Richard Eden’s column at the Mail Plus this week is a real hoot. I chuckled just reading the headline: “Everything’s going wrong for Harry and Meghan but the Royal Family are not laughing because they will have to take them back.” Come on, that is f–king hilarious. “We’re obviously rooting against them and we’ve spent the past eight years smearing Prince Harry and Meghan and trying to ruin their businesses and their reputations, but what if they actually go broke and we’re forced to take them back?!?!” As you can imagine, this is about Variety’s hit piece on the Sussexes, As Ever and Netflix, which is looking more and more like part of a coordinated attack across British and American media. But Eden’s piece isn’t solely about that stuff – he’s still complaining about the Sussexes’ upcoming trip to Australia, and how sad it is that they have commercial ventures. Then he returns to his favorite conspiracy, about how there is a high-level plot to “bring back the Sussexes.” Some highlights:

Why QEII said the Sussexes couldn’t be half-in/half-out: She realised that this could have brought the Royal Family into serious disrepute. Members of the public who support the royals with their taxes would not know if the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were undertaking an engagement out of duty or because it furthered their business interests. The wisdom of the Queen’s decision will be seen in Australia next month when Harry and Meghan visit. They are to undertake a mixture of charitable and money-making engagements that seem tacky even by the couple’s standards.

The Sussexes are, as always, in desperate need of money: Meghan and Harry are, it seems, having to undertake such cringe-inducing engagements because their lucrative contracts with US media giants Netflix and Spotify have dried up. This week, the California-based couple felt the need to issue public statements condemning both an article by Variety magazine on their business challenges and a deeply unflattering new book about them by British author Tom Bower. The article in Variety is particularly noteworthy as the ‘Hollywood bible’ does not usually dare to antagonise people it might want to feature in the future. The magazine ran a flattering interview with the duchess back in 2022 which was promoted on its cover under the headline: ‘The Meghan moment’. Clearly, it has decided that her moment has passed – and won’t be returning in a hurry.

No palace schadenfreude: Palace officials might be expected to observe the Sussexes’ apparent reversal of fortunes with a sense of schadenfreude given Queen Elizabeth’s concerns, the couple’s later insults aimed at the Royal Family plus indiscretions both in their interviews and Harry’s memoir, Spare. In fact, the opposite is the case, I’m told. Courtiers were hoping that Meghan would make a fortune from her lifestyle company, As Ever, so that she wouldn’t need to trade on her royal connections. Netflix’s confirmation that it has pulled out of its involvement with the brand suggests that it did not believe the project would be a success.

The Sussex Restoration: The Sussexes’ business struggles mean they will be more determined than ever to emphasise their royal connections. That is why ‘Project Thaw’ – described as a plot to return them to the Royal Family – is thickening. Harry is said to be confident that automatic, taxpayer-funded security will be restored by the time he comes to Britain this summer, accompanied by Meghan and their two children, to promote the Invictus Games, which are due to take place in Birmingham next year.

Behind the scenes: Royal officials are terrified of discussing the Sussexes, but a source tells me: ‘A lot is going on behind the scenes that people don’t know about.’

[From The Daily Mail]

I’m consistently offended by the stupidity of the Sussexes’ “critics” in general, but specifically when it comes to money and this deranged pocket-watching. These people have no concept of “earning tens of millions of dollars and saving and investing that money.” People like Eden constantly talk about “their lucrative contracts with US media giants Netflix and Spotify have dried up” – like the Sussexes haven’t already been paid by Netflix and Spotify. Like Harry didn’t make tens of millions from Spare. Like Meghan hasn’t invested in a dozen businesses. Like As Ever isn’t a successful start-up! Even Richard Palmer admitted last weekend, in a piece for the i Newspaper, that the Sussexes have plenty of money. Without that “H&M are going broke” angle, the whole story falls apart. If they have money, then they’re just going to Australia for fun and work. If they have money, then they’re doing humanitarian work because service is universal. If they have money, then there is no plot to return to the UK to butter up their bald-demon royal associations.

The mentions of QEII’s boundless wisdom in this piece is fascinating too, because the late queen has been scapegoated heavily in recent months for her lack of wisdom and foresight in how she handled her sex trafficking degenerate son Prince Andrew. Surely the combination of these two stories – the exile of the Sussexes and the protection of Andrew – show that the old lady was actually a terrible decision-maker, a horrible judge of character and a bad manager?

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.