Through our world tour of dong, many of you (Canadians) have requested a special HGF devoted to Canadian hotties. Many of you were good enough to provide me with some lists and requests, many of which I will honor. However, I found the Canadian HGF to be lacking – yes, there are some really gorgeous men that hail from the great, wide north, but there aren’t enough to fill an entire HGF. So, I’ll do the Canadians first, and then I’ll fill the rest up with some randoms that I think we’ll all enjoy. First up for Canada: Keanu Reeves. Keanu is kind of too international to consider “Canadian” but whatever… he was born in Beirut, he lives in America, and he’s considered a Canadian actor. Praise it – because I LOVE Keanu. I love him, and I want him to be safe and happy and healthy, and not look like he’s about to cry over a cupcake or a sandwich. I’ll make the tears go away, Keanu. Let me! Sidenote: I still watch Point Break, and in my mind, it’s one of the most underrated action-dramas EVER. Still. To this day, I love that film.
Ryan Gosling. I do love this boy… and he has an odd beauty. At times, he seems almost fragile. Other times, he just seems really dirty and hot. Good qualities.
The other Canadian Ryan – who some of you prefer. No judgment. He’s not my cup of tea, but he is improving, month by month. And plus… every country needs some patriotic beefcake, correct?
A little Taylor Kitsch? I was looking through older photos of him, and I finally see it – in certain angles, the boy is drop-dead gorgeous. In other angles, he’s just meh. But I’m totally a sucker for those lanky boys. Damn.
Jay Baruchel, by request.
I think Joshua Jackson might be the pride of Canada. There’s a lot of love going around for him – and it’s well-deserved. He’s transitioned very well into Teen Beat-heartthrob to an actor (and man) of substance. And plus, his girlfriend Diane Kruger is always gushing about him, so you know he must really be a sweetheart.
Scott Speedman doesn’t get enough love around here – he’s really very cute. So what’s wrong with him? Did he just never break out like everyone expected?
For my money, Kevin Durand is one of the sexiest, most badass Canadians out there. I quickly developed an uncomfortable love/lust/desire for Durand when he played a total son of bitch sociopath on Lost. And my love grows stronger every day – the man looks really f-cking good in a suit. Plus, he’s a giant, and everything is probably proportional, right? RIGHT?!?
When Jim Carrey isn’t acting crazy, or like an a–hole, he’s actually a nice looking man. Would I hit it? Um… well, if I had the opportunity to be in a threesome with Jim and Ewan McGregor, yes, I would hit it.
It’s time for some Kiefer. God, I love him. It’s a vague love, just because I know he’s a really screwed up guy, but damn, I bet he’d be a hell of a good time. I’d love to go out drinking with him, and then maybe end up on a barge… and then maybe have some barge sex. I don’t know, it’s just a little fantasy I’ve been spinning.
I know Michael Buble is a total cheeseball, but his voice is like velvet, and much like Kiefer, I think he would probably be a lot of fun. He seems like a fun guy, although… not “cool” like Kiefer. Kiefer is the kind of dude you have hot barge sex with and he doesn’t remember your name. Michael Buble is like the cute guy at the bar who doesn’t realize he’s coming on a little too strong, and that you’d probably go home with him if he just backed off a little.
A little Justin Chatwin:
Someone named Shawn Ashmore. He’s cute. He’s vaguely familiar too. Like… Law & Order: SVU familiar. Didn’t he play a rapist or a child molester?
Will Arnett is so crazy, and so funny. I always say that if he weren’t such a talented comedic actor, you would realize how hot he is.
Speaking of SVU, remember Eric McCormack’s appearance on that show? He was so sleazy! And then he was shanked. Good times. Plus, he’s a really wonderful, underrated actor, and I wish Will & Grace reruns came on more often.
DRAKE. Yes, his hairline is wack. But I love his voice, I really do.
Paul Gross, by request.
A little Hayden Christensen, because you bitches love him for some reason.
Luke Macfarlane. I’d never heard of him before, but he’s some kind of hot, gay stage actor/musician. Did I mention hot? He’s HOT.
And finally, to end the Canadian portion of HGF, let’s end it on Mike Myers, shall we? No, I wouldn’t hit it. But I would go out to dinner with it, and I would let it make me laugh and laugh. His Inside the Actor’s Studio is still one of the best ones ever!
Alan Rickman was requested yet again – and look, here he is with Bill Pullman! Whatever happened to Bill Pullman? I love that guy.
Gerard Butler… yes, I know I have a problem. Yes, I know he’s gross and disgusting and a womanizer. But f-ck me, I would hit it, over and over and over. Also – I think he’s an honorary Canadian for this post, because he’s wearing a Canadian tuxedo.
Christian Bale, because I left him off the list for too many weeks. Is he a douche? Sure. He’s an intense, angry, strange man. But can you imagine what that energy is like when it’s harnessed into sex? JESUS. (Also, there’s a little Russell Crowe in here too)
Leonardo… I left him off the American HGF, my bad! Eh. I haven’t really found him that hot once he filled out. Exception: The Departed, which made me really like him and get hot for him again.
Daniel Dae Kim is FOREVER.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers, another crazy one. We have new photos of him! In period costume. So… yeah. The boy can pull off period costume. He might be a crazy drunk, but he’s also hot.
Mark Strong, by request. He’s been playing the villain in everything over the past few years. Wonderful voice. Rather sexy. Very English.
I just realized that Liev Schreiber has never made HGF! I used to be so in love with him – in the 1990s. I don’t dislike him now or anything, but he was definitely one of my odd teenage obsessions (it probably had something to do with Parker Posey, honestly). I would still hit it. He’s oddly handsome.
Since I didn’t include the new Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson, here you go… Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. My mom literally just called me last night to tell me how sexy she finds Dr. Watson (Freeman). How long do I have to wait for a new episode?!?!
Michael B. Jordan, a request from CB.
Another one I left off (my apologies!) – Matthew Macfadyen. Once again, his incredible voice makes up for everything, although I do find him attractive. He’s definitely got a young Colin Firth/Alan Rickman thing.
VINCENT CASSEL. To me, he’s as beautiful as David Gandy. God, I just can’t get enough of him.
You bitches and your David Tennant. Whatever. Enjoy. Stop requesting him, please. He’s like Keith Moon’s ugly cousin.
My mother LOVES Andre Braugher. The man has a great voice… and a great talent.
Mehcad Brookes from True Blood, another request.
New photos of Antonio Banderas! So hot. Even though his face is kind of falling, I still think he’s got a kind of “immortal hotness” to him.
Another one I left off last week – Henry Cavill. Sigh… he’s really hot.
One of CB’s favorites, Aaron Paul:
Ralph Fiennes at the Harry Potter premiere! I’m not loving his consistently shaved head these days, but whatever. I would still hit that kinky ass like it was last call at the Mile High Club.
I’m not sure who Jimmy Wong is, but I’d like to cook for him. And by “cook for him” I mean “I would like to eat off of his naked body.”
Aidan Quinn – the man is timeless in his accessible hotness.
Rodrigo Santoro is up for a new role: My Forever Dong.
Oh, Jon Hamm. You are perfection. LOVE LOVE LOVE THE HAMMMMMM….
Some Clive and Gandy to end it. I know, I know. But I can’t get enough of them.
For a special HGF “this should finish you off” treat, we have a video! It’s really a ten-minute plus ad for W Hotel starring David Gandy and Helena Christensen, and um… YES. Gandy’s voice. He’s body, in motion. Gandy appears past the two minute mark…