Madonna fanatically measures her cellulite & rages at people who mock her

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What does Madonna love more than anything else? She loves herself, for sure, but I think “money” and “gristly-body obsession-fanaticism” is right up there with self-love. So it was love at first sight when Madge met Tracy Anderson, the fraud “trainer” who made Madonna into the piece of gristle she is today. A few years ago, Madonna and Tracy split up, and I always assumed the whole thing was over money. Tracy wanted to open gyms and trade on her association with Madonna, and Madge balked. Now Tracy is in business with Gwyneth Paltrow, who coincidentally is no longer BFFs with Madge. Anyway, this Star Mag story is kind of a blast from the past, but I want to buy it just because this completely comports with the image I have of Madonna: a 50-something woman terrified of aging, who will pay any amount of money to look younger, who will fly into a rage at the mere mention of cellulite.

Madonna is turning 53 in August, and she’s so obsessed with maintaining a youthful appearance, she’s purchased a Cellupulse anti-cellulite acoustic wave therapy machine for $75,000, according to a member of the superstar’s inner circle. Madge uses the machine twice a week and faithfully record her thigh measurements to make sure she’s on target and “flips out if it increases by as little as one quarter of an inch.”

Madge is so fixated on her cellulite that it has destroyed her relationship with her longtime exercise guru, Tracy Anderson.

“Tracy grew to dread the early-morning phone calls from Madonna ranting about what a useless trainer she was,” according to one of Tracy’s pals. “Madonna would threaten to fire her, and Tracy had to talk her down each time.”

Tracy’s not the only casualty of Madonna’s body image obsession. “The measuring and ranting used to drive her ex-husband crazy,” reports the insider. “Guy Ritchie would mock her and joke that he noticed a few new dimples, which he thought was tremendously funny, but she obviously didn’t.”

The insider continues: “Madonna wants the body of an 18-year-old dancer and believes she can maintain her youth if she works hard enough in her gym, which is covered from floor to ceiling with mirrors. She scrutinizes her body in every position, looking for fat like an FBI detective.”

Madonna has also vowed to eliminate anyone who doesn’t respect her exercise regimen from her home and her life.

“Those wishing to stay in her good graces have learned to stay mum on the subject, especially her young male companions.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Don’t you want to think of Madonna like this? Obsessively measuring her cellulite in her completely mirrored room, agonizing over the measurements for hours and then finally rage-calling Tracy to vent? That is totally how I picture her.

Re: the “young male companions” – does anyone else get the feeling that Madge isn’t even having sex with these young guys? I got that feeling when she was with Jesus Luz, and now that she’s doing the on-again-whatever with Brahim, I just think Madge is like Hugh Hefner at this point. She keeps all of the young, fresh meat around her to make herself feel better, like she’s young again, and so she can have something pretty to look at.

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Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

 

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106 Responses to “Madonna fanatically measures her cellulite & rages at people who mock her”

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  1. Eve says:

    Is that bottom picture new? That shit is scary — look at those cheeks!!!

  2. RocketMerry says:

    She has cellulite, WHERE?! There isn’t a gram of fat in her body.

  3. DenG says:

    What some women do to create a youthful appearance has the opposite effect. They look like Norma Desmond.

  4. brin says:

    She’s fighting ageing tooth & nail and she’s losing big time.

  5. Miss Marie says:

    Does anyone else notice the look they all take on after repeated injections? Reminds me of Jocelyn Wildenstein.
    See this link and compare.
    http://plasticsurgerybeforeandafter.blogspot.com/2010/05/cat-woman-plastic-surgery.html

  6. Jen34 says:

    I totally believe this story. I hope she shields her daughter from this behavior, or she’ll end up with an eating disorder. As if having Madonna for a mother weren’t tough enough.

  7. Micah says:

    YUCK!

    No matter how much filler is stuffed in those cheeks, the eyes still look old and hollow.

  8. Samigirl says:

    @Rocket Merry, you don’t have to have fat to have cellulite. It’s also hereditary. My little sister is 19, 7 % body fat, the best legs I’ve ever seen…and has total cellulite on her upper back thigh/tush. She get’s it from her mommmma! No, seriously, mom is the same way. In comparison, at 24, I’m slightly overweight (5’7, 150), and I have no cellulite. Every body is different. Genetics play a part as well :)

  9. mln76 says:

    I believe this but if Tracy Anderson is talking I hope her and Goopy have a breakup. The stories about Goopy must be so hilarious.

  10. madpoe says:

    She’ll have the body of an 18 year old when alzheimer pays her a visit. Or any other ailments faced with the elderly.
    So body obessed when the mind should be kept healthy too. Whats the fuss with all of this when you can’t find your way home? Or you’re wheelchair/walker bound. I’m not suggesting now but in her golden age, none of this obession will account for anything. By all means fight or hold off the aging process but love your brain too. that’s my rickety 2 cents anyway.

  11. Quest says:

    Age is inevitable – no matter how many surguries, exercise or age defying products you use, AGE attacks with pure determination.

  12. RocketMerry says:

    @Samigirl
    True, but being crazy toned and super skinny helps reduce it a lot. Now, Madge is a walking, tight muscle at this point: it seems unlikely that she might ever spot cellulite anywhere near her =)

  13. Bubbling says:

    @ madpoe, very good point! Though I don’t get obsession with cellulite, I have had it since I was twelve, thirteen.

  14. Waldemar says:

    Her birthday is coming up and here we are again, stupid over the top stories about her exercising and her fear of getting older. EVERY YEAR! since she has hit the big 50.

    She does have a thing about her thighs though. Big fat Italian thighs she calls them. But I doubt it is this extreme. Why you want to believe it says more about you than her.

    Her movie W.E is premiering on the Venice festival, by the by.

  15. Turtle Dove says:

    At 53, she looks fantastic. So many women’s fitness declines as they mature and it’s nice to see that she has dedication to maintaining a healthy, strong physique.

    madpoe – so true.

  16. Chiara says:

    If this is true it’s like an exercise disorder,right? Does anyone else think so?

  17. shiba says:

    I’m sure she’s very unpleasant in many ways, but her body is AMAZING.

  18. SoCalGal in FL says:

    She sure does have the body of an 18 year old. AN 18 YEAR OLD YOUNG MAN! Gross.

  19. Elizabeth says:

    @ chiara

    re: exercise disorder
    ITA but I think its part of something bigger. She just doesn’t like/love herself, so nothing she does is ever enough to make the bad feelings go away. Its too bad because she is completely successful but it can never be enough and so she keeps pushing on to find “perfection”. I thought that she had everything she wanted with Guy Ritchie (husband, children, nice home life) but I had a feeling it wouldn’t make her happy and she would never be able to sit back and really enjoy it. Sad.

  20. regina says:

    Shiba, I agree. Everyone mocks her arms, but if my arms look like that in my fifties I am throwing a party. Every day. And those thighs! They are magnificent!

  21. Garvels says:

    Madonna is one very ugly woman and this observation has nothing to do with physical appearance.

  22. Turtle Dove says:

    Chiara, Elizabeth – If I were to guess, I think it has more to do with her mother’s death at a young age. She’s already outlived her mother by 23 years, but the fear of illness and leaving her own kids has to be present.

  23. CooCooCatchoo says:

    I expect her to begin bathing in the blood of virgins any day now.

  24. zesty says:

    The sad thing is, if she’d just let herself age naturally she’d look a lot better. She should take a page from Lynda Carter–saw a picture of her last week cause it was her 60th bday–wow she looks beautiful!

  25. crtb says:

    Her body is rock hard and it is unattractive. She needs to soften up. She doesn’t look like a mommy you would want to hug. She has very young children. How long before she starts to compete with Lourdes?

  26. seal team 6 says:

    @Zesty

    I agree about Lynda Carter. Sally Field, too. Helen Mirren, Diane Keaton…

    Even Liz Hurley has “laugh lines,” which surprises me, because I would think she would be one of the first to get tucked and injected.

  27. lucy2 says:

    I agree zesty. She’s fighting it too hard, and looks too hard now. She’s obnoxious, but still it’s kind of sad that after building a pretty amazing life for herself, she doesn’t seem to be really enjoying it.

  28. the original bellaluna says:

    When I die, I want my memorial plaque to say “Beloved daughter, wife, mother, sister, aunt” not “But she looked GOOD!”

    My kids will remember that I was the only mother who let them finger paint and do glitter crafts with their friends at our house; that I splashed in puddles with them; that I let them get dirty; that when it was super-duper hot, we went to the mall & had ice cream cones for dinner; that I LOVE them. (Not that I obsessed over every inch of my body.)

  29. spinner says:

    Everyone gets old. There is no escape. She needs to change her thinking on getting older.

    Growing old is a privilege.

  30. P.J. says:

    Actually if you want to look younger, it’s better to be with someone a little younger (say 10-15 years) rather than a partner who’s old enough to be your child. That big a difference just emphasizes the fact that you’re older.

  31. maggiegrace says:

    She is incredibly toned and in shape – no doubt. but if it’s sexy she’s is going for, there is nothing sexy about her whatsoever.

  32. mia girl says:

    It must be incredibly EXHAUSTING to be Madonna… and even worse be someone close to her.

  33. John Wayne Lives says:

    @ Kaiser…” I just think Madge is like Hugh Hefner at this point. She keeps all of the young, fresh meat around her to make herself feel better, like she’s young again, and so she can have something pretty to look at.”

    Perfect comparison!! And this cellulite/workout/image induced rage thing is beyond believable with Crazy Madge.

  34. antisara says:

    I think she had a lot of fun during her youth, including excesses and extravagance. So, Madge, why not just age gracefully? You’re healthy, in better shape that many women your age and have money…so, hey, enjoy the ride!
    Maybe she’s thinking: experience (money and time) is like a comb you get when you’re bald. I’d totally relate to that, Madge.

  35. k says:

    Has she never seen the movie Death Becomes Her?

  36. UKHels says:

    poor Madge – the hands and the neck will always tell the tale

  37. ladybert62 says:

    Those arms- those veins – those thighs! Spare my poor eyes from seeing them – they are horrors.

  38. mystified says:

    She actually looks pretty in that last photo with no makeup. She looks downright Norman Bates-scary in the others.

  39. Truthful says:

    she reminds me of the Countess that used the blood of virgins to maintain her youthful appearance.

    oh, Madge–I love the reaming sketchy Tracy out though…someone who made alot of money off of her but still did not pay her bills.

  40. Bina says:

    @RocketMary

    The only tight muscle she reminds me of is an anal sphincter.

  41. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    @coocoocatchoo, LMAO. Yes, young virgin boys! And I suspect it’s not their blood she’s bathing in *gag*

    @the original Bella, that is sweet :) you’ve encouraged me to be a little more relaxed in hopes that my boys will remember me that way too. So true that, at funerals, I’ve never once heard a mourner say “damn, that’s one good looking corpse.” LOL

    @Truthful- Elizabeth Bathory LOL.

  42. inthekitchen says:

    Her cheeks are so hilarious. How can she think they look good or even normal? These plastic surgery/filler/botox junkies are so weird to me. I just cannot understand how they think they look better.

    @the original bellaluna — WORD. You sound like a great mom and those are the things that are truly important and the things that not only your kids would remember, but your friends and other loved ones as well.

  43. SEF says:

    Doesn’t matter how good her body looks . . . her face always looks mean. Like she would spit on you as soon as say hello. She can’t exercise that away.

  44. IAMEROK says:

    @ The original BellaLuna I <3 you and all your posts! :D
    Rita too..thanks for letting me feel like I’m in a cool “members only” online club AKA Celebitchy!! <3 <3 <3

  45. Gazingfromafar says:

    Ironically she was at her chubbiest and also prettiest when just starting out-remember how full her cheeks were in the beginning? She was so full of life, so sparkling and seemed to have a kind of insouciance you can’t ‘rehearse’. I don’t want to dis her now, as it’s mostly quite sad that she lacks the wisdom to see she is not aging with dignity or style. We can all just take a page from Meryl Streep’s handbook and respect our older selves.
    Maybe she needs a “Holiday”!

  46. bluhare says:

    I’m disappointed in her. After all that empowerment crap she’s worse than anybody.

  47. Kimbob says:

    A brilliant comparison of Madonna to Hugh Hefner. I think you are correct. Looking at what all she’s done to herself, she only vaguely resembles the young girl that started out.

    @Gazingfromafar…yes..she had some chubby cheeks & was lovely back then. I think she was shooting for that look w/her injections(?), but it fell far short maybe? At this point she almost looks like one of those circus freaks people pay money to see behind the curtain. This is what isolation & money sometimes does to a person..i.e., Michael Jackson, & many others, as well.

  48. original kate says:

    madge, you look fine, but you need to stop with the facial cutlets already.

  49. S says:

    I loved what she did in the 80ies, but now? How to take her serious? She may be smart, but she is not wise. Even if the story is overthetop, the pics say it all.
    What made her big, in the end will make her fall.

  50. If you can snap a mans neck with your vagina, it’s time to step out of the gym and relax with a little light gardening.

  51. the original bellaluna says:

    Awws, y’all are gonna make me cry! @ Morticians – It really does make life a lot easier (but messier) to relax a little and view life through your kids’ eyes. I have “water babies” – they all love the water – so I let them splash in the tub (after laying down a beach towel or two); let them play in the hose (and the inevitable mud); puddle-stomp (one of my favourite things EVER, even as a teenager); all that messy fun stuff. (I’ve also found that allowing them that freedom in water helps alleviate fear of water when it’s time for swim lessons.)

  52. LadyJane says:

    When people age, they become less physically attractive, but are meant to gain in character, humour, intelligence – these qualities make up for any lack of ‘firmness’ of skin and muscle and make those getting old still shaggable, but in a different way. I think Madonna forgot this along the way. Her personality seems bankrupt. She has focused so much on the exterior that she had become an empty, aging, cracking vessle!

  53. skinanny says:

    age stops for no one! Not even Madonna.

  54. spinner: “Growing old is a privilege.”

    I really like that sentiment.

  55. The Truth Fairy says:

    I totally believe this. In his book, her brother Christopher stated what an insane control freak she is – about EVERYTHING!!!!

  56. Laura says:

    *hides under desk* She scares me!

  57. anonymoose says:

    Madonna is wearing a fanny pack?!?!!

  58. Eleonor says:

    Oh My. I buy all of this, and I find very sad.

  59. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    @the original Bella, great advice. :)

  60. Mike says:

    God she is disgusting looking!

  61. Violet says:

    Her body scares me.

    Madonna used to be married to Sean Penn, horndog extraordinaire — I’m sure she does have sex with these young men, and plenty of it!

  62. wunderkind says:

    M was never a pretty woman in the first place-inside or out-so there’s no surprise re the gristle or all the non-boyfriend boyfriends.

  63. Hellen says:

    She’s obsessing over non-existent cellulite when she should REALLY be freaking out about her veiny HANDS. Good grief, they’re hideous!

  64. Cindy says:

    I don’t like madonna skinny or no. Pthzz

  65. Anon73 says:

    Madonna — we will ALL love you even as you get older. Be a cool and hip person by OWNING your present age and body. Check out sexy older ladies prior, such as Raquel Welch or Sophia Loren. No need to fight it so hard girlie !!

  66. luls says:

    She is one of the most repulsive things I have ever laid eyes on. Even Tracy Anderson HERSELF looks softer than Madonna!!

    And btw, her character is equally unattractive as her exterior.

  67. sapphire says:

    Sorry, I earned my wrinkles, sags and grey hair (not that anyone will ever see it) and had a pretty good time doing it.

    A real shame that the drive and determination that took her very modest talent and made her a huge star won’t let her relax.

  68. bagladey says:

    Anybody who no longer looks like themself is losing the age-defying game, so madonna is losing because I didn’t even recognise her. At first glance I was like: Kate Winslet….?

  69. Vesper says:

    @ crtb, I think she already competes with Lourdes. A recent event of the two of them showed Madonna wearing a significantly shorter skirt. She spun around for the camera and it was so obvious that she wanted all of the attention instead of letting her daughter shine. Lourdes was embarrased.

  70. DethHammer says:

    LOL is this even surprising to anyone? Madonna has been displaying crazy, bitchy diva behavior like this for decades. It doesn’t make it right, though.

    Imagine what Gaga is gonna be like in 15 years *shudders*

  71. Tiffany says:

    Comparing her to Hef is SO accurate! Great comparison!

  72. california angel says:

    I dunno; I think it’s just an extreme version of what I do in the mirror everyday and what I would do if I was up on stage all the time in front of thousands of people in one of the most harsh industries as far as physical appearance is concerned. I’m almost positive that if we knew how much, for example Kim Kardashian, does to keep her image, it would be just as ridiculous.

  73. Sami says:

    I will always be a fan of Madonna, but don’t understand what she is doing to her face. It’s sad and unnecessary. On a lighter note, if Madonna has cellulite with all the equipment and exercise that she does, the rest of us can relax a bit and not be so hard on our aging bodies.

  74. Beatrice says:

    Although she sounds obsessive about cellulite, I give Madonna a lot of credit for wanting to look young. After all, she’s a public figure and has the money to do whatever it takes. I certainly don’t want to grow old gracefully–I want to look good as long as I can.

  75. Lushus L. says:

    I’m not a Madonna fan but how can anyone compare her to Hugh Hefner? That guy makes me gag a thousand gags.

  76. Kristen from MA says:

    Madonna ia a control freak. It’s all about control for her. Add in an extreme case of vanity, and there you go.

    As for Tracy Anderson, I’ve heard that her ‘method’ is great, but she herself looks awful. Those bolt-on implants ruin her toned body. Blech!

  77. TMB says:

    People needs to embrace the aging process. It happens to everyone. Those who age gracefully with diet and exercise look 100% better then people who age with plastic surgery. I will be glad when this obsession with youth is over.

  78. MourningTheDeathofMusic says:

    I honestly think Madonna looks her best without make-up.

  79. jt says:

    time waits for no one – not even you Vadge.

  80. LucyOriginal says:

    She should be concerned about people laughing at her fake cheeks not the cellulite

  81. Sheigh says:

    Those pictures of GrandMadge Musclor burn my eyes too much!
    Errk!

  82. Heaven bound says:

    @ CooCoo

    That was hilarious!

  83. Crys says:

    there is something wrong with Tracy Andersons head.

  84. Dee Cee says:

    If she wasn’t such a selfish, stupid, stuck-up, sour, rude person she wouldn’t invite such contempt and bullying from others.

  85. Danie says:

    I really hope this isn’t true – how sad.

    We cannot look 27 forever!

  86. Nudgie says:

    She can’t hide her age when you look at her hands and feet. No surgeries for that and personally her body, though it may have a low fat %, looks like gristle.

    YUCK!

  87. Jojo says:

    Somehow I think this must be true, but I love Madonna and can’t hate on her. Few performers have given me so many hours of happiness. Bitch taught me how to dance. I feel sad that anyone has to age, but especially her. She’s devoted her life to sexuality, and physical communication. She got those genes and rode them to their fullest potential. The whole time she tried in her own crazy way to do what was right.

    I think when she married Guy, she really hoped to be happy. She found him a few years after Ray of light and her attempts at personal transformation. It seems like the two of them were sick of each other by the end of the marriage, but I would the fact that guy knocked up some PYT isn’t helping. Although, she might be over it enough that she doesn’t care.

    I doubt her boytoys are making her happy. I wish her all the best and I hope she figures her crazy.

    Here’s to you, Madge

  88. Maribel says:

    I wouldn’t want to go back to looking the way I did in my twenties. She looks like an old freak trying to look young. Very sad, she will most likely commit suicide soon. And, she’s also not a very nice person!

  89. Jenni says:

    I could totally believe this story, but who knows, since it comes from Star. I wish people wouldn’t equate age with prettiness, or attractiveness. I know a lot of pretty women in their 50s, and even older. I know a lady 71 who is prettier than most women I know. She’s as pretty or prettier than alot of models/actresses. She just has a beautiful face. She DOESN’T have botox/weird stuff, nothing. She has a wrinkly neck/face. But she’s still really pretty. Madonna will always be beautiful cos it’s in her genes. Her eyes are gorgeous and always will be. And her BODY …shoot. I’m not a Madonna fan, never have been, but I don’t get people who think SHE looks bad. Even with the botoxy stuff she’s still great looking, face, body, hair…She’ll probably die fitter than most women have ever been, including me.

  90. Jenni says:

    @Maribel, Even at her most insecure Madonna has more sense of self worth than most people have in their baby toe. Not to mention four children, all under age 18. Your half-assed prophecy about her “most likely” committing suicide “soon” is not coming true, and going off what you wrote, you’re just as “not nice” as Madonna.

  91. natalie says:

    Madonna is no different to any other neurotic, insecure woman living in Hollywood.

  92. Jag says:

    If I had the money, I’d totally buy that machine, too. lol

    The rest of the story is sad. She does seem like Hefner at this point, and that’s an unhappy life. The story also made me like her ex-husband even less.

    Her gristle has me worried about losing weight. Even with the poundage of an extra person on me, my hands are small and thin; I’m concerned that when I lose the weight, my hands will look like hers. Oh well.

  93. Mary Jane says:

    @Jag: I think we’d all rather have you here with us with veiny, hag hands than not here at all… To your health!

  94. boo says:

    That’s just all kinds of ick. I’m 58 and I have a 16 year old, yeah, that was a surprise. But I’m getting old and I’m doing like my mom does and did, she’s 84, I just roll with it!

  95. Nor Blonde says:

    Guy Ritchie is a bully and Madonna is better off without him. Many 20 somethings and 50 somethings are obsessed with cellulite – so big deal. Madonna is like an athlete so every ounce counts. That she is obsessed with her body and image? Like what celebrity isn’t? Martha Graham danced into her 80s; Dame Fonteyn danced into her 60s. People forget that when us non-celebs see that, some of us get inspired and think life isn’t over b/c we turned 40. Madonna never give up!

  96. gg says:

    How bout I make fun of the potholes between her cheek implants and her real eye?

  97. Runs with Scissors says:

    I definitely agree about the plastic surgery. It’s extremely vain and disappointing.

    But I think if you’ve ever seen her concerts you’d agree that the woman is INCREDIBLY strong and fit and that she HAS to be to put on the shows she does.

    I just don’t think we’d be this hard on a man for being so physically fit in order to do what he most loves and that brings so much fun and excitement to people.

    I think she has an amazing body for her age that allows her to do what she loves. I applaud her for it. She’s a powerhouse in more ways than her body.

  98. Jilly Bean says:

    HELLO?? DID ANYONE SEE THAT FANNY PACK SHE IS WEARING IN THE PIC WHERE SHE IS SITTING BACK ON???

    ALL THE ANTI CELLULITE STUFF IN THE WORLD CAN’T GET RID OF THE BAD FASHION SENSE OF WEARING A FANNY PACK!

  99. REALIST says:

    So, Madonna REALLY looks the last picture, correct? For starters, Girlfriend needs some sleep!

  100. BeckyR says:

    Agree with #11 100%…have to add M must have NO self confience which is what ultimately makes one attractive. She comes across as very insecure. Pity her as time stops for none of us.

  101. operagirl says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who gets a Countess Elizabeth Bathory vibe from old Madge…

  102. Amy says:

    She’s approaching Catwoman territory in that last photo.

  103. Nor Blonde says:

    while I’m sure she gets injectables and had work, I would say the photos where she looks worse often look photo-shopped. The images of her hands seem especially photoshopped, making her hands look bigger and more manly. If you look at pictures from the past, she has normal sized hands. Don’t get the anger and hate directed at her – or should I say at women who have power.

  104. Melancholy says:

    I would have thought that all those young men with smooth dewy skin would make her jealous and homicidal. Maybe she’s looking for a way to become that Countess that drained the blood of innocents. So she’s stocking up.

    Heh! I just noticed that others were saying that also. :D