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Samantha Bee, 55, has a new one woman show called How to Survive Menopause, available on audible. She describes her experience about eight years ago, when she began having symptoms like hair loss and frozen shoulder and assumed it was stress from her job on television. Bee’s gynecologist told her she was in perimenopause and explained it like she was going through puberty in reverse. I’ve never heard it explained that way and it cleared up a few things for me. I’m also reporting on this because I thought my frozen shoulder was due to something else, I had no idea that it could be a sign of menopause. Bee did a recent podcast interview with CNN Medical Correspondent Meg Tirrell. I’m going to excerpt from CNN’s transcript. You can listen to the episode here.
On her symptoms and her doctor’s advice
You just cannot get a night’s sleep. And then I developed frozen shoulder. And it was so excruciatingly painful that I thought I would not make it through. It was awful. Finally, I went to my gynecologist, [whom] I love and trust. I was like, “I don’t sleep anymore. I’m turning into Lady Macbeth.”“How old are you again? You’re in perimenopause [at 47].”
“What are you talking about? I’m too young for that.”
“We’re gonna work through it and you’re gonna be okay.”
It helped me so much to just take one step on a path of knowledge. And it took probably two years to get to that point.
Her doctor told her it was like ‘de-pubertizing’
“You’re de-pubertizing.” She was like, “remember all the torment you felt? Remember that turmoil when you were 15 and every zit was an operatic tragedy? That’s what that is, but just in the other direction. But the stakes are higher. Now you have a job, you have people who rely on you. There’s 25 problems a day that you have to solve in addition to being bouncy and buoyant and doing the work well. Your life is an opera now. Everything is magnified.”On how menopause made her question her identity
It caused me to feel like… is my sexuality over? Am I the same person? My hair used to be something so on brand for me and now it’s all falling out in chunks. I can’t move my body. I can’t do exercise in the same way. I can’t take my body for granted in the way. Not to get too graphic, but you lose a lot of vaginal moisture and it’s very tricky to figure out how you’re gonna function in the world. I started thinking about my vagina all the time. I could feel it walking down the street. It’s kind of embarrassing… It wasn’t that easy for me in rooms full of young writers and young TV people. When you say it out loud among people who are not experiencing it or have no awareness of it, it makes you sound very old to them. They don’t have a framework for it because no one was ever talking about it because it’s not seen as part of the natural spectrum of someone’s life, which it is. It just is.On menopause advice that comes with product recommendations
I don’t like to take advice from people who are trying to sell me any type of product ever. If their advice comes with a request to try some type of moisturizer for your undercarriage or like a pajama that keeps you cool at night. You should be sleeping naked always. Why are you wearing pajamas at all? If it’s related in some way to buying something, then I generally don’t have any interest in it.On why more people are talking about menopause
It’s these Gen X women, like me, who are like, ‘I’ll take the hit’ I don’t give a sh-t, I don’t care, I will say it…’ Because we’re just used to that. That’s the vibe of our generation like let’s talk about it and push out the contours. Let’s get very uncomfortable. In conversations it is a very uncomfortable one to have for sure.
It’s true that Gen X women do not give a sh-t, in general. This is especially true as we age and are going through it. We also have a skeptical approach to people selling us things, as Bee mentioned. I keep thinking about Tina Fey saying that she doesn’t like it when rich people have a side hustle. I’m wondering if Bee’s remarks are pointed at celebrities like Naomi Watts and Halle Berry, both of whom were open about their menopause symptoms before launching products aimed at menopausal women. (She didn’t name names, but those are the people who immediately come to mind.) I have no problem with celebrity women who market products for things that have personally affected them, especially when they bring awareness. As long as they’re upfront about it, it’s fine with me. I don’t agree with not wearing anything to bed though. It feels weird to me to have sheets against my bare skin.
As for things that have helped me, I’ve been doing gentle yoga on YouTube. I’m also on prescription estradiol patches and they seem to prevent hot flashes. For the vaginal dryness and irritation that Bee mentioned, Replens lubricant works well for intimacy. My ex-gynecologist recommended it, but she wasn’t helpful otherwise and was dismissive and rude. It’s not surprising that it took two years for Bee to understand what was happening.
i didn’t have hot flashes until I was in full meno last fall. My incredible gyno suggested a supplement: Rhubestryn. Two days later the hot flashes were gone. Haven’t had anymore. Google it.
If this is one of those items that’s only available in the US I may cry. But the search is on! Thanks for the suggestion.
Perimenopause sucks but I’m glad to be going through it at a time when menopause is being talked about more openly. I’m 44 and just started HRT a couple months ago. I have an estrogen patch, vag cream, and progesterone pills. I didn’t realize how many of the weird things going on with my body were due to peri 🥲 It is really nice to no longer wake up at 3am in a pool of sweat and wet pj’s/sheets lol
HRT is a dream, I feel so much better on the patch and progesterone and it was almost instant.
I’m a therapist and the number of times I’ve told my female clients, hey this anxiety/insomnia/irritability/joint pain/etc might be peri, talk to your PCP about hormones, and have them be astounded because their doctor has never even brought it up. Or their doctor shoots them down and it’s maddening.
Half of the population goes through this in some form, why isn’t this just common knowledge? Why do we have to work so hard to be treated like people?
It is maddening how little respect women’s health issues get in the medical community. Fortunately my primary doctor put two-and-two together and referred me to a menopause clinic when I told her what was going on with me. Peri and meno were not at all on my radar because I thought this was something that happened to much older women. It has been eye opening to learn about how early this stuff can start!
I feel like all my nurses are ~25 and doctors are 35. I dream of a 45-50 yr old doctor I can talk to about aging and grief (parents dying). Instead you feel dumb saying well “I’m a little sad and some days don’t sleep until 2/3am”
This, all of this. I’m GenX of the same age & perimenopause was THE WORST. For me, the insomnia was what just about did me in – for years. Tried over the counter sleep remedies, prescriptions, herbal remedies. The thing that finally worked for me was CBD. Helps you sleep and if you wake up, you fall right back to sleep. Also – the moodiness, emotional rollercoaster, constant exhaustion and aches & pains. I’ve been in actual menopause for six years now and some of the symptoms still rear their ugly head!
Edibles have given me the gift of sleep, no sweating and lowered my anxiety. I never thought I’d be that person but here I am. I do strength training for my bones and barre for flexibility and strength. I don’t wear “winter “ pajamas. I wear shorts and tanks year round and my window is always open.
Oh yes the sleep issues! I started having problems around 45 (51 now) and the only thing that works is weed for me. Glad we’re talking about it and I don’t give a shit!!
MAGNESIUM – I take it for restless legs and found a nice side effect (for me at least) is sleep within 45 min.
@bananapanda – oh I get restless legs sometimes – soooo annoying. I will check out magnesium. Thanks!
We don’t give a s#+t. I’ve been complaining about my perimenopause for years. The fatigue is what kills me the most. Followed by weight gain I can’t get rid of! My periods were also nightmares because of fibroids growing out of control so I got a hysterectomy over the winter and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. Surgery was easy, pain was minimal, and I was working a week later. I tell every middle age woman about it – and I made sure all of the men in my office knew what surgery I had. My hot flashes haven’t been bad but I went on lexapro years ago for anxiety and it helps with hot flashes. But yes – sleep naked! It’s the best!
Perimenopause kicked my ass. There are 23 symptoms I had 20 of them. Hormone Replacement was exactly what my body needed. Fight for it. If they tell you no change doctors. We are conditioned to suffer. No more.
Omg frozen shoulder! Menopause: the gift that keeps on giving!
I’ve had that, plus the main ones (insomnia, weight gain, brain fog) plus all the weird ones- phantom smells, gum problems, dry eyes, oily skin, tinnitus … when in doubt, blame menopause!
I have a new mantra: Embrace the belly!
Everywhere else is ok but no matter what I do, it ain’t going away.
Embrace the belly ladies! 🙂
Gen X here and IDGAF 😎
It’s hilarious to me when people who are in their own beds in their climate-controlled homes wear clothing to sleep at night. No one can see you. You already had your coochie wrapped up in layers of fabric all day, let it breathe!
It’s not just dryness – the vaginal walls also thin. So, even when lubricated sex can still hurt like hell. The patch has worked well for me in that regard. There are also very low dose localized approaches, such as creams and suppositories.
The sleeping naked thing – I couldn’t do that when I was having night sweats – I needed something to ‘soak up’ all that sweat, or not only did I wake up freezing, I would also feel slimy and gross.
Ugh, same. I sleep in a sleeveless cotton nightgown and a sheet year-round.
I really do like my bamboo pajamas.
Just went to my obgyn. She prescribed low dose estrogen patches, testosterone pills, and a vaginal cream. All the symptoms dryness, fatigue, FROZEN SHOULDER (I mean really?!?!), brain fog, etc.
Waking up (and not being able to fall back asleep) at 3 am was a beast of an issue for me. CBD + Melatonin gummies have helped me. I take them when I wake up at 3am and then get another REM sleep cycle. Gen X and We’re talking about this 😘
Palpitations were the symptom that really knocked me down. Bolting awake from a dead sleep at 2 am with my heart pounding and flip flopping. I thought I was gonna die. And other random times it would kick up when I was awake going about my day, beating so oddly I would nearly passed out. It was so bad one night when I was home alone I called an ambulance. ER said you’re fine, nothing to see here, but suggested a follow up with my PCP. He sent me for a cardiac workup, wore a monitor for days … cardiologist was like … looks fine to me, no idea why’d you be having palpitations. Moved and changed doctors and the new team were no help either. Eventually I saw an endocrinologist for a different issue, we went over my history, got to the crazy palpitations part and she paused, double checked my age and said “oh yeah, those are really common during perimenopause, menopause the … your cardiac workups look fine, don’t worry. If they start up again let me know. For a while it was so bad I was terrified of going to sleep because I dreaded waking up and thinking I was dying … so it wrecked my sleep too. If any one of the other doctors had mentioned that, followed up on that thread, it would have made a huge difference. (And at the time Dr Google made no mentions of palpitations as a symptom) I told every woman I knew in her 40’s and 50’s about it so they would nothave the same experience of not knowing (but that they should get a cardiac work up if it happened, just in case, but not to worry)
That and the brain fog and weight gain ugh!
I’ve been sleeping naked since I was 17 😉 and in menopause, I sure as heck am not going BACK to wearing pjs 😉 I was fine for a while but my insomnia is getting worse so my PCP gave me a referral to OB/GYN. A coworker (I work at an academic med center) told me which of her colleagues are the best for menopause issues, so I’m going to consult and see if HRT will work. (my PCP is happy to try to help me but inexperienced in this area, hence the referral – I haven’t had an ob/gyn since my mid-30s, internal med is fine for me most of the time – no kids, no desire for kids, on the pill for 30 years straight into menopause)
GenX – not only do we not give a shit, we are going to bitch and let everyone know WTF is wrong with the health system & society that this isn’t treated as the medical issue it is/can be.
You guys were lucky in one way. I didn’t have physical symptoms other than night sweats and one hot flash. But mentally? I turned into someone I didn’t know. I didn’t see it then but I do now. Thank God for psychiatry. I’m still on the meds because I revert to her if I dont.
GenX 57yo here…I stayed on the pill until I was 53 and went full menopause as soon as I stopped taking it. The sleep issues and hot flashes are the pits. I took some black cohash tablets for a year or so, maybe helped?
My tolerance for the booze has dropped. Plus it makes me sweaty at night.
Let’s talk about this! It ain’t our mother’s menopause!
I went through menopause the first time at age 30 due to Stage 4 breast cancer/chemo etc. Hormone therapy wasn’t available to me due to my cancer history so I had to just deal with the symptoms. A few years later I came out of menopause, got cancer again and went back into menopause due to the treatments. It’s been interesting to say the least. Going through it twice was rough, but the treatments that caused early menopause for me also saved my life. Can’t complain!
So sorry for your cancer experiences! I wanted to add a comment on this page that if someone is adding hormones to their life (HRT, etc), be sure to stay up on your mammograms/Ultrasounds. I had to stop HRT almost as soon as I started it because of a tumor forming in my breast, that was cancerous. So I say everywhere I can, I’m a huge fan of HRT, but be sure to stay active in making sure you don’t have this side effect. (HRT didn’t cause my cancer, but it would make it grow if I didn’t stop.)
Eighteen months into my first frozen shoulder, the other one froze. I haven’t been able to drive or wear a bra or do any fine motor skills because it’s caused severe tendonitis. Other than that, and 10 pounds I cannot starve off, late perimenopause is a dream. As an American in France, who doesn’t “qualify” for HRT protocols here, I recommend D3 (based on recent studies), Devil’s Claw and California Poppy supplements, plus magnesium/potassium, innositol and Tiger Balm (white bottle version with angled sponge applicator — people with frozen shoulder understand the beauty of this). Not only do they take the pain and inflammation down instantly, but basically eliminate insomnia, anxiety and migraine. I take no OTC or prescription drugs anymore.
I’m just chiming in to say that while I’m not there yet, I’m always grateful that this is covered on Celebitchy so I have some sense of what to look out for over the coming years!