'08
Everybody likes to have an opinion on their friends’ relationships, although generally it is good advice to keep it to yourself. Fortunately, the Daily Mail doesn’t feel that way, and as a result we have this hilarious article on what really broke up Madonna and Guy. Some of us are a little over this divorce, but this was too good to pass over.
On her food regulations:
Guy, then, has allegedly had to endure a life married to a 5ft 4in domestic tyrant whose rules apparently included no TV, no newspapers, and no welcome for his ‘London’ friends - sustained on a diet which would make a Hollywood starlet feel faint.For instance, gossips claim his Christmas meal was minus chipolata sausages last year because she would not hear of processed meat crossing the threshold.
He had to drink his tea every day with rice milk, as dairy is banned.
Meat is only very occasionally present on the menu. The only exception to this was at their country estate, Ashcombe House, in Wiltshire, where Guy was allowed to serve a full breakfast to shooting parties - even including such fat filled items as steak-and-kidney pie.
(Madonna thought this kind of food so foul that she would leave the room in disgust when it arrived and sip reproachfully at her bowl of Japanese miso soup.)
Guy apparently used to complain that she was giving her children an unhealthy attitude towards food: she banned sugar entirely, which made biscuits, ice creams and cakes objects of almost otherworldly fascination for her daughter Lourdes and their son Rocco. She also banned cheese, cream, salt and preservatives.
One in Guy’s camp suggested to me that Her Madgeness had to be talked into permitting Rocco to have a birthday cake last year.
[From The Daily Mail]
Obviously Guy purchased his own pub so he could get out and have some hot chips and call it part of his work. Exactly my kind of job, actually.
They also say that Madonna’s work out regime for 2 hours a day, six days a week contributed to the end of the marriage, saying that while many consider Madonna to be devoted to Kabbalah, ‘her one fanatical devotion is to her body.’
My favourite part of the article says that Ms M slathered herself in £500 a pot cream under a full plastic body suit to fight the signs of aging, which she slept in each night. Apart from the obvious contraceptive value this would hold, this must be more annoying than her blackberry to sleep next to. Wouldn’t it be noisy and make squishy fart noises? A mental image of Madonna I’m enjoying more than I’d like to admit.
The Daily Mail also says that the couple’s attempts to conceive a sibling for Rocco and Lourdes using fertility treatments pushed Madonna into feeling the age gap between her and Guy, and made her feel old. I think this might have a grain of truth, because if there’s one thing an aging pop star who dresses like a 15-year-old gymnast hates to feel, it’s older than her middle aged husband, even if she is 10 years his senior.
Madonna and Guy Ritchie are shown at the Rock N Rolla premiere on 9/1/08. Credit: WENN
Written by Helen
Posted in Guy Ritchie, Madonna
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13 Responses to “British tabloids share their theories about the Madonna/Guy divorce”
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I can see why someone wouldn’t want meat around the house - a lot of vegetarians can’t stand the smell. But what’s the problem with having a pint of milk in the fridge for Guy’s tea?
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I really think Madonna is the personification of mid-life crisis. She just can’t act her age at all. There are women who are 50+ who look very attractive and classy, because they wear appropriate clothing and act appropriately for their age. Helen Mirren is a good example. But Madonna just makes a fool of herself, making music videos with the likes of Justin Timberlake and Pharrell Williams, while bouncing around in a leotard, constantly flashing her crotch. I’m 24, and I would look stupid doing that. Madonna really needs to stop embarrassing herself so badly, all this wannabe 20 years younger stuff is sad. Guy must just see her as a big joke.
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If this were anyone else, I’d be going, yeah yeah, eye-roll, don’t think so, but since it’s Madge, it all sounds perfectly feasible.
Not sure she has the capacity to be happy with anyone.
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one word: warped.
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Yeah, I totally buy every word too, G.
Poor Guy. Poor bastard. Seriously.
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So, the fertility thing puts to rest the rumors of her and A-Rod trying to have a baby? Oh yeah…that one is going around now, too. lol
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Actually if this is true she has followed a good diet and exercise program.
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Alright for Guy and all that….but why come out and say (if he did say it at all) cuddling up next to Mo is like “cuddling with a piece of gristle” ? I mean this comment is a terrible thing to say if you compare it to asking if anyone knows someone who’s “emotionally retarded”.
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It’s one thing to follow the diet you believe is right for you, but quite another to insist that your spouse do the same. Also, it is Guy’s home, too. He has the right to have whatever food he wants in his own home, even if his spouse disapproves of it. Madonna seems to be domineering, and should try to find a mate who likes to be dominated.
By the way today the Mail is saying that Guy told Madonna “looked like a granny” compared to her young backup dancers and that sex with her was “like cuddling a piece of gristle.” Whew!
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Not theories, hypotheses. A theory is based in scientific investigation using a controlled environment to support (if not duplicate *edit: or discredit because science is supposed to be objective) the hypothesis.
What I do know is that better things have come out of a test tube than speculations on this union.
In fact, better things have come out of a test tube than the phenomena called Madonna.
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Baholicious… for some reason your entire post made me laugh today - well done and well said!
PJ, I couldn’t agree with you more. Geez! Let the guy have his milk for pity sake! I’m surprised they lasted as long as they DID
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It’s all that awful American woman’s fault, Madgezilla!
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She is something! Can’t wait to hear what David Banda has to say about his adopted mmom when he grows up and learns that his biological father very much wanted him to return to his biological family.
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