Miley Cyrus released her ninth studio album last Friday, Something Beautiful. But wait, there’s more! Miley made a “visual film” to go along with the album, and it’s premiering at Tribeca this Friday, before having a theatrical release starting June 12. I guess she was inspired by how well J.Lo’s movie-for-the-album went… (Sidenote: you know who should’ve released a film to go with her new album? Gaga! She would’ve killed it!) Actually, I’ll walk back my sass about the Something Beautiful film, and instead say that anything that brings more Bob Mackie into the world is a good thing. Obviously, Miley has a lot of promotion to do right now, and that included a profile in The New York Times. The interview spanned the usual topics (Hannah Montana, Dolly Parton, her dad), but I was most intrigued by a running theme of motherhood. Miley talked a lot about how close she is with her mother, trying to be more self-sufficient, and not being passionate about becoming a mother herself:
How she ‘mothers’ herself: I don’t want to leave situations that make me uncomfortable, because that’s what life is. We gotta be comfortable being uncomfortable. But also, I’m the mother to myself. I mother me. My mom no longer travels with me, because I’m 33 years old, and it was getting ridiculous. I never want to detach from my mom, because we’re so close. I’ll get tears in my eyes even talking about her. But if nature plays its course in the way that it does, I will be an individual without my mom at some point, and that used to completely paralyze me. So I guess the reason I said “I mother me” is because I don’t have my mom with me the way that I used to. And now I just go, “What was it about her that made everything better?” It was safety, because I knew any situation that I didn’t feel safe in, my mom would get me out of it or make it better. And so now I just imagine what soothed me about her, and then I do it for myself.
‘End of the World’ was prompted by a moment with her mother: That was completely ridiculous. She [Miley’s mother] went on a vacation to Italy without me for one week, and it felt like the end of the world to both of us. That’s what it’s about. I had never had my mom leave the country without me before. I’m too old to feel that way, but that’s how I felt. And my mom called me and said: “I don’t know why, but I want to cry today. I’m looking out my window, and there’s nothing out there for me, because you’re back home.” The first lyric is, “Today you woke up and you told me that you wanted to cry,” and that was my mom.
Motherhood is not on the agenda: It’s not something I’m focused on. For being such an opinionated, sure person, this is an element in my life that I’ve never been superattached to a yes or no answer. I was talking to my stepdad, and he said, “Why are you the only celebrity without a makeup line?” And I said, “‘Cause I’m not passionate about it.” And he said, “That’s the right answer.” I feel that way about motherhood. It’s just never something that I’ve been overly passionate about. It’s a lot of responsibility and devotion and energy, and if you’re not passionate about that, I don’t know how you do sleepless nights and 18 years of what my mom dealt with. And when I say 18 years, I mean 33, ‘cause I’m still a baby. So I’ve never felt the burn, you know? And I think for me, the burn is everything.
I love it when ladies speak so confidently about how becoming a mother is not a priority, cause it balances out the narrative we’ve been fed since, well, forever. Having vocal advocates for different maternal goals is valuable, is what I’m saying. And not for nothing, but I think if you’re asked if you want to become a mother, and you respond by likening it to how you feel about starting a celebrity makeup line, well, that really does answer the question. I appreciate how forthright Miley is about her stance, though. And, I can’t help myself, but I found her acknowledgement of how much of a “baby” she still is kinda hilarious. I mean, even the interviewer seemed startled that “End of the World” was hatched after adult Trish took a one week vacation without adult Miley. But hey, at least Miley seems aware of herself here, you know? It sounds like her relationship with Trish is intense. I can understand her feeling like that’s taken up enough emotional bandwidth already. Totally valid. And I didn’t even excerpt all of the mother sections!
Photos credit: Jeffrey Mayer/Avalon, Adriana M. Barraza/Wenn/Avalon, Fernando Ramales/Backgrid
I have almost no time for Miley these days, but as a 39 year old who has been pondering life after my mom passed (she’s in her 70s) what she says about identifying what about my mom makes me feel safe and doing it myself resonates.
I agree with Miley. At this point, I think the women who are truly passionate and gung-ho about having kids and raising healthy human beings are the ones who should have kids. I don’t agree with Miley on much else or really care for her at all but I think she’s right about how in this day and age especially, we need women who are passionate about being mothers to raise children. The human race would be better off with healthy humans over a lot of humans.
While it’s beautiful that Miley is so close to her mom and they truly love each other, she’s doing the right thing by trying to detach a bit and being her own adult. Because she has a life to live on her own terms and as she says herself, her mom won’t be around forever so Miley has to learn to fend for herself a little.
I Wonder if this dynamic is part of why Miley seems to be on her mom’s side about her stepfather. I mean, most reasonable people would be icked out by the fact that their mother married their former lover, but IIRC Miley went all in defending her mom. I wonder if a little space might help her realize that her mom’s decision may be her decision to make, but her sister is not wrong for being hurt and grossed out by it.
To your last paragraph, those same thoughts occurred to me too.
And I agree that detachment is a good thing. I am extremely close to my mother and I remember at one point when I was in my mid thirties my mom looked at me with deep concern in her eyes and said “I worry about what you’ll do when your father and I are no longer here.”
The fiercely independent person in me was immediately defensive but with time, I started to really understand what she meant. It was a wake-up call for me that I was just too reliant on my mom to fulfill the things I was lacking in a relationship. Now that I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, I am grateful for the steady companionship and everything he brings to my life. I’m also far less reliant on my mom. That being said it is so true that nobody can replace your mother and I really relate to the soothing/calming effect that Miley describes here.
*sorry for the rambling reply lol…I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom’s mortality lately…the joy of being in your forties 🙁 *
Please don’t feel sorry for your comment. I lost my mom 16 years ago and while I’m okay with it now because it has been so long, I miss that she never got to meet my kids. And because she died young, I worry that I’m never going to meet my own grandkids. Enjoy your mom while she is here, but it’s great that you have your own life too.
I remember a co-worker saying to me when I was in my early 30s that I should go ahead and have children (or a child) because “it’s different when it’s your own child.” While I have no doubt it’s different, I didn’t have any desire to have children. And I REALLY didn’t want to get pregnant and have a baby to see if at that point I’d change my mind.
While now that I’m pushing 70, I have some regrets that I never had children, I realize when I look back at my life, it would not have been a good choice. Every woman is different, every life is different. The right to choose goes all ways.
I’m also 70 and childless, and I don’t regret my choice to not have children. I do have a dog that serves as my love repository.
Congratulations on a long and beautiful life with just a little regret. I’m in my mid 40s and I hope I feel like you when I am 70.
I think it’s natural to wonder how life could have been if you took a different path, whether it’s getting married, taking a job, moving to another place, or having kids. My husband and I were not sure about having kids for years about and finally had 2. I love them dearly and wouldn’t change anything, but they’re not my entire life — I have friends and hobbies and a career and a marriage aside from them. My point is, that I think if I had decided not to have kids after all, I would feel just like you in my 70s – a little bit of regret but overall happy with the way my life went.
I’m mid-50’s, no children and never married. While there are times I wonder/wish I’d had a marriage, I’ve never wished for or regretted not having children.
I’m mid forties with no kids and feel like Miley. I just never felt a desire. That said, I love love love being an aunt, fr. For me, it’s the best and I love those kids so deeply but I’m not their sole carer or with them 24/7 and wouldn’t want to be. That said, I’m in the south and often feel like the people around me see me as being such a devoted aunt bc I never had kids. Like it’s fulfilling something missing. But I don’t feel that way. They feel like the best icing. I’m like, no, I just like being the aunt and I’m real good with being just that.
I think it’s a blessing when you get to 70 (or however old) and you realize you made a correct choice about something you can’t do over. Regret can be such a painful emotion.
That family would have been a mess under the best of circumstances, but add in money, fame, child stardom, one hit wonders, and jealousy, and yeah, it’s amazing she’s as well-adjusted as she is!
(Also, I wish she’d get some of that buccal fat put back in her face that she removed a few years ago.)
She’s had her struggles, but I think part of the reason why she’s as well adjusted as she is because she allowed herself to rebel.
I actually get her entirely. My grandma was that person for me. She died last August and some days it still feels odd that the world has gone on without her. I lost my dad in 2015 and I thought that destroyed me, but some days it’s still hard to breathe without my grandma. I am still here? Yes. Will I always want her back? Also yes, absolutely.