Andrew Morton has decided to chime in on the royal story of the year. Morton was Princess Diana’s biographer, and he’s still raking in money because Diana selected him to tell her story. But these days, Morton mostly repeats whatever the palace tells him, having been co-opted many years ago. To be fair, Morton isn’t pretending to have any insider information about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s return to Britain, nor does he claim to know how Prince William and Kate feel. This is just Morton’s commentary on the situation. An excerpt:

The decision [to return to Britain] has certainly changed the dynamic between Harry and Meghan. These days it is Harry who is whistling a merry tune. By returning to England he has his friends, family, charities and his military mates all to hand. Meghan, not so much. The one-time Deal or No Deal girl has been dealt a crummy hand. She loses her Montecito circle of girlfriends with whom she plays the Chinese game mahjong, her proximity to her mother, Doria, movers and shakers in Hollywood — and her chickens.

As for her brand, As Ever, the internet is awash with complaints about overpriced candles without wicks, runny jam, items that never arrived and faulty goods. At the very minimum, as a hands-on chief executive, it is going to be difficult for her to run a lifestyle brand from 6,000 miles away. As the late Queen told Harry and Meghan on several occasions before they left Britain six years ago: “Private work always ends badly.” It was her mantra — but one ignored by the California-bound couple who, as royal sources coyly suggested, were after earning “Kardashian amounts of cash”.

History has a habit of repeating itself. The Duke and Duchess of Windsor were in effect exiled from Britain after the king abdicated the throne. Any attempt to return was met with a chilly silence or a suggestion that they head for the south of France. The new king didn’t want his brother setting up anything that could be construed as a rival court.

Ninety years later William faces a similar threat from his brother. Difficult, truculent but charismatic, Harry will soon find out if the British people welcome him back. Meghan, a few points above the disgraced Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor in the popularity stakes, will find it much harder. And she may decide it is not worth one of her wickless candles.

William is the key here. He is said to be furious at his father’s decision to meet Harry en famille. It is seen as an indulgence too far. Even though the Sussexes are not returning to royal duties nor living in royal accommodation, there is a case to be made for the couple — and their children — to renounce their titles. After all, they will be living what the late Queen denied them: a half-in, half-out operation in which they can pick and choose their charity engagements and be treated as ersatz royals — if not by the royal family, then by the public.

As for the Waleses, a persistent criticism has been the low number of royal engagements they undertake, especially compared with the older members of the royal family, such as the Princess Royal. Irritated as they both are by the arrival of the Sussexes, it is now apparent that they are going to have to up their game at least in the coming months if Harry and Meghan are not to grab all the headlines. It may be that the mere presence of Harry and Meghan will encourage the Waleses to support more vigorously the work of the King.

A delicious irony of this whole affair is that the British people now have two sets of royals for the price of one: the cut-price Aldi version versus the full-cream Waitrose royals. It’s something we could get used to.

[From The Times]

“…The internet is awash with complaints about overpriced candles without wicks, runny jam, items that never arrived and faulty goods…” Two Derangers cut the wicks out their candles and claimed that the candles arrived that way. No one but Daily Mail columnists refer to As Ever jam as “runny” (it is not). I think “faulty goods” refers to those bookmarks, right? Derangers not being able to figure out how bookmarks worked = faulty goods.

But the key part is that poor William and Kate will have to work their lazy fingers to the nub to avoid having their thunder stolen. This is a repeat of 2017/2018 – Egg and Wig suddenly decide that they are busy and important to compete with Harry and Meghan. Then they were too lazy to keep it up, so they just started lying constantly about the Sussexes in an effort to put them in their place. Gee, I wonder if the exact same thing will happen this time? William and Kate will probably skip the part where they try and fail to keep with the Sussexes. They’ll go straight to the racism and smears, since those were so “effective” the last time.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Avalon Red.