My headliner hot guy this week is one we’ve been steadily getting to know over the past few weeks. He is my once and future husband, British model David Gandy. Those eyes, those lips, those arms, those legs, those hands, that chest… JESUS. This man could make me lose my religion. I have been having impure thoughts about him for weeks now. His beauty is perfect, and yet there is a rawness to him. I could go on and on… but really, why would I? I could honestly do an all-Gandy HGF, honestly. My vagina and I had a talk, and we agreed that we need more Gandy in our life. Here he is out and about this week in London.
I mean… that’s how he looks when he’s out on the street, just walking around. If he walked by you, would you faint? Would you throw your panties at him? Would you just throw yourself at him physically, begging him to touch you? Cough. Yeah. I know what I would do too. Here are some of his modeling pics. Oh dear GOD.
A little Viggo Mortensen. Because he’s a classic. Because he does nude scenes. Because he does nude fight scenes. And because he’s beautiful. Forever and always.
Since we’re doing the classics first, how about some vintage James Bond? I love old Connery films, especially the Bond ones where we seemed to think every bird needed a good spanking. Plus, he’s hairy, and every character he ever played had a Scottish accent, even when he was playing an Irish cop in Chicago. Take note, Gerard Butler. Love it.
Another classic? Johnny Depp. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really get hot for Depp. My love for him is asexual. I just want to admire his beauty. The one of Johnny on the stove (Burning loins? Hot ass?) is a famous Herb Ritts photo.
Someone requested the French actor Tahar Rahim. Thank you for that. This guy is beautiful and intense.
Part of my soul died when there were multiple requests for Zachary Levi. Are you bitches for real? You’re going to sack up and call me out for not including Zachary Levi?!? Go back up and look at David Gandy. Now look at Levi. Are you f-cking joking?!?
Shemar Moore = Total cheeseball. Does he have a good body? Of course. But he can have a good body, and still be a cheeseball.
What was up with all of the Mike Rowe requests? Yes, he’s sexy and his voice is awesome, but really?
A lot of you requests Takeshi Kaneshiro, and I didn’t know who he was. Now that I’ve looked him up, I have a question: is he the Asian Robert Pattinson? Because he seems very much like that. It’s all about big hair and intense looks and… yes, I’m buying. I like Sparkles, and now I like Asian Sparkles.
This request – hand to God – comes from CB’s mom! That will be our new tag line: “Hot Guy Friday… bringing mothers and daughters together to fantasize about hot dudes licking their toes and spanking them for one month and running.” CB’s mom sent us a monster list of suggestions of all of her favorite television dudes. I won’t be able to tackle all of them in one post, so I’m just going to get to some of her list. CB’s mom loves Charlie Day! I’m more of a Rob McElhenney fan (he has puppy dog eyes and he was on Lost!), so I’ll do them both!
A lot of you girls have requested the late Heath Ledger. I think it’s too much, too soon to include him, but I will give you Heath this one time. I just think looking at how beautiful he was… it’s just sad. Such a sad loss. HGF should be about happiness and hotness. But still… Heath was so pretty.
Someone requested Carlos Ponce. Why and who. Eh.
Dennis Oh, by request. I will literally put up photos of any hot guy with a cowboy hat.
Honestly, I prefer the older David Bowie as far as hotness goes. But I had a friend who was absolutely obsessed with all things Bowie, so I’m not going to judge you bitches. Some vintage, some older Bowie. Allocated for the Bowie freaks.
Colin Firth! I hope he wins Best Actor this year. Fingers crossed.
Adam Beach, by request. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a cutie, and I wish he would come back to Law & Order: SVU. But he’s not HGF cute.
Jason Momao is hittin’ it with Lisa Bonet. She’s a lucky bitch. Jesus. He’s gorgeous. He’s like something out of my college fantasies.
Another beefcake hottie, Joe Manganiello. Two questions: I can see his dimples through his beard, so why do a beard? You have gorgeous, deep dimples. Let me see them! Second questions: why the low-cut blouse again? Oh, right. because he’s a beefcake.
Another beefcake meathead, but one that I love. Bobby Cannavale! He’s actually a decent actor, but he specializes in meatheads, and he plays them perfectly.
Vintage and current Richard Gere. Mmm… gerbils. I actually prefer him with silver hair!
There are a million new photos of my lover Vincent Cassell now, because he just did two film festivals. So excuse my drool, but I’m going to go over him lovingly.
I just saw the ads for the new Law & Order: Los Angeles, and the triumphant return of Skeet Ulrich has happened! He’s playing a cop on the new show. YAY! He’s very cute when he’s clean.
Ralph Fiennes’ beautiful eyes are speaking to me. They’re saying, “Let me tie you up. You know you’ll enjoy it.” I would too.
Someone requested vintage Mickey Rourke. I have a difficult time cosigning, because I had my first (solo) sexual experiences to a young Rourke. I mean, 9 1/2 Weeks and Wild Orchid are soft-porn classics. And he really was so f-cking gorgeous. Pity he mangled his beauty. Oh, and just ignore Kim Basinger in there. Or maybe you like that. No judgment!
The Rock! A lot of you are fans. I like big guys too, and he seems like a nice one.
James McAvoy hotness. Honestly, I forget if I did him last week. Did I? Oh well. I’m doing him again (and again and again).
A little Hugh Jackman, for the purists!
Jon Hamm went out last night with a five o’clock shadow. More than five o’clock, actually. I like him clean-shaven, but the scruff isn’t bad. What am I saying? I’d still ride him like cowgirl.
And finally, my lover Clive. This man could give me an orgasm just by looking at me.
You are welcome.