Pierce Brosnan. Pierce is just about equal to Clive Owen as the kind of man I want whispering in my ear. And yet Pierce is largely forgotten, left un-requested on our weekly Hot Guy dong-athons. Why is that? Is it because we don’t want our lady parts (and gentleman parts, as men are welcomed here) tended to by such a lovely man as Pierce? He doesn’t seem like a dirty bastard, for better or for worse. Pierce is the kind of man you marry. He’s not the kind of man you have dirty, anonymous sex with in a hotel. You would have to marry him, and then have dirty sex with him in a hotel. By the way, thank you so much for the positive feedback on Pierce – I love the guy, and I want to feature him more often on our Dongapalooza.
James McAvoy. I honestly forget if I’ve done James recently (*rimshot*), so here he is again. I was just thinking about him. Because he’s lovely, and I like to check in with my non-Gerard Butler Scottish dongs.
Godfrey Gao (or Gao Yi Xiang). A request, and whoever requested him owes me a thank you – I had to look for a long time for these images. Gao’s been getting a lot of press recently because he’s the first Asian model ever used for Louis Vuitton – he’s in ads for man-purses. He’s Taiwanese, he’s 26 years old and he was born in Vancouver. Oh, and he’s huge too – he’s apparently very, very tall for a model at 6 foot 4. He’s very sexy, but I don’t like the scraggly beard stuff. If it’s going to grow in that scruffy, just be clean-shaven, you know?
Naveen Andrews. I just love him. I know he’s a sketchball and I know he has some baby-daddy drama. His on-again thing with Barbara Hershey is weird in a lot of ways, and he’s never going to be the dude from The English Patient in real life. He’s not even going to be Sayeed from Lost in real life. But I still love him. He’s sexy as hell, and an underrated actor.
Gaspard Ulliel. I tossed up some photos of Gaspard earlier this week when he attended the Chanel show during Paris Fashion Week, and you bitches were all over him. STEP OFF, sluts. No, there’s enough Gaspard (“Gaspy”) for all of us. Gaspard is tight with Karl Lagerfeld, and Gaspard is “the face” of something Chanel (Bleu?). He was also the young Hannibal Lector in Hannibal Rising, which if you haven’t seen yet… is actually pretty good. The book is good too. Back to Gaspard: so pretty. But it’s an unconventional pretty, which I enjoy. He’s not some interchangeable beefcake. He is unique French beefcake.
Jesse L. Martin. Best known for his stints on Broadway, and for playing Det. Ed Green on Law & Order for many, many years. Jesse has a beautiful smile, an easy-going personality, and I know of no drama in his personal life. Maybe there is, and he keeps his junk tight. Maybe he’s just as nice as I imagine. Because I do spend a lot of time imagining how he’s going to fall in love with me when we meet. Can you blame me? Oh, and he’s a Virginia boy too. We grow ‘em real good in Virginia (not really, Jesse is the exception!).
Damian Lewis. By request, although it’s really not necessary – Damian is one of my favorites, and he’s probably my favorite male ginger. I love him even more than Prince Harry. Damian is just THAT amazing. Band of Brothers and Life are enough to get him on my Forever Dong List. Sigh… I love gingers.
Chad Ochocinco (By CB) This muscled wide receiver entered our collective fantasies when he competed on Dancing with The Stars last year. We swooned over his moves and questioned his motivation when he showered dance partner Cheryl Burke with jewelry and praise. Then he predictably earned his own dating reality show on VH1. Whether that ruins him for you or not, it can still make your heart race to stare at him.
Jason Statham (By CB) We do this dude on HGF about once a month – I just checked our archives. There’s a very good, deep, meaningful, powerful, commanding, rhythmic reason… what was I saying? Oh yeah, we get a lot of requests for him. I have no idea why. Look at these recent photos of Statham. He’s f*cking you with his eyes, and making you imagine that stubble creating a red contact rash along the insides of your thighs. A rash you won’t notice for several days afterwards. He’s putting it on a little thick here. Thick being the operative word. Check out his hands.
Vincent Cassel. He didn’t get an Oscar nomination this week (for Black Swan, in which he was pretty good), so he gets the “consolation prize” of being our Dong Dessert of the week.