“Why are you so fat? I don’t understand.” – Goop
I barely know who comedian Ross Mathews is. I think I know who he is, I should say. He talks with a high-pitched voice, right? And he once worked for The Tonight Show? Well, he’s on Chelsea Lately (a step down?) and he’s in the midst of getting himself into shape, which I admire. He’s now a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, and he seems pretty happy. But back in November of last year, he had not yet started on his weight loss journey. Back then, he was just a slightly overweight comedian who happened to run into Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth’s mind must have been blown – I mean, here she was, standing in front of one of the fat peasants she had often imagined while toiling away at her aspirational Goop-letters. So Dame Gwyneth decided to speak up! According to Ross, Dame Goop pointed at his stomach and said, “What’s going on here? I love you. Get it together.” THUS SPOKETH THE GOOP. Don’t sugar-coat it or anything, Gwyneth. Just be a full-on bitch.
Last November, Gwyneth Paltrow gave Ross Mathews, the late night TV comic from Chelsea Lately – a little tough love.
“We were taping a Chelsea special,” Mathews, 31, tells PEOPLE, “and she pointed at my tummy and said, ‘What’s going on here? I love you. Get it together.”
That was all the motivation needed by Mathews – who was tipping the scales at around 220 lbs. After seeing his friend Sara Rue lose 50 lbs. on Jenny Craig, he signed up in January to be the diet company’s newest spokesperson.
“I was clueless about eating healthy before,” he says. “Now I’m making good choices.”
Even Paltrow has noticed the change. “I saw her when she was promoting her cookbook recently,” says Mathews. “She was so excited. She said, ‘You look good!’ ”
And she’s right: The comic has changed the way he eats, added exercise to his day and reached his goal weight of 180 lbs.
“The weight was such a shameful issue for me,” he admits. “I’m so happy to be rid of it.”
He’s also gone healthy. “I started walking rather than driving to get my coffee,” says the L.A. resident. “I liked it so much, I do it for 45 minutes every day … You know those annoying people who are like, ‘If I don’t work out I feel … ugh’? I might be becoming one of those people.
“And I’ve become a master chef,” adds Mathews. “I make a vegetable medley. I have actually started gardening. I have tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, green peppers, strawberries and blueberries.”
He’s even inspired someone else to get healthy. “My mom has joined Jenny Craig and is going to the gym now,” says Mathews. “She’s doing incredible. She’s half way to her goal.”
But the best perk of all? “When I look in the mirror,” he says, “I’m proud that I look healthy and happy.”
Over the years, I’ve been various weights, and when I’ve had some extra poundage, I’ve had bitchy things said to me about my extra weight. The best way to respond is to attack, letting your full-on C-U-Next-Tuesday rage: “Yeah, I have been eating too much fried chicken lately. I‘m starting to look like the chick your boyfriend is boning behind your back. That must suck, to feel like you’re too skinny and flat-chested to keep a man interested.” If someone (Goop) had come up to me, pointed at my stomach and said “What’s going on here? I love you. Get it together,” I would have started crying, and then punched her in face. You just don’t say that crap to people, honestly. I’m a raging bitch, and even I think that’s wrong. I mean, sure, maybe it was the “wakeup call” Ross needed to get healthier (although in my opinion, he really wasn’t all that heavy to begin with), but Gwyneth didn’t say it to him because she wants him to have a better life. She said it to him because his weight offended her deeply, as all of our peasanty lifestyles offend her.
Of course, the real answer is to say something equally cruel to Gwyneth. My choice would be to point at her biscuits and say “What’s going on here? Nothing? No one wants to be around it, especially your husband? I hate you. Get it together.”
Photos courtesy of WENN.