From The Desk of Monica Bellucci:
Hello, darlings! My dear friend Clive Owen said I should drop you a line this week for your inaugural Hot Girl Friday. You have given me so much pleasure by making me your headlining Hot Lady, naughty girls. Italian biscuits for everybody!
I sincerely hope you enjoy these ladies as much as I do. I like to imagine them engaging in a ménage à trois with myself and my lover, Vincent Cassel. Perhaps there is a whip involved. Perhaps there is only whipped cream and strawberries. Perhaps…
I hope you don’t think it’s dreadfully un-feminist to spend a little time ogling hot biscuits the same way we ogle hot dongs every other week. Life is to be embraced, and who says we can’t appreciate beautiful women the same way we appreciate beautiful men? Now, since I’m not as well-versed in these spectacular biscuit-and-dongathons as Clive seems to be, I will only say that this is a test – if it goes well, I will hopefully be writing you more letters and I will go in greater detail about that time I spent the night with Clive and his very tipsy wife. I do think poor Clive felt he was being ignored. It was a lovely evening.
Rachel Weisz. I love Rachel. I think she’s a wonderful actress and a stunningly beautiful woman. Now, I used to think she was kind of overrated, but the tipping point for me was her Oscar-winning role in a completely underrated film, The Constant Gardener. She barely wore any makeup, and she had one of the most memorable pregnant nude scenes in film history. Basically, after that, I thought she was hardcore and I loved it. CB thinks that my love for Rachel means that I’m hot for mega-bitches, though. Sure. I’ll own that.
Sofia Vergara. I mean… everybody wants to motorboat her, right? She’s magnificent. Physically, she’s absolutely gorgeous with that killer body, and then to top it off, she’s self-aware and hilarious. For a special treat, I’m adding an older appearance she did on Jay Leno’s show (or Sofia calls him, “Hay”). She was the second guest… the first guest was Gerard Butler, and they had already met before Leno. It was hilarious.
Angelina Jolie. Yeah, I would. I know many of you hate her, and I know many of you would hit it as well. So sue me, I have a type. Dark-haired busty bitches. There are worse things. Enjoy.
Aishwarya Rai. You knew I’d have to include her, right? Aishwarya Rai is one of Indian’s biggest (and hottest) exports, although most of her career has been spent in Bollywood films. While I’m not exactly “hot” for her, I’ve seen her in interviews, and I find her personality adorable. She seems like a sweetheart. And yes, she’s unbelievably gorgeous.
Katie Cassidy (By CB) This gorgeous 24 year-old made the short-lived and generally awful Melrose Place reboot watchable, and that’s really saying something. Cassidy can act her ass off, and she’s got the bitch role down with enough vulnerability to add nuance to her character. Unfortunately she sometimes dresses like she could use a good stylist, but when she’s dressed well she’s flawless. She’s on Gossip Girl now and I sense a long career for this one.
Emily Blunt (By CB) The new Mrs. John Krasinski just exudes casual confidence, even when she’s dressed completely fug, which is often. She’s lovely and talented and Krasinski is a lucky man. With dark or light hair, she’s beautiful. She’s like the hot funny friend you end up making out with after a few drinks. Not that that’s ever happened to me.
Taraji P Henson (By CB) When Taraji was getting all that press in 2009 for her Oscar nomination for Benjamin Button I was like “wow, she’s hot,” and it wasn’t like she was trying much either. This woman is surely sexy when she rolls out of bed, and when she puts on a stylish dress and some amazing shoes she takes it to another level. She almost always gets it right, she changes her hairstyle frequently and she’s fashion-forward without taking it too far. We haven’t seen much of her lately and I’d really like that to change.
Uma Thurman (By CB) I remember when statuesque Uma was the woman every man wanted and every woman wanted to be. It wasn’t that long ago, and she remains one of the sexiest women in Hollywood. I love how she hasn’t clung to some past ideal and has just gone about her business, being Uma, staying eccentric and remaining naturally gorgeous.
Heidi Klum (By CB) Say what you will about Heidi – she has mom hair, her fashion can be atrocious, and she has a tendency to be everywhere – she’s just very comfortable with herself and she owns her sexuality. Her boobs are natural, she’s got legs that go on forever, and for a hugely popular supermodel/personality, she’s very down to earth. Plus she strikes me as a bossy bitch in the bedroom. I love that.
Emma Thompson. What can you even say about Emma Thompson? She’s magnificent. She’s brilliant. She’s hilarious. She’s self-deprecating. She’s obscenely talented, as a writer and as an actress. And she’s beautiful. I love that she isn’t jacking her face with Botox. I love that she is without ego, and will gladly put on wigs and moles and fake noses and horrible makeup for Nanny McPhee. I love her activism. I love her husband. I love her daughter Gaia. It’s just… love. I would marry her in a heartbeat. And something tells me that if she ever sees this, she would absolutely love being our Hot Biscuit Dessert.
Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, the Los Angeles Times, and the domestic and international additions of Vogue, GQ, Esquire, Allure, FHM, Maxim and Vanity Fair.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Hot Girl Friday
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