Original Late Show host Santa David Letterman was current (and final) host Stephen Colbert’s guest on last Thursday’s show, and the appearance was every bit as irreverent and hostile as we’d hoped it would be. Towards CBS, not between the hosts! From the minute he walked out (the band played him on to The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” which inexplicably cracked me up), Dave was raring to go. He barely needed Stephen to set him up for any talking points or jokes, and Stephen, being the great host he is, mainly sat back and gave Dave the space to do whatever he wanted. Which turned out to be the “wanton destruction of CBS property.” By the end of the first segment, Dave had summoned helpers to remove the very chairs he and Stephen were sitting on. A couple segments later, the pair of hosts were reunited with the furniture… on the roof of the Ed Sullivan building, where they proceeded to throw the chairs (and six watermelons, three apiece) off the roof onto the (cordoned off) street below, with a large CBS eye logo serving as target.

During his tenure as the series’ host, Letterman was known to poke fun at CBS, and he continued in his visit with Colbert on Thursday.

“You know what happened backstage? A guy came over, and he said he’s from CBS and then he fired me,” he said.

…“I have every right to be pissed off, so I’ll be pissed off here a little bit,” Letterman said. “You folks wouldn’t be at this theater if it weren’t for me, and Stephen wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me. We built this theater and then Stephen came in here and, look at this, it’s like the Bellagio. But, as we all understand, you can take a man’s show, you can’t take a man’s voice, so that’s the good news.”

Letterman also expressed concern for the future of late-night overall: “You know what I’m really worried about? What I’m really worried about is what will become of the Jimmys. Are they going to be all right?”

Colbert reassured him that late-night hosts Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel would be all right: “We’ve got a plan to put them in a captive breeding program.”

After complimenting Colbert on the changes he’d made to the venue, including the furniture, Letterman confirmed with him that, for instance, the chair he was sitting in belonged to the network.

“It would be a shame if something happened to it,” Letterman quipped, and then called in several people to remove the furniture, which sent the host and his guest into the audience for part of their conversation.

Letterman later brought Colbert onto the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater so they could throw items off, as the former host had been known to do. They tossed the chairs and a few melons, but also a cake that was allegedly sent by the network — all at the CBS logo down on the ground.

“It’s all fun until somebody puts out an eye,” Letterman quipped.

[From Entertainment Weekly]

I can get on board with all of this… except for the destruction of CAKE! Did you really have to take it there, boys?? But actually, the cake served up a moment that made me guffaw pretty hard. The icing inscription included the years the show ran, 1993-2026, and Dave asked, “How long is that?” Which is funny itself, but then Stephen responded with, “There’s no way to know.” Sometimes stupid humor is the best humor. Another standout moment happened during the second segment: it was between Dave having the furniture removed and them going up to the roof, so the hosting pair took seats in the audience. Dave shook hands with the woman he was now sitting next to, who said her name was Nevada. Dave said, “You know there’s a state named Nevada,” and asked how she came to have the unusual name. The woman responded: “My uncle was a gambling addict.” The look on both Dave and Stephen’s faces! It was like, “Come ON, you’re making it too easy for us!”

Lastly, now seems as good a time as any to share my personal David Letterman story: I was working as a receptionist for a company, and Dave called to speak with one of the partners. Of course the partner was M.I.A. right then, and the whole thing was made more awkward by the fact that Dave was calling himself, as opposed to an assistant placing the call for him. So I tried asking the best number to reach him at so the partner could return his call, and he responded, “Well, I’m in Massachusetts right now…” So I just kind of went f–k it and said, “Oh, then no problem, we’ll get back to you as soon as so-and-so is available,” as if “Massachusetts” was all we needed to find him. He chuckled at that. I made Dave Letterman chuckle!

Photos are screenshots via YouTube