Hailey Glassman: Jon Gosselin’s penis is “3 inches” long (update)

steppinout

Okay, I’ve never even heard of this magazine, but I want it. I want it so much, it hurts. This sh-t is so classy! The tagline for Steppin’ Out Magazine should be “Yes, you can polish a turd.” Anyway, here’s the new cover for Steppin’ Out, featuring everyone’s favorite ridiculous person whose name none of us should know, Hailey Glassman. You know what’s especially classy? The gigantic arrow with “JUDGE THIS HATERS!” pointing to… what, exactly? I think the arrow is pointing to the bottom of her left boob…? Was her left boob in some kind of scandal in which there was some “H8ER FALLOUT”? Anyway…

The only interview excerpt from this esteemed publication (which should be renamed “klASSy Magazine”) is from Star Magazine, which should tell you something. Apparently, in the interview, Hailey calls Jon a “textbook sociopath” and says he has a tiny penis. No, thank you, Hailey, or should I call you by your superhero name, Doctor Ya Think Bitch?

If former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star Jon Gosselin thought he’d heard the last of ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman…boy, was he wrong!

Hailey is jumping out from behind the scenes to full in-your-face mode with an exclusive, no-holds-barred interview in the upcoming issue of Steppin’ Out magazine.

“I feared him,” says Hailey, 23, who calls Jon “vicious and evil” and “a textbook sociopath,” while dishing dirt with her claims about their love life (including his “tiny” manhood!), the money he owes her, and his lies and cheating!

The full interview is on stands Feb. 17.

[From Star Magazine]

I think that about covers it. I know I say this every time, but I really hate all of these people. At one point I might have had some mild affection for Kate, or maybe Jon, or maybe someone else in the drama whose name I’ve forgotten, but at this point they all disgust me. So kill me. Or just JUDGE THIS HATERS.

UPDATE: Us Weekly now has more excerpts from Captain Obvious’s interview. Hailey says, regarding Jon: “He was so small I didn’t think he would cheat on me. He’s hung like a nine-year-old boy. I’m serious. This is true.” Hailey adds that if you actually put Jon’s d-ck against the ruler, it comes up to “3 inches.” Princess JUDGE THIS HATERS adds “anybody who sleeps with him will notice [Ed: Ya think?]. It’s very noticeable. It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny… [I] would laugh about it with my mom. He said, ‘You know how subconscious I am of down there.’ I would tell him to his face, ‘I don’t think you would cheat on me because you’re so small.’ I would tell him that all the time. Having sex with Jon was bittersweet.” Oh. My. God. Did this f-cking genius just drop the “subconscious” bomb?

classy

The lovely cover of Steppin’ Out Magazine is courtesy of HuffPo.

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97 Responses to “Hailey Glassman: Jon Gosselin’s penis is “3 inches” long (update)”

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  1. Super Mustache says:

    Maybe his penis isn’t tiny, maybe she has a huge gaping vagina. Did you ever think of that, Hailey? Maybe it’s YOU with the problem!

    Spoiler alert: It’s both of them.

  2. cult of skaro 23 says:

    a pox on all their houses.

  3. denise says:

    didnt think she could make herself look any more stupid.

  4. The Queen Bee says:

    LOL she is wearing hanky panky undies and a scarf as a top… I’m guessing she provided her own JAPtastic wardrobe for this EPIC FAIL!!!

  5. RhymesWithSilver says:

    Gawd- what, did they photograph her in some dim basement, and let her choose from a selection of porno costumes hanging on hooks in the hallway?

  6. kimberly says:

    what a generic thing to say about a guy

  7. LindyLou says:

    This is hilarious! She is so ridiculous – desperately trying to extend her 15 minutes! Hey Hailey – nobody cares anymore.

  8. Erin says:

    this has got to be the most embarrassing excuse for a magazine cover shot + layout EVER. i’d be horrified for her if she didn’t deserve it for being such a terrible person.

  9. Popcorny says:

    I wish she’d have moved her hands so we could all get a look at the freakishly indented hip area -her hips have their own waist.
    What a shame that for all that make-up she’s still butt-fuggly. Looks like Jill Taylor’s (Home Improvement) homely sister.
    And, that is the most ridiculous, embarrassing, cheap and desperate reeking outfit ensemblage of all time since the Village People.

  10. KIKI says:

    The tagline for Steppin’ Out Magazine should be “Yes, you can polish a turd.”
    *******
    That is beautiful. LOLOL

  11. Eileen Yover says:

    Not only did she choose her own clothing, but she must have also done her own hair with those gorgeous curling iron ringletes. The budget for this shoot must have been $10 for the Wet N’Wild make-up & weight lifter gloves. That’s just TRASHTASTIC right there!

  12. Roma says:

    I find that no outfit is complete without weightlifting gloves and a silver golf ball ring. Seriously, I’m wearing the exact same thing right now.

  13. jess says:

    i just have 2 questions:

    1) who attempted this look thinking they are a stylist?

    2) where did those manly cheekbones/jawlines come from? everyone knows she has a flat round face.

  14. bros says:

    all I can think of when I see this is silence of the lambs when the killer dances around in his room with makeup on.

    eileenyover, spot on!

  15. bella says:

    Maybe we’re supposed to judge the gloves? Whatever, she’s probably telling everyone who called her fat to judge her body. She just needs to go away. And we don’t need Hailey to tell us Jon has a small wang.

  16. audrey says:

    @ bros:
    hi-freakin-larious!

  17. Essie says:

    Well, he wasn’t so small that he couldn’t make eight babies!!

    Anyway, Ms. Glassman, your 15 minutes were up a few months ago. Now you are just embarrassing. Lovely photo!!

    I might be wrong, but isn’t “Stepping Out” one of those weekend magazines that are free inside the Sunday papers? The name sounds kind of familiar.

  18. bella says:

    Essie, they had fertility assistance. Anyone on that amount of fertility drugs could make 8 babies.

  19. bros says:

    She also reminds me of Amy Poehler’s “Amber” character on SNL who was a brokedown one-legged hypoglycemic ho who thought she was all that and had misplaced confidence as she hopped around trashily.

    Jehlous?

  20. Roberta says:

    Kaiser, you kill me….LOL

    “Was her left boob in some kind of scandal in which there was some “H8ER FALLOUT”?”

    I’m dyin’ over here. My 14-year-old son has better Photoshopping skills than the wizards at Steppin’ Out. And what were they thinking, putting her on the cover?

  21. amanda says:

    LOVING the gold snake bracelet on her upper arm. Totally makes the outfit.

  22. dee says:

    lmao@that pic. I didnt think she could make herself look more trashy but she just succeeded in that. The make-up, outfit, everything about that pic is hysterical. Not sure why or how she managed to herself look worse than she already is, but she did..lol

  23. skilo says:

    Ok I went to so-mag.com to find out more about this esteemed publication, and they bill them selves as “NY&NJ’s#1 entertainment magazine”. RLMAO! Hailey Glassman is proof that money can’t buy class and even the rich spawn trash! I wonder if her parents are as ashamed as mine would be.

  24. Maritza says:

    She got what she wanted, fame, it may have cost her $90,000 but now she is getting photographed for magazines. Maybe she thought he wouldn’t find someone so soon? She needs to stop bashing him, it makes her look like a pathetic bitter woman.

  25. Tazina says:

    I hate when these sites bring up people whose 15 minutes of fame are long gone. Why bother? Zero interest in her. She’s shown herself to be incredibly immature. A tiny penis? Who cares? It’s what you do with it that counts, not the size.

  26. Neelyo says:

    I can’t believe someone’s quoting an interview from STEPPIN’ OUT. It’s a free rag that you find at low-end grocery stores and bodegas in NYC. I think it may even be out of Jersey. Snooki’ll be on there in two months.
    And I do believe it’s run out of someone’s basement. I never pick it up at the store because I’m afraid I’ll catch something.

  27. ligeia says:

    that picture deserves to be put in photoshop of horrors section on that one website.

  28. I Choose Me says:

    :D You’re killing me here Kaiser. I love it when you get your full snark on.

  29. Jaded says:

    God almighty, you can put lipstick on a pig but…..

  30. lucy2 says:

    That looks like an ad for a $3 hooker.

    This whole post has me cracking up.

  31. dread pirate cuervo says:

    Oh, Steppin’ Out! Where to find shot specials & bar bands in Jersey. In the back are ads for the ‘masseuses’ & ‘models’ as well as board certified plastic surgeons who do boob jobs for $2K. Clas-say!

  32. Novaraen says:

    That tiny penis of his had her foaming at the mouth for quite awhile and declaring her love for him. LOL.

    She looks like she just took off her pants for this “sexy” shoot.

    *barfs in trash can*

  33. For Sooth? says:

    lucy2 – I wouldn’t give her so much credit, 2 dollar hooker would be kind. The moniker “50 cent” is already taken but she has that written all over her. Oh, sorry, it’s only a cheesy pointing arrow. My bad.

  34. Snarf says:

    Oooo a challenge to judge? It’s on!

    She has about as much class as a Catholic school on Christmas Day and that picture dosen’t even look like her it’s been photoshoped so much.

    Also? Since she’s prolly been around the block more times than the Good Humour Ice-Cream man, unless the guy is hung like a donkey, it’ll be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

  35. Tammy K. says:

    If you go to http://www.so-mag.com you can read their whole magazine. It’s one of those trashy ones! Love it!

  36. Super Mustache says:

    Is the “judge this, haters” thing a challenge? Because I cannot resist a challenge!! And is it just me or does her head look REALLY off? Like it’s too small, too far over, and like her ugly face is too old for her body? She’s so weird-looking!

  37. Shannon says:

    OMG everything about that outfit is so classy, I don’t even have words to describe it. I can’t even decide what my favorite part is… the ridiculous biker gloves? The weird leopard-print scarf she has wrapped around her as a shirt (and probably fastened behind her with a hair binder)?? The super glamorous snake armband that looks like it’s cutting off her circulation/clashing with the rest of her jewelry, which is silver???

    SO MANY CHOICES!

    And that angsty clenched jaw just gives me the LOLs.

  38. Johanna says:

    Nothing matches, & even if it did she’s so pathetic no one would give a damn, lmao! I have never heard of this magazine & something tells me that I will never again. I guess that makes me a hater & that huge arrow is directed to people like me, lol!

  39. pixiegirl says:

    Lay off her, y’all – she’s SERIOUS! Can’t you tell by her expression? And her ‘take me seriously’ ensemble? Clearly this is a lady we are dealing with. I’m actually blinded by the sheer class and loveliness exuding from the page. What a delicate creature!

  40. snapdragon says:

    rofl. big time.

  41. mamalama says:

    It looks like her hands are trying to scratch an itch I imagine they have experience with that…

  42. Sigh. says:

    Awww yeah!
    Ugh!
    In yo face, beotches!
    You KNOW you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!
    BAM!
    I am AWESOME!
    Suck it!
    :::Pumpin’ fist so damn hard:::

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  43. Cinderella says:

    Hailey is the loser. She couldn’t even take command of a tiny penis.

  44. Sigh. says:

    Nice draggin’ her mom and 9 year olds into this — and didn’t she get her BOOBS done by her plastic surgeon dad?

    She’s SUCH a grown up lady girl smarty clever pants.

  45. oxa says:

    Her parents must be so proud of their little genius.

  46. snowball says:

    Looks like Joe Francis was in charge of the photoshoot. She’s trying hard to be sexy, but she’s got a scared look on her face, like she’s scared when she’s done, she’ll have to pull a Coco from Fame.

    Jon’s probably got a 10 incher, she’s just so mad at him, she’s decided to call him small so she can hurt his feelings. (rollseyes)

    Does she have a yeast infection? Her claw hands look like they want to get to the itch.

  47. RobN says:

    She and Levi ought to do weirdly uncomfortable soft-porn together. They could put it on pay-per-view for $1.99.

  48. asiont says:

    the cover is just disgusting :/

  49. kelbear says:

    What nerve she has for saying any of those things. I am in no way defending Jon but she is down right nasty for that. Who is she to even be allowed to talk, doesn’t she realize she is yucky by having the nerve to have a relationship with Jon before his relationship with Kate was officially over. UGH!!

  50. Trillion says:

    Kaiser your post has inspired one of the best snark contests on CB ever. Everyone’s killing me but nobody more than Sigh. Thank you thank you. I won’t even try to out-do that one.

  51. the other mel says:

    Vintage bridge and tunnel girl.

  52. Kat says:

    [I] would laugh about it with my mom. He said, ‘You know how subconscious I am of down there.’ I would tell him to his face, ‘I don’t think you would cheat on me because you’re so small.’
    Ok is this a direct quote? He is “subconscious” of his penis? Seriously? Please use this in a sentance to mean personal embarassment. Cretins! The only thing better than the explosion of nasty that is Jon/Haley is watching her slide inexorablly down the stripper pole of 15 minute fame to oblivion! Next they will have the Haley action figure with it’s own valtrex dispenser.

  53. vanmom4 says:

    I don’t know about you all but I also would be very subconsciously self-conscious about having a small penis too. Unfortunately she got her “Word-of-the-Day” mixed up.

  54. TC says:

    I’m sure he does have a small penis, everything about him screams small penis.. including his taste in women.

  55. lola lola says:

    Wow, she MUST have styled that lovely ensemble herself. No human being in their right mind would dress anyone like that….except Hailey.

  56. Sunnyjyl says:

    Now THIS is gossip, baby!!! Snarky, bitchy, low, mean, and totally hilarious. ahahahahaaa! My horribly looong day is all better now.

  57. Laurie says:

    Well, she wasn’t complaining about his privates when they were together. She comes across like a jealous ex-lover that wants to hurt Jon at all costs. He’s no great catch either.

  58. snapdragon says:

    “It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny… [I] would laugh about it with my mom.”

    i have no words for how disturbing i find this.

  59. Shane Gentry says:

    Wait a second. Did she say she discusses her boyfriend’s size with her mother? What?

  60. meilamon says:

    YOVER that was the best! Thanks for the laugh.

  61. gg says:

    wow. The picture of pathetic makes herself look even more immature. amazing.

  62. betsy says:

    It looks like Hailey herself has tucked a 3″ penis to the side, might be why she looks like she needs to scratch. I think those original rumors were correct about her, she really was looking for a reality gig and exposure.

  63. kellogg says:

    love the commenters here.

    i think she’s prob quite pretty once she quits shellacking her face with makeup & chain-smoking-let’s not totally trash her-but she IS taking the Joe Francis Express to Skankville.

    either she hooks up with Tila Tequila & they have a love child or she needs to stop trying to attain Z-list fame.

    plus i’m sure we all assumed Grosselin was not packing heat; no need to spell it out-just seems tacky.

    ugh.

  64. Ursula says:

    I am speechless, this thread is too hilarious. I am in stitches.

    BTW, that is a free magazine, am sure the ‘photo shoot’ was free too. Who puts her on the cover of a magazine?

  65. Mary Stevens says:

    So was the Duke of Windsor’s, Wallis told her intimates.

  66. blahblahblah says:

    Steppin’ out – because you can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in glitter!

  67. daisyfly says:

    She’s really piss-poor advertising for her dad. THAT’S the face you give your kid? Really? Man, at least do something to it to distract from her horrid taste in clothes or her even more atrocious personality.

    Oh, and Hailey, honey, “Short Dick Man” was a song that was cool back in the 90′s. You’re not Gillette so stop biting lines from her.

  68. Lway says:

    That’s such a low blow – picking on Jon’s penis size. She’s as shallow as a puddle in he road.

    Her whole interview screams “TRASHY!”

  69. Jazz says:

    What a skank. I guess now we can expect that other trashbag from Star magazine to come out with some interview to try and extend her 15 minutes.

  70. Kylie says:

    How tacky is this person?
    She is also phoshopped in an inch of her life.

  71. mockey says:

    hahahahahaha!!!!!
    I can’t stop laughing. the whole thing is an EPIC FAIL! who dressed her???
    she looks like a 7 years old little girl who lay with her mom outfit.
    Every thing looks cheap. the photoshop work is obvious and gross.
    barf!!!

  72. KIKI says:

    Did anyone see the picture of her when she passed out on a plant? That should be the centerfold of this mag.

  73. Erin says:

    YES!!! the picture of her face planting in the potted plant is the best thing ever. it’s like a gift from god.

  74. Judy says:

    vanmom4: “I don’t know about you all but I also would be very subconsciously self-conscious about having a small penis too. Unfortunately she got her “Word-of-the-Day” mixed up.”

    ***********************

    No, vanmom, she’s too stupid to know the difference and the “classy” editor at the rag doesn’t, either. PATHETIC.

  75. boo says:

    Anything looks small when it’s landing in the Grand Canyon.

    I know that’s an old one but it’s the first thing that popped into my mind.

    Kate Gosselin, Hailey Glassman, Kate Major. Does Jon have poor taste or what????

  76. cc says:

    okay, this is so stupid to ask, but does she mean his peen is 3 inches when erect?

    cause if it’s just normally (non-excited) 3 inches, that might not be so bad!

    hahaha. did i just type that? hilarious.
    she sounds real bitter to bring that up – it doesn’t do her any favours either.

  77. irishserra says:

    Subconscious…LOL. I wonder who screwed that up. Was it Hailey or Jon? Sad thing is, it could be either.

  78. Peg says:

    I love this story. I swear, the only story that’s better is Tiger Woods, no, ah, John Edwards. You can’t even make this shit up.

  79. Helen says:

    Ummm Essie, IVF…Its mighty trashy of her to declare that to millions of people,( which I believe this fact to be true)..

  80. Who Cares says:

    I can’t stand Jon or Kate, but Hailey has proven she fits right in to the the “Classless Pig Club”

  81. oh hey says:

    Judge this? Okay. The (Photoshopped) body looks good, but nothing matches. That “outfit” looks like it came from Walmart. The face looks like any other woman seen in Corporate America; usually the type that’s bitchy because she barely eats lunch and gets most of her calories from a 20oz Starbucks coffee with a splash of fat-free milk and 4 Splendas.

    Overall presentation looks like those TS ads seen in the backs of free alt newspapers, usually includes words like “Greek” and “Italian” along with FOUR measurements.

  82. Emily says:

    Oh god, I didn’t click on this story when it was posted. Big mistake, this shit is hilarious! I love the complete classiness, the cheapness, the idiocy… Priceless.

  83. StuntMom says:

    ahh Hailey. you’ve gone there and may now be open to the classic comeback of how your vaginal “essence” scared his penis to 3″. If that ‘deer in the headlights’ expression is supposed to be emulating innocence, try using a little less coke for effect next time.

  84. Wresa says:

    Subconscious? This girl comes from well-off parents, she probably has all off her college paid for, and this is what she chooses to do with her life…what a failure. So I guess this mag cover is actually being symbolic in its epic fail. It’s art!

  85. KLaw says:

    too great for words… Although Sigh did a hilarious job!

    I love the Celebitchy readers. Bringing laughs to my otherwise mediocre day.

  86. Lilith says:

    out of all the surgery between Jon and Kate..he didn’t think to get a penile implant? o—kay…

  87. Dumb@ss Hailey says:

    He’s “subconscious” about it, huh? I hope it’s not a battle of wits that she’s trying to fight.

  88. Sami says:

    Hailey Glassman is a clever girl. Because of her absolutely ridiculous insert-anything-from-this-entire-situation (examples: outfit, look, gloves, relationship. magazine interview, it’s truly endless) rantings, she’s gotten at least 90 people (maybe 91, if Jon cares, since he’s so “subconscious”) to momentarily care about her existence. Kudos.

  89. Kate says:

    Hailey Glassman? Looks more like Hailey is a man. She looks like a tranny. Is Hailey upset bacause his penis is bigger then “her’s”?

  90. anon says:

    seellllfff-conscious genius

  91. anon says:

    really that’s just cruel. the editor’s of the mag couldn’t fill in the correct word for her knowing what she was trying to say lol

  92. andrea says:

    Poor stubby he can’t make no girls happy! She is young and never had children so u know what that means! Jon get a penile implant!

  93. Kathy says:

    Jon’s had like 5 girlfriends since Kate. Girls are leaving for being a bum, not size…seems to be the common denominator.

    Jon and Hailey deserve each other.

  94. ricsy says:

    how sad for him. maybe she should have tried size minded

  95. Artie Lange says:

    maybe she can only make it that long..

  96. Glenna Cader says:

    I woould like to have an email address for this so-called judge so I can explain Sharia and the First Amendment to him. He obviously was absent from law school on the day they discussed the First Amerndment.