Jennifer Garner is the cover girl for this week’s Parade Magazine, and she sat down for a pretty interesting interview. I realize that “Jennifer Garner” and “interesting” rarely go together in the same sentence – and I’m not picking on her, she claims that she’s trying to be this boring. She talks about Ben and their girls, of course, but what I found most interesting in this interview is that she’s really, really talking about some stuff from her divorce to Scott Foley, her first husband. I’m seriously waiting for Garner’s People Magazine cover with the headline “Jennifer Garner Is Fabulous Seven Years After Scott!!!” Anyway, Garner rarely talks about what happened between them, and I have always been curious. My theory was always that she got really famous really fast, Scott’s ego couldn’t handle it, she was really career-focused, she withdrew emotionally from the marriage, and then a dude named Michael Vartan made his move. While Garner doesn’t say that’s what happened (damn her!), she does say that she “had a lot of growing up to do” and that “I realized I needed to be more like my character in Alias.” By having sex with Vartan?

Admitting it’s an emotional struggle.
“I adore going to movie sets and being part of a team trying to create something. And yet, I hate to miss even one bedtime with my girls.”

Understanding that the push-pull she faces is hardly unique.
“My sisters both are working mothers. I understand that my being an actress as well as being at home isn’t some heroic thing. That doesn’t mean it isn’t confusing or difficult–especially that question of how you find a balance.”

She knows how lucky she is.
“I’m privileged, because I have a lot of freedom. I want to use it to make as warm and normal a life as I can for our daughters.”

On co-starring opposite Patrick Dempsey and Ashton Kutcher in the romantic comedy “Valentine’s Day.”
“I go home and say to Ben, ‘Do you know what I’ve been doing at work all day?'”

Her own romance with Ben Affleck.
“Ben is sexy and kind, but he’s also a riot. We can be very goofy together.”

Finding the time to be romantic.
“You steal the time. You steal a date, you steal a kiss, you steal a whisper. You sit next to each other on the couch with computers on your laps. After the kids are asleep you…well, you know. Whatever it is. You slip away for a night, which we’ve only just now done for the first time. Of course, I call home while we’re away. Ben would be surprised if I didn’t.”

Why her divorce from actor Scott Foley in 2004 was a turning point.
“I had a lot of growing up to do. I’m still conflict-averse. I don’t like to argue. But back then I couldn’t have a fight. I couldn’t work things out because I wasn’t able to say what I needed to say. I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t dare to express myself. It was a huge heartbreak for me to have something fail like that. I knew that this was either an opportunity for growth or I would sink. It’s easy when you’re hurt and angry to just say, ‘Oh, it’s them.’ But I had to come into my own. I thought, ‘Why did this relationship not work? What part of the failure is my responsibility?’ So I went to work on it. I started therapy.”

Gaining a powerful self-awareness.
“It’s not like I didn’t realize I had any issues until I got a divorce. But I had this professional confidence that wasn’t equaled by my own personal confidence in any relationship, not just with men. There was a disconnect. I realized I needed to be more like my character in ‘Alias,’ who was so powerful and confident and an inspiration to me. I understood very well how to be nice and how to take care of people. I didn’t know how to ask for anything that I needed. It was important to balance it out.”

Finding a new relationship with friend Ben Affleck.
“Well, it helped that we were both single at the time. He’s a very good writer.”

So did he woo her with letters?
“Don’t make assumptions. I didn’t say that! Okay…e-mail. He’s a very persuasive writer.”

Counting on friends and family for support.
“I will tell you what I can’t abide–and I think the Internet has really created a space for it–women criticizing other women and mothers criticizing other mothers. It just makes me crazy, whether it’s between staying at home, going to work, how long you breast-feed, if you use formula. I feel like we should just assume everyone is doing the best they can. Women should take care of each other, not tear each other down. I would just like to see a mother who really believes that she has done it all so right, you know what I mean?”

Did Affleck have to work hard to win over Garner’s mom and sisters?
“He doesn’t have trouble wiggling his way in anywhere. Ben is charm personified when he wants to be. He’s not easily threatened or made uncomfortable–he’s very secure in that way. Maybe he just knows I’m nuts about him, and he doesn’t have anything to worry about. Don’t forget we were friends first for a long time.”

There’s nothing wrong with being “nice.”
“I can’t complain. This mix is perfect for me. I am the model middle child. I am patient and I like to take care of everyone. Being called nice is a compliment. It’s not a boring way to describe me.”

[From Parade]

That’s another thing I’ve always wondered about – how and when exactly did she and Ben start? Because once again, I have a theory that there was some overlap between Vartan and Affleck. Even though Jennifer says “we were both single at the time” – that still doesn’t answer my questions, damn it! Sigh… I’ll never know, will I?

Oh, regarding Garner’s appearance at the Golden Globes this past Sunday (photo below)… I didn’t put her on the fashion post because that’s how forgettable this look was. I hated her big mall hair, I was ambivalent about her dress, and she looked much too thin for my taste. But, you know, my mom swooned and yelled “There’s my girl!” Sigh. My mom wishes Garner was her daughter.

Parade’s photos of Jennifer Garner, courtesy of Parade online. Additional photos of Jennifer at the Golden Globes, credit: WENN.