Angelina Jolie is actually attracted to Vanessa Paradis, not Johnny Depp


Hey, does everyone remember how all of the tabloids were like, “Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie are going to have dirty sex, and Vanessa Paradis better watch her back, and Brad Pitt is jealous, and everyone will cry and laugh, because it will be all Angelina’s fault, because she’s the devil”? Remember? Yeah. Well, the National Enquirer has a scoop, and it’s a much better story than we were expecting. Apparently, Depp isn’t really Angelina’s type. She’s way more into Vanessa Paradis! This is good sh-t! Yes, Angelina is hot for Vanessa, because Vanessa is, in Angelina’s mind (as translated by a “source”), just like the French version of herself: “She sees a lot of herself in Vanessa – the irreverent, sultry sexiness that comes from someone who doesn’t have to try too hard.” That’s laying it on a bit thick, for both women. But whatever. Oh, Angelina also likes Vanessa because Angelina is total Francophile. That I’ll buy:

Angelina Jolie has the hots for Johnny Depp’s super sexy girlfriend, sources tell the Enquirer. Johnny’s longtime love Vanessa Paradis exploded in a fury when she learned that Johnny and Angelina would be filming the movie The Tourist together in Italy and France. Well aware of Angelina’s history with leading men, Vanessa was terrified that Angelina would set her sights on Johnny.

But Vanessa’s fears were WAY off base, says a close source. Angelina, who has admitted to being bisexual, is far more attracted to the flame-haired Vanessa than her beau.

“Angelina laughed when she read the reports about her supposedly having a crush on Johnny… she pointed out that while there’s no doubt he’s a good looking guy, there’s nothing especially exciting about him – and she thinks his girlfriend is way hotter. Ever since Angie first saw magazine photos of Vanessa, she has wanted to meet her.”

Aside from being a knockout and one of France’s sex symbols, 37-year-old Vanessa has one thing going for her that makes her irresistible to Angelina, say insiders. She’s French!

Angelina loves everything French. She speaks the language and is teaching it to her kids and she and Brad live part time in a $60 million chateau in the South of France.

“Angie loves Vanessa’s natural beauty, and has always talks about how lucky Johnny is to have landed her,” said another insider. “She sees a lot of herself in Vanessa – the irreverent, sultry sexiness that comes from someone who doesn’t have to try too hard.”

Another source reiterates: “Vanessa has absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of Angelina and Johnny… the fact is that if Angelina was unattached, which of course she’s not, she’d much prefer to be with a woman than a guy. Angie has always been attracted to girls and has made no secret about this. So Vanessa would be a far more likely choice for her than Johnny.”

[From National Enquirer, print edition, March 30]

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I doubt Brad or Johnny would really mind having their ladies get together for a nooner in Venice. Well… I suspect Brad wouldn’t mind, I don’t know Johnny’s opinions about girl-on-girl action, or nooners for that matter. I also have to give credit to whoever came up with this angle – it’s pretty smart, and it’s a great deflection of the “John-gelina: The Torrid Affair Waiting To Happen” stories. And it’s even plausible, always a plus!

By the way, here are some photos of Angelina and Brad leaving Johnny’s house in Venice. Do you think Vanessa was there? Do you think Vanessa and Angelina lingered in the kitchen, flirting? Probably not. Shiloh and Zahara were there too.



Angelina, Brad and the kids in Venice on March 21, 2010. Credit: Vanessa Paradis at the Chanel show on February 9, 2010. Credit: ANG/Fame.

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32 Responses to “Angelina Jolie is actually attracted to Vanessa Paradis, not Johnny Depp”

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  1. bite me says:

    i totally believe this, yup

  2. Jeane says:

    YES! Angelina and Vanessa should totally run off together! A heartbroken Johnny Depp will find comfort in the arms of Jennifer Aniston. Brad Pitt will ride off into the sunset with George Clooney.
    Elisabetta Canalis finds a new day job being a fulltime nanny for all the children.
    Everyone lives happily ever after.

  3. Dorothy says:

    that is a horrible snapshot of Vanessa! What is up with her teeth? Johnny has bad teeth too.

  4. dutchman says:

    Vagelina??? oh my ho ho ho ho

  5. snowball says:

    Aah, quit showing the pic of Vanessa in flannel! She was obviously having a bad day. She cleans up quite nicely.

    I really don’t think this is going to deter many of the maniacs who think Angelina’s vadge is going to sneak out from under one of her very sensible wool dresses and wrap itself around Johnny’s head, when he can’t see because some idiot decided to fluff up his hair so he looks like the damn Count of Monte Cristo.

  6. Andrew says:

    ooooh yes. National Enquirer such a reliable source. Believe everyting they write. the holy bible yep!!!!

  7. Madelyn Rose says:

    I am sorry, but this article makes me want to throw up. Vanessa is nothing like Angelina and she shouldn’t flatter herself by thinking they are similar. Will Angie ever stop trying to make it all about her? I am sure her small children will love reading about this.

  8. jessica says:

    HAHAHA oh i know! They should all have sex together! Ewww that would be so disgusting..and you guys are all forgeting something,Even if Our precious angie is attracted to vanessa..that doesn’t mean vanessa is attracted to that wh*re! I Bet that after johney heard this story his all like BACK OFF BI*CH

  9. mslewis says:

    Well, at least this is a different lie; still a lie, but different. By the way, Johnny was in Tokyo yesterday so I’m guessing Brad and Angelina and the kiddies were visiting Vanessa and her kiddies. OR, Brad and all the kiddies were playing whilst Angelina and Vanessa were getting it on in the kitchen.

    P.S.: Angelina is not “teaching her kids” to speak French. They are learning from their tutors. According to Brad, he and Angelina are trying hard to learn the language and they don’t speak it as well as their kids do.

  10. confused says:

    WHY do they dress this little girl like a boy?

  11. Cinderella says:

    This sounds like someone’s fantasy but not Angelina’s.

  12. teri says:

    The mags didn’t get anyone riled up about AJ and JD so now they target Vanessa.

  13. Kim says:

    Loving Shiloh’s style. IS NE the tabloid that claimed Angie was after JD. I know the tabloids often contradict themselves.

  14. ThunderC*nt says:

    I only care what the Brangeloonies will think of this.

  15. hatsumomo says:

    mslewis, that has to be one of the few truths to ever make it on this board. Kids really do pick up languages with ease and skill quickly rather than adults. Its a knack you lose when you get older.

  16. juiceinla says:

    HHHHHAAA! I can’t believe that no one here on these boards called this!

    Kudos to the Nat-E for such plausible creativity. Its pro’lly why they have been around for ever.

  17. cara says:

    does Johnny live in a tent? That’s what it looks like they are coming out of..
    Vanessa has bad teeth,when she smiles all the good looks go out the door

  18. Kim says:

    Im sure Angelina said these things. Vanessa is beautiful. She isnt saying I want to sleep w her.

  19. lastwordlinda says:

    Holy forehead on Vanessa!

  20. Beth says:

    Why does eveybody think this story is plausible? First of all NE said Angelina was after Johnny for weeks but now their sources are trustworthy? Unless I missed something Angelina only had one lesbian relationship ten years ago. So I find it hard to believe that she’s obsessed with Vanessa.

  21. trvlbug529 says:

    My theory:

    Angelina wants both Johnny and Vanessa.

  22. Camille says:


  23. Jess says:

    I don’t know how anyone kisses Vanessa Paradis. I just saw the TV ad campaign for Chanel rouge and I shivered with revulsion. They even airbrush her and she still looks terrible. Paradis has aged really badly (compared to her early Chanel campaigns when she was 20) and her teeth need fixing. The older people get their gums shrink more and if they have noticeable gaps, it looks worse.

  24. SpreadLove says:

    hahaha that would have to be the worst pic I have ever seen of Vanessa. Thanks for sharing it.
    Somewhere Angelina and Vanessa are rolling around laughng their guts out over this one. God they write crap these days.

  25. Emily says:

    I commented a few weeks ago that Angelina could be going for Vanessa as much as Johnny. NE totally stole my scoop! They better start paying me as a “source”.

  26. Jocelina says:

    I can’t lie — I want Angelina to hook up with as many people as possible, because her name combines hilariously with other names.

    For real, though, I never thought that Johnny Depp seemed like her type, so I’d buy that she finds Vanessa Paradis more attractive.

  27. nnn says:

    The reason why Vanessa has aged very much is because she is STILL a heavy smoker like many people in France. She also used to take care more of herself pre Johnny having that posh gipsy stuyle. Since they hooked up, they both went for the trashier version.

    Plus though she is sweet, she really should feed her brains. She has a very poor level of intellect for a 37 years old. I would have thought that staying at home for nearly a decade, taking care of the kids would have broaden her mind or she would have passed her baccalauréat (highschool degree).

    But unlike other former child stars like Sophie Marceau for exemaple she didn’t upgraded her mind and still talk like when she was a 14 year old lillita, she still has the brains of the 14 year old dropout highschooler she was and still is.

  28. Haha hilarious story. What kind of house does Johnny live in? It has giant curtains of some sort?

  29. Agus says:

    this is for JESS and NNN. I think that you’re both completely jealous of Vanessa. and nnn.. how can you say “she has a poor level of intellect? what kind of person you are? I don’t think that all these crazy stories about angelina and johnny are true. But I think johnny and vanessa are stronger everyday and obviously are madly in love. I love them!

  30. EMILY says:


  31. Carrie says:

    1) I believe Johnny Dep is a deeper person with more integrity than to jeoparize the relationship with his soul mate and mother of his children for a cheap fling. He just doesn’t seem like that kind of thrill seeker; and, further Ang just doesn’t seem like his type. For that matter, they don’t even seem like they’d have enough chemistry for their roles to be believable. 2) I don’t blame Vanessa if she does feel somewhat threatened though, considering Angelina’s track record and clear lack of morals and integrity – I believe she’d nail just about anyone in the name of thrills – even her brother or maybe even her dog. 3) Brad Pit needs to get rid of the ridiculous hats and shave that crap off his face so he can retain what youth and looks he still has – why waste what he has left. There’s plenty of time to look old, raggedy, and unsexy later in life – he ruins his looks like this. So ridiculous. 4) I think that Vanessa needs to go get bonding done on her teeth – heaven only knows they can afford this – Johnny included, maybe get some botox or whatever and she will clean up nicely – she still have looks but just needs a little polishing up and the old silver will shine again – and stop cutting her hair short because it looks fuzzy and ugly when she wears it like that.

  32. Carrie says:

    oh ya…and 5) Vanessa get a boob job – maybe a small boob job so it appears she has some semblance of boobs – maybe she’d feel sexier and less intimidated by Ang this way – show confidence and don’t let Angelina intimidate her – get the idea Johnny is getting interested and she can turn it around and make him jealous – I have this feeling that Johnny Dep would forget all about any momentary interest in Ang the second he realized someone was becoming interested in his gal – she’s French and knows her way around a catwalk, she should be able to bluff/flirt her way with this situation too