For six years, British reporters have been scamming their newspapers and getting all-expenses-paid trips to Montecito, all so those reporters can wander around, asking random people about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. The tabloids have paid their reporters to fly all that way just to visit Godmothers bookstore and talk to that bitter old man who left “gifts” for the Sussexes outside their gate. Now that Harry and Meghan have moved back to Britain, surely those tabloid reporters aren’t still scamming their editors for free trips to California, right? Wrong. The Sun has an exclusive report about how the Montecito community is shocked by the Sussexes’ move. Apparently, the neighbors are really worried about the Sussexes’ koi. Now I’m worried too!

Harry and Meghan were in such a hurry to flee their Montecito mansion that they didn’t even tell their children’s school and left koi carp behind, neighbours have revealed. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who quit their £11million home for the Cotswolds last month, packed up and “disappeared overnight” from the sun-drenched billionaire enclave. We travelled to the Californian suburb two hours north of Los Angeles and found an array of residents including some A-list names who were eager to gossip about the couple’s sudden departure.

At her £8million Provencal-style home, interior designer Penny Bianchi revealed that even the teachers at seven-year-old Archie and five-year-old Lilibet’s school were kept in the dark. Penny, 79, whose home directly borders Oprah Winfrey’s sprawling estate, said the couple didn’t appear to have told anyone about their departure — including the exclusive £20,000-a-year school which their children attended.

She told The Sun: “My grandchildren go to the same school and my son is an alumnus so I get all my gossip from there. I know Archie goes to the school and that they didn’t even know they were leaving until everyone else found out. They’ve been told, ‘Don’t hold a place for him as he’s not coming back any time soon’. They were waiting a while for Archie to get into the school in England. He wasn’t accepted for ages, but the moment he was, they practically left the next day. They just disappeared overnight.”

We now know that Archie is enrolled at a traditional British prep school in the Cotswolds and Lilibet at pre-prep in the same school. Penny added that she thought the family will not be missed in California. She said: “The school hated their bodyguards. They would drop the children off with them. To be honest, nobody really liked them here very much. They aren’t popular.”

Sources close to the Sussexes insisted that they had not informed the school for security reasons and added that many celeb families with children at the school used bodyguards on the school run.

Meanwhile, former Beach Boys member Bruce Johnston, who we bumped into in the community’s local cafe, said Harry had been a “jerk”. Bruce, 84, who also lives a stone’s throw from the Sussexes’ former home, said he too was surprised that the couple had upped and left the Santa Barbara County neighbourhood. Bruce said: “I’m sure that Harry has gone back to tell his brother he’s sorry for being a jerk. His father is not well and William is going to be King, so he needs to make amends. But no one really knows why they left — apart from Oprah. They were at her home all the time — I live opposite Oprah too.”

Harry and Meghan’s rapid departure — weeks after a summer holiday in Britain which their spokesman described as “wonderful” — has left several lingering questions for Montecitans. One of them is what will happen to the koi carp which have been left in the garden pond at their nine-bedroom, 16- bathroom house. Residents were quick to tell us how worried they are for the fish, which “need to be looked after 24/7.”

One woman who runs a company providing koi “maintenance” for wealthy Montecitans, and was once employed by the Sussexes, said: “There are lots of regulations when it comes to these fish. If the pump which filters the water and keeps them alive goes out, then within 12 hours they will die. They need the clearest water to survive and they need to be fed once a day. When the pump goes out, that’s when we get called to come round but if there’s only the gardener checking once a day they could miss it. It’s also very expensive for them. It will cost £8,000 a month for the gardener alone and then £5,000 a month for a maintenance crew like us, and that house will have taxes in excess of £125,000 a year.”

She suggested that Harry and Meghan should rent out their house, otherwise “bad things will happen”, adding: “Everyone knows it’s vacant. The gardeners in the area all talk and they won’t hesitate in time on a Friday night to jump over the fence with a bottle of tequila and use it to party.”

As for why the woman — who asked not to be named — ceased to work for the Sussexes, she scoffed: “We dropped them as clients. Let’s just say we didn’t align. You don’t air your dirty laundry in the open and go against your family.”

There are murmurings in Montecito that the couple will soon put their home on the market, six years after they bought it from a Russian businessman for £11million. A staff member at estate agent Village Properties, which previously sold the house, said it is getting multiple calls a day from billionaires desperate to buy it, either to live in or to knock it down to expand their own property. Some have even pondered turning it into a golf course. New employee Kim, who refused to give his last name, said: “There are a lot of whispers that the house will be going on the market. People are calling us daily asking about it. I can’t see why they wouldn’t sell it.”

[From The Sun]

“You don’t air your dirty laundry in the open and go against your family.” Jesus. British-tabloid-pilled busybodies. That being said, I am legitimately worried about the koi AND the chickens. If the Sussexes ended up selling their Montecito home, it really will be over, I think. I mean, it would completely uproot what I thought of both of them and their priorities. Their UK move continues to make zero sense.

Photos courtesy of Meghan’s Instagram, As Ever’s Instagram.