Jesse James: “doesn’t really matter whether I [cheated] 10,000 times or once”

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I bought Jesse James’ memoir American Outlaw on iBooks yesterday and read the first 150 pages or so. Then I skipped to the part where he met Sandra Bullock and tried to explain and justify his terrible treatment of her. The beginning of the book has him telling the story of his childhood and teen years. It reads like fiction and it probably is. Jesse is always the hero, and he has a ton of tall tales about how he boosted cars, robbed restaurants, beat up rivals who had it coming, but still was the star player on the football team and won the girl. Of course the crimes that teenage Jesse was finally busted for were stealing a candy bar and lifting some cameras from a photo store. It’s actually a decent read, if you think of it like a work of fiction told from the protagonist’s point of view.

The part where Jesse describes how he met Sandra and wooed her at first through e-mail is actually pretty sweet, I’ll admit. There’s his self centered douchiness permeating his writing, but he seems to really care about her and you can tell that he loved her. He had a good ghostwriter and the story flows well and is pretty interesting. It really didn’t change my opinion of him at all though. Here are some of the parts that stood out for me.

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On his attraction to Sandra Bullock
Maybe it sounds like a load a crap, but the truth is, from the start, being around Sandy made me want to be a better guy. Whereas with Janine I was always riding that wave of her attention, watching myself reflected in her eyes, with Sandy, I saw her watching the world, and wondering how she could contribute. The better I got to know her, the more I wanted to be by her side, doing the same thing.

On how he cried to Sandra about his childhood
“I… I grew up in a really hard situation,” I said. “I don’t tell people about it very often.”

Sandy looked at me deeply, with real sympathy in her eyes. “I promise you, if you want to confide in me, I will never judge you for it, Jesse…”

“I grew up scared shitless of my dad,” I continued. “He punched me and blacked my eye. When I was fifteen years old, he accused me of burning down our house and I got into such a big fight with him that we would have literally killed each other if we hadn’t been pulled apart.”

“Oh, Jesse.” Tears were starting to well up in Sandy’s eyes. “I had no idea.”

On how he asked her to marry him
“Hey,” I said to her, “I’d like to talk to you. Do you have a second?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Well, I… I just wanted to… I wanted to know if you’d marry me.”

She looked at me, amazed. “Are you… serious?…”

“Oh my God,” she said. “I… wow. This is a surprise. Yes… I will marry you. I love you.”

On how he ended up cheating
You’re trapped, I thought suddenly. It came out of nowhere, but you’re trapped pretty good, aren’t you?

Before I met Sandy, I’d romanticized the stable, calm married life: the idea of me finally growing up. But now I missed… talking shit, cracking jokes with my no-good friends. Too many people knew me now. I couldn’t escape…

Mentally at a loss, desperate for something to make me feel like I had some sense of freedom, I ran through the list of things I could do to assert independence over my life. Infidelity, unfortunately, was at the top of my list.

Glosses over all the skanks and strippers, doesn’t get into details
I’m into sex, but contrary to whatever biker stereotype got built up around me, sex is mostly a cerebral experience for me. If there’s no personal connection there, then it’s sort of pointless.

But with that said: I still did it. I screwed around behind Sandy’s back, and the whole world came to know about it.

Tries to justify his behavior, says he was a mismatch with Sandra
I can’t go back, and I can’t save my marriage. What I can do is try to understand why I did it….

As [Sandy and I] got to know each other better, I think we both came to realize that we really were a bit oddly matched. Sandy wasn’t rich [growing up], but she came from a middle class family – she’d grown up singing in a choir with her mom. I’d grown up with a dad who sent me hookers in the middle of the day…

The more important factor, though, was the fact that I’d grown up in an environment where love hadn’t been shown to me on a regular basis. My dad had torn me down every time he could, and my mom had been pretty absent. Now I had a great woman who was telling me she loved me, but that didn’t mean I was in any shape to believe her. Sandy was an actress, after all. I think in the back of my mind, I always told myself she was pretending…

I never really trusted Sandy… I felt like sooner or later, she was going to see the real me. And then she’d leave me. Well, figured, if I was going to be left, then I wanted to make the first break.

Acts like it didn’t matter if he cheated once or a bunch of times
I transgressed against the vows of my marriage, and it doesn’t really matter whether I did that ten thousand times or just once. Once you’ve lied, there’s no taking it back. There’s no way to erase the deceit that you’ve created.

Explains his Nazi salute photo
The photo had been taken at a party at my house ten years before: I’d been given the cap by a buddy of my dad’s, Barry Weiss. Barry rented a building in Gardena to a guy whose job it was to make costumes and uniforms for films like Schindler’s List and Band of Brothers. The cap was a reproduction, something he’d given to me as a joke. In a moment of stupidity, I’d put a couple of fingers over my top lip to form a Hitler mustache, and had thrown up a Sieg Heil. You could tell by the goofy expression on my face that I was anything but serious.

[Transcribed from American Outlaw by Jesse James]

Radar has some quotes from the book where Jesse admitted to Sandra that he cheated. When he broke the news to Sandra before it was about to come out in the tabloids he only owned up to one affair, not the handful of women who came out of the woodwork afterwards. She walked out of his office crying and he didn’t see or speak to her for weeks afterwards. I have nothing but respect for Sandra.

You know, I see this guy’s appeal, I really do. He’s the wounded bad boy looking for a savior. Only his stories are trumped up and he’s a lying S.O.B. To him it doesn’t matter if he cheated once or a bunch of times, and he never owns up to any of that anyway. He’s either the poor victim or the hero, just behaving as he knows how and never really admitting the things he’s done.

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Photo credit: WENN

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86 Responses to “Jesse James: “doesn’t really matter whether I [cheated] 10,000 times or once””

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  1. the_blonde_one says:

    My deep dark shame is I’d still hit it. I’m going to go hit myself in the face now.

  2. Kasey says:

    Shhhhh, Sandra! Don’t say a word. Just let him keep digging.

  3. mln76 says:

    He sounds like he can string a woman along really well. I think I finally get why Sandra was tricked. He probably seemed so sensitive but he’s just a self involved dickhead. And in my book there is nothing worse than men who show no respect for their marraige vows. A one-time mistake is a different thing than making a promise and ignoring it over and over again with no regard for your wife’s feelings.

  4. brin says:

    @min76…ITA, well said. What a scumbag he is.

  5. Hakura says:

    I just love how he turns it into “It just wasn’t in he cards for us to start with.”

    When it was really: “You had it, shit-head, you just decided to f it up, & now you need an excuse to make you feel better.”

  6. Nanea says:

    So it’s Sandy’s fault that she’s an actress, and that’s why he didn’t believe her love for him, and that’s why he cheated???

    He’s such a sad excuse for a human being.

  7. Elong says:

    I am completely over him and his BS. He’s never going to grow up, nothing is ever his fault and can’t we all just understand how misunderstood he is?! Go troll for some new skanks loser.

  8. meg says:

    Poor girl fell for the oldest trick in the book: I’m gonna fix him, give him the love he never had and he’s going to see what a wonderful person he is and do great things…blah blah

  9. dorothy says:

    I think this book will ruin him. I think for the most part people are done with him. It’s one thing to cheat and hurt the one you love, but then to go on and tell the most intimate parts of yours and your ex’s life? He is what he is….a loser that got lucky, married a wonderful woman and couldn’t even get that right.

  10. Crash2GO2 says:

    Great comments everyone. ITA.

  11. OXA says:

    He is aselfish and disgusting tool who did not care what his cheating would do to his wife or his children. He was on his 3rd marriage with 3 kids who Sandra was helping care for. It is bullshit to play the victim when he willingly screwed around with skanks abd destroying his family.

  12. Whitey Fisk says:

    Come on, this is total crap. Once you hit a certain age, your mind-blowingly shitty choices are no longer your parents’ fault.

    What a ridiculous bill of goods he’s trying to sell – if you have a crappy childhood, you can’t help but grow up to be a slimy, adulterous, disease-ridden douchebag. Right, buddy.

  13. GQ says:

    ugh, the best way to deal with such douches is to ignore them, buying his book people just putting money in his pocket

  14. Disbelieving says:

    I hope SB is strong enough to avoid the temptation to read the book and all its associated press. I can only imagine how very painful and anger-filled an experience that would be. My heart goes out to her and the thought of having the band-aids so cruelly ripped off her healing wounds. Hawking his self-serving justifications is just vile.

    Although its far too late, I will only add: Jesse, sit down ‘ho.

  15. Geekylove says:

    He always looked slimy to me. I couldn’t stand him when he was With her, i def. Can’t stand him now. Slimy snail.
    Bad Childhood and upbringing does NOT give you the rights to be a bad, slimy S.O.B.

  16. cranky_chica says:

    He played her. Plain and simple. And she fell for it because the clock was ticking, she wanted a family and more than anything she wanted a child.

    He never gave up the women on the side. He never committed to the marriage. And how much of this she understood consciously, well, who knows?

    I do admire how she flushed him and never looked back. Hope this book doesn’t change that.

  17. ladybert62 says:

    There is nothing about this creep that I find appealing – I have no compassion for him and if his childhood actions are true, he is a criminal who deserves to be in prison.

  18. Janna says:

    I see the appeal with his wounded bad boy, blah, blah. And Sandy at a certain point in her life was open to him, and he’s successful in his own right. The thing is, he’s pulled that sthick on every other women I bet and has probably pulled it on Kat. The truth is he’s a horny bastard, who likes a sleezy woman on the side for some strange every now and again. Sometimes it’s just that simple. He’s just using a bunch of buzz words from his psychotherapy to get out of what he did.

    What made me sad in the excerpt of the book I read somewhere yesterday, Sandy has only seen the little girl she has raised with him a few times and not at all in the last two months. That disappointed me in Sandy. He moved to Austin for the children to still be close to her and I’m sure hoping they could get back together. But what is best for Sunny was Sandy to be the mother she had been for years to her, even though it must be hard for Sandy. Sunny must beel abandoned

  19. Janna says:

    @The Blond One, if you would hit that, just wow.

  20. Samigirl says:

    Kat Von D “acts” as well. If you feel trapped in marriage, why get married again? Both JJ and KVD are idiots. Sandra is a class act through and through, and handled this situation with more grace than I ever could.

  21. Hakura says:

    @The_Blonde_One – If you’d ‘hit that‘, maybe someone needs to ‘hit’ you (to knock some sense into you)? Or at least give you a higher point to base a ‘comparison’ off of.

  22. Happymom says:

    He’s just disgusting. I read some quotes this morning about how he doesn’t worry anymore about his actions affecting her-because he “worried about her for 6 years”. Talk about delusional. And I really hope she’s gotten some therapy to figure out why she married this creep to begin with.

  23. Janna says:

    I have never found Jesse attractive, because in interviews he has this weasly look, that borders on looking stupid, and he has this whimpy voice. So not a manly voice. Ugh.

  24. the_blonde_one says:

    @ janna and hakura,
    completely agree with you. would like to tactfully point out that I also said pretty much what you both said about it.

  25. Roxy75 says:

    Trust me….been there, done that…almost to a T. It’s inevitable…he is so right…you try to make someone better but the streets/way of life always catch up to you. I SO TOTALLY GET IT. I REALLY DO. It’s the exact same story for me instead I wasn’t a famous and rich celebrity…unbelievable how real his story is for me. Douche.

  26. Jenny says:

    J. James is a jackass. But he was a jackass when Bullock met and married him and she knew it. Why women think they can magically change idiots is beyond me. Love can be blind, but I hope not that blind. She did not deserve to be treated the way she was treated, bottom line. I hope and pray she does not bring him into her son’s life because that would be tragic.

  27. crumbcake says:

    What a complete and utter scum bag. . .
    Ummm, yes, Jesse, it actually DOES make a difference if you cheated once versus umpteen million times on your spouse. Everybody has some vulnerability to cheating, but one isolated mistake is far different than screwing anything with a pulse and a vagina. A normal, decent person who had a single indiscretion would wake up and not be able to stand looking at his/her reflection in the mirror. . . it would make them sick. But to do it over and over and over again shows that you are extremely lacking in ethics, morality and just plain compassion to the woman who devoted her life to you. Jesse, you make me sick to my stomach, and I am glad that Sandra gave you the heave-ho. NOBODY deserves to be treated the way you treated her. . . . make all the excuses you want to about your poor abusive childhood. You’re a man now, try to start acting like one. You’re a disgusting blob of slime.

  28. lucy2 says:

    What he did was bad enough, but writing a tell all and rehashing private moments publicly only makes it worse.
    Totally agree he probably played that game with every woman, not just Sandra.

  29. Geekylove says:

    @#18(sorry can’t see the nick):
    Well, maybe he shouldn’t have cheated bastardly on her, and then his children would have her in their lives. I can totay understand SB regarding that; and i net the move to texas, the little girl was Just one of ways to try and weasel himself baci With her.
    Just as this jab about his youngest daughter is: oh bad sandy, why are you not playing mommy to my youngest while i fcuk kat and the likes upstairs, in between calling paps so they can seen you have forgiven me?
    No, you douche, you abandoned your children With the way you act(ed).

  30. NayNay says:

    What a complete f*cking DOUCHEBAG!!!

  31. NayNay says:

    @Janna:

    Would you really want Sandra to go back with this douchebag? Would you go back to him if he was youR man, knowing that he f*cked just about everything that walked??? I wouldn’t, HELL NO!!

  32. NoFrank says:

    The book is just another reflection of the massive stupid ego that made him think he could get away with cheating in the first place. He is terrified that he’s going to lose his livelihood, much of which was based around the persona he put out there: that he was an outlaw, a bad boy, but that he had a heart of gold and an artistic streak. Now we find out that what he actually is, is a world-class douche.

    What makes me laugh is, he tries to make it look like he’s accepting blame when in fact he’s blaming everyone but himself. It’s pretty fascinating. He had a good ghost writer, for sure.

    I don’t know that I buy Sandra Bullock as “America’s Sweetheart” but she seems a nice person and he really is a skeeze.

  33. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    @Janna, his manner of speaking (and his mousy voice) remind me of Garth from Wayne’s World.

  34. malachais says:

    This books sounds like sh*t. All I read was excuses and therapy talk that is versed from his shrink or his peers. I’ve heard him in interviews and he does not talk like this at all.

    In all, Sandy loved him and he used the ‘pretending excuse’ on her when in actuality he was the one pretending in the marriage. Idiot psycho.

    My husband had a terrible childhood where he wasn’t taught how to properly love someone, but guess what? People with some sense of compassion grow up and overcome bad situations and can maintain a happy marriage. I hope KVD realizes how much of a crazed idiot this man is before she marries him.

  35. xxodettexx says:

    i am home sick today and loving the comments on here! co-sign most of them

  36. K-MAC says:

    I TOTALLY see how Sandra Bullock got sucked in. Like ROXY75, been there done that and it is incredible how gifted they are in their manipulation. I mean, we are talking some sob story motherf*ckers. And they NEVER change. The part where Jesse James said he never trusted SB because he knew she would eventually leave, my ex said the same thing!!!! I bet JJ was really jealous too, but funny how those types of individuals are always the ones doing the cheating.
    I give Sandra Bullock HUGE props for getting out and staying out! I cannot imagine how difficult that was for her in the public eye. I was able to leave in private and not talk about my relationship, but she had to deal with the world knowing her business.

    This guy is a douche bag and will always be one….

  37. mln76 says:

    @Janna the absolute best thing for Sandra and Louis and more than likely the other kids is for her to cut and run and build her life up. When those kids and are older and able to get away from Jesse and his B.S. I am positive she’ll be a support system for them but there is no way that Jesse wouldn’t use them as sick tools in his mind games on Sandra.

  38. Magsy says:

    Don’t worry Kat Von D will drop his ass sooner or later. He’s met his match and it’ll be cold and cruel like it was for poor old Orbi. He’s a better match for Hulk Hogan’s daughter.

  39. DreamyK says:

    What comes around goes around. The shit he is throwing around about his dad is the same shit HIS kids will say about him in therapy. What a waste of space he is. And you know what? It DOES matter if it was just once with some random strange vs 10,000. This man-boy is completely narcissistic. Did he REALLY go there claiming Sandra was “acting”. F*ck off and die, dude.

  40. PrettyTarheel says:

    @Celebitchy:
    Thanks for saving me the $ as requested. I sooo can’t stand the idea of putting funds in this douche’s pocket, but I was curious what he had to say.

  41. Hakura says:

    @The_Blonde_One“@ janna and hakura,
    completely agree with you. would like to tactfully point out that I also said pretty much what you both said about it.”

    Tactfully noted xD I think I was so horrified by the first part of your comment that I was unable to comprehend the rest of it.

    @xxodettexx“i am home sick today and loving the comments on here! co-sign most of them”

    Hope you feel better soon! <3

  42. original kate says:

    “sex is mostly a cerebral experience for me.”

    yes, i’m certain he and bombshell mcgee waxed philosophical while they were screwing.

  43. knoxymama says:

    The assmunch is a narcissistic sociopath. It’s all about him.

    I’m disappointed you paid for the book, actually. I’m sure it’s an interesting read, but giving him this attention is just feeding his need for more narcissistic supply. He should be ignored and allowed to sit in his misery.

    Vile.

  44. Magsy says:

    You’re right Jesse because a dog, is a dog.

  45. I know it’s not a popular opinion – but I can see where he’s coming from regarding his problems with personal intimacy. I found the bit about his innate distrust of Sandy’s chosen career path to be particularly enlightening.

    That’s not to say he’s justified in his actions – what he did was selfish and wrong. Sandra had every right to drop his ass, and I applaud her for moving on with her life. I’m just saying the world isn’t black and white – there is middle ground and shades of grey.

  46. Just Me says:

    Cerebral? . . .
    I guess therapy wasn’t an option he ‘thought about’!

  47. Janna says:

    @NayNay, I never said she should go back to him or even ever talk to him again. But she has raised Sunny from a tiny thing to now six. She has effectively been her mother raising her and saying how much she loved her while the biological mother was drug addicted and in jail. How do you walk away because it’s too hard for you? Sorry. I couldn’t. I would love the little girl and know she still needed me during the turbulent time and I would bite the bullet and spend time with her, trying to minimize any contact I had with the loser ex-husband.

  48. Shannon says:

    I don’t condone cheating at all, but his reasoning seems to make sense on a psychological level. He needs therapy.

  49. nicole says:

    I can’t believe you bought the book and contributed money to this @sshole.

  50. dj says:

    Sociopath. Sociopaths do not “need therapy” because sociopaths do not believe that anything is WRONG with them. Everybody else has the problem. (shudder)

  51. Amanda G says:

    I actually think what he is saying makes a lot of sense. He wanted the “ideal” life, but he wasn’t good enough for her. We knew it and he knew it. He sabotaged his marriage because he didn’t think he deserved to be happy and he knew she would eventually leave him. Does it make any of his actions right? No, but I can understand where he’s coming from (assuming he’s being truthful). That said, Kat is a f-cking idiot for marrying him.

  52. Violet says:

    I’m always surprised that Sandra gets all this sympathy about his cheating, considering she was the other woman in his last marriage.

    What’s even worse is that Jesse James and his previous wife were expecting a baby when he and Sandra first hooked up.

    That he ended up being unfaithful to Sandra shouldn’t have been a surprise to her — after all, if someone is willing to cheat *with* you, they’re going to be just as likely to cheat *on* you.

  53. Hanh says:

    Douche bag. Sandra did good by dropping this loser before he hurt her again. Who wants to bet he is trying to keep hurting her via her former stepkids?

  54. Hakura says:

    @Violet“What’s even worse is that Jesse James and his previous wife were expecting a baby when he and Sandra first hooked up.
    That he ended up being unfaithful to Sandra shouldn’t have been a surprise to her — after all, if someone is willing to cheat *with* you, they’re going to be just as likely to cheat *on* you.”

    Aaaahhhh…. Waaait a minute, now. I didn’t know about that. I actually hadn’t kept up with their history before getting married….Well. Much as I’ve always liked Sandra as an actress (& thought she handled the end of her marriage with class)… It looks as though she may have gotten what she deserved, for being willing to take a married man away from his (PREGNANT) wife…

    This is disappointing to learn. She should have known what she was getting ahead of time, & run the other way. The only good that came of this mess was what relationship Sandra had with the other children.

    @Nicole“I can’t believe you bought the book and contributed money to this @sshole.”

    Well, for the price of ’1′ copy of his ‘book’… CB has sated the curiosity of all who read their stories, eliminating ANY need for one of us to pick up (let alone purchase) the book elsewhere. I’d say it’s worth it.

  55. fizXgirl314 says:

    ahhhh, I can’t believe you actually contributed funds to this a-hole…

  56. vanessa says:

    That’s great how she just got up and left. I would have caused a scene! He definitely needs therapy…and I thought I read that KVD didn’t want sandra around the kids because she’s the new stepmom now? If I were Sandra, I’d make a stiff drink and read the parts he wrote about the marriage…I wouldn’t be able to not read it.

  57. candy says:

    He admits he wasn’t good enough for her, the writing was on the wall for the marriage. Sandra married him knowing he was screwing and marrying porn stars and had multiple marriages. As a single woman myself with no children or divorces there is no way in hell I would involve myself with someone like this. So you have to wonder why she did it. Why, Sandy, why? Was the dick worth it? i think we know the answer to that.

  58. DeeDee says:

    Violet: before you go spreading bs, check your facts. He had left Janine because of her crazy ass history. Then he met Sandra. Sunny was an accident that happened just before he left.

    Janna: I was engaged to a man with a little girl. When we started dating, his daughter was weeks old. He had left his wife when she first got pregnant because he found out she had cheated on him. I help raise that little girl, and a week before our wedding (the little girl was 4 years old) he dumped my ass. I had to move on, because if I wouldn’t have, I would have had the relationship thrown in MY face. I am now happily married with 2 little boys, and although it hurts to think about it, I don’t regret my decision. When Sandra married Douchebag, she said she would take care of Sunny, but not at the expense of throwing her own life into the crapper. PLUS she has little Louis to think about. Going back and being in Douchebags life in ANY WAY would be bringing bad things into Louis’s life.

  59. Violet says:

    @DeeDee – Was Jesse James married when he met Sandra? Yes. Was his wife pregnant at the time? Yes.

    Sandra should’ve realized that someone who’s willing to screw around on his pregnant wife — whether or not Janine was ‘crazy’ or Sunny a ‘mistake’ has nothing to do with the fact that Sandra was the other woman in his previous marriage — has no real sense of loyalty or integrity.

    It also shows that he’s got no respect for institution of marriage, otherwise he would’ve gotten divorced before getting involved with someone new.

    So, Sandra walked into that relationship with her eyes wide open. I’m not sure if she was incredibly naive or unbelievably arrogant to believe that he would take his marriage vows to her any more seriously than he did the last time.

    As for your situation, DeeDee, I’m sorry to hear about your heartbreak but the bottom line is never to get involved with someone unless they’ve well and truly free to move on. Your ex and his wife hadn’t been separated very long when you met, plus he had a boatload of issues to deal with, so your relationship with him was doomed from the start.

  60. Newbie says:

    Well, I get the feeling that he’s trying to downplay how many lays he had during his marriage, but what he says is true, in that whether you cheat once or a million times, you’re still going to feel my boot in your ass. A lie is a lie, first time or millionth time.

  61. Gabby says:

    Violet and Hakura,

    Jesse James and Janine separated in May 2003, when he also filed for a restraining order against Janine.

    He filed for divorce in October 2003.

    Sandra and Jesse started dating in February 2004 and started dating a few months after. Sunny was born on January 1, 2004.

    Janine has NEVER said that Sandra was involved in their marriage. He and Janine had been separated and the divorce papers had already been filed.

  62. NayNay says:

    @Janna: In your comment you said you hoped they got back together.

    I agree that she should still see Sunny. It is not fair to her that her father is a complete douchebag. Perhaps later on she will be willing to see the child, but I’m sure right now it is way too hard for me.

  63. Violet says:

    @Gabby – Being separated is not the same as being divorced. Getting involved with a married man, whether or not he’s filed for divorce, is a recipe for disaster — especially if his wife is pregnant or has recently given birth.

    As Candy pointed out, Sandra ignored all sorts of warning signs that would sent most of us running for the hills. Instead, she marries the guy and is surprised when he ends up cheating on her. SMDH.

  64. Gabby says:

    Violet,

    My point was that Jesse and Janine had already been legally separated and the divorce was in process BEFORE Sandra entered the picture.

    Your original post made it seem as though Jesse and Sandra were having an affair behind Janine’s back. That was not the case. Many persons start dating other people when they are going through a divorce.

    Jesse’s past situation and lifestyle definitely were not good, so I agree that she should have avoided him altogether.

  65. Alix says:

    “…it doesn’t really matter whether I did that ten thousand times or just once.”

    Translation: “I did it ten thousand times.”

  66. Violet says:

    @Gabby – Sandra knowingly got involved with a man who was legally married and expecting a baby with his wife. Legalities aside, I think it’s an awful thing to do another woman, especially one who’s pregnant or just given birth, and I wouldn’t even want a guy who could treat the mother of his child like that.

    This is why I’m so surprised people are sympathetic to the breakdown of Sandra’s marriage, given how her relationship with Jesse started.

  67. Gabby says:

    Violet,

    Legally, Jesse was separated. It’s semantics, but in law that is how it would be documented. Also, Sunny had already been born by the time they started dating.

    Our opinions are not necessarily different about how badly Jesse treats women and that Sandra should have seen the warning signs – I agree with you.

    I posted because your first post was misleading and left out the fact that Jesse was already legally separated and had filed for divorce before he and Sandra had even met.

  68. Violet says:

    @Gabby – Actually my understanding is they got involved before Sunny’s birth, but that’s neither here nor there. My main issue is that she knew about Janine and the baby, yet still got involved with Jesse.

    We agree there were lots of warning signs, so Sandra should not have been surprised that the leopard didn’t change its spots!

  69. KCT says:

    Ick. Sad that he still uses his upbringing as an excuse to be the way he is. At some point you have to take responsibility for you own actions. It’s obvious why he is now attracted to someone like Kat. She’s likely as messed up as he is and that’s all he feels he deserves.

  70. Camille says:

    Aniston should have pursued this guy. Apparently she likes ‘bad boys’. :lol: They would make a great couple. ;)

  71. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    WWJJD? If you want to read the book, I say steal it ;P

  72. Hakura says:

    @Gabby – Thank you for the information. =) I’m glad to know Sandra didn’t get with Jesse while he was a *married/currently involved* man with a pregnant girlfriend. I hated to think that was something she would do. In this case, my previous comment has no point.

    @Violet – I misunderstood the situation with my previous comment, thinking there had been ‘sneaking around’ while Jesse was still involved with his wife, as opposed to when their relationship was over & in ‘transition’. That does make a difference to me. The emotional status of the marriage is the more important aspect (as opposed to the ‘legal’ documents that may apply at the time).

    But No, I definitely wouldn’t be lining up for a man expecting a child with his wife, & yet in the process of divorcing her before the birth of said child. There are all kinds of problems there, obviously, & Sandra should’ve run. But I don’t think that makes her a *bad person*. She just had bad judgement.

    @NayNay – I agree. I’m sure it’s not a matter of Sandra ‘abandoning’ the children emotionally, so much as everyone trying to deal with the new situation… The kids are unfortunately coming out of this mess with Jesse as their parent, instead of Sandra. But she has her own new life to get used to with Louis. Maybe after a little time to get used to things, she’ll have a chance to see the other children. I know she can’t have just stopped ‘caring’ about them.

  73. Correction says:

    I in no way condone JJ’s behavior and have never understood his appeal to Sandra. I love her, but her taste in men leaves something to be desired.

    However, I think people are not understanding what he meant by it doesn’t matter if you cheat once or a thousand times. What he means, and I agree with it, is that once you cheat, it’s done, the dye has been cast and there’s no going back and the hurt and betrayal is done. I don’t understand people who forgive cheaters who cheated once as if that’s a mistake and therefore OK to completely betray your trust. To me once is enough, trust is sacred and so is the heart someone bestows on you, you are duty bound to protect their heart if you profess to love them, not tramp on it. I’m a one betrayal and you are out kind of a person.

  74. Gabby says:

    Violet,

    Sandra and Jesse met after Christmas 2003 when she took her godson on a tour of West Coast Choppers as her birthday present to him.

    Sunny was born on January 1, 2004.

    Jesse called Sandra’s assistant in January and asked for her number. She did not want to date him at first.

    After a few months of Jesse pursuing Sandra, they started dating…so around late February – March 2004.

  75. Matty says:

    Why would anyone buy his book?! He is a racist pig!

  76. Cirque28 says:

    I wouldn’t necessarily believe a word Jerkface says about Sunny and Sandra. He regularly paints himself as the victim of others for stuff HE’S done.

    Not that a child and a dog can compare, but…

    My loony ex-BF had a dog, Jack, who I adored. He was OUR dog. After dumping the BF, I was determined to stay Jack’s ‘mom.’ But Jack began turning up starving and dehydrated. Then my ex slammed a car door on his tail (he lost about 5 inches of tail), then Jack broke his leg, broke his leg again, received an accidental overdose of doggie painkillers (he survived), etc, etc. Jack being in some disaster was the one thing guaranteed to make me come running. So I gave up Jack for Jack’s sake. Not for me. The selfish thing would have been to keep seeing the dog, even though I knew he’d suffer for it.

    Couldn’t the same scenario play out emotionally? Maybe Sandra realized that between Mom, Stepmom, New Mom, and pathological liar Dad, Sunny was the one who would wind up confused and hurt. And with Sandra having no legal claim on Sunny, it could have turned VERY ugly, which is really hard on children.

    (BTW, my ex reacted exactly as JJ. Told everyone, “Cirque dumped me, but she didn’t have to dump POOR JACK WHO LOVES HER.” And a lot of people said, “She did? That IS cold.” But they’ve probably never been partners with a sociopath so I get it.)

  77. Sue says:

    This guy was just on Howard Stern and commented Kat was better at sex than Sandra. Can’t stand him and he continues to throw Sandra under the bus. He’s purposely trying to hurt Sandra. She dumped his ass and he’s bitter. Don’t buy his book and give this a**hat your money. Give your money to an author that actually deserves it.

  78. You don't say says:

    First, Bullock did not deserve to be cheated on and now kind of trashed by this idiot,

    I know I am in the absolute minority, but what the hell made Bullock stay with this man? He did not become a jerk over night and how long was she married to him? I know people want to forgive those they love, but if he is a sociopath now (as described above), it did not happen last year or the year before.

    She was a full grown woman of at least 40 and experienced, so it is not like she was some innocent vestal virgin who was forced into it. She did not deserve her treatment, but why would she be surprised really. He was not a choirboy when she married him and if she thought the “love of a good woman” could change him, what was she smoking?

  79. Janna says:

    I hate him. I read an excerpt where he said he can’t worry about Sandra anymore. That he’s spent five years or more making her happy, doing what she wanted, blah, blah, that now he’s doing what makes him happy. What an asshole.

  80. DeeDee says:

    Thank you Gabby for all the clarification on that. I knew Sandra didn’t date Asshat while he was still married to Janine.

    Violet: you need to get a bloody grip. If something hadn’t been said, you would have mislead so many people on here.

  81. Meh says:

    I looked up the Nazi photo and I don’t really buy that excuse. You can see an elaborate plane behind him with a Nazi cross on it. I don’t think it was just some isolated incident.

  82. Hakura says:

    @Correction“I’m a one betrayal and you are out kind of a person.”

    Same here. I find it endlessly frustrating to see friends go back to guys who have cheated on them… as though it’s not going to happen again. It always does. Someone who would tolerate it is majorly undervaluing their worth, & the worth of their trust.

    But I also agree that Jesse’s statement of ‘once or ten thousand times’ was MEANT to say even *1* time is completely unacceptable. (It’s not like you need to do it a certain amount of times for it to ‘count’.)

    @Cirque28“So I gave up Jack for Jack’s sake. Not for me. The selfish thing would have been to keep seeing the dog, even though I knew he’d suffer for it.”

    My God, that’s disgusting! But… If the dog was harmed intentionally that many times, why didn’t you report it to some sort of humane society? (Depending where you lived)… If he was so capable of harming the dog just as a means to an end, how can anyone think he’s going to take good care of him in general, even when you aren’t the issue? It’s so cruel…

    @Meh“I looked up the Nazi photo and I don’t really buy that excuse. You can see an elaborate plane behind him with a Nazi cross on it. I don’t think it was just some isolated incident.”

    Yeah, I never bought that explanation either. It’s just too convenient that one of the skanks he cheated with has done ‘Nazi Fetishism’ photoshoots, & has White Supremisist tattoos. That can’t be a coincidence.

  83. mike says:

    i have been reading the book AMERICAN OUITLAW by Jesse James…but i started at the beginning and haven’t gotten to the part where he and Sandy got married.

    Although i find it true this book is a lot of ego and maybe even a lot of bullshit…its just one those things…he’s so nice and he’s so tough but i find Jesse so far in this book to be fairly insecure.

    Jesse is a bonehead for marrying Sandy and Sandy is just as big a bonehead as Jesse is…yu might find out that there is a lot more to this story than you know so it might be unwise to persecute anyone just yet.

  84. Cirque28 says:

    @Hakura: If he was so capable of harming the dog just as a means to an end, how can anyone think he’s going to take good care of him in general, even when you aren’t the issue? It’s so cruel…

    He doesn’t take good care of his dog, although most people — including the police — wholeheartedly believe he does. The short answer is that my ex is an extremely convincing liar. But how many dogs do you know who’ve ‘accidentally’ gotten a tail severed in a car door and THEN broken a leg all in one weekend? And after the leg is set, they are ‘accidentally’ given an overdose? While simultaneously having a mysterious skin condition which makes them scratch until they bleed and their owner says, “I’ve tried everything!” And then it turns out to be a simple yet severe case of FLEAS?

    Which brings me back to JJ and KVD. Fleas. They both deserve them as much as they deserve each other.

  85. Jamie Diam says:

    Society in general doesn’t like or trust people who TELL or talk about confidences. THE GRASS WAS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE, the water BILL IS MUCH HIGHER, TAKE THE HIT, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, GO ON YOUR WAY. Keeping his thoughts to himself doesn’t come easy obviously, he doesn’t realize his peers have lost all respect for him.