Chelsea Handler’s diet consisted of vodka & Doritos


Chelsea Handler is the cover girl for the April issue of Shape Magazine (cover story here). She’s still trying to convince us that she’s in her 30s, too. But whatever, she looks good, although this cover is so overwhelmingly orange, it hurts my eyes. Why do an orange cover when your cover girl is already a shade of orange? I don’t get it.

Anyway, I think the point of this is that Chelsea is in a bikini and we should all want to go on the booze-heavy diet Chelsea’s on so that we can look like that in a bikini. Ah, whatever:

US comedienne Chelsea Handler has revealed how she got her flat stomach without having to give up her favourite cocktails. The 35-year-old funnywoman told Shape magazine: “I told my nutritionist: ‘I’m not going to quit drinking. I love to hang out with my girlfriends and have cocktails and dinner. It’s how I relax’. He explained that calorie-wise, vodka isn’t so bad, as long as you drink it with soda.”

She added: “Knowing I could have a drink made it easier to stick to the programme.”

The stand-up comedian and TV personality shows off her slimline body on the cover of the US fitness magazine, wearing a tiny red bikini and a big smile. The Chelsea Lately host revealed that she hired a nutritionist once she decided to get serious about being healthy, after years of yo-yo dieting.

‘I was born with a French-fry in my mouth,” she said and admitted that she grew up munching on Doritos in between meals. Now the late-night chat-show host has swapped junk food for healthier options and is feeling better for it. But despite all her efforts to shape up, Handler revealed that her family thought she had actually packed on the pounds when they tuned into her chat show.

She said: ‘I went home to visit my family after my show first started and my sister said to me, ‘Oh, you look good. We were going to say something about your weight because you look so big on TV’.

‘And then I looked at their TV and I realised they had it on wide-screen. I’m like, ‘Of course I look big. Take it off wide-screen you losers!”

[From Monsters & Critics]

Personally, I don’t really care for Chelsea because I think she’s too mean, not to mention racist. But whatever. Good for her for trying to be healthier. She’s promoting her new book, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. It’s basically a collection of funny essays and comedic bits, and it’s already number one on the NYT’s hardcover nonfiction list, knocking off Karl Rove’s Courage and Consequence, which is pretty hilarious in and of itself. But… is she really 35 years old? You be the judge.

Chelsea Handler Book Party For Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang - Arrivals

Chelsea Handler Book Party For Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang - Arrivals

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66 Responses to “Chelsea Handler’s diet consisted of vodka & Doritos”

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  1. bite me says:

    ugly as sin

  2. LolaBella says:

    I’m not a fan of Chelsea, but I’d be a total fan of a vodka (Grey Goose) and Doritos (Nacho Cheese) diet! 😉

    Oh and yeah, there is no way in HELL she is only 35!

  3. Katyusha says:

    Chelsea is really mean, but I think for the most part, she says what everyone else thinks. And she’s hiiiiilarious.

    Kaiser, how do you gather she’s racist?
    She’s really good friends with Loni Love, one of her round table folks.

  4. meooooow says:

    Love her!

  5. juiceinla says:

    She is the worlds least interesting hypocrite. Handler makes her living ripping other celebrities for the same crap she is now doing. first, Playboy and a cover of Shape in a bikini, like she works out? It’s only a matter of time before she goes “Montag” on us.

    ps- no she isn’t 35, she is well known around these parts to be at least 42, but I’d have guessed 45.

  6. Jessica says:

    I have to say I like her…I know she’s obnoxious and probably a little mean but I think she’s funny. She is able to laugh at herself. I think ‘racist’ is a little exagerated.

  7. Risa says:

    Maybe she just smoke(d/s) a lot and that aged her severely? She looks more like 40 or 45 to me!

  8. Sunnyjyl says:

    I am also curious about the racism claim. I have been trying to be more conscious of people who are, and not support them with my money.

  9. gonzo says:

    she’s not racist, she’s just honest. and why would she lie about being 35? she’s not an actress who has to get by on looks, she’s a comedian. who cares if she looks like hell.

  10. SammyHammy says:

    She’s not racist; she picks on everyone equally (including herself). She’s funny and her books are great…I can’t wait to read this latest one.

  11. yankees says:

    I went to HS with her she is definitely in her 30’s haha.

  12. Just a Poster says:

    I love her! And yes she is mean, but I also thinks she tells it like it is.

  13. juiceinla says:

    @gonzo, she’d lie about being 35, because she can’t pass for anything younger. When she started her show, she pitched herself as 30…said it out loud. Now its 35, and other times its another age.

    There are plenty of funny people who say direct things, or what we are all thinking, without then going out and doing the things she abuses others for.

    She’s not clever, just brash.

  14. She’s alright, I hate that EVERYONE says to me – you sound just like Ch.Late now a days. Look, I’ve been bitter and bitchy my whole life, please don’t think I’m a copy cat! Not to mention while I will do snarky, I am smart.

  15. chunkstyle says:

    Hmmmm, I watch her show quite a bit and don’t get the racist vibe, I think her schtick is that she is a super bitch so she’s just an asshole to everyone, but she also rags on herself, i dunno, i don’t see it.
    Having said that, yeah bitch is NOT 35! I’m 34 and while no spring-chicken, damn I look like a baby next to her…maybe it is her smokin/drinkin stuff that sucked the years out of her skin. MOISTURIZE!!

  16. Kaiser says:

    Re: the racist stuff.

    Honestly, I don’t watch her that often, so I can’t judge her for the entire run of her show. That being said, a few weeks ago I caught her interview with Bradley Cooper, and she wouldn’t shut up about the “small Asian man” in The Hangover. She kept going on and on about how small the guy’s dick was, and how it’s because he’s Asian. I realize it was her way of being “funny” and “provocative” but it just seemed unnecessary, and B. Coop seemed turned off by it too.

  17. scotchy says:

    i don’t get the appeal of this woman. she is not funny, she is bitchy in the most generic of ways and she is most certainly NOT 35.

  18. gg says:

    She kinda looks like Sienna Miller.

  19. lucy2 says:

    I watch her show pretty regularly. Her whole humor is bitchy/self-deprecating/snark, and I can totally see why a person might not find her funny, but I often do. With all the celebrity butt kissing that usually goes on TV, it’s kind of nice to have something different.
    A lot of the racial jokes are within the typically diverse group of comedians on the show, and they all pick on each other and are OK about it – I don’t think she should extend that line of humor over to guests who clearly aren’t part of the day to day group and become uncomfortable.

    I do think she looks older, but I doubt she’s lying about her age – that sort of thing is too easy to check up on these days. I think a lot of hard partying years took their toll – look at Lohan – she looks 40+ and we all know she’s early 20s.

  20. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    I can’t stand her. She USED to be funny before she got it on that with guy from E! and he thought with the wrong head and gave her a show, which totally SUCKS!!!!!

  21. Gemini says:

    Her arms are big. I work out so hard so that mine don’t get that way…is it inevitable??

  22. oh hey says:

    I doubt if she’s racist too. But I could be wrong.

    Now if you said unfunny, I’d agree 110%.

  23. danielle says:

    I read her book – didn’t find her funny AT ALL! Yankees, cool that you went to school with her and could confirm her age. She could be a 35 year old who lived on doritos, vodkas, cigs, and sun bathing. But bless her for not having plastic surgery – makes me feel like I look pretty good at 34!

  24. lrm says:

    yea,and i see she is sporting that bowtox forehead?
    Hasn’t anyone noticed how there’s always this strong vein down the middle, on all the celebs who do botox?

    Everyone talks about the shiny/no moving face…but honestly,I always notice that vein down the middle. Angelina has it and a few others, though off hand I am not recalling names…it’s just very pronounced, and Handler has it.

    I’m not into her at all…might have been a funny stand up back in the day-but now, totaly agree, she makes her living off making fun of celebs, and now she hangs ou with them all and does the same thing! doh.

  25. kai says:

    I guess some people really do love their alcohol. It’s always made me laugh at how people will shit a brick over how smoking makes you look old, but drinkers never EVER seem to realize that the reason they always look so haggard, leathery, wrinkled and tired is because of all the booze they’re sucking down. I guess Chelsea doesn’t care or will just get surgery and Botox to cover up that drinking damage, and good for her, but I just cannot understand why anyone actually likes drinking (and I come from a family with quite a few alcoholics). I’d rather have the Doritos, but all the fake processed poison in them will kill you too, so we can’t ever win!

  26. snapdragon says:

    looks like her head was photoshopped onto someone else’s body.

  27. Sunnyjyl says:

    Thanks for the clarification, Kaiser. She may not be a racist, but her schtick doesn’t make her an ambassador of peace and love. I have found her to be funny on many occasions. However, a little Chelsea goes a long way for me.

  28. jackieny says:

    she is definitely 35, i know someone who is from her town and is familiar w their family. i watch her show every night and have read all of her books, and she regularly laughs about her age, shes like YES I KNOW I LOOK OLDER IM 35 THOUGH IM SORRY I LOOK LIKE SH*T, and things like that.. she openly talks about (on air and in all of her books) how she’s always been a heavy drinker etc. and obv that takes its toll on your looks.

  29. Michelle says:

    I watch her show every night..I went to her show here in Phoenix.. I have all of her books..I think she’s HYSTERICAL. She makes fun of douchebags in hollywood…why is that wrong?? These people act like complete morons..someone needs to put them in thier place..Let it be Chelsea!..She’s far from have U not read any of her books?? haha all of her guests are of different backrounds & they all tease each other..It’s not her doing all the comments…anyways I find her very pretty..but her personality & humor make her a knockout…esp when she can handle her own with other male talk show hosts..& Does it BETTER 🙂

  30. christina says:

    She is sometimes funny and her complete ignorance on certain topics makes me laugh at her, not with her

  31. Scout says:

    Kaiser, if you are orange and they put you on an orange cover, I think you look thinner! LOL

  32. Granger says:

    Gemini, gimme a break, you must see plenty of pics of celebs in their mid-30s (and older) who don’t have “big” arms. It is definitely NOT inevitable!

  33. Mark says:

    Hello people they are comediennes making fun of celebrity and the wackiness that they create.

  34. matty says:

    shes not racist nor mean. if you have watched her show from the beginning, like i, you would see that. her friends are black, gay, asian, a midget i mean, everything. she just says it and laughs. im gay and i in no way find her gays jokes mean or degrading. gah people just gah the people on here calling her racist are the dumbasses shes usually making fun of because they believe it.

  35. Eileen Yover says:

    I’m going against the wave here but I LUUUUUURVE her! I watch her show every night and I love it. Love the show, love her, love vodka….love it.

  36. magnolia says:

    chelsea is NOT a racist. she’s just clever enough to include everyone in her jokes rather than being afraid to say anything anti-PC like the rest of america. I record her and watch every night in bed. if don’t find her show entertaining than i think you lacking the humor gene..

  37. JC126 says:

    I’m glad somebody else noticed how bizarre her head looks!
    As for racism, her panels on her show are always very diverse, so I really don’t think she’s racist. They goof on everybody.

  38. Janeth says:

    I love Chelsea! She’s not racist at all… She makes fun of everyone not just one specific race. And I happen to love that she loves her vodka just like ME. =)

  39. Rose Lizenberg says:

    i find it ironic that a website called celeBITCHY is labeling a comic as being “too mean”

  40. SpreadLove says:

    OMG she is so not racist. Kaiser how come up with that one? I’m actually really interested to know? Have you watched her show or is that what you have heard?
    I love the fact that she is not scared to be politically incorrect and that she does not suck up to the celebs like most other shows and calls some of them stupid. They are!
    How fun would she be if she was a friend? You’d just have a ball.

  41. Ruffian9 says:

    snapdragon: Yes! – That was my first thought re; the Shape cover!

  42. the other mel says:

    Who’d You Rather?…Chelsea Handler or Ann Coulter? Chelsea any day of the week, bitch!

  43. Kate says:

    Ew… I hate Chelsea Handler. And I don’t know who her dietitian is, but alcohol (in any form- liquor, wine, beer etc) is relatively high in calories no matter what you drink it with. And I thought that the point of being on the cover of Shape is being in shape… guess not.

  44. me2also says:

    Nope, she doesn’t look 35, more like 42. Too many years of boozing and baking in the sun.

  45. k says:

    i agree w you michelle ~~~shes better than other late night hosts so refreshing to have a different female young perspective shes exactly what i needed

  46. Kat says:

    She needs to FOAD and take Sarah “I Like Pee and I’m So Edgy!” Silverman with her.

  47. Dannni says:

    Right. Just because she has a paid midget “friend”, doesn’t mean she isn’t an irrelevant douchey xenophobe. She is, obviously.

  48. Mb says:

    Wow. So much hate for Chelsey. I love her and she makes me laugh everytime I watch her show. I’m suprised. I think she is hilarious!

  49. Cletus says:

    WHat the hell does FOAD mean, though? That’s the REAL question here.

  50. Cletus says:

    WAIT… Fuck Off And Die? FOAD?

  51. porno says:

    merci admin..

  52. jaime says:

    I think chelsea is one hilarious bitch!!!I love her (and when i say bitch,its in a good way!). Her books are hysterical. Her calling chuy a nugget is priceless!!! Shes not racist-she picks on everyone equally. I love her!

  53. Audra says:

    LOVE Chelsea. She’s honest, funny, and looks great! Who cares what she ate or drank or what her real age is…she probably got paid from Doritoes and Belvadere Vodka. She’s a comedian, don’t be so serious ladies.

  54. fizXgirl314 says:

    agh, aren’t people seriously tired of her photoshopped ass on magazine covers? I kind of like her because she seems like she’s got attitude on her show but she seriously needs to stop posing half naked on magazine covers… it makes me loser respect for her quite honestly… We don’t need to know how she got her arms, abs, butt or *insert random body part* really… keep it to yourself…

  55. Jenn says:

    Um, not sure if it’s just me or not, but her head looks like it was Photoshopped right on to someone’s (maybe even her own) airbrushed body.
    Nice going, for a “fitness” mag.

  56. michelle says:

    Hey, I am 40, and I look younger than her. Even 25-30 YO’s think i am their age and are really surprised when I tell them I am 40, but I have never been drunk, don’t do drugs, ever, and eat healthy.

    I think she’s nearer to 50.

  57. Jane Jetson says:

    Chelsea Handler is an outspoken, opinionated undiluted human being. She barely pulls her remarks out of the fire and one day she is going to be nailed for the offensive quips that got away. She is funny…sometimes. At other times, she sounds like she’s sharing her rather stark stream of conscience (or unconsciousness) without apology. Is she a racist? She doesn’t like unattractive or repugnant things,people, or attitudes. What’s does that make her?

  58. madeline says:

    you all are a bunch of good for nothing idiots. she’s hilarious. get over yourselves. she isn’t a racist, and she looks great. What…a couple of a**holes.

  59. Buffy says:

    I visited this site with the thought that I could not stand Chelsea. I had just heard how much she made this year and I was all “Damn” She’s really NOT that funny. Some personal things lately have made me realize how wrong it is to bash someone though. So after further contemplation…she’s funny enough and not worth saying mean things about…and perfectly beautiful. (Why are you snarks bashing her looks…she’s gorgeous) Personally glad I reconsidered my own bitchiness.

  60. Colin Hall says:

    Personally I prefer big girls … call me old fashioned 😉

  61. gabriel l says:

    I used to like Chelsea Handler’s show but the more I watched, the more turned off I would be by the motive behind her jokes. She makes multiple gay jokes every night and then constantly reminds the audience how straight she is. It almost seems like the intention behind it is to clear the bisexual rumours about her. That is a hipocrite in my book. She also makes comments about people being worthless if they are not “muscled up”. I think she is shallow, vulgar and insincere climbing her way up with sex.

  62. Debbie says:

    Does anyone know the song that they play in the scene when she is talking about the guy in the hot tub with the big boobs? TIA

  63. Dustin mcdonald says:

    Yeah if you just look at the airbrushed cover and the one that shes holding her book, its clear she is in her 40’s Yeah she drinks and stuff but its in her neck you can see the age wrinkles.I think she can funny at times but she seems to get her info from magazines.I mean the only reason she got on tv was cause she was dating the head of E.And four years ago she said she was 33 now shes only “35” okay.

  64. C-Luv says:

    One thing about this broad is that her act gets old after awhile. I used to find her hilarious and I find that the more and more I watch her, her jokes start becoming predictable and annoying. I don’t find anything clever about her wit. It’s only her blunt, brash attitude that some people find humor in, but like I’ve mentioned, it becomes dull and predictable. Btw….she needs to put make up before appearing in front of cameras….she looks dead. And she needs a stylist.

  65. Jeannette B says:

    Chelsea Handler is stupid and annoying!!!

  66. CPB says:

    aaaaaaaand she still looks like shit