OK! Magazine has a new cover featuring Teen Mom’s Amber, who has been seen punching and choking her baby’s father in footage on the show. Amber is the subject of a investigation by the Department of Child Services and has allowed her ex boyfriend, her daughter Leah’s father Gary, to care for their daughter for two weeks without her. She’s since taken Amber back, according to OK!.
The article has quotes from Amber’s brother, and he seems to suggest that Gary is just as bad as Amber and somehow provoked her into attacking him. They also seem to claim that Gary abused Amber off camera. Now I’ve seen most of the second season of this show and Gary can be a passive aggressive SOB, but I doubt that he would be as openly aggressive as Amber is. That just doesn’t seem like him, or at least it isn’t the way he’s portrayed. He does stuff like not show up when he’s promised to babysit so she can go out on her birthday. He’s a jerk but he doesn’t get up in anyone’s face and turn on a dime like Amber.
Amber has a new boyfriend, an ex con who looks and acts like a druggie. She seems really spaced out when she’s with him and those two are definitely on something. It would explain a lot of her recent weight loss too, but her brother insists she’s not on anything. Here’s part of OK!’s story, which has Amber’s brother making her out to be this misunderstood person who is the product of a bad childhood:
For the past two weeks, every time teen mom Amber Portwoods baby, Leah, saw a young woman with brown hair, she called her “Mommy.” “Leah would look around and say ‘Amber, Amber, Mommy, Mommy’,” Andrew Swan, the best friend of the baby’s father, Gary Shirley, tells OK! exclusively. “It was breaking my heart.”
Then finally, on Oct. 31, Amber – who hadn’t talked to or seen her 2 year-old since Oct. 19 – swooped in to reclaim her child, spending Halloween with the tot and informing her ex Gary that she was ready to do what it takes to get her life together and find a safe new home for Leah. In fact, Amber believes she can do a better job than her ex when it comes to raising Leah, a source tells OK!
But the tearful reunion between Amber and her daughter took place as MTV’s cameras rolled, filming Teen Mom’s third season, which begs the question: Has Amber really changed, or are her new promises of maternal devotion all for show?…
Unfortunately, Gary, who grew up in a similarly dysfunctional family, seems to being out the worst in Amber. “He’s not the person he wants you to believe he is,” says Shawn [Amber’s brother] of Gary, who he thinks is portrayed sympathetically on MTV. “He runs his mouth off and asks stupid questions to incite a fight. He wants to look like the victim, but he’s manipulative. He knows Amber has a temper, but he also has a temper too.”
In fact, Anderson [Indiana] police records show that Amber’s called for help several times when Gary’s temper reportedly was out of hand. And like Amber, Gary has come under investigation for domestic abuse. (See sidebar) [Ed note: follows below]
Their trouble with the law
OK! obtained records showing that Amber isn’t the only one who’s been in hot water with the police.Nov 7, 2009
Gary showed up at Amber’s apartment at 12:30 am and allegedly became verbally abusive when he discovered she had company. He later told police he was concerned that Amber was taking narcotics and being promiscuous in front of Leah.July 8, 2010
Amber accused Gary of grabbing her by the arm and pushing her during a fight over the baby.Sept. 29, 2010
Amber’s abuse of Gary on Teen Mom prompted viewers to contact local police and demand an investigation.Oct 19, 2010
Amber summoned police after Gary allegedly threw her out of the house while wearing only her underwear.
[From OK! Magazine, print edition, November 15, 2010]
OK! goes on to have Amber’s brother refute Gary’s charges that Amber is taking drugs. He laughably claims “She only tried drugs once, when she was 15, and I got on her about it. She listens to me. She’s on meds, but I don’t think she’s taking more than she’s supposed to.” He also says that as children they were kept up at night due to their parents arguing and that “Now Amber sleeps all day and is awake all night. It started because we weren’t able to sleep when we were younger because of the fighting and now her trouble sleeping continues.” Are you kidding me?
Now let’s imagine that the tables were turned and that it was Gary who beat Amber twice on camera. Would anyone dare to suggest that she made him do it or that she does it too and just never gets filmed in the act? Domestic abuse is always uncalled for and it’s despicable no matter a couple’s dynamic. I get that OK! is doing well with these Teen Mom covers, hell I’ve even gotten into the show following all the coverage of their drama. They don’t need to make Amber out to be a decent person just to get an exclusive with her though. She’s not, and Leah needs to be with a sober, nonabusive parent. If Amber is going to see her daughter she should probably have court-appointed supervision.
Photos via PoponThePop, Starcasm and OK!
The most underreported aspect of domestic violence is women being abusive to their male partner. No abuse is OK, but many times men don’t want to be seen as being able to be hurt physically by their women. And it is a lot more common than people realize. Maybe as common as men being abusive to women.
I don’t watch the show, and won’t. I was a teen mom, but do not wish to see it glamorized and/or twisted on reality television.
Amber seems to come from a broken home, and seems to hold anger against Gary for Leah. She feels she is being punished and helpless and blames Gary. Amber needs help to educate herself and seek help for the anger issues she has before she hurts Leah.
@cb…ita.
I absolutely think she is on drugs. The weight loss, the new boyfriend, the lethargy… her defense of yelling “I’m not a bad mom” just shows how aware she is of yes, she really is a bad mom.
Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated, no matter who the aggressor is. Don’t even get me started on the Jersey Shore fights…
“Now Amber sleeps all day and is awake all night. It started because we weren’t able to sleep when we were younger because of the fighting and now her trouble sleeping continues.”
*****************
This is what teens do and one of many reasons why they make horrible parents. How about a show where they find adoptive homes for these poor babies? Both the parents sound nuts and abusive. This little girl is going to be totally screwed up. Sad.
I have no doubt that there is more to this story but I am not going to speculate. I just hope the little girl gets a stable home enviroment.
@Roma I agree on the drugs. Her weight loss was fast and she tried saying it was from doing cardio 5 times a week but in the show she makes it seem like she would never even have the time or money to do such stuff.
I agree, Gary is a dick but I don’t think he’s physically abusive towards her. She has no fear, she hits him knowing he won’t hit back. She is a poor excuse for a mother. She is lazy and nasty to Gary in front of that little girl. I don’t know if Gary’s a better fit but at least he shows he loves his daughter. She’s living with an ex con and allowed this strange man, who she only knew for 2 weeks, to change her daughter’s diaper. She puts her daugther in danger of being a product of molestation. I’m sorry I have no sympathy for her.
What I want to know is this:
How are these teen mothers who are “struggling to raise their children” able to afford salon dye jobs, their fake nails, and the lush looking furniture they are able to obtain?
Just checking, because my hubby and I both work, and I haven’t had my hair done (or even CUT) in a salon in at least 3 years! And I don’t have fake nails. But I do work with my husband to support our (total of) 4 children.
And Gary is a totally passive-aggressive dick. I don’t doubt for a minute that Gary knows how to push Amber’s buttons and does so for his own entertainment purposes/image benefit.
And to those who say “Oh, if it was Gary that hit Amber, would people say it was her fault?” ABSO-FUCKIN’-LUTELY! I survived horrific physical, emotional, and psychological abuse at the hands of my son’s father (WHILE I was a pregnant teenager AND a teenage mother), and it was the general consensus amongst those who knew that it was MY fault. So please – spare me that line of crap.
@bellaluna I’m confused by your comment are you saying it was your fault because you stayed or are you saying that the line is BS?
@ Jezi – I’m saying that line is unequivocal BS. My life was threatened if I tried to leave, and this is a direct quote from my abuser: “I understand that you may want to leave, but you should think about some things first. I mean, you don’t have a car. You have to walk everywhere you go. Car accidents happen all the time. You might be hit by a car. I will walk right up and take the baby out of the stroller, because he’d be fine, and I’ll walk away with him while you lie there dying.”
I finally left when he threatened to take my son away. I went into hiding for 6 months. Until anyone actually knows the horror an abuse victim goes through, people are more than willing to blame the victim. And there are things that happened to me that will go to the grave with me. That’s between me, my abuser, and God; the shame of some things never dies.
I only watched the earlier episodes with Amber and Gary – obviously not the most recent episodes – because in the episodes I watched Gary acted like an abusive brother to Amber. He seemed so immature and would talk about her with his little guy friend and they’d think up ways to piss her off . . . just for fun!! How is THAT being a CARING father??? I don’t blame Amber for being pissed off! It’s ALWAYS the mothers who are expected to take care of the children (or else they’re considered MONSTERS of society) while the fathers are considered SAINTS if they “babysit” their own children a couple times a month. I totally understand her anger and am hoping she gets the support she needs. I don’t think she’s a bad person (although I’ve not watched the later episodes, but I still doubt I’d change my mind).
@Bellaluna. Well said. My ex threatened to throw acid in my face if I ever tried to leave. He threatened to block my getting full custody of our children, outside the courtroom, the day we stood before a judge to get our divorce. All I wanted was my children, so I stood there and didn’t say anything when the judge asked about our “arrangement” and if my ex was paying his support. (he wasn’t). So, divorce granted, I had full custody and he could only see the kids if I said so, which meant I could block any visits he tried to make while stoned or drunk. People who have never been abused don’t understand that sometimes compliance is a way to survive. It doesn’t mean you like what is being done to you. Sure, there are lots of women that keep going back even when given an out, but there are always extenuating circumstances. No one should judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes.
A couple of things scare me about this story. 1) If Amber is this violent/aggressive while the cameras around, how does she behave when they are not? What has Leah seen and what has she endured while the cameras are not there? 2) This just sheds light on how many infants experience terrible violent childhoods in this country.
Jesus Christ this isnt ‘abuse’ this is a crazed out white trash ho acting like a jackass. Big difference.
@Alexa: Being immature and thinking of ways to piss off your girlfriend are not the same thing as wailing on her or flying into a rage for every little thing. Yes, Gary can be a jerk, but my opinion of him grew a lot when she was asking him to hit her back and he refused to, or every time he said, quite calmly, “Amber, you better stop, I’m getting mad.” And him doing stupid things to piss off Amber has no bearing on what kind of father he is.
Honestly, neither one of them are the greatest parents in the world, shown by how no one seems to pay attention to Leah. But of the two, Gary is definitely the best option for now. Amber needs to stop playing the victim and talking about how she’s got such low self-esteem, so that’s why she attacks Gary… yes, that does happen to women and men alike, but I don’t buy it when you’re looking directly into a camera as you’re saying it. Just own up to it, I have a temper, I hit my man, it was wrong.
@bellaluna, you needed new people around you. There is never an excuse to hit someone-unless it’s in self defense. Obviously the people around you at the time needed some severe help.
Also 4 children are a lot more expensive than a single child. And I found a fantastic couch for $100.00 at a garage sale once, it had been used twice by the family. If you know where to look you can get some great finds.
This is sick & should not even be reported on or watched. The popularity of this kind of filth definitely makes a statement on what people WANT to see. How embarrassing for us all.
@ Obvious – That’s the problem with abuse victims…we’re alienated from everyone around us by our abuser. Pretty soon no one wants to deal with the BS that comes with the abuser, though they rarely know what is actually happening in the relationship.
Abusers remove you from your entire support network – friends, family, everyone. The abusers’ friends are the only ones left, as YOUR friends are considered “bad influences” and no longer necessary in your life (according to your abuser). Abusers are (usually) control freaks, who want to tell you who you can talk to, who to be friends with, and pretty much everything else you may or may not do.
@ LindaR – Yes, we do what we must to survive, do we not? And since we both survived (and so did our children), we must have done something right, yeah?
What Amber did was very wrong. I can understand that it stems from a bad childhood and she is continuing that cycle. It is a hard cycle to break, someone needs to step in and protect her daughter and get Amber parenting class plus therapy (instead of just drugs). I also think that there should be no direct contact between her and gary b/c he is a trigger for her (not blaming him but when there is a restraining order in place a 3rd party has to do drop offs and pick ups).
She is still really young, so I hope she is able to get help and overcome this. Otherwise that little girl is at risk for continuing this awful cycle.
Gary deserved it. Beat his fat ass again Amber!
@bellaluna gotcha, I just wanted to understand where you were coming from. Thank god you got out of that situation. Scary as heck!!!
@ Jezi – cool – I hope I didn’t come off as sarcastic or rude, because I wasn’t trying to be. It’s just very hard to explain. Yes, very scary, and very over for a long time now.
I don’t think either of these people are going to be adequate (not even good, just barely adequate) parents to Leah.
I didn’t see the abuse ep, but all of the other episodes depict Gary as a super lazy, idiotic, childish and just fucking dumb. It seemed like if Amber had any self esteem, she wouldn’t have kept breaking up and going back to him. He’s really not fit to be a parent.
Then again, it sounds like Amber is on some drugs right now. Hopefully she can get clean so she’ll be a good mom, but who knows. Right now, it sounds like another, caring family member should step in and take the child. These two need to work the crack out of their systems.
Just because Amber is abusive doesn’t mean we cannot feel sorry for her. Her parents fighting is the reason she doesn’t know how to handle conflict with other people. We emulate what we grow up with.
She needs help before she can ever be a good mom. I hope she gets it, so Leah doesn’t have to be part of this cycle of violence that plagues generations of families.
Amber needs to start making better decisions, for her daughter’s wellbeing and a healthy childhood.
BellaLuna, I agree. It seems that the harder you work and the more honest you are, the more difficult life is.
My hubbys ex wife is a prime example. She has 2 kids, works part time but mooches off her 80 something yr old grandmother and doesn’t help with rent, utilities or even food. Free child care included so she would be available to work fulltime and my hubby pays $400 mo for child support.
Me? I can’t afford a damn pedicure for these horrible dinosaur claws and we work hard and pay our bills on time.
Don’t give sympathy to abusers. It just encourages them.
I remember an episode where her doctor advised her to eat healthier while she was pregnant. This bitch went to McCalister’s and moaned over her salad! I doubt she lost her weight the healthy way.
How did this get flipped back into men abusing women? Men can be abused, as well. I think that women can bring abuse on themselves. Look at how Amber behaves, I think that if Gary ever hit her back it would be self-defense and I think she’d absolutely deserve it. He is a stupid push-over, not an abusive monster by all indications. I, myself, was a victim of abuse once upon a time, that SOB got three years of probation for kidnapping and beating the daylights out of me. That said, yes, she could possibly provoke him into hitting her. However, it was like Maci asked Ryan on the reunion “did MTV make you?” a] punch him in the face, b] slap him while he was holding your child, c] try to kick him down the stairs, d] scream at your daughter that daddy was a cheater, e] involve an innocent child in your self-absorbed bullsh-t??? The list could go on and on. And that’s just the pared portions they show. I just saw on TV that the unedited footage of the fighting has been subpoenaed in the ongoing investigation. POOR LEAH!
Does Amber love her daughter? Well of course she does. But it would be better for everyone if Amber got help, and I hope she genuinely wants it for the right reasons.
Celebitchy, I thought it was cleared up that the man Amber is with is NOT, in fact, an ex-con, but shares the same name with one.
CB – I take my hat off to you. Thank you for including the last part about guy vs. girl domestic violence. That double standard is the grossest of all in our society.
@bellaluna– sounds like you have been through some really, really terrible stuff. and not to trivialize it, but it sounds like you need some good times coming your way! if you really haven’t had a chance to get your hair done at a salon for 3 years, YOU DESERVE IT. find a paul mitchell training school in your area; i’m a poor, recently-single college student and i don’t put much stock in looking glam, but every woman deserves to feel super beautiful now and then. the paul mitchell schools charge– i am not exaggerating– TEN DOLLARS for a wash, cut, and style. go pamper yourself, my love.
Diva – Amber’s new boyfriend stated on camera he’d just gotten out of jail, so he is an ex-con…….the mix-up online was over the fact that he shares the same name as a sex offender (which he is not, as far as we can tell from his police record).
Im sure MTV picks the best clips for ratings, but what they show Amber doing is horrible. To tell that sweet baby girl “your daddy is leaving again” after she told him to get out is just in a whole different relm of effed up abuse. She is disgusting and should be sterilized now before she breeds again.
I’m not sure what the point was, but Celebitcy writes,
“Now let’s imagine that the tables were turned and that it was Gary who beat Amber twice on camera. Would anyone dare to suggest that she made him do it or that she does it too and just never gets filmed in the act?”
Comment #30 of this very post states, “I think that women can bring abuse on themselves.” So there. Does that answer your question?
Even for the most mature, healthiest, financially stable, well-established couples – bringing a child into the relationship can bring up all sorts of issues never before imagined. Some of you might be shocked to see what goes on behind the closed doors of some of your most respected neighbors. These two people are very young and deserve a chance to get it together before we decide they are COMPLETELY UNFIT PARENTS and should be thrown away for good. Yes – they both need lots of help and Leah needs a better living environment NOW! But I believe Amber can definitely be a good mother. Let’s not demonize her, let her get the help she needs.
This poor girl needs serious therapy.