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Well, I finally have my answer for why Prince William and Kate Middleton seem to be rushing their wedding – and it doesn’t have anything to do with “polo season” or “Kate not having a staff, ha.” No, according to The National Enquirer, the rush is on because Kate Middleton has crossed her legs and closed down the biscuit factory. She doesn’t want the royal jewels around her now that she’s got the rock. She doesn’t want to mess up her hair? Yes, Kate Middleton is refusing to put out during their engagement… because she doesn’t want to get pregnant before everything’s official. Um, they’ve been dating for nine years. If she wasn’t worried about pregnancy before, why start now? She’s probably on the pill.
GIRLS, IT TAKES IRON WILL TO BE A REAL PRINCESS…and PRINCE WILLIAM just discovered what a royal pain that can be when beautiful princess-bride-to- be KATE MIDDLETON – shedding her meek “Waity Katie” persona – gently but firmly informed her boyfriend-turned-betrothed that henceforth “there will be NO hanky-panky” until the April “I do’s” at Westminster Abbey… and their magical first night in wedding chambers.
Said a royal insider: “Will was stunned when Kate explained that there’s absolutely no way she’ll run the risk of ruining her big day with the embarrassment of an unplanned pregnancy. She told him, ‘Darling, I want our wedding night to be really special.’ Kate said Wills just kept saying, ‘You’ve got to be kidding…You are kidding, right?’ But Kate assured Prince Charming that it was no joke. She’s determined to do everything by the book to ensure that theirs will be the wedding of the new century.”
Conceding that a hands-off decree seems extreme after seven years as a cuddly couple, Kate told my source: “There is only one form of contraception that is absolutely, 100 percent foolproof – and that is abstinence.” So it’s bye-bye, Waity Katie…and hello, Chilly Willy.
(Just close your eyes and think of England, old chap!)
[From The National Enquirer]
I would like this story more if Kate was saving her biscuit just so that their wedding night and honeymoon was really special, rather than this dumb pregnancy argument. But whatever, I’ll buy it. It makes sense that this could be the reason everything is being rushed. Of course, if William is in the market for biscuits, methinks he could have his pick, just as he’s always had during their nine years together.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Kate Middleton, Prince William
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53 Responses to “Enquirer: Kate Middleton closed down her biscuit factory for the engagement”
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Are BJ’s out as well? Can’t get pregnant that way…
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“Beautiful Princess-to-be”?? Oookay!
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English is not my first language… I really thought she had a cookie factory and thought that maybe she had to close it down because the Queen didn’t like it! :-S
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“Biscuit Factory”, chuckle much.
The next Harry Potter movie should be called Charles and Kate’s Organic Muffin and Biscuit Factory.
There’s nothing like fresh biscuits on your honeymoon.
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Oh those wacky royals and their quaint ways!
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@kiki
english isn’t my first language either, but as I waited for the page to open I was actually praying to be this, and not an actual cookie factory
lol
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I apologize for the euphemism, non-English speakers! I thought it was a funny way of saying that she wasn’t going to mess up her hair anymore.
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I gotta go along with Kaiser on this one. She didn’t seem to have any qualms about ‘living in sin’ for the last 9 years but now that she got the ring (otherwise known as ROI, Return on Investment)she turns all prim and proper? No wonder William thinks she’s kidding, he’s just realized that maybe the Chastity Katie he’s seeing now was the real one all along! I see a Christmas tree decorated with blue balls…
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Actually Kaiser, please continue to use these “new words”. You help me learn lots of new vocabulary, thanks professor!
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I’m sure she’s letting him in via the tradesman’s entrance…
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Kiki – I thought it was a real biscuit factory too!
And I’m not buying the pregnancy thing. Most of my friends have had some sort of cooling off period prior to the wedding to make their wedding night more special. I did too. And like any source is going to have direct quotes from a sex conversation between the two of them ….
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Doh! I too thought it was an actual cookie factory, something to do with her parents party biz…sheesh…I’m a dork!
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@Stronzilla…lmao!!!
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Sometimes I think (about Kate) ‘wow what a life she’ll have, luxury plus.’ But then there is the Diana-esque intrusion. If she does become queen, she’ll be living in a gilded cage, unable to perform most basic things that are fun, like shopping, lunching with friends, unless everything is brought to her. It’s horrifying on some levels.
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What a totally un-romantic idea! Forcing one’s partner into abstinence in order to make the wedding night more “special.”
So a royal wedding to the future king of the world’s most important monarchy isn’t a special enough day?
This just doesn’t sound real to me.
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It would make total sense that if she HAS been on the Pill, she would get off of it now, in preparation for having a baby immediately. Nine years is a long time to be together. I’m sure they’re ready to start a family ASAP and getting off the Pill is the best start. I don’t blame her for wanting to wait.
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I think it’s a joke that these really private stories ‘leak’ out. I don’t put any stock in them whatsoever. Also, I don’t think the wedding is being rushed. I think the amount of time they are taking is ‘standard’ for a ‘royal.’ How long do you want them to wait? And, honestly, if she or rather THEY are doing this, I kind of think it’s a good idea whether it’s for no pregnancy or for a more special wedding night.
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“Most of my friends have had some sort of cooling off period prior to the wedding to make their wedding night more special.”
Chrissy, I’ve heard of a LOT of couples that do it. agree with you, it’s not so strange.
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Her eyeliner always bugs the hell out of me.
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@Chrissy – I did it too! Why is that a crazy thought? And I think it *did* make it more special!
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This story sounds like made up b.s. to me.
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LOL @ Isabel – me too!! She’s got some funky skin sometimes when it’s all up close like that…
anyways, I dont believe these stories. Who’s going to leak that stuff??
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Funny title but ridiculous story. No one outside of the two of them would or should know such a thing, obviously. Like the photos though.
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The way the US tabloids are covering this wedding lead-up is hysterical. Their idea of royal ‘protocol’ is right out of some mills & boon or harlequin romance. Hysterical.
Hadn’t realised until looking at so many pics of Kate recently how ‘home counties’ and matronly her style is… she could do with a makeover/new stylist
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Poor girl’s been waiting for nine years to achieve this. Now she’s busy: she has to choose shoes and dresses and jewls for the honeymoon,and the wedding which is gonna be amazing, it’s her moment, she can’t have time to date William.
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Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Free Willie”.
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@WhiteNoise-LOLOLOL!
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Wish I had a biscuit right about now. Mmmm … biscuits.
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call me waity-mcobvious. been with my guy for nearly 7 years, and i can guarantee, that there will be no sex until the wedding once we’re engaged-too bad my man has aways said he wants a long engagement! lol
that aside, kaiser I love you and your euphemism. They make my day.
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Payback´s a bitch. He made Kate wait for so long and now it´s her turn. So who´s “Waity” now?
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You know, I’m an American but I’ve never heard that particular euphemism, ever!! I thought you were talking about cookies, which is what the Brits call biscuits. Now I’m laughing so hard I can’t breath!! That was a good one.
Anyway, it makes a lot of sense because the girl is busy and there might be a slip up or two and it would be really embarrassing if the wedding had to all of a sudden happen in February!!!
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@ mslewis- me too! I thought Kate had suddenly become a career woman and opened a bakery to go with the party business. Too funny that Wills is now Chilly Willy. Payback is a bitch!
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i was thinking “hmm, i don’t recall her being a businesswoman!” — and yes, english is my first language
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All I could think of was: “Wait, isn’t CHARLES the one with the Duchy Originals biscuit factory?!”
And if she’s 28, that’s a hard-lookin’ 28. She looks about 10 years older than William.
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well,well,well looks like someone thinks that her biscuit factory is indeed special…
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i too thought she owned a bakery of some sort, lol
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Also, if there is any truth to it, maybe they want the pill and/or patch and/or whatever totally out of her system by the wedding night, so they may conceive the royal heir asap.
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If you get married in a church and it require pre-marital counseling, a lot of co-habitors get this advice from their clergy. I have an atheist friend who married a Catholic, and the priest who married them made them stop sleeping together until their wedding even though they lived together in a tiny, two-room apartment!
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LOL … If this is true, I think she’s making a mistake. I mean come on … he’s in his prime and she demands that he goes 6 months without it so their first night as a married couple will be special. He’ll probably be done in 30 seconds and then be snoring in a minute. Hmmm … Maybe it’s like that already; she seems pretty boring. I can’t imagine her with a can of whipped cream for them thar biscuits.
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Count me among those who thought Kaiser was referring to a food item.
So Katie gives it up for 9 years and now she puts a lid on her biscuits. Yeah, whatever. Maybe William is getting less than he bargained for.
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Ah, I don’t believe this story at all. I do love how the Brits say ‘cuddle’ and ‘cuddly’ though. My bf when home to England for the holidays and I do miss his ‘cuddles’!
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I can’t get over how old she looks already in her twenties. Her eye bags in her engagement pics look a lot smaller. Wonder if she just had it done or just more sleep? Then again Will looks well into his 30′s too.
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I think that after NINE YEARS the biscuit would yield few “special” wedding night moments. I have never heard of any couple cease f**ing before the wedding. Does she plan to get knocked up the second the ceremony is over? Also, it’s not like she won’t have a huge staff planning the nuptials for her and no choices at all being made without the queen’s approval.
Relax honey. You’ve already waited out 9 years biting your nails to see if he would actually marry you. Now all you have to worry about is that male “heir and a spare” thing. Sure you really want that? There must be some nice, wealthy guy, without the family baggage, that you could marry.
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Me too! I totally thought that Kate and her family owned a cookie company and had shut it down in honor of the engagement announcement!
On 2nd thought, I agree with the commenter above who said it might be to ensure conception after years on the pill. I bet they’re relying on BJs and the backdoor or something.
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What’s up with her cheeks? She has the Madonna cutlet cheeks! She’s too young for implants.
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I don’t believe this story for a second.
And, like a commenter above, I too am really bothered by her eyeliner. Yech. Kate used to be somewhat pretty but these days is looking more and more coarse.
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Are any of you posters married? This can be a very good idea. I have been married for almost nine years. Husband went away for five days for special training in explosives. Came back last night and well, let’s just say it was a good night. Keep in mind that we’ve gone five days without sex many times, sick kids, etc, without it being a big deal. But I guess psychologically there is something to be said about being cut off and having to wait. Even if it’s been going on for nine years.
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C’mon we all know the horniest royals anyway are Charles and Camilla.
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ridiculous…im sorry but…how is the wedding night gonna be “special” if u dont have sex a few days or weeks before it…are u now admitting that maybe, perhaps waiting until marriage IS the right thing to do?..cant have ur cake and eat it too..sorry
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Trippin you just gave me nightmares!
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@WhiteNoise: You made me spit my coffee all over the monitor….thanks a LOT! ;^) LOL
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So we’re all believing the National Enquirer now? That whole “no sex until the wedding” is a bunch of crock. Like William would stand for not having sex since November? He’d go hook up with one of his many mistresses or anyone and I doubt Catherine would do something that stupid like that knowing full well William will go and get his jollies elsewhere.
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I like them, so I think it’s sweet.
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