpful strategy like that, run.
Yep, Just popping this quote from Psych Central here,
“The emotional abuser uses silent treatment as an aggressive measure of control and punishment for something their partner did; a sadistic form of “time-out”, ostracizing the victim as motivation for them to behave. It is the ultimate form of devaluation, causing its target to feel voiceless, alone, dismissed, negated as a person; invisible.”
Yep. Good lord the red flags. And you need a couples therapist? Just break up. Realize you blew up your marriages, careers, for nothing and move on.
Yeah I’m checking too. Amy and TJ, a good-looking couple but very exhausting.
Checking “out”
I also took a very long time to learn how to talk sooner and not be angry. I most certainly was not intending to hurt anyone and I made it clear to my partner that I am unable to communicate things before I have understood them. I am now at the point where I can say immediately if somethign is bothering me and make requests, but not in a defensive or derogatory way. Its been 7 years with my current partner to get here– lets face it emotional skills arent taught to everyone and the biggest problems we have in society are due to emotional immaturity.
This will end well. I mean, how could it not? It started so well, and sounds so healthy every time they yammer about the relationship. It’s definitely everlasting love.
/s.
this comment is gold! I can’t stand either of them!
If I’m reading this correctly, they have one of these fights a week, and then he doesn’t speak to her for two days? Do they have a relationship where they communicate 5 days a week? JFC, if this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is.
That comment really is gold. I dated a narcissist for one year and fled for the hills. My friends would wish him ill and I often responded … no one could do anything worse to him than he does to himself. These jerks always sink to the lowest common denominator. It is just sad to see them hurt innocent people
This guy is full of himself. His pretentious instagram handle says it all.
What is his pretentious IG handle? (I’m not on it)
It’s “officialtjholmes”. I guess he wouldn’t want his audience to get him confused with the wannabes and imposters lol!
T.J. is trying to manipulate Amy so she will be more dependent on him, I think.
My husband and I don’t often fight but when we do we both “go to our corner”, meaning we can take time to think about it and then come back to discuss but during “corner time” we’re not silent with each other, we just aren’t talking about “that” subject. For several years into our marriage, hubby never apologized, I did but he didn’t, I got tired of it and quit apologizing then one day we talked about it and now he’s much more able to apologize and I do too.
I agree with others here, these 2 are exhausting.
These two are old enough to know that sometimes a relationship is just about sex–not partnership. And there’s nothing wrong with that as long as both parties agree. But it seems like they both blew up their lives & are trauma bonding/having simultaneous midlife crises. No therapist in the world could fix this.
There is a world of difference between ‘the silent treatment’ and needing time to calm down. When I am hurt or angry, I need 30 min – 2 hours, to figure what happened, how I feel about, is it really important, what to say, etc. Otherwise, you say things in the middle of a fight you can’t take back. Expecting an immediate apology and 2 days of silence is all kinds of wrong.
There are mature ways to take a pause from an argument that gets too heated. It involves self awareness and communication. Stonewalling doesn’t include either of those things.
You tell the other person you need a moment to calm down (and tell them how long! and NOT two days!) then you learn tools that help you calm down (exercise, talking to therapist, meditation etc), then you compose yourself, open your mind to a different perspective and hear each other out. You also take responsibility for your part in the “heat” aspect of the disagreement. You don’t just sit there like a petulant child waiting for someone to apologise because obviously it’s their fault.
This relationship is so so so doomed and unhealthy.
Very very toxic. I hate stonewallers.
So…this is going well… 🤣
Geez Louise Christmas on a cracker! RUN AMY RUN!! But when you’re almost at the finish line, don’t forget to let this narcissist pass you so he can “win” the race.
These two really deserve each other. Boy did their exes dodge a bullet.
She had to hold back at an actual finish line in a 10k or marathon or something, right? So that she wouldn’t have a faster time than him and bruise his ego? That happened, yes?
Yes FYI – that’s exactly what happened! Which tells me everything about who he is and the fact that she knew he would make her life a living hell if she crossed that line first.
These two are insufferable – please GO away!
And talk about Red Flags in their relationship…yikes!!
I hope Marilee and Andrew are having fun and enjoying each other. I’m kind of fiending for a photo of them together. But it’s not my business to know what they’re doing. *sigh*
yikes on a bike! It sounds like they made great affair partners, it was fun for them to do the dirty behind their spouses back. And were limited to working together and stealing moments in a hotel. But now they are trying to have a conventional relationship while losing their cushy TV jobs. It’s not so sexy and fun anymore. And are just trying to make it work out of desperation and stubbornness. I will give this podcast six more months before it dies on the vine. And they quietly go their separate ways.
Quietly? We can only hope.
Pretty much! All fun and games until real life comes into it. I feel a touch bad for her. But, also- play stupid games, won stupid prizes. She’s getting exactly what she probably watched him do to Marilee. Thinking he wouldn’t do that to her because she’s special and it’s Twu Wuv! 🤣🤣🤣
My dudes, that sound is America giving both of you the silent treatment. Please go away quietly!
Go away, both of you.
Yeah neither one of you is a prize.
I’ve known men like him…men like him are HORRIFIC…they get OFF on icing their partner out 😡 while they watch their partner have a emotional breakdown trying to get their attention…the reason THIS method is exhausting is because the “icing out” causes emotional harm too which means there is NEVA any resolution…it’s abusive & this won’t end well…and will leave Amy with emotional scars that will NEVA heal…TRUST!
My husband does this. In every other way he is really a good person and husband – but this is a BIG problem in our relationship. We get in an argument and boom – silence for days. It may eventually become something I won’t tolerate.
Let’s hope sooner, than later.
I just wanted to say thank you to the people who have shared examples of how they handle arguments.
My parents separated when I was young and growing up my mother had mental health issues and would often go silent on me for up to a week. I am not the best at handling conflict (on and off estrangement from my dad over the years and hearing him shout at his wife as an adult dropped a LOT of pieces into place for me!) and I’m still working on the balance of engaging with my boyfriend and not saying nasty things in the heat of the moment either.
Thank you!
Good grief, you should NEVER freeze your partner out. Just change the subject, don’t desert them in a fit of anger as punishment. What an ugly statement. 🥺
This is interesting and fixable. Therapists will tell you that this all comes down to attachment styles. He is probably avoidant (like me) and needs time to detach & shutdown. It could feel overwhelming to him & he internalizes it or he could have a self-destructive habit. OTOH, she, saying that if he’d only just yell or something, likely has an anxious still of attachment and feels disconnected and unsure when he does that. Therefore, needing reassurance. Although, she could be more balanced. In a real sense, it has nothing to do with the other person but their own early adaptive processes as a kid.
I hope they find a way to muddle through.
Two suck ass hos who don’t know how to act right in romantic relationships, spewing their suck ass logic to any ears that will listen. Yawn.
I give these face saving, for-the-streets, nasty cheaters another year before one of them gets tired of their fake ass “it was love” trope.
This article is actually excerpted from People magazine and there’s a line in People that makes them sound even more insufferable and doomed to fail.
“ In the latest episode of their Amy & T.J. podcast, the former GMA3: What You Need to Know co-anchors discussed how they each handle arguments — or, what they called “hiccups” — when they arise about once a week.”
If this happens weekly already, it’s just a matter of time before they admit they blew up their lives for an affair.
The smiling. The constant smiling. Ugh.
And who is taking the photo of them snuggling together? They are too horrible, narcissists.
Good point. I was focusing on the details of their little “love nest” of an apartment. Imagine them setting up for this pic; he’s probably day 2 into a silent treatment, but feeling cute, sooooo……tripod!
They both blew up their careers and marriages for this dumpster fire? LMAO. They deserve everything they get.
That is totally deliberate, passive-aggressive behaviour on his part which puts the onus on the other person. It’s meant to demean them and make them feel guilty and ashamed. I had a relationship with a man like that many years ago (he was a lawyer and good at twisting the truth) and it eventually killed the relationship despite going to counselling. These two are fricking awful and clearly unable to handle disagreements maturely. There have been times when I’ve apologized to Mr. Jaded for some dumb, thoughtless thing I’ve said, and vice-versa. Neither of us are too proud that we can’t just say “I’m really sorry, I effed up, it won’t happen again.” I wish these two would just STFU and go away.
I read that these “hiccups” are weekly with them; with the manchild’s need for 2 days of stewing, steaming, and ignoring, that leaves 5 days each week that are “good”?
If they can’t do better at communication and managing conflict at this age, god help them. One of the nicest things about my later-in-life relationship is how conflict-free it is. We both had difficult marriages and messy divorces, but we also both took time for self-reflection, growth, learning the lessons, and choosing our words and battles carefully. While I do think I picked a better partner overall, I also think emotional maturity and wisdom is a big factor in our success and happiness. Doesn’t seem like these two have either.
These 2. Ugh.
They blew up 2 families with kids.
Mid-life crisis cliches, both of them.
Oh yeah, the sneaking around, the excitement of the forbidden fruit, doing it at work, doing it in the car, quick before we get caught, being on national tv with “we have chemistry, look at us, LOOK, we’re just great co-workers.”
What a couple of A**holes.
They are gonna ride out the Podcast and then disappear/break up.
He is a messy cheater with a bad history.
She tossed her 2nd marriage into the fire, a blended family with kids, for this guy.
Plus, she is never going to get another national tv anchor job on a Network.
She is aging on tv, not especially talented, and she burned her happy, smiling, always cheerful Wife/Mom/Survivor brand to the ground with this public BS.
Older viewers and young Moms at home are the audience for GMA style shows, they have both shot themselves in the foot, career wise.
Btw, Matt Lauer, who really should have been criminally charges for his SA at NBC, is supposedly thinking of “launching a comeback.” OMG! No shame at all. An ego as big as planet Earth.
My Italian grandfather would give my Italian grandmother the silent treatment for up to 4 days if she cooked his food inaccurately from his own mother or some other such slight. He would bring her a new piece of jewelry after he decided to end the silent treatment. I found this out after he died from her best friend and after they had been married 55 years. So, especially in the olden days, stonewalling existed. She used to go to church daily, but stopped going and only went on Saturday evening mass once he died and out lived him by 20 years. My own parents, generally my mom, shouts at my dad and has done so my whole life (42 years old). I am still unmarried because I do not tolerate either forms of communication.
Their mid life crisis affair sounds more like a nightmare presently. If they don’t last, no one will be surprised.
She really is mesmerizingly pretty and joyful in her expressions, she has amazing hair and can wear color beautifully. And when love is real and big it shows up like that in how people act around each other. I say go for it to them; life is short! and if there really only is one person who makes you that happy, it’s healthy to recognize that you deserve to be happy and that being happy makes you a better person. It also does good things for kids to see their parent in love and happy.
Amy, is that you? 🤥
Seriously 😂
LOL
The silent treatment is abusive, controlling behavior.
*Just a personal thought.
The fact that many people are now staying single longer, and/or deciding not to have children, is a wonderful advancement in society, IMO.
I’m 62, of the time when females were generally expected to marry, keep house, birth and raise the kids, if you actually wanted kids or not.
I want to encourage each and every person to make their own choices.
Never enter or stay in a relationship nor have children because you were raised to think it was expected of you.
Many people my age, if they are honest would agree.
I agree with everything you just said JaneS! Thank you for your insight. Recently I read that many women living alone consider it one of life’s great luxuries – this was not even possible just a few decades ago – you had to be widowed or if you lived alone there must be something wrong with you – I think it’s so wonderful that this changed.
I think women being real honest (finally) with each other about what it’s like to be married, to have to care for an adult baby (which is almost always what you get with the men of my generation) to have to take care of a man, put his dreams/career above yours etc. to carry the emotional burden of the children, do most of the housework etc. I think women being honest about what we actually give up with marriage / kids has contributed to the younger generation’s “hard pass” take on it all. I am so happy for them that they don’t have to go through what we went through. Also, you are financially better off if you just stay single. It’s about time we were honest with each other instead of this misery loves company mindset that prevailed before.
I live with my dog and my teenager – he is almost an adult. I already know I am going to love living alone and not having any man in my space ever again. If I had to do it over, I would never get married. I’d still have a kid but it would be a huge hard pass on marriage.
“Christine says:
December 28, 2023 at 3:54 pm
If I’m reading this correctly, they have one of these fights a week, and then he doesn’t speak to her for two days? Do they have a relationship where they communicate 5 days a week? JFC, if this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is.”
They sound insufferable, but I thought her last marriage sounded odd. Amy and Andrew married after 10 months. She said they fought on their wedding night. They became a blended family quickly.
In another interview she said every Friday, like clockwork, they would have big “blowup fights” over things that drove them crazy all week because they had this passionate relationship. Then she said three years into their marriage she was diagnosed with cancer and didn’t have the energy to deal with it (their relationship problems), didn’t know if she even cared, and hated being so needy during that period, but they ultimately decided to work on their marriage, get back to how they used to be, instead of walking away from it.
I think Amy is fine with drama, fine with arguing a lot. I guess she thinks that’s a sign of passion. What she doesn’t like is him not engaging because his way of arguing and fighting is the silent treatment for days. They both sound exhausting to me and deserve each other.
The thing is this podcast and their attempts at being relatable make them come across as self-involved and narcissistic IMO. Maybe it’s just those clips that make me feel that way, and if I heard the whole podcast, they might come across more balanced as a couple. I doubt it, though. LOL
What a terrible beginning to a relationship.
I am a hash it out right now person, my honey is a think about it person. We don’t ever really freeze each other out, but it’s like a pause is put on the big convo because he needs to process. He’s quite a quiet person so I have learned to respect that and he has learned to talk about it because that communication is important to me. We have been together for almost 15 years so this works. And we try to not let the night end in anger, that’s helpful ever during a disagreement.
I give them two years, max, because they need each other for the publicity.