Madonna orders Jesus Luz not to hang out with Lindsay Lohan


I noticed this totally boring little mini-interview with Jesus Luz in OK! Magazine, and now I’m so glad I did! Jesus is talking about blah, blah, blah, he feels like he’s married to the Madge Vadge, and how people in his family (his parents) always get hitched very young. He kind of sounds like he wants to marry the Madge Vadge for real. Sidenote: Is Jesus a little cross-eyed, or are these just weird photos? Anyway, the best part about it is the little story about Lindsay Lohan that comes at the end. Here’s more:

MADONNA’s boyfriend Jesus Luz says he feels like a married man with a family.

Brazilian model Jesus Luz, who has been dating Madonna for around 15 months, feels like he has a complete family of his own since the pair got together thanks to her four children, Lourdes, 13, Rocco, nine, Mercy, five, and four-year-old David.

The 23-year-old hunk told Brazil’s RG Vogue magazine: “I consider myself a married man. I have a family. At my age, my father was also married. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15.”

While Jesus also admitted in the interview that he can’t help but get jealous of the attention Madonna receives, it seems he is not the only one.

It has been claimed the 51-year-old singer banned her boyfriend from partying with Lindsay Lohan at the VIP Room nightspot in Paris, France recently.

A source told the Daily Mirror: “Lindsay got her people to phone the club to try and hang out with him. She knew he was hosting a night there with Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz.”

“But when Madonna’s people heard, they put a block on it. Jesus wasn’t one to argue, he didn’t want to upset Madonna and was just there to work. Lindsay had to make to with a night in her hotel.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Oh, yes! Madge has a rule for her boy-toys: no Lohan. It’s not the worst rule, actually. In the Daily Mirror’s report, they call this Madonna’s “11th commandment – thou shalt not flirt with young starlets.” The rest of the report OK! Magazine already talked about. You know Lindsay wanted desperately to do her drunken, cracked-out mating call for Jesus. By the way, I think Lindsay’s mating call is something like, “You got any blow? I’ll, like, trade, or whatever. You wanna?”


Jesus in Paris on March 12, 2010. Lindsay in London on March 13, 2010. Credit: ANG/Fame Pictures and

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22 Responses to “Madonna orders Jesus Luz not to hang out with Lindsay Lohan”

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  1. ien says:

    “You got any blow? I’ll, like, trade, or whatever. You wanna?” lmfaooo, the thing is, I could totally see her saying something like that with her ashtray voice.

    and yes jesus is cross-eyed and doesn’t always photography very well…he’s probably better looking in real life though.

  2. TaylorB says:

    I totally support the ‘no hanging with Lohan’ rule for any person in any relationship.

  3. bellaluna says:

    Vadge probably has that rule in place for her own genital health. I, personally, have that very same rule in place with my husband.

  4. meme says:

    why would anyone want to hang out with this crackhead?

  5. Dan says:

    Madge the Vadge?… dude that’s gross

  6. guesty says:

    good for madonna….& btw she was so funny on the marriage ref! that show is hysterical.

  7. chunkstyle says:

    Haha I can only hear the voice that comes on when “The Soup” does the lindsay news with the 80 year old ashtray voiceover…”It’s Lindsay”
    I’m surprised she hasn’t sued them yet!

  8. Lala11_7 says:

    @ bellaluna:


  9. Tia C says:

    @ bellaluna: LOL! Good rule.

    Yeah, Kaiser, Jesus appears to have a wonk eye. You never noticed that before? It shows up in “head-on” photos of him. As ien said, he probably is better looking in real life.

  10. mollination says:

    Re: Wonk Eye: First thing I noticed clicking on this. I thought it was the curl of hair in his eyes playing some magic eye shit on me.

  11. S says:

    @chunkstyle Yes! Those parts of the Soup are my favorite!!! That and the high-pitched It’s Miley voice :)

  12. LolaBella says:

    I totally agree with Madge; she obviously doesn’t want the Baby Jesus to turn into a ‘Milkaholic’. :-)

  13. juiceinla says:

    He should be thanking Madge for caulkblocking Lolo, no way his career (ahem) benefits from her association.

  14. mike says:

    I think Baby Jesus needs to have his oil changed. Just looking at that mop on his head makes me want to run to the shower and scrub my own head. BTW, I love that Madge is 14 years older than Baby Jesus’s mom.

  15. flourpot says:

    Seriously, he’s nasty. And what’s up with that cross… I’m a friggin Taoist and that little slice of egotism got me right pissy. C’mon, Madge. You can do better than this slimy piece of boymeat.

  16. prissa says:

    I think he’s cute but he looks crossed eyed in some pictures.

  17. Haha that is a good rule. Madonna seems like a good parent/elder girlfriend.

  18. KarlLagerfeld says:

    HAHAHAH i never noticed Jesus wonk eye till now ,,as we say in the south,,”he could watch a snake and look for a stick” hahha i would still f— him lol

  19. EMV says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one to notice his crazy eyes…they are lopsided…weird….he is less attractive thanks to this photo

  20. ViktoryGin says:

    @ mike….right?! According to the trend Madge could be his grandmother.

    CTFU @ all the comments.

    I’ve never paid attention to the guy, as I usually don’t pay much attention to Madonna. But, I’m sorry…he could get it.

    I must admit, however, that the cougar shit turns me off. I dislike it where men are concerned, as it’s just as bad on women.

  21. Bea Dover says:

    Why are they hiding Lourdes’ true age? She is 15.

  22. princess pea says:

    Bea Dover – Huh? Lourdes will be 14 this fall. Why do you think they’re lying? See link:,,7566961028,00.html