Kim Kardashian’s wedding is going to invade your soul

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The amount of news about Kim Kardashian’s crazy wedding is absolutely ridiculous. I just pulled FOUR tabloid stories about it, and that was just from about three minutes of searching. So, obviously, Kim is marrying Kris Humphries this Saturday, and the famewhore family cannot exist without going completely overboard on everything and telling everything to everybody. Here are some highlights of the coverage:

*The shoes: Life & Style is reporting that Kim had four pairs of Christian Louboutins made for the big day.

*The cake: Kim, with the help of mom Kris, chose a 10-tier cake with chocolate chip frosting worth $20K!

*The guests: OK! says that Kim has asked the attendees to dress in black and white.

*Who’s coming? Kathie Lee Gifford, Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest, Venus & Serena Williams, Nicole Richie, LaLa Vazquez, Ciara, Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, and Victoria Beckham are among the A-Listers who received invites!

*The color scheme: It’s black and white, all the way! Kim has picked white South African roses as decorations!

*The transportation: White Rolls Royces and Maybachs will take the guests from the Four Seasons Biltmore to the private estate in Montecito where the ceremony is being held.

*The wine: Guests will toast to the newlyweds’ love with more than 720 bottles of chardonnay, rosé, merlot and cabernet, courtesy of Malibu Rocky Oaks Wine, an insider tells Life & Style.

*Beauty prep: Kim’s beauty prep has consisted of several consultations at Beverly Hills Nail Design to try out shades of pink polish and test-driving a darker hair color for the big day. “Before the wedding, we plan to glaze her hair once or twice again,” colorist and Goodform co-owner Rebecca Friedman tells Life & Style.“Kim’s definitely a calm bride,” she adds. “She’s just really, really excited.”

*Kim & Kris’s honeymoon won’t happen until 2012, Life & Style reports. A source says, “With her work schedule, that’s the earliest Kim can get away.” WTF? Her “work” schedule? Kris is pissed off too – “Kris is not over the moon,” says the source. But he’s still playing along: While in New York, the newlyweds will stay in a penthouse suite at the chic Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel. Once filming for Kourtney & Kim Take New York wraps, the buzz is that they’ll get their own spin-off, that chronicles their lives as newlyweds.

*Due to space restrictions, “the bride-to-be was forced to disinvite 50 people from her guest list — just days prior to the wedding.” The fire marshal was about to shut it down: “The fire marshal got involved. Once the fire department learned about all the TV equipment that’s going to be inside the space — the lights, the cameras and the production crew — Kim was told she had to cut the guest list by 50 people!” Now, the friend says, Kim is being forced to call friends and tell them they can’t come.

[From Life & Style and Hollywood Life]

What else? Kris Jenner is going all momzilla on Kim’s bridezilla. According to tabloid reports, “Kris Jenner is attempting to make the wedding about herself by wanting to wear white and inviting a bunch of people Kim doesn’t even know. All Kim wanted was for everything to be perfect. But instead it was nonstop drama. Kris thought both of them wearing white would cause a lot of fun buzz. But the whole thing just made Kim upset.” Oh, and apparently Kim’s sisters hate their bridesmaids’ dresses too. Did they want to wear white too?

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Photos courtesy of Fame, Life & Style.

 

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51 Responses to “Kim Kardashian’s wedding is going to invade your soul”

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  1. Charlotte says:

    Oh. My. God. This is famewhoring at it’s best! Kris Jenner must be stopped!!

  2. gee says:

    Kaiser, I love how you find the most awkward pics. They’re so freaking funny, always!

  3. mln76 says:

    What Michael K said warrants repeating….

    Speaking of chanting, even if you don’t believe in it you should try. Chant for a wish that on Kim’s wedding day, Brad Pitt and St. Angie get married next door, Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie announce their divorce in an interpretive dance on the front lawn and Tim Peeler finally catches Khloe with a net and drags her back to his backwoods cabin to domesticate with him in bliss (this is possible, Tim saw it on a TV show). Basically, just pray bitch gets outshone.
    http://dlisted.com/2011/08/04/wedding-special-going-last-longer-marriage

    I know what I’ll be doing all day Friday :)

  4. jesikabelcher says:

    Kaiser – Exactly how long have they been dating???

  5. brin says:

    That second picture is creepy….full-on Katface.

  6. ladybert62 says:

    What? A wedding done in black and white? No honeymoon until 2012 because the wifey newlywed is too busy to find time for the groom newleywed! I bet he starts divorce proceedings even before the honeymoon!

    The wedding of the year? No – that was William and Kate – this will be the wedding from hell!!!

  7. Javagirl1 says:

    All she wanted was for everything to be perfect!

    Oh and she looks completely Asian now…

  8. neelyo says:

    Jesus, in that second photo I can almost feel the skin being pulled back from her eyes.

    ‘Who’s coming? Kathie Lee Gifford, Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest, Venus & Serena Williams, Nicole Richie, LaLa Vazquez, Ciara, Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, and Victoria Beckham are among the A-Listers who received invites!’

    A-Listers??? And who knows if they’ll show, they just got invites. Seacrest will probably be the biggest ‘star’ there.

    And @ mln76, I’m praying too!

  9. Susan O. says:

    Not if I don’t watch it!

  10. Lady D says:

    Brin, I was thinking the same thing. She looks like something out of Dr. Who or Star Trek. I also really hope the wedding is a ratings disaster just to put a stop to this and future idiocy.
    I am also seriously perplexed at this 4 hour wedding wanna-be show. Who is going to watch this?

  11. NancyMan says:

    As God as my witness- I will never read one article or look at any pictures of this wedding…Wedding of the Year??? These reality ‘stars’ need a reality check!

  12. Stubbylove says:

    Let the cat-face, tarantula eyed monstrosity commence!

  13. alex says:

    I am lmao at these people their called A-listers lol. Just too funny. This wedding is a joke o

  14. jamminatorr says:

    oh god her eyes are starting to look like Jocelyn Wildenstien’s. if she keeps stretching that skin she won’t be able to open them anymore.

  15. Not an Ingenue says:

    All this hoopla is even funnier on light of the fact that Kim is a 30-something divorcee. The PR narrative doesn’t mention the 1st go-around and paints her as some 18 year old ingenue- hilarious!

  16. LynnE says:

    Kimora called, she wants her face back.

    I am counting down to the day this is OVER

  17. Daisy Mo says:

    This girl is only 30 but looks 42. Everything is SO overdone…so fake.

  18. Jezi says:

    Everytime I see her overly surgically enhanced face, it makes me sad. She used to be so beautiful.

  19. Phoenix says:

    Christ, Kim! You’d think she’d never been married before.

  20. lucy2 says:

    This whole thing is sad and pathetic – this is a “marriage” that has nothing to do with love, commitment, or wanting to spend your life with someone. It’s all about fame, attention, money, ratings, and material things. The no honeymoon thing for a year is pretty telling, this is a spectacle, not a marriage. They may all think they’re living the A list life, but I’d feel sorry for them and their vapid empty lives if they weren’t so annoying.

  21. i.want.shoes says:

    I so want him to dump her big ass 2 days before the wedding.

  22. original kate says:

    we will get through this if we wear the garlic wreaths and don’t turn on one another; it’s what THEY want.

  23. P.J. says:

    This wedding has already invaded my stomach and now I have to go bow to my toilet.

  24. Amanda says:

    Her face looks PAINFUL in that pic of her in the black top with the pointy shoulder. I don’t even understand how that is a real face!

  25. cmc says:

    Eek…errrr…so I’m the only one who’s going to be watching this, then?

  26. Quest says:

    4 better or 4 worst…oh gawd…is the worst over yet?

  27. Firecracker says:

    I couldn’t even get thru the article, I’m so sick of this! No offense, Kaiser! I just scrolled thru the pics and laughed. And I’m really going to laugh my fool head off when one of them sprains their ankle wearing those ridiculous shoes.

  28. Chereth Cutestory says:

    If Wilson Phillips doesn’t show up at the end of the ceremony to sing “Hold On” amid burst of fireworks, I’m going to be really disappointed.

  29. MissVJJ says:

    How did this lady go from one tape of her taking up the ass to a wedding talked about like the Royal Wedding? This is gonna be fun! Lets all start bets on how long this is going to last!I’ll start! I give it a year!

  30. Ms. Mirror says:

    I really dont understand how you guys can talk so much crap about these morons getting so much press when……you’re part of the reason they are so famous in the first place. lol

  31. geekychic says:

    i never understood why did she get famous anyways?
    i mean, it’s not like she invented po*n with her sex tape.
    and her face…that’s just tragic.

  32. Bermuda Blues says:

    Yikes. This is why if I ever get married, I’ll elope. None of this primping and prepping. I’ll just wake up, say “Hey, I’m having a good hair day! And not a pimple in sight! Whatta ya say cute boyfriend of mine? Wanna get hitched?” – and we’ll mosey on down to the courthouse and have a lovely day of it.

  33. Usedtoitall says:

    Don’t watch.. she will go away!!!

  34. Alynn says:

    It’s not too late to run away Kris!!! Run for your life!!

  35. Madisyn says:

    Victoria Beckham, really? How would she even know the Kardashians? Or vice versa?

    Jennifer Lopez?, same question.

    MissVJJ, depends. If she’s using the wedding merely for publicity and realizes this man is not rich enough for her, she’ll dump him in 6 months. Now, if she wants children with this guy, maybe 18 months?

  36. filthycute says:

    Imagine how bizarre this is for Ray-J to witness?

    The girl he PEED ON is mingling with top-tier celebrities and millionaires! LOLLL
    What a society.

  37. Tammi says:

    Her eyes keep getting smaller and smaller. I think we all know no A lister will be anywhere near her fake event.

  38. Delta Juliet says:

    I would think your option of wearing white at your wedding would be out the door once you’ve been videotaped having sex and getting pi**ed on.

  39. connie says:

    When this news first became public I seriously questioned if it would, indeed go down. Now? Maybe some over the top blow off for ratings? Not really married a la Spencer and Heidi? Or a quickie divorce? If the later is the case sad sad sad that marriage has become merley a business arrangement. While I question the “sanctity” of marriage nowadays and really wonder how it can work in this age of selfish pleasure seeking, what does it say about the state of our society that people not only do this, but then are escalated to fame due to it? Mind you I’m 25 yo cynical, self centered, in no means conservative woman, but I have no desire to be ‘famous’ or watch the kardashians. I know enough about them from the magazine covers.
    On another note, agree with previous posters who is she kidding with that guest list? & her mother is absolutely delusional

  40. crtb says:

    It is not a honeymoon if it is a year later. It is a vacation.

  41. the original bellaluna says:

    Um, correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t there been AT LEAST 2 or 3 Royal Weddings this year? So, yeah, Lardassian, not gonna happen.

    Those bridesmaid dresses can’t be any worse than their usual outfits, can they? Or are we talking like, Lardassian in that red-bottomed poof-tastrophe?

  42. cbnagrl says:

    The hell with Kim, what happened to Bethany??

  43. Denise says:

    Kimmy, for the love of all that is holy, stop messing with your face and stop wearing those ridiculous 10″ heels!

  44. Happy21 says:

    I think that Kris Humphries is as much as a fame whore as Kim. In all the photos you can tell he’s just lovin’ it. He probably said hey that chick is hot I bet I can get her to marry me AND I can be on that stupid arse reality show and become more famous than I ever deserved! Its BS. She bugs me. I used to think she was cute back when she wasn’t everywhere I looked. Now she’s looking plastic, fake and pathetic. Their marriage will not last. That’s a given. Hell, they probably even know that. Its just publicity and the media is giving them what they want and making them ridiculously wealthy in the process.

  45. Jayna says:

    So those in the know explain it to me. In er sex video did she really have anal sex and get peed on? That’s what it sounds like from posters on here.

  46. anon says:

    @Gary Tincher: thanks for posting that, funniest thing I have read today SMH :-)

  47. Firecracker says:

    omg Gary and anon, that was hilarious! That site is awesome!

  48. Kelly says:

    If you ignore them, they will go away…

  49. vanessa says:

    I love reading your take on these stories! on the other hand I cannot wait to not watch this “wedding of the year” bitch please, you may be able to wear killer heels but you are as fake as the eyelashes on your face!

  50. Venefica Delirium says:

    @Kezi: It’s not sad at all. Kim Kardashian had always been hideous on the inside and I personally think it’s “sad” that people sympathize for her now that she’s becoming as unattractive on the outside as she is on the inside.

    Go for it, I say. One less dreg on humanity dodging judgement for having a hideous personality just because they’re beautiful on the outside.

    How is sad? Because she “used to be so beautiful? What if she wasn’t originally beautiful? Would you still feel sorry for her? Is it only sad when beautiful people self-destruct and consequentially lose their good looks? What kind of message is that?