BJ Novak has a part in The Devil Wears Prada 2. Whenever he gets attention for something solo, he’s asked about his bizarre relationship with Mindy Kaling. They dated two decades ago and he broke her heart, and since then, they’ve been in each other’s lives as “best friends.” Y’all know what I think – that Mindy allows Novak to take up too much space in her life and he’s the reason why she has never moved on with someone else in a real way. She’s the mother of three children and she’s never spoken about her children’s paternity. But BJ Novak is always around the kids too, and he’s “godfather” to one of the children. Sure. Anyway, BJ recently chatted with THR and he was inevitably asked about Mindy. This is what he had to say:
B.J. Novak is aware of how invested fans are in his friendship with Mindy Kaling. When The Hollywood Reporter asked the Devil Wears Prada 2 star about the “public fascination” around the relationship between the two alums from The Office, Novak, 46, said, “I totally know it.”
Referencing The Let Them Theory, a book by Mel Robbins that teaches letting go of trying to control others, Novak added that if people “ask me about my life, I answer, and that’s the only thing they want to write a story about? Let them.”
“I’m not going to tell someone that question is off limits. Let them,” Novak added.
Novak and Kaling, 46, began their friendship as costars on The Office starting in 2004. The actor-filmmaker-author called Kaling “a really complicated person and a really complicated friendship, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world” during a 2014 PEOPLE interview.
As of 2017, Novak is officially a member of the Running Point creator’s family as godfather to one of her children, 8-year-old daughter Katherine ‘Kit’ Swati. In February 2025, Novak called Kaling a “deep and caring friend” at her Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony.
Sure. I’d appreciate it if both Mindy and BJ could dial down the weirdness around whatever they are to each other. Stop with the “we’re just besties, that’s why he’s always around the kids and we’re joined at the hip but how dare you question the details of our situation!” The “let them” theory doesn’t apply here, because Mindy and BJ are constantly lying and playing in our faces! “Let them ask whatever they want and we can’t give a straight answer!”
Photos courtesy of Getty Images, Avalon Red, Cover Images.
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- BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA – MARCH 12: (L-R) B. J. Novak and Mindy Kaling attend the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 12, 2023 in Beverly Hills, California.,Image: 763123450, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Pictured: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling, Credit line: Jeffrey Mayer/Avalon
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- BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA – MARCH 12: (L-R) B. J. Novak and Mindy Kaling attend the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 12, 2023 in Beverly Hills, California.,Image: 763123451, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Pictured: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling, Credit line: Jeffrey Mayer / Avalon
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- North America Rights – Los Angeles, USA – 20200209 – The 2020 Vanity Fair Oscar party held at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts. -PICTURED: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling -PHOTO by: Niviere David/ABACA USA/INSTARimages.com -719577_136.jpg This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Instar Images LLC for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Instar Images LLC reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded Featuring: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 09 Feb 2020 Credit: Niviere David/ABACA USA/INSTARimages.com **North America Rights**
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- (Top Row L-R) Mindy Kaling, BJ Novak, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, (Middle Row L-R) Bruce Springsteen, Jessica Springsteen (daughter), Shaggy, Sting (Bottom Row Left) Singer Pink during the 2025 U.S. Open Tennis Championships at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center Featuring: Mindy Kaling, BJ Novak, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, Jessica Springsteen, Shaggy, Sting Where: Flushing Meadows, New York, United States When: 07 Sep 2025 Credit: David Lobel/INSTARimages
IDK, maybe it’s because of the characters they played, but I always think their relationship seems kind of toxic. Kind of reminds me of Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley if that makes sense.
Unpopular opinion and you can yell at me about it: I don’t believe in true friendship between a straight man and woman. It just means that the attraction is one sided and the other side is keeping it alive to feed their ego. I have seen it countless times in real life.
There are some exceptions I’m sure but I agree that typically it boils down to unrequited love.
Ehhhhhh, that assumes that straight people of the opposite sex always want to have sex with each other (or at least one of them does), which, is just not true. You may be right in cases where the friendship comes out of a failed romantic relationship. But I think male-female friendships without any attraction at any point are pretty common.
I noticed that that is very much a USA thing (and probably in other countries I don’t know). It’s very normal over here (The Netherlands) to have friends of the opposite sex. Both me and my husband have mixed gender friend circles and do things with friends of the opposite sex without the other one being there. But when we’re in the US and my husband goes out with one of our American female friends and I stay in (I’m an introvert, I need more alone time than he does) people react so weirdly to that.
If you read what I’m about to say wrong I could come across as witchy but that’s not my vibe for Mindy at all. I love her. I think like a lot of smart desi girls she never felt particularly sexy but had personality and brains overflowing. In these past few years she’s turned into a swan. She’s beautiful with style and as soon as she gets her kids to a manageable age i think she’ll have a big sexual awakening / blooming. Start dating a 30 yr old. I think this BJ thing is safe, friend energy and it’s all she can do right now. But soon we’ll hear more about her love life….
They remind me of those unhappy married folks that stay together just to spite others. Everyone can see they’re not good for each other but they don’t want to be told what to do about their relationship and once you add kids to the mix, it’s worse. There is some trauma bond she has with him breaking her heart that she won’t let go of. He’s not even easy on the eyes. To each their own, I guess🤷🏻♀️.
How is it trauma bond if he broke her heart and she is the one traumatized? 🤔
In pictures together he looks as if he’s won. As if he got the prize. And she is a prize. She outshines him. But he got her.
I would say they’re totally entitled to keep the status of their relationship private but they always bring each other up in interviews. They could just decline to answer and say they’ve talked about it enough, they’re great friends who used to date. I would totally get this from their POV. But they’re always making cryptic comments about each other.
And while Mindy is totally in her rights to not show the faces of any of her kids, my conspiracy theory is one (or all) of the kids is the spitting image of BJ because he’s the dad of at least one of them. And if she did show them, the cat would be out of the bag.
I think most of us had friendlationships with men when we were younger: men that teeter on the line between buddy and partner, men that we don’t connect with on a daily basis but who are somehow always *there* when we need a friend or a fuck. But most of us grow out of that at some point, especially when we get into a committed relationship with someone else. Suddenly, you don’t need him nor have time for the friendlationship because you have a person who you’re completely devoted to and invested in.
My husband never demanded that I stop maintaining friendships with men but he definitely called me out on talking to one of my exes. His point was that if I’m still stuck in the past then how do we move forward? And he was right. I cut off the ex and never looked back.
I am all for unconventional relationships and I think it’s cute that BJ is involved with her kids (it takes a village!) but I do wonder how much having BJ in her life prevents her from moving on. Any potential partner would likely have issues with her still being so close to her ex and having him so…woven into her life.
I know I would.
He’s so swarmy. Ew. I’m sad she doesn’t seem to know her worth.
I’ve always felt like for her growing up as a dark-skinned Desi woman in a predominantly white community probably shaped a lot of how she sees herself and relationships. When you grow up rarely seeing people who look like you viewed as the beauty standard or fully accepted, it can make you feel like love and validation are things you have to earn instead of something you naturally deserve.
Colorism and racism can affect people in really subtle but deep ways. I can imagine she probably felt “othered” not just in white spaces, but maybe even within her own community where lighter skin is often favored. Being surrounded by white girls who were considered prettier or more desirable can easily create insecurities and make someone associate whiteness with acceptance, beauty, or worth.
Because of that, attention from a white man may mean more to her emotionally than just normal attraction. It can become symbolic, almost like being chosen by someone who represents the kind of acceptance she spent her whole life craving. So it may not even fully be about him as a person. Part of it could be tied to finally wanting to feel worthy, lovable, or validated in a space where she once felt excluded.
That’s why I think she seems so emotionally stuck in the situation, even though he clearly doesn’t reciprocate romantic feelings. At that point, it’s not just about romance anymore. It’s tied to self-worth, old wounds, and the fear of rejection all over again.
It sometimes feels like she clings to any bit of attention, romanticizes what could be, or tolerates emotional unavailability because it’s touching something much deeper. From the outside, the intensity can seem disproportionate, but I think the situation is carrying years of unresolved feelings around acceptance and desirability.
As an African American woman who also grew up in a predominantly white town, I honestly can understand the conditioning and some of where she’s coming from. The difference is that it feels like she never really outgrew those feelings, fully healed from them, or learned to truly love herself.
There are a lot of blind items about him. I know those are not totally believable, but when you hear the same rumors over and over again, you start to wonder. He does a lot of guest speaking engagements at colleges and universities and there have been rumors he is always trying to hook with young college girls at these gigs. He just doesn’t seem worthy of Mindy.