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As we discussed earlier this week, Donald Trump issued Thanksgiving Greetings in the form of a hateful anti-immigration post, penned in his signature rhetorical style of unhinged with a wanton use of capitalizations. Contained within that screed was a gross slur directed at Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, who took the high road in response with a brief statement: “release the MRI results,” referring to an MRI Trump had in October. The administration’s M.O. has been to have the White House physician release summaries of Trump’s medical care, as opposed to actual results. So basically, hearsay. That’s what they did in October — a summary in which the doctor did not mention the MRI, we only learned about it from Trump blabbing on Air Force One — and it’s what they just did on Monday after reporters followed up on Walz’s comment. Luckily, California Governor Gavin Newsom was ready to meet the moment. For months Newsom has been SLAYING on Twitter with his send-ups of Trump posts, so on Monday he too released his own doctor’s report, and it’s a beaut:

In a spoof memo dated Monday, Dec. 1 and signed by “Dr. Dolittle, Physician to the Governor, California Department of Peak Excellence,” Newsom, 58, and his team mocked Trump, 79, after White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt revealed details of the abdominal and cardiovascular scans the president underwent in October.

A memo from White House physician Sean Barbabella stated that Trump’s results from both tests were “perfectly normal,” insisting the MRIs were “preventative.”

“This level of detailed assessment is standard for an executive physical at President Trump’s age and confirms that he remains in excellent overall health,” Barbabella said, per the memo read by Leavitt during Monday’s briefing.

Poking fun at the president’s glowing memo, Newsom’s team then released the summary of the governor’s own “advanced imaging results.”

“I’m pleased to report that nothing about the Governor’s health is merely ‘normal,’” the joke memo added, “Governor Newsom remains the healthiest human currently alive or recorded in medical history.”

The report added that Newsom’s cardiovascular scans were “the best we’ve ever recorded,” describing his arteries as “shimmering.”

“His resting heart rate was so steady the EKG machine asked if he was ‘meditating or just naturally enlightened,’” the memo continued and described Newsom’s bone density as “exceptional” — so much so that “a radiologist briefly wondered if we’d scanned a redwood.”

“His brain imaging showed no issues other than an unusually active region associated with intelligence, multitasking, and being wildly productive before sunrise,” the memo continued, adding, “While we do not typically comment on the health of other elected officials, we are aware of a letter released today from the White House claiming that President Trump is in ‘excellent health.’”

Appearing to mock the recent images showing Trump with his eyes closed during a meeting in the White House, the sarcastic memo went on, “We’ll simply note that Governor Newsom completes full workdays without falling asleep in meetings, does not require ‘executive time’ to lie down and watch TV during work hours, and is able to stand upright without looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.”

[From People]

Excellent. No notes. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Newsom is bringing the antagonistic energy needed right now. Plus, writing so awful should be spoofed! Newsom absolutely nailed the mimicry in the parts where he bragged about netting the best, bigly healthiest results ever recorded in humanity! Trump is so dumb I doubt he even realizes that he follows the same pattern for everything: “They say I got the highest score EVER in the History of the test, they’ve never SEEN such fantastic results as these, they say!” For me, though, the parts of Newsom’s memo that really made me guffaw were the eccentric bits far too intelligent to ever be confused for Trump. Sentences like, “His resting heart rate was so steady the EKG machine asked if he was ‘meditating or just naturally enlightened,’” and “A radiologist briefly wondered if we’d scanned a redwood,” when praising his bone density (and also tying in nicely to California). Plus the Leaning Tower of Pisa quip! All gems. Thanks for combating fascism with ridicule, Newsom!

Meanwhile in other good news, Trump’s use of the slur against Walz has already cost him the support of at least one Republican, a state senator from Indiana who vowed to vote against a redistricting effort in response to Trump’s slander.

Summary of Governor Gavin C. Newsom’s Advanced Imaging Results pic.twitter.com/4LMLvmRG82

— Governor Newsom Press Office (@GovPressOffice) December 2, 2025

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Photos credit: Janet Mayer/INSTARimages.com, Avalon.red, Getty