Ben Affleck visited Jennifer Lopez at the money-pit mansion for four hours

Maybe I’m the biggest delusional B, but I’m honestly not getting “imminent divorce” from any of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s moves. It absolutely feels like they’re having marriage problems and it absolutely feels like there’s a lot happening behind the scenes, but I think they’re actually trying to work out their sh-t. It’s messy and complicated, but I would be shocked if one of them files for divorce this week or this month. It genuinely feels like Ben has laid down the law with J.Lo: we’re selling the money pit house, you’re not going to tour this summer, and we’re going to actually work on this marriage and spend time with our kids.

Page Six got photos of Ben visiting the money-pit mansion over the weekend. Jennifer is still living there, although she’s reportedly looking for rentals or other, smaller homes too (considering they’ve already put the house on the market). Ben reportedly stayed with Jen for four hours at the Beverly Hills home, from 5 pm to 9 pm. A date night? Negotiations? Packing up his sh-t? He didn’t leave with boxes, so I don’t know. But they continue to spend time together. Now, Entertainment Tonight’s sources sweat that Ben and Jen are living separate lives:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have not fully thrown in the towel on their marriage yet. Just one day after ET reported that Lopez, 54, and Affleck, 51, had put their marital home on the market, a source is sharing where the couple stands as rumors continue to swirl around the state of their relationship.

A source tells ET, “Jen and Ben have been living separate lives but have not officially separated yet. At this point, they are just doing their own thing. They went into their relationship very optimistic and thought things could change, but they haven’t.”

When it comes to their living situation amid the listing of their $60.8 million Los Angeles compound — which they purchased just a year ago — the source shared that Lopez is looking for places to set up shop as they attempt to take some space and figure things out.

The source continued, “Jen is touring houses and shopping around for her own home. She has been leaning on her mom, sisters, and kids during this transitional period.” Lopez has two sisters, Lynda and Leslie Ann.

Affleck — who was previously married to actress Jennifer Garner and shares three children with her — has similarly been leaning on his close friends, including Good Will Hunting co-writer Matt Damon, and family members during this time.

“Ben is sad about it all but focused on his work, being a great dad, and co-parenting well with Jennifer Garner,” the source says. “He has been leaning on Matt Damon and his close circle of guy friends. Matt is always in Ben’s corner and is supportive of him.”

[From ET]

I would pay $50 to hear what Matty D thinks of this whole situation. Damon is an old-school J.Lo hater, and during the first Bennifer Era, Matt was one of the “friends” telling Ben to escape. The “Bennifer Revival” was great because it felt like they were older and wiser and less likely to get peer-pressured into ruining their relationship. But I don’t know. I think Matty D is still capable of peer-pressuring Ben. Anyway, yeah – as I said, I would be shocked if Ben or Jen actually file for divorce any time soon.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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84 Responses to “Ben Affleck visited Jennifer Lopez at the money-pit mansion for four hours”

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  1. SarahLee says:

    It’s interesting to me how all of this is swirling – so many things happening all at once would put pressure on the best of marriages. Last night, I added another layer on to the swirl by watching the Diddy documentary on Hulu. LOL!

  2. Hypocrisy says:

    Seriously they are under that much surveillance that they are timed? I can’t imagine the amount of stress that would cause any marriage and family. I wish the press would give them some breathing room.

    • AB says:

      Right? I don’t want to care about these two but I’m starting to feel defensive for them lol. Like can everyone chill and let them figure it out 😩

    • Kitten says:

      That, and Ring Watch is so exhausting.

    • Erica says:

      Like I  have said they are feeding into the situation by not making a joint statement, by running to the media with updates/stories or the photo ops.

      All the statement has to be is that they are asking for privacy while they work on their marriage.

      • Lens says:

        I agree Erica! And this all reminds me of his first divorce – living separate lives but not separated (legally). It took three years of that before they ever filed. And all the while dueling tabloid reports of trying to work on the marriage vs. “it’s done”. Just like this with no official word past their initial announcement. So maybe we are in for the same drawn out denouement. As far as them spending 4 hours at the to-be-sold house I would say it would look a lot better for the optimists if he stayed overnight and didn’t leave at 9 pm.

      • MoonTheLoon says:

        That would be admitting that there is a problem, though. We all know that wouldn’t jibe with JLo’s ego. This is already quite out of her control and I’m sure it’s driving her doolally.

  3. Amberil says:

    Maybe they are downsizing, but her looking for her own house don’t scream we are trying to work it out, it looks like the end

    • StillDouchesOfCambridge says:

      I’m sure they’re downsizing because jen has a gazillion people in her entourage holding up mirrors everywhere she goes in that mansion (lol) and ben is like, nope i’m not living my life with strangers in my house. Seriously, it would drive me crazy too. Which is probably why he moved out, they probably didnt see each other much and he probably saw how little she saw of the children which is why she made a point recently of going to see the children’s at their activities and downsizing the house so less people can stay in their intimacy and cancelling her tour which wasnt selling anyway. I hope they come up with a new name for a situationship where you are married but not living together, gwyneth would be best at this.

      • Lindsay says:

        This is exactly what I believe. That when the dust, I mean lust settled, he looked around at her myriad of assistants and her lack of empathy especially towards her children and realized he married a brand.
        A brand who is only interested in self promotion and that his A list Oscar winning prizes just adds to this brand.
        I truly question if she is able to love anyone but herself.
        She’s been off the chain for far too long.
        You don’t make any big changes at 54. We’re talking Joan Crawford level focus and behavior.
        Wire hangers!

      • equality says:

        Acting as if she is abusive and inattentive to her children with no proof is rather nasty don’t you think?

      • Isabella says:

        Do we know that Jlo wasn’t seeing her own children? Don’t know if that’s the case. If you mean Ben’s children, they live with their mom most of the time, I guess. That’s on Ben if so.

        I wonder if that big old house just felt wrong and too big for both of them. I don’t know why these people don’t rent for a while and then buy.

    • Lolo86lf says:

      Isn’t it nice to be so rich to be able to buy buy and sell houses just like that? Oh I am mad at my boyfriend/husband, let me buy a house in Malibu so I can have my space! Oh my marriage is on the rocks, let me buy a house in Bel Air! They see real state as airbnbs.

      • Kitten says:

        I have a very different opinion in that I think all that wealth is more of a curse when it comes to a failing marriage. Having immense resources just makes leaving/breaking up/divorcing too easy. Regular working class folks generally have to find a way to work things out and as long as staying doesn’t pose a danger to either person, I think being forced to communicate and compromise is preferable to just cutting out at the first sign of conflict.

      • Turtledove says:

        I saw Kitten’s reply re wealth being a curse that allows people to throw in the towel without trying. I get the concept of that take. I wonder how often that actually happens though, situations where the marriage could have been saved and maybe even better with some effort? I am admittedly pessimistic, going through a divorce due to infidelity. It was so not salvageable. (Though I realize there are other reasons people divorce)

        I think it’s a mix where divorcing with or without money each have their own problems.

        It would be nice to have so much money that it wasn’t a huge factor in divorce. So many people have situations where they are in a really bad marriage and money issues make leaving hard. If I had JLo money and could just go buy a house or buy my husband out of the one we have so I could stay, that would lift so much stress off of what is already a horrible experience. Hell, if he was broke and I was the one with all the money, I’d pay him to go.

        But if you have a lot of money, you also have a lot to fight about. And if one party wants to just be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk (I’m looking at you, Brad) they have the $$$ to drag it out forever. My husband is really controlling, and I could see him being petty to just make things worse for me, but I don’t think he is petty enough to be willing to lose the small amount of savings he has, just to spite me. If he had Brad’s money? Whole different story.

      • Kitten says:

        @ Turtledove–Aw man, so sorry you’re going through that. And I agree with most of what you said here about it being a mixed bag. Maybe I should have prefaced my comment by adding that if there is mutual love and a genuine desire by both partners to make the relationship work, then financial status probably doesn’t have a big impact in either direction.

        But I do think that wealth is a big reason why Hollywood marriages don’t last–that and the exposure to beautiful people, time on set or touring and away from family and spouse are all factors as well. I think that people weigh divorce differently if it’s going to be financially devastating versus it being a minor inconvenience. And I also think that people in the entertainment industry can end up with a really warped idea of what commitment means when there are no meaningful consequences to divorce beyond the emotional aspect. (not advocating for people to be financially destroyed from divorce AT ALL–just saying that this is a sad reality for some folks)

  4. Maria says:

    I didn’t know Matt Damon was a Jlo hater back in the day, does anyone know what it was that he disliked about her or their relationship?

    • StillDouchesOfCambridge says:

      Matt damon married someone out of the celebrity/movie music industry, he is probably 100% not into jlo’s lifestyle. Honestly, if I compare rich and famous women, jlo unfortunately doesnt have a life I would wish for. Too stressful and hectic. Gwen seems to have a perfect vibe: taking care of herself, good food, good friends, good real estate, family around and a job she loves. To me that is a better life.

    • Flamingo says:

      I think Matt is very much a ‘trad man’ and sees women as homemakers and mothers. His wife never takes the spotlight from him. Or challenges him in his career as an equal. I get the feeling he listens to that Chief kicker’s speech on repeat.

      I think he saw Jennifer as devaluing Ben’s ‘brand’ at the time as an up-and-coming director and actor. When Ben was in Jennifer’s music videos. That is my guess on it.

      Matt is also the one that white, man-splained diversity to Effie Brown in Project Greenlight. He told on himself in such a gross way.

    • Shelby says:

      Matt hasn’t been enthusiastic about almost all Affleck’s partners, to be honest. Apart from JLo, he wasn’t into Jen Garner and Lindsa Shookus either. There are tabloids sources leading to this assessment over the years.

      • CatMum says:

        Linda Shookus probably wasn’t such a great idea. but how he’d be against Jen G, I just can’t see. unless he wanted his boy perpetually single for some reason.

    • Enza says:

      I thought Matt Damon disliked J Garner not J Lo. Seem to recall he was delighted by news of Bennifer 2.0 and was seen, with his wife, having lunch with her in NYC.
      I am still holding out hope for these two. They talked about how much older and wiser they are now. Maybe the temporary separation is the wiser part? They seemed thoughtful about the combined family aspect of their lives, so I’m hoping that they are being thoughtful about any potential split.
      However, he pursued her hard, and I don’t think she is anything other than who she is, which he should know. He talked about how much he admired her work ethic, how she’s a “deeply misunderstood woman” etc, so if she’s having to alter herself now to please him then I feel badly for her.
      Reminds me of J Garner’s comment to Vanity Fair when they split, something to the effect that when Ben’s sun shone it was a glorious place to be but when it turned away it was very cold.

      • Lens says:

        See I don’t think Matt disliked any of Ben’s women. I think he likes to stay out of his friend’s relationships (like most men!) but doesn’t envy the fact that marrying famous women makes for such scrutiny on the marriage. He has said that’s why Ben has had so much more tabloid attention. He really likes that he married a civilian as he calls Lucy.

      • Shelby says:

        Actually Matt’s source has gone to tabloids and laid into Affleck’s exes before. For Garner, I think it was tit-for-tat because when Affleck and Garner announced they were separating in 2015, her sources went to tabloids and blamed Damon and Whitesell (both Damon and Affleck’s agent and long time friend) for enabling Affleck. Some weeks later, Damon (or his sources) fought back and stated that he did not like Garner. As for Lindsay Shookus, his sources stated in 2018 that she was a bad influence on him when he was trying to break the alcohol addiction.

      • Kitten says:

        Exactly–they were all out to lunch in April and later that month Matt and Luciana attended the Hispanic Federation Gala where J Lo was honored.

        There has never been any credible reason to believe that they don’t like each other, beyond what an “inside source” told the National Inquirer in 2023.
        These guys are like brothers–I think they support each other’s choices both professionally and personally.

    • Jayna says:

      I don’t think he hated J-Lo. He hated what Ben was going through with the paparazzi and one million covers and his career tanking because of overexposure. I don’t think he understood why Ben wanted to live that way. Ben’s career did completely tank. It took him buckling down and focusing on a smaller part in a movie and getting a directing gig for a small movie to start rebuilding his career in an alternative way since he wasn’t getting big movie offers.

      I don’t know that Matt was ever close to Jennifer Garner. At one point, during Ben’s marriage, Matt and his family left NYC and moved down the street from Ben. They wanted their kids to grow up together. That wasn’t the main reason for moving, but Matt did throw that out there as part of the reasoning for relocating. But I don’t think Matt’s wife ever jelled with Jennifer Garner. They definitely socialized and did family things together, but I don’t think it was a complete jell couples-wise. Ben would go down to Matt’s house a lot to watch games and he said Lucy was probably sick of him.

      Jelling as couples isn’t so easy. For whatever reason, a couple who Matt and Lucy really clicked with at that time period in LA was John Krasinski and Emily Blount. The couples hung out together a lot. And when Matt moved back to NYC, John and Emily were already back there. They live in the same building on different floors now and hang out. And also Chris Hemsworth and his wife Elsa really clicked with Lucy and Matt and to this day do things together with their families. When Ben was with Ana De Armas, they were spotted on the beach with Matt and Lucy hanging out.

      • Lens says:

        Matt and Lucy just have been looking at the parade of women, all lovely and accomplished, that Ben has been with since they themselves got together in Miami all those years ago and probably just shake their heads or laugh. It must have rankled a bit when bennifer 2 was touted as this great love story that started in 2002 because they have actually spent all that time together and not with an 18 year gap.

  5. Jackson says:

    Isn’t mid-summer or 4th of July weekend when celebrities like to dump things like divorce? Maybe I’m thinking politics tho lol.

    • Christine says:

      I will always remember Jennifer Garner’s words in a Vanity Fair interview ” He’s just a complicated guy. I always say, ‘When his sun shines on you, you feel it.’ But when the sun is shining elsewhere, it’s cold. He can cast quite a shadow.” This is the kind of guy that can shower you with love and attentions and take it all back just like that. He was the one to woo Jennifer Lopez who has never shied away of being herself. Still he went there and she is getting all the heat? Ben Affleck is not a helpless victim. People keep saying about Jennifer Lopez “always a diva”. How about him? Is he still the same to invoke ups and downs in his life? To spiral in autodestruction mode? We may not have a remake of The Nanny and Tom Brady’s Rings but still Ben Affleck is a “complicated man”. So to quote Jennifer Garner again “Bless his heart.”

  6. girl_ninja says:

    I’m not a fan of hers but he is just not it. She will get ALL of the heat when I believe this is on both of them.

  7. Keke Swan says:

    I like the version of the story where he laid down the law and Jennifer is trying to meet him halfway. I don’t want them to succumb to the fame bomb and blow up the marriage after only a year…

    • Meredith says:

      They are both very used to fame at this point. They really leaned into the attention at first too. And Ben scowls but you know he’s called the paps on himself in EVERY relationship! I don’t think that’s the problem— (obv I have no inside info!)— I think the problem is that the lust + the power of the “love reborn” story briefly overcame their better judgment. Both of them seem to be people who shine their light brightly on their new partners and then turn the lights off completely once the partner disappoints them by being too familiar and/or humanly flawed (and/or a cheating asshole which is much more understandable!).

      • Shelby says:

        He doesn’t really need to call paps. I once read a cover of Matt Damon in early 2010s and he talked about Affleck and the seemingly endless paparazzi chasing of him over the years. Affleck had told him that once he got so frustrated at the paparazzi that he staged a petty revenge. He spent a half-day driving along a California highway for nothing to nowhere, and then he just drove back. And yet like flies, the paparazzi just followed him all the way to and fro. He told Damon that at some point he just simply gave up and learned not to care. If you go to paparazzi channels on YouTube (for example 17online), there are tons of stock of unused paparazzi stalking films of him, his family over the years. To paparazzi, he will always have stories which means business to them, henceforth they are incentivised to stalk him. And at some point, you just use them occassionally in return, such as when he asked cleaners to thrown away that Ana de Amas cutout after they broke up. I am certain that he used paparazzi to send out a public message in that occassion.

      • Erica says:


        Let’s be real Ben has/can under the radar when he wants to . Majority of his marriage with Gardner, he was MIA .(in the public) While JenG was photographed every day. Ben would go to and from easily, without paparazzi tracking him. He was able to carry on multiple affairs while he was married to Gardner without the public knowledge. As well as go to rehab while he was still with JenG. Ben was even able to move out of his house with J Lo and the media didn’t know until JLo went out hunting and then they started digging.

      • Shelby says:

        @Erica, I suggest you check paparazzi channel on YouTube. There are tons of them being pap’d. Granted they are only mostly from 2016, but it was due to that account was only being maintained from around the time. There are a few random paparazzi videos of the Afflecks being stalked around 2010 if one keeps digging on YouTube.
        Also being able to go under the radar doesn’t mean one can live that lifestyle that easily. It requires a certain planning and constant effort. It requires energy to play cat and mouse with the pap all the time. I doubt anyone has that kind of energy.

      • Erica says:


        I’m not sure how that changes anything I said when he wants to go under the radar he can and he has done. Just like the celebrities we don’t see for months at a time or don’t find out they were married or pregnant/ had a baby until they wanted the public to know.

        I never said it was easy, just doable, and Ben has done it.

      • Shelby says:

        @Erica, because you are comparing oranges to apples. Take his cheating for example which you raised in your original premise, he had two known cheating scandals: one with Blake Lively in 2009 and the other with the Nanny in 2015. You proposed that he could underwent radar should he want. And yet the two instances were all happened in private/restricted locations where he had control: the one with Lively was in The Town shooting location where he could assert a lockdown as a director; the one with Nanny happened inside of his house. And yet as soon as things spilled out into the public domain, they went quickly captured by the paparazzi staking outside of his house. With Lively, we get the suspicion when he was spot with a black eye walking alongside Garner after Lively’s nude picture got publicised; with Nanny, the paparazzi caught him outside of her rentals, no doubt that the paparazzi was stalking him.
        Are you saying that he alerted the paparazzi deliberately for them to caught these damaging photos? Are you insinuating that he’s some sort of masochist that he got off from public humiliation?
        Exhibit two, let’s look at the time he got caught by the paparazzi when taking delivery of liquors in 2018 and Garner immediately drove him to the rehab with those unsavoury images and video clips. Had there not been paparazzi staking outside of his house, do you think we would have known the incident? If he could help it, do you think he wouldn’t want the paparazzis to get off his back and leave him alone?

      • Lauren says:

        @ Shelby

        I’m not sure how Erica is comparing apple to oranges?.

        Ben took the nanny to Las Vegas with Tom Brady, and it was confirmed that Lindsey Shookus and Ben were seeing each other for a while when he was married still married to JG (she was also married at the time.)

        The Nanny is the one who let the cat out of the bag about her and Ben relationship and was calling the paparazzi media attention.

        You seem to be confusing what Erica is talking about. I do believe she is talking about how JG mentioned ( in a post split interview) about Ben going to rehab while they were still married, not after they split, when we got that viral picture / video of her driving him to rehab.

      • Shelby says:

        @Lauren, my original post only refutes the premise proposed by Meredith in that he called paparazzi. And I am saying he doesn’t need to call them. They are practically in his face 24/7. All of your explanations are outside of his control one way or another. Yes, he can be private, but only when things happened in a secluded location. The soon he walks outside of his house, the paparazzi hounds are on him. And things will get out of the bag sooner or later whether he wants it or not.

  8. LBB says:

    I think it is over, eventually. Ben has a hard time extracting himself when he is done and checked out if his past is any clue to this present. He did that with Jlo the first time and with JG. If the woman want out it is pretty quick, Ana de Armas as an example, but if it is him seems to be a slow walk. I do think that he does see the difference in JG and Jlo’s parenting with JG being such a hands on Mom, not that it is better or worse just different. I do feel bad for them,

    • Shelby says:

      “Ben has a hard time extracting himself when he is done and checked out if his past is any clue to this present”
      He actually alluded in euphamism in that only interview he did with Rolling Stone in 2004 when Bennifer 1.0 had ended.

  9. Eurydice says:

    There were some stories yesterday that JLo didn’t cancel her tour because of poor ticket sales, that the tour was 75% sold and that she really wants to work on her marriage. If it’s JLo’s people putting that out there, then I don’t see how they can file for divorce so soon after the cancelation.

    • Kitten says:

      I said recently that cancelling her tour is more about Ben than it is about poor tickets sales. And people will continue to say that she’s obsessed with working, would have gone on tour if the ticket sales were higher, and this narrative is just her way of saving face for poor ticket sales. But I honestly believe that J Lo would have gone through with the tour, poor ticket sales or not, if her marriage was more solid. People really underestimate how invested she is in saving this relationship….

      • Christine says:

        I agree with you. I will always remember Jennifer Garner’s words in a Vanity Fair interview ” He’s just a complicated guy. I always say, ‘When his sun shines on you, you feel it.’ But when the sun is shining elsewhere, it’s cold. He can cast quite a shadow.” This is the kind of guy that can shower you with love and attentions and take it all back just like that. He was the one to woo Jennifer Lopez who has never shied away of being herself. Still he went there and she is getting all the heat? Ben Affleck is not a helpless victim. People keep saying about Jennifer Lopez “always a diva”. How about him? Is he still the same to invoke ups and downs in his life? To spiral in autodestruction mode? We may not have a remake of The Nanny and Tom Brady’s Rings but still Ben Affleck is a “complicated man”. So to quote Jennifer Garner again “Bless his heart.”

    • Meredith says:

      The tour would have given some cover to the marriage falling apart — and they could have cited the schedule / distance as the regrettable cause of the breakup of the Greatest Love Story. Now they are left with… boring basic incompatibility, which undermines the myth of the GLS. If ticket sales were decent, if I was advising her, I’d have told her to go on tour and be amazing, and give Ben a chance to miss her!

  10. Beana says:

    JLo is “leaning on her kids?” No. Just no.

    • Kokiri says:

      I know. Poor kids.
      Like, who is the parent here?

      That was rhetorical.

    • Meredith says:

      That doesn’t necessarily mean she’s telling them her feelings— it could just mean she’d distracting herself by playing pickleball with them.

  11. SuMo says:

    He looked high as a kite during the Tom Brady roast. I’m surprised his sobriety issues aren’t coming up more often as a possible reason for this separation. It would make complete sense for him to be in his own house if he is working through some kind of program.

    • ML says:

      Sumo, same here. There’s alcoholism in my family. Someone can be a nice person but the alcohol can be really toxic. If he’s drinking or whatever again, he’s not entirely present, who knows what he’s like when he’s not sober, he’s going to let stuff fall literally and figuratively. I don’t think he came across as sober during the Brady roast either.
      I also don’t understand how she’s seen as a bitch on wheels and that makes him not at fault for their relationship issues. I honestly think both of them are to blame and he’s mostly getting a free pass in the media.

    • Kitten says:

      Maybe they’re not coming up because he’s actually still sober? I know that’s not a popular narrative around here and folks love to accuse him of falling off the wagon but there is literally ZERO reason to believe he hasn’t maintained his sobriety. J Lo is not a big drinker so I’m sure this relationship has been good for him in that regard.

      • Amberil says:

        Isn’t he still driving the kids? We all know Garner would never let him do this if he wasn’t sober. She doesn’t play with him about that at all.

        And the narrative put out there by jlo’s own team is that she’s fighting for the marriage and ben checked out. He’s clearly the one running away. I don’t even think cancelling the tour and selling the house is an ultimatum coming from him, I see it as her doing all that to save the relationship, so it must have been a point of contention between them

      • Kokiri says:

        Once again, people are not only addicts in one way.
        They have a preferred outlet (alcohol for Ben it seems) but that outlet needs to be replaced with something.
        He smokes. He gambles. These are addictive, he might not drink but he’s definitely engaging in addictive behaviours.
        Addicts need an outlet, some are better than others but all have the ability to become harmful.
        Think replacing smoking with food, then food with exercise. Sounds good but all have the potential to be harmful.

        He’s an addict, always will be.

        (And no she’s not good for him the married man n Vegas for heavens sake. He was seen gambling with her mom! They are a disaster together)

      • Shelby says:

        Someone commented under an earlier article that it was possible that he might have taken some anti-anxiety medication when he was during the Tom Brady roast. We know he struggle publicly and has anxiety issues. Also didn’t he once mention that he and his family had depression issues over the generations? He could very likely take medication to help him soothe.
        But I do think he needs alternative help and not to be too reliant on antidepressant/anti-anxiety drugs. People can be uninhibited when they are high or under the drug’s influence, a la his disaster interview with Howard Stern in late December 2021.

      • Kitten says:

        @ Kokiri-I dated an addict for 6 years so I’m very familiar with addiction, thanks. Never once did I say that it goes away or dispute the fact that addicts battle with their addiction for life.
        But guess what–my ex got sober and he still smoked cigarettes. Hell, he smoked them AT the rehab center with everyone else. Smoking cigarettes and going to the occasional casino are things you can still do while maintaining your sobriety. Ben got kicked out of a casino ONCE–that is not proof of a gambling addiction lol. He has always maintained that his problem is alcohol and I choose to believe him just like you can believe what someone on Reddit said or whatever.
        And J Lo IS good for him in that she doesn’t drink or smoke and lives a clean and active lifestyle. Again, believe what you want as will I.

      • Kokiri says:


        Thanks for your reply. That was a lot of words to… prove my point, actually.
        So, great.

        Go back read what I actually wrote, opposed to what you wanted to read in all your righteous indignation.

        In case you have trouble processing information, I’ll recap quickly for you: for an addict, any repetitive behaviour has the potential to become the next addiction. It’s not limited to one outlet, ever.
        So while your ex might have stopped drinking, smoking is definitely an addictive response to what they are incapable or unable to process inside.

        Again, thanks for trying. Go you!

      • ML says:

        Kitten, Alcoholics can behave differently than other alcoholics. My grandfather cracked my skull when I was a toddler because he was drunk. Other alcoholics in my family are not violent.
        I saw film on Ben’s participation in Tom Brady’s roast. Brady is his friend, and technically you’d assume (personally I hate roasts) that Ben would sort of take the piss out of Tom. He went off on this ragey rant against (if I remember correctly) people on social media. What stood out to me was the rage and his movements: it’s the kind of stuff that makes me want to shrink so people don’t pay attention to me when I encounter it in real life. Because of how he gestured and him going off topic and the anger…I read that, given my own experiences, as not sober. You might be right and he might not have been drunk or on something, but I understand if that’s what he’s like, why the two of them need to work on themselves and their relationship (if they want to). That’s why I replied to Sumo the way I did.

        Addiction is a factor in mental illness. In fact, drugs and alcohol are used as a coping mechanism. People who struggle with their mental health and become sober but need medication are not an anomaly. The psychiatrist is supposed to see which medication is possible and they aren’t supposed to prescribe medication like a pill for public speaking. The medicine (which may be needed for a long time/ life) is supposed to help so you can work on your behavior—it doesn’t treat the depression or anxiety itself. A decent psychiatrist would not give an addict a pill for him to speak in public, because that feeds into the problem. And medicine for mental health is different from doing drugs—just like thyroid or chemo or heart meds.

    • Meredith says:

      Slipping up once doesn’t mean he needs to hit bottom all over again. He could be back on track very quickly. I’ve seen it happen in people committed to sobriety after a slip.

      • Turtledove says:

        Exactly. I’m not an expert but had an addict in my life. It took him a long time to hit rock bottom, and then even longer to admit he needed help. Then there were many tries before it stuck. He’s had 2 slips in 20+ years of sobriety. But both times he was immediately in rehab and got right back on track. I always thought that it was like, once you’ve really mastered sobriety, you know that rehab is the the only way, and you just don’t fight it if you have a slip. Or maybe since you saw it work well once, you are more inclined to try again?

      • SuMo says:

        ML, I grew up with an alcoholic father and I read the same things as you with Ben’s big gestures and rage-y mannerisms. I hope I’m wrong and would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I also don’t think there’s shame to be had if he is removing himself from the home and trying to seek help. One slip up doesn’t mean he’s fallen off the wagon and I can see a world where he may have seen the signs and decided to seek preemptive assistance. We just don’t know, but I think it’s a shame that JLo Is shouldering so much blame.

  12. Lucille says:

    I will *not* be shocked when they file for divorce. Not even a little bit.

  13. NikkiK says:

    They were never going to work out because while both are older they HAVE NOT CHANGED. Everybody knows you don’t spin the block unless all involved have done the work and are different people more or less.

    The truth of the matter is neither one of them is cut out for a long term relationship.

    J-Lo is obsessed with “being in love” and the idea of love. She loves the thrill of the honeymoon period but when real life happens, she doesn’t know what to do.

    And Ben, addiction issues aside, has a major case of grass is greener is on the other side and always wanting what he doesn’t have until he gets it……

    • Lizzie Bathory says:

      This is the only take that makes sense to me. I didn’t want to rain on their parade when they got back together, but this never seemed like it was going to work out. Love is just one (important!) part of marriage & I don’t think either of them has ever understood that.

  14. Aurora says:

    For all we know, he might be under medication to avoid anxiety as trigger for drug use.
    For me, avoiding triggers is the main reason he moved out, other than showing Jennifer he’s ‘serious’ about what he wants from a marriage. Which doesn’t seem to be all that unreasonable if it restricts to downsizing from a hotel-sized house & live-in staff, distance herself from a project that exposed his intimacy, and be present for the kids and himself.
    He’s always been a narcissistic, but I think Garner managed to instill some sense in his head regarding family responsibilities. He’d all but self- destructed without it, and she deserves all the credit for her kids having a living and functional father.
    Other than that… I know Bennifer don’t exactly shy away from attention, but the ring-watch, and the timing of how long they spend together might be a bit too much. Doesn’t it qualify as stalking or harassment? How many of this campers are actual paps, and how many are der4nged or crimin4ls?
    Just give this ppl a break!

    • Jayna says:

      Yeah, he’s not drinking. Ben is on medication. He has suffered from depression and anxiety. He definitely is still suffering from extreme anxiety when he goes to events and can’t have a drink to even him out. He wasn’t drunk at the Brady roast. He did have a very dry mouth, which showed he was definitely on medication. I think he was agitated because he knew it was about to drop they were living apart, and he knew the online onslaught that was about to happen and he projected that onto Brady.

      Ben is an extremely involved father. He has moved into the producing end of it and being based in LA as much as possible. Nannies aren’t picking up their kids or taking them to their sports-related activities and going to all of his son’s activities cheering him on. Ben and Jen Garner are the ones doing all of the ferrying around. He says he schedules meetings around that. He says he doesn’t want to miss out on these years with his kids, and I believe he is walking the walk, not just talking that up. Paps stalk him enough that you see him doing dad things all the time with his kids, like with Fin and friends while he was trying to film them doing tricks on their skateboards on the end of a street by his home. Paps showed up ruining it. He tried to ignore them and carry on. He had his mom with him. Emme was there.

      He isn’t drinking and he isn’t medicated during the day in a way that would impair him driving his kids around. Garner is a hawk about things like that. I think it’s even part of their agreement in the divorce.

      • Kitten says:

        Agreed, Jayna. The dude is under a lot of stress and probably took a Xanny.
        The people in the comments breathlessly waiting for Ben to slip up so they can have their priors confirmed are exhausting.

      • Hannah1 says:

        So he doesn’t see the father role as only doing the incredibly onerous school run??

        Your explanation makes sense

      • Isabella says:

        Another possibility: He’s a night drinker. So he’s sober when driving the kids, but drunk after, say, 7 p.m. every night.

        Yes, I did know somebody like that. Dead now. It’s very sad.

    • Kitten says:

      And all the people in the comments concern trolling about his sobriety don’t seem to realize that the nonstop speculation about an addict’s sobriety is actually NOT HELPFUL to an addict at all.

      Addiction management doesn’t always look one way and addicts have a right to design their sobriety in a way that works for them. It’s weird to see people in the comments making assumptions without any evidence and essentially implying that addicts must live joyless lives in order to prove to the public that they’re sober. Successful rehabilitation requires that an addict and/or their sponsor be honest with themselves about potential triggers that could upend their sobriety. Assuming that Ben hasn’t already gone through this process because you saw a pic of him at a casino or whatever is patronizing at best and stigmatizing at worst.

  15. Mel says:

    Ya’ll stop. He did not lay any law down to her, they are both successful professionals and business is business. He would not get in the way of her touring. She’s not touring because she’s not selling tickets, plain and simple and is using the family as an excuse to cancel what would have been an embarrassment for her, playing to half empty halls.

    • Bluey says:

      Yep, Kaiser’s take was interest but agree he wouldn’t have even tried to stop her from touring. It wasn’t like the documentary where she was showing his private letters. That would be stopping her from achieving something she wanted to do in her career, something that had nothing to do with his privacy at the same time. From the documentary snippets I’ve seen, he admires her drive and wanted to support her in her work (just probably didn’t agree not how over-the-top she was about things and her lack of consideration for their privacy).

  16. Carolnr says:

    I think Ben may have come very close to relapsing & realized he had to move out of that mansion for his own sobriety. I can’t imagine all her entourage practically living there working with her on multiple projects all at once!
    I think once Ben is done…he is done.
    If JL is trying to change who she is to please Ben, she will not only lose herself but she will eventually resent Ben….

    • Jayna says:

      He knew that going in this second time as far as her entourage. In fact, J-Lo admitted back when she was promoting her book years ago that being surrounded by people all the time partially contributed to the breakdown in two of her relationships. Marc and Ben. I’m sure her entourage is even bigger now. He can’t pretend he was oblivious to what living with her would be like in that regard.

      J-Lo is going to be 55 in two months. People can only change so much. Both are set in their ways. Sure, you can compromise, but you can’t change a way of life that suits you. Jennifer’s career is part of her almost 24/7 even if just in little ways. Ben is moody and wants his space. Jennifer wants a guy by her side at almost all of her events. Ben seemed to put in the effort in his Ben way, often with a bored face, but there were a lot of events or photos of Ben being very affectionate to J-Lo on these red carpets. You can’t say he hasn’t tried. He gave her the wedding she wanted and from all accounts was in love and happy and gave her the pap-worthy honeymoon she wanted in Paris and in Italy. Is he over trying? Can Jennifer accept that and stop trying to turn them into a brand? Casper was by her side always. So was A-Rod.

      Can Ben stay out of her professional relationships as far as those on her payroll? If those reports are true, he’s back in her business complaining about Medina, etc. He needs to stay out of it. He inserted himself back in 2004.

      This is only a few of the areas where these two are having problems.

      • Carolnr says:

        JL said publicly that she was going to enjoy family more & work less so I can only imagine what she told Ben. I think Ben wanted to please her having 2 separate weddings & 3 different wedding dresses. Their realtor reportedly showed them 80 homes. This 60 million $ home I think was JL ‘s idea. I don’t think Ben wanted to spend that much $ but he wanted to please JL. That comment that JL is allegedly never satisfied didn’t just out of nowhere…
        I don’t think Ben would be easy to live with either. I think he could be be very moody & try to just shut one out.
        Allegedly, JL is meeting with a PR Crisis team, has a divorce attorney lined up, & is looking for a new home. It is only a matter of time before they announce their divorce….

      • Amberil says:

        Exactly Carolnr, people say he knew who she was etc but it’s obvious she made promises she didn’t keep, working less, spending more time at home and keeping the relationship private etc she said all that and did none of it . I’m not saying Ben is without blame, but from what I’ve seen he compromised on a lot of things and she didn’t so eventually he checked out. Now she’s trying everything to save the relationship but it seems a little too late

  17. Colleen says:

    They are absolutely getting divorced. She is awful, he realized it makes him look bad. He spends time with her kids you never see her alone with his. I hope he gets out quick.

  18. Eos says:

    I think JLO is clear on her ambitions and identity. She sees herself as a “movie star” with all the attention and exposure that it entails. Ben on the other hand, has an identity problem. He wants to be a regular guy on the daily but work in the movie industry. I think he relates to and likes Jenny from the block but not the lifestyle of the “movie star”. You would think the lifestyle he had with Jen G, less glamorous and family oriented would have suited him more but no, he said he felt “trapped” in that marriage too. This is one complicated guy who needs to sort himself first.

    On JLO and Ben’s first run at a relationship, it was alluded JLO was controlling. I remember an interview, I think with Barbara Walters, where JLO and Ben were asked the embarrassing question ‘who wears the pants in this relationship ‘ or words to that effect. It wasn’t long after that they separated. Twenty years may have passed but the core values and needs of these two have not changed. They should have just dated this time around and not rushed into marriage.

  19. Jayna says:

    I saw an interesting comment about Jennifer under a YouTube video on Ben and Jen yesterday. It’s such an insightful and wise post regarding Jen’s need to always showcase and prove their love. I thought I would share it.

    “Jennifer’s biggest issue is she’s trying to prove she’s worthy of love instead of just knowing she is and living it… She wants to prove to the world that he came back.. She got him.. And she wants the fairy tale ending when anyone who’s married knows it takes work…

    “And u need to keep your marriage in YOUR marriage… U can share beautiful moments but wanting to share every detail is narcissist vibes at the highest level…and will always end in disaster…

    “Real love doesn’t have to shout… U just know it when u see it.

    “Live the love Jenny… Stop trying to PROVE it to everyone.

    The end.”

  20. Sasha says:

    Uhhh so why are people trying to blame this on JLO?

    The most likely situation is the simplest explanation: BEN RELAPSED,

    • Lens says:

      Saying he relapsed without proof isn’t helpful or fair. And I think most people realize the “blame” lies in both. People just don’t fundamentally change who they are is what most people are saying and the problems that caused their first breakup are still there. That said I think Kaiser is being too optimistic. Marriage is a dance and you need a partner willing to do that dance with you (quoting again) and Ben is out. Announcing will wait until the kids are all out for the summer. Just like Ben’s first divorce.