The Daily Mail just published more excerpts from Charles Spencer’s Swan Song, all part of their exclusive serialization of the book. I think they jumped the gun yesterday after copies of the book were stolen, and they decided to publish the juiciest story a day early. Today’s excerpts deal with the night Princess Diana died, the palace pushing around the Spencers on Diana’s funeral arrangements, and an absolute bombshell straight from Diana’s mouth. Please enjoy, and we’ll have more in-depth coverage tomorrow.

Charles Spencer spoke to his sister Jane many times the night Diana died: And then, on perhaps our fifth or sixth call that night, when escalating dread had us both floundering a bit for words, I heard my brother-in-law, Robert, talking in the background on the work line in their home. ‘Oh, no!’ he half bellowed, half sighed in disbelief. And Jane, witnessing the completeness of his shock, relayed to me, in a soft voice: ‘That’s it… it’s curtains… Duch is dead…’

Then-Prince Charles’ first call to Spencer after Diana’s death: The phone rang constantly. Prince Charles caught me as I crossed the landing upstairs. Unlike my other callers, who were stunned, barely able to articulate their condolences and offers of help, he sounded giddily elated – like a lottery winner, I remember thinking at the time. He let me know he had informed William and Harry of their mother’s death, first thing that morning, in their bedrooms at Balmoral. It all sounded strangely matter-of-fact, given the enormity of the disaster. Looking back now, I suspect the prince’s first reaction must have been to think more of how this event might free him to marry the woman he loved, rather than appreciating the loss of one he did not. It can be hard to feel too much sympathy for an ex-spouse, or those who care for them profoundly, after bitter divorce.

The funeral arrangements: I was chosen to be the point of contact for my family when it came to Diana’s funeral arrangements. Once it was correctly decided, after my family appreciated the public need for it, that Diana’s service should be a full-blown national ceremony, Buckingham Palace and Prince Charles’s offices felt entitled to take the lead. Diana remained theirs, in Buckingham Palace’s eyes, even in death. Her family, despite her divorce, were simply expected to fall into line with any royal decisions. It is at moments like this that even the most ardent monarchist finds that questions about arrogance and entitlement arise.

Charles Spencer never understood why then-Prince Charles wanted to walk behind Diana’s coffin: I later found out, from a friend in Downing Street, that among the senior figures in the Queen’s and Prince Charles’s households there had been a lot of discussion about who should walk behind the coffin. Prince Charles was insisting that he wanted to do so. It is hard to see why, given his feelings for Diana. Also, an ex is never expected to act as chief mourner at their former spouse’s funeral. But he was adamant. Sir Robin Janvrin, the Queen’s Deputy Private Secretary, told the committee planning the funeral that if Prince Charles went ahead, then I must be persuaded to walk with him. This was out of fear that, if Prince Charles walked alone, members of the public might shout abuse at him. The committee realised that if they could persuade William and Harry to be there too, that would surely guarantee against insults flying.

How Diana broke the news to her brother that her marriage was over: One day Diana asked me at very short notice to join her for lunch at San Lorenzo, her favourite London restaurant. She looked down at the table and said, ‘Carlos, I’m going to get divorced.’ I was silent for a moment. I had known things were bad, but not this bad. ‘Well, Duch,’ I carefully replied, ‘you of course have my full support… I know you’ll have thought this through. But my main worry is the public. I fear they won’t forgive you. They’ve bought into a fairytale, and I reckon they may ­well – wrongly – blame you for destroying their fantasy.’ She looked up at me, nodded, and said quietly: ‘But, Carlos, my husband is in love with his valet.’ I gulped. ‘Well, I guess, in that case, you really don’t have a choice.’ She did not name the member of staff, and I never asked her who it was, or why she would believe such an improbable thing. It was not important: the end of her marriage, and of her dreams, was.

[From The Daily Mail]

Y’all, I read that last section five times, trying to figure out if Diana was yanking her brother’s chain. Like… is that really the bombshell? Charles was in love with another man? Camilla was always his beard?? Nah. Diana was joking. And Charles Spencer is being naughty (and hilarious). Either that I’m doing some bisexual erasure! What if the king loved a side-chick AND a valet?

But this section: Prince Charles “sounded giddily elated – like a lottery winner, I remember thinking at the time. He let me know he had informed William and Harry of their mother’s death, first thing that morning, in their bedrooms at Balmoral. It all sounded strangely matter-of-fact, given the enormity of the disaster…” I’ll bet Charles felt elated that morning. I bet the entire Windsor clan felt giddy, like they got away with murder.

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