At long last, somebody bought the cow after getting the kat-face milk for free. Wait, I bungled that. Nevermind. Kim Kardashian is married, y’all. She is officially Kim Humphries. Or he is Kris Kardashian. I don’t know how they’re going to do this. Surprisingly enough, there aren’t a million blurry photos of Kim and Kris’s nuptials, so I really don’t know what Kim’s dress looks like beyond the description given to E! News and People Magazine, but I should point out that the description of the dress seems very similar to what Kim’s wax figure is wearing in these photos. Ha. I guess I should applaud them for keeping their wedding on lockdown? Or we should just thank E! because they’re the ones protecting their exclusive. Here are some details about the wedding, which went down last night in Montecito:
It was the happily-ever-after she always dreamed of. Kim Kardashian tied the knot with New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries on Saturday evening, her rep confirms to PEOPLE and E! exclusively.
The couple, who became engaged in May after dating for six months, wed at a private estate in Montecito, Calif., in front of 440 guests.
Among them: Demi Lovato, Babyface, Vera Wang, Mario Lopez, Mark Ballas, Ciara, Carmelo Anthony, Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz, Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough, Alan Thicke, Cheryl Burke, Melanie Brown, Maria Menounos, Sugar Ray Leonard, Serena Williams, Kathie Lee Gifford, Brittny Gastineau, Greta Van Susteren, Jillian Barberie, Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne, Scottie and Larsa Pippen, and Dina, Ali and Lindsay Lohan.
As stepfather Bruce Jenner walked her down the aisle, Kardashian, 30, donned an ivory custom-designed Vera Wang gown with full tulle skirt, basque waist and hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué on the bodice and train. She wore Guiseppe Zanotti shoes.
The groom, 26, sported a made-to-measure white peak lapel tuxedo jacket, black tuxedo pants with white tuxedo shirt and white bow tie – all by Ermenegildo Zegna – and the couple exchanged rings by Lorraine Schwartz, who also designed the engagement ring.
The bride was joined by sisters Kourtney, 32, and Khloe, 27, who served as her co-maids of honor. Younger sisters Kendall, 15, and Kylie Jenner, 14, and Humphries’s sister, Kaela, were bridesmaids. The ring bearer was Kourtney’s 21-month-old son, Mason Disick.
All the groomsmen, including the bride’s brother Robert Kardashian, wore matching black peak lapel tuxedos, white tuxedo shirts and black silk bow ties, again all by Zegna – who also dressed fathers of the bide and groom, Bruce Jenner and William Humphries, in matching black peak lapel tuxedos, white tuxedo shirts and silk bow ties.
For later in the evening, Kim planned two more changes, both Vera Wang ivory dresses, with a Judith Leiber clutch.
The first was a Georgette mermaid gown with hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué on the bodice and a skirt with hand-cut organza petals intermixed with Chantilly lace motifs and organza sprig embroidery.
The other Vera Wang dress was a bias-cut crepe back satin gown with V-neck and circle skirt.
At the reception, the groom changed into a black peak lapel Zegna tuxedo, white tuxedo shirt and black silk bow tie, to match his groomsmen.
E! News will air footage from the wedding Sunday at 6 p.m. ET/PT, and a two-part special, Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event, will air Oct. 9 and 10, only on E!
Would you like to know more? Of course. Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle. Kim wore a bejeweled headpiece with her veil, and “diamonds… dripped onto Kim’s forehead.” I’m sure that was a sight, all of those diamonds on Kim’s epic, Botoxed forehead. Everything was in black and white, except for “the tiny pink box that Humphries’ best man, longtime pal Josh Ketroser, presented the rings in.” Kim paid tribute to her father, the late Robert Kardashian, in the wedding program: “I so wish my dad could be here today to walk me down the aisle. But I know in a way he is here, and I feel his loving presence all around me. I love and miss you, dad.” Little Mason Dixon performed his ring-bearer duties and it sounds kind of cute.
More details: Robin Thicke was there! Kim and Kris danced their first dance as a married couple to Thicke singing “Angels” and then “Let’s Stay Together”. Earth, Wind & Fire also performed later in the evening too. The food was done by Wolfgang Puck, and here’s what was served: “a buffalo mozzarella and heirloom tomato salad with basil and ‘tomato chips’ followed by a choice of hand-formed agnolotti with sweet corn mascarpone and summer truffles, or roast chicken with Yukon Gold potato puree, caramelized brussels sprouts and summer truffles.” The cake was “a decadent, multi-tiered chocolate-and-vanilla swirl cake studded with chocolate chips.”
It really sounds like no expense was spared for this wedding. I hope Kim got what she wanted, and hell, I hope the marriage lasts longer than a year.
Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.