Though I don’t regularly listen to the Smartless podcast (I usually tune in depending on the guest), I do love to laugh and enjoy a good look behind-the-scenes. So it was in that spirit that I began watching Smartless: On The Road, the 2023 HBO six-episode documentary that followed hosts Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Just Jack Sean Hayes as they took their show, erm, on the road. I was prepared to be entertained; I was NOT prepared to be gobsmacked by the case study of germaphobia extremis that is Jason Bateman. That dude is obsessed! It definitely added to the fun to watch Will and Sean discover the extent of Jason’s peculiarities as they shared hotel suites across the country.
So that’s my lead-in to Jason’s recent appearance on Subway Takes with Kareem Rahma (he was promoting his Netflix series Black Rabbit). The premise of Subway Takes is simple: host and guest have a side-by-side discussion as passengers on an NYC subway train, and the guest kicks things off by sharing a hot, possibly controversial take on an issue of their choosing. Jason decided to proclaim that dogs should have to wear shoes outdoors like the rest of us. (Minus our Aussies, carry on your barefoot ways!) Jason was vivid in his reasonings for his shoe-footed stance:
Jason Bateman got candid about his thoughts on dog fashion and hygiene during a recent episode of the viral series Subway Takes.
The interview, which takes place on a moving New York City subway, was shared on social media on Wednesday, Oct. 15. At the top of each episode, host Kareem Rahma prompts guests to offer their hottest take, and the Ozark star, 56, did not hold back.
“Dogs should have to wear shoes,” Bateman stated, to which Rahma absolutely agreed. “Are you as disgusted by them just tracking around the sidewalk, the roads, and they come into your house, they get on your bed, they’re kissing your face after they’ve been kissing other animal genitalia — I don’t understand why they get a pass on that.”
He went on to say that dogs will also sit on bed pillows, which owners will then sleep on, and noted there being “a highway of your saliva and germs” from the dog that’s too disgusting to ignore. “Everything’s wrong about it,” he said.
Bateman confirmed that he has two dogs, and ironically, they do not wear shoes. However, he also revealed that they don’t leave the house, so the hot take doesn’t apply to them.
“So they’re cats,” Rahma laughed. “Are you sure they’re not cats?” Bateman responded, “Well, one of them I think would qualify definitely as a dog, one of them is definitely a cat.”
Jennifer Aniston, 56, who famously owns two rescue dogs, Lord Chesterfield and Clyde, took to her Instagram Stories to share her thoughts on Bateman’s view of animal hygiene.
“Jason, how dare you?” she wrote in all caps with the video, followed by, “(But I hear you)” written underneath.
Jason Bateman’s dogs: blink twice if you need an intervention to get you back outdoors! No really, they never go outside?? Aniston, please give us the (filthy in Jason’s eyes) dirt on the Bateman pooches! In all sincerity, I highly recommend watching the full clip. Kareem does a great job of always circling back to Jason’s clean freakiness. And I gotta say, Jason neither holds back nor seems embarrassed. Rather, he relays his rituals with the assurance of someone who knows they’re RIGHT! And I say good for him! No joke, Jason sits on the NYC subway and shares, into a mic, that he washes his hands before he pees, because he doesn’t want the germs of the outside world that have glommed onto them to sully his junk. And of course, he dries his hands with a paper towel and then uses said towel to turn the faucet off. If this leaves you as mesmerized as I was/am, then please continue with Smartless: On The Road. He had Will and Sean doubled over in laughter when divulging — earnestly, bless him! — how he structures his day around showering and bowel movements, and the order in which they occur.
To be clear: I have no doubt that the science is completely on Jason’s side. But My Guy’s paws are uncovered and I wouldn’t trade our bedtime snuggles for the world.
Photos credit: IMAGO/Faye Sadou/Avalon, Charles Guerin/Abaca Press/INSTARimages, Julien Reynaud/APS-Medias/Abaca Press/INSTARimages, Getty Images for Netflix, Instagram via People
I also wash my hands before using the bathroom, but I work a dirty-ish job. I wear gloves now so my hands aren’t as filthy as they could be. Seems reasonable to me. lol.
Somehow I agree with him. I don’t have a dog, but if I did, they’d either wear adorable little shoes or I’d just wash their paws after going outside.
Same. I live in Manhattan and don’t have a dog. I love dogs, but my family and I chose to just have a cat. A lot dog owners here started using the booties in the winter to keep their dogs’ pads safe from salted sidewalks. But in the last year or so, I’ve noticed a lot of dog owners using the booties all year round. Our sidewalks are dirty from so many people, dog waste, trash that’s not picked up fast enough. We take off our shoes when we get home, and they don’t go past a rug by the front door. Why not keep your dog (and therefore your apartment) clean in the same way?
When you have pets you need to make a call on what your boundaries are going to be. Our cat sleeps on the bed with us, next door don’t allow their puppy upstairs. Decide what you’re comfortable with.
If you are that focussed on risk/danger from germs in dirt then I suggest you unpick where that comes from and see if you can make your life a little less stressful. We have made huge leaps in our understanding of hygiene and illness and obviously being humanity we’ve taken it too far in some cases (and massively monetised it).
Edit to add – unless you have valid medical reasons obviously
I grew up with two dogs, and now I have a cat.
I slept with them, the cat sleeps with me.
If you are not comfortable with fur, saliva, paws, basically with pets being pets, don’t adopt them. It’s not mandatory.
There’s more than one way to love pets. Sleeping with them is also not mandatory. To each their own.
I’m all for indoor cats, but dogs need to be walked!
And you can keep your dogs off your bed
My dog sleeps with me on a blanket on my bed. That and my bedding are frequently washed. Totally worth it.
So…he’s a germaphobe with dogs that never go outside? Where do they go to the bathroom? On potty pads? Can you even imagine the ‘routine’ he has for that cleanup?
And I dare you to put shoes on my dogs. Hahahaha, the shoes would last 2.5 seconds and you would never get near their feet again. Plus the well-earned looks they would give you.
The shoes didn’t work at for our dog. She is a total diva though.
My kids really wanted to try the shoes. Doggie dearest refused to walk. Acted paralyzed. Demanded to be carried.
💅🏾
Actually, indoor-outdoor dogs are very beneficial to your gut microbiome. They bring in a diversity of microbes, and unless you’re letting them kiss you on the lips (that’s genuinely a health risk) you’re getting a benefit. Research shows that kids who grow up with dogs have fewer allergies.
I doubt his dogs are chronically indoors, never outside. It’s probably a safe bet that he lives on a nice piece of property with lots of room for them to run around and do their business (that I’m sure he promptly cleans up). It sounds like his issue is sidewalks & roads, not grass/yards. 🤷🏻♀️
He probably does mean that, but the grass would (theoretically) get yucky, too! Birds, squirrels, insects, etc. do their business on your grass, and germs are everywhere.
We have a sweet medium-sized yellow floof of a dog who has my husband wrapped around her paw. She is allowed on the couch, sleeps in our bed, and goes for walkies on the sidewalks/paths of our neighborhood in addition to our fenced-in yard. I only wash her paws when it’s muddy outside so she doesn’t track mud on the rugs and all over the house. Our house is clean, but “regular people” clean, lol. The bedding gets washed regularly, couch defurred and cleaned, floors vacuumed and mopped. I’m not going to exhaust myself trying to sanitize the world, free of visible dirt and cleaned on a regular schedule is acceptable to me.
ETA: she sleeps on top of the washable duvet and does NOT put her butt on any pillows, lol!
I dare someone to come to my house and try to put shoes on my pups. I once bought soothing balm for their feet thinking it would be a nice treat, but chaos and hilarity ensued.
I admit I live in denial about the germ factor. I assume dog saliva is sterile and their constant self grooming keeps them germ free. They’re also regularly professionally groomed.
My dogs wear shoes when it is very hot or cold outside. I don’t want their feet to burn or freeze during their walks. They’ve worn them since they were puppies and don’t mind them at all.
Oh I feel seen by Jason’s clean freakiness level, lol. I walk my dog several times a day on days I WFH and after we come home I will glove up and wipe her paws and privates with water wipes or damp paper towel in the laundry before she’s allowed to step into the rest of the house. She’s allowed on the sofa for snuggles with her humans and also she sleeps on out bed on a super king sheet that covers our bedding. Kissing and licking our faces has been a no no from day 1.
Being true to my Aussie nature, I’m completely against shoes on dogs unless the weather calls for it. lol
We use gentle dog wipes on our dog’s paws after she’s been outside.
And if she puts her adorable butt on my pillow, I immediately change the pillowcase. But having her in bed with us is a delight. We bought a king-size bed to accommodate her (actually, my husband said it is for him because he worries if space is tight, I’ll choose the dog lol).
What a weirdo. But I love animals and actually have a farm. I wash my hands a lot. But my dogs are my snuggle buddies and I adore them.
I’m more concerned with what seems to be a very pervasive problem as it relates to dogs in my area: dogs running free without a leash or a lead. I don’t care how sweet or well-trained you think your little buddy is, please keep them on a leash. I’ve seen four or five dogs this week who were unleashed who absolutely lost their sh!t when they saw another dog or something else that prompted their reactivity. Not all of us are dog people, please keep your dogs leashed!
My dog has always refused to wear boots. She kicks them off while she’s walking. I can’t force the issue–if she says no, she says no.
I have no thoughts on the shoe thing. Bateman has the most beautiful head of hair. That’s all.
But…doesn’t the pavement work like a natural nail file? A doggo I looked after never needed his nails trimmed. He was a city dog who preferred pavement, he only ventured onto grass to check the neighborhood pee-mail, and only if the grass wasn’t wet. Only when he got older and couldn’t walk as far did he need his nails trimmed by the groomer.
Unpopular opinion: I get a not-great vibe from Bateman. He’s clever and talented, but I wouldn’t want to hang out with him.