Star Mag: Linnocent tells friends, “I’m not a call girl”


Throughout the week, we’ve been keeping tabs on Linnocent’s “boyfriend” situation. As soon as she got to Milan to work as a “model” for Philipp Plein, she and Philipp began looking extra friendly, and they were photographed hand-in-hand and all cuddled up. Some of you think he’s gay. I disagree. I think he’s straight, and he’s a Euro-cheeseball who wants to make a name for himself as an international player by “romancing” Linnocent. It’s his money, so whatever. Allegedly, Lohan’s getting $500,000 to model and “date” him. And then on Wednesday night, Linnocent showed up in Paris, looking like an escort and once again, walking hand-in-hand with a sketchy Euro dude, this time a “businessman” and club owner.

If all of this seems like the whirlwind, jet-set activities of an international call girl on the run, ding ding ding, you win the door prize. Linnocent was likely “escaping” a situation in New York City, where it seemed like her long-time john/boyfriend/lover Vikram Chatawal was attempting to put their arrangement on the backburner. Page Six reported last week that Vikram’s (admittedly estranged) wife came into town, and was upset to see a crackie escort living in her home (Vikram had installed Linnocent in his apartment). Anyway, Star Magazine has some interesting details about Vikram and Linnocent’s relationship, including Linnocent’s alleged claims to friends that she is NOT in fact an escort.

Lindsay Lohan is living the life of a lucky girl in love – with millionaire hotelier Vikram Chatawal spoiling her rotten with swanky dinners, putting her up in his posh apartment and whisking her off on pricey getaways.

“She treats him like her suger daddy, and everyone knows it!” reveals an insider. But the actress claims to friends, “I’m not a call girl!”

As pals question all the over-the-top pampering, Lindsay says they’re not lovers. “Lindsay is telling everyone who will listen that she and Vikram are only close friends,” an insider tells Star. “Nobody is listening to her!”

But for a friendship, Lindsay sure is reaping a lot of benefits. The actress has been plagued by financial woes and legal troubles recently – and now she has Vikram to foot the bill. He has even gone so far as to send [Lindsay] off with his credit cards for a New York City shopping spree.

While the actress’ rep also denies any romance between the two, insiders continue to insist otherwise…

“Lindsay’s been hooking up with Vikram for months, and they have a mutually beneficial relationship,” the insider adds. And for the troubled star, the timing couldn’t be better.

“As her career and star power disintegrate and her bank account diminishes, Lindsay needs a man like Vikram in her life to be happy!” the insider quips. “She should just admit it.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

In case you need to see the photos of Linnocent bending over, doing some lines and then making out with Vikram in his apartment, go here to The Superficial. I think they speak for themselves, but I always enjoy a good crack delusion story. I mean, of course Linnocent and Vikram are “just friends”. I always invite my “friends” into my home, ply them with coke and liquor, have sex with them and then give them my credit card to go on a shopping spree. Doesn’t everyone treat their “friends” like that?




Photos courtesy of WENN.

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141 Responses to “Star Mag: Linnocent tells friends, “I’m not a call girl””

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  1. mln76 says:

    When does she find the time to do all that community service? *MAJOR eye roll*

  2. Angelina J. says:

    Of course she is not call girl. She is international hooker.

  3. Dibba says:

    I agree she’s not a call girl, that’s too high class for what she is doing.

  4. the original bellaluna says:

    Nope, not a “call girl”; she’s a bottom-of-the-barrel slore.

    “Call girls” actually have a place of their own to return to when they’ve finished *ahem* conducting their business. And look clean. And probably have regularly-scheduled health exams.

    *waves @ brin*

  5. brin says:

    Kaiser….I love the double chin picture almost as much as the screee picture!
    Happy Friday, bellaluna! *raises cracktini glass*

  6. yoyo99 says:

    It’s a crime of what has happened to her life.

  7. aenflex says:

    Haha – she looks like Courtney Stodden in those pics!

  8. ataylor says:

    Is that white powder on her dress in the last picture? Discreet. Real discreet.

  9. Boo says:

    No, sweetie, of course you’re not a call girl. Obviously these men just want to hang around with you because of your sparkling wit, natural beauty, and spiritual purity. Anyone can see that.

  10. Ruby Red Lips says:

    We all know that what ever Linnocent says from her mouth is always the absolute truth – Linnocent never lies!!!!!

  11. Bonfire Beach says:

    She’s become international because nobody worth anything in the US wants anything to do with her. All of her relationships are superficial and “mutually beneficial.” Simply put, she’s an international whore.

  12. neelyo says:

    She’s the 21st century Lily Bart and we know how that ended.

    She looks like a fried 65 year old Palm Springs matron trying to recapture her youth.

  13. The Original Ashley says:

    If she’s a call girl she’s crap at it. Most international call girls/”paid girlfriends” get more than a shopping spree. They know to load up on jewels and money because those clothes aren’t going to pay their rent.

    If he really did pay her $500,000 then that was smart of her but let’s be real Lezlo isn’t worth that. If we were rating her hooking game we all know she’d be the low budget lot lizard giving blowies for a fiver behind the dumpster. She’s too skeevy looking to be the girl who commands a few grand a night and only does her jobs at the Plaza/Ritz. Those kinds of girls don’t look like hookers (unlike Lezlo).

  14. brin says:

    @neelyo…agreed. If they do a “Valley of the Dolls” remake for tv, she would be perfect for the has-been older actress role.

  15. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    More like a commonplace hooker. I wonder how much Pimp Mama Dina takes out for brokering these “dates?”

    *waves @the original Bella, @brin, @ruby red*

  16. Sisi says:

    Why do people in Europe find her appealing enough to hire? Im embarassed for my continent… *shakes head*

  17. Lindy says:

    @neelyo–at least Edith Wharton allowed Lily Bart to come to a realization about her behavior toward the end. Somehow I don’t see Linnocent coming around to see the error of her ways, lol:)

    How is this chick still standing after so much blow/liquor/pill popping?

  18. madpoe says:

    I noticed the white powder too.
    But lets give Linnocent a chance *snicker* maybe its crotch powder? A voodoo talc to ward off evil, hence the nail biting. lol.

  19. brin says:

    I’m passing around the cracktinis…cheers y’all!
    *waving to Morticians*

  20. andyconda says:

    She needs to “escort” her lot lizzard ass back to LA and do her court ordered shit..
    she is no call girl.. she is more of a gutter slut for the taking.
    Heidi Fleiss. couldnt pimp her out to a death row inmate by the way she looks

  21. Christine says:

    If you have to tell your friends that you’re not a call girl……

  22. andyconda says:

    someone put hot sauce on her fingers. so she would stop jamming them in her pie hole.
    little kids do that..

  23. marybeth18 says:

    The grossest part of this is that you just know that her mother is taking 15% of these deals…shudder.

    Did anyone read the NY Mag interview with Bebe Buell (Liv Tyler’s mother)? It’s an interesting read just for her life (she was the inspiration for Kate Hudson’s character in “Almost Famous”) but she gives a pretty glorious smackdown to Dina Lohan. Apparently Bebe was at the party where Lindsay threw the glass at the waitress, and Dina sat and watched.

  24. Talie says:

    She’ still hot shit in Europe…all those magazines still covet her for their covers. She’ll probably end up marrying some Saudi prince or dictator’s son.

  25. artista says:

    Not a call girl, and not an actress.

  26. Zombie Nurse says:

    Somebody, I think it was The Superficial, had pics of Linnocent sucking face in a restrauant wih Plein- so I doubt he’s gay. I think he just Euro.

  27. Nancy C. says:

    another waste of life. what the hell is she doing these days? no movies, tv, magazines, N O T H I N G…guess her bf is paying for the puffy ** lips.

  28. Masque says:

    She’s starting to look like Victoria Silverstedt who, coincidentally (ha!), seems to be an international hooker.

  29. Madisyn says:

    Mornin Ladies (Morticians, bellaluna, brin, Ruby Red, Boo, etc.) I understand its cracktini time?


    “If you have to tell your friends that you’re not a call girl……”

    My thoughts EXACTLY!

  30. G says:

    Oh course they’re not lovers. Doubt he can get it up after the drugs.

    Clever of him to funnel her some money and create a diversion through Plien. It’s just too transparent.

  31. andyconda says:

    Linds “can I have two eight balls today,and i will gladly blow you on tuesday”

  32. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Hello Ladies *waves* (you know who you are!) I mentioned on the other thread I’m making crackmopolitans – anyone fancy trying one?

    @ Morticians – slightly off topic, so huge apologies, but I caught the first episode of Ringer, and its wasn’t too bad – I thought the cheesy boat scene was a throw back to those really OTT noir films of the era which all had cheesy effects…so I’m quite happy with it & SMG ;)

    Anyhows, back to Linnocent, this girl is so in denial that she even doesn’t even know what truth is anymore…

  33. Bess says:

    Okay, it’s almost October and still no word on the 3 movies Mother Crackhead said that Linnocent was “up for” this fall. Also still no word if she’s signed on to Gotti which starts shooting in January in NY.

    On a positive note, Linnocent seems to have this “International Call Girl” / Professional Girlfriend thing down pat. She calls it “modeling” and “appearances”, but it’s all good.

  34. Cindy says:

    Bah ha ha!!!! Even her friends don’t want to hear the crack lies! Awesome!

  35. katie says:

    people need to leave her alone. look at the home she came from, and shes in the public eye. thats a lot of stress and pressure and everyone handles lifes bullshit differently. i think its a shame shes had so many problems/drug use/denial but look at her family? im rooting for her that in time she can move past all this and its just a bad period in her life. even if shes a “bad girl” and sleeps around and does drugs, so what. its nobody’s business,and unless you’re perfect dont judge. she doesnt have kids, no one depends on her. if she fucks her life up thats her path, and her lesson to learn.. or not.

  36. Madisyn says:

    Ruby Red

    I’d love a crackmopolitan.


    I swear I was thinking about Mother Crackhead and the ’3 movies Blohan’s up for’ just a couple of days ago. Yet nothing on her IMDb page. Amazing. I’ve openly questioned this before but why lie about these statements that can so easily be proven false? I wish when the Matt Lauers of the world ‘interview’ this twit, they call Dina out or Blohan for that matter, on these blatant lies. Ugh!

    Ruby Red

    I’ll have a double.

  37. andyconda says:

    Katie so stealing from innocent people is OK.
    almost running over a mother and child is kosher..
    throwing glass and cutting people is just a phase…
    I have had friends do more time for less..
    I believe she needs to be locked away do her time then come back in a few years with more respect for people and life…
    Lets not point any fingers,Its obvious youre horribly wrong

  38. andyconda says:

    its called gossip..people voice their opinions..if you do not like it go watch “family Affair” Pun intended Dina

  39. Dany says:

    Of course not, honey. Call girls have style, are always spick and span and their punters don’t have to be afraid to catch something… *shudder*

  40. your mama says:

    Could you just imagine having to tell your friends that you are Not a call-girl? Wowser!!! That screams a lot right there.

    Isn’t she on probation!? Guess Crackie can get away with anything at this point. How disgusting.

  41. your mama says:

    katie – People have a problem with her because she endangers others’ lives! Not just once either.

  42. G says:

    @katie, why are her enablers always so eager to point out her problems (many of which are of her own making or which she takes no action to deal with)?

    They always leave out the incredible advantages from the point of view of wealth, connections and good will she has squandered by being a rude self entitled brat?

  43. Ben says:

    Call girls are so much classier than this dirty little duck troll (@Micah). They’re making an honest living, are generally clean and healthy, and do markedly fewer drugs. You know what sub-type of prostitute has your enthusiasm for drugs, Lyndsy McCrackenSnort? Crackwhores.

  44. newtsgal says:

    If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…….then its a cracked-out delusional, washed up, has-been/very cheap callgirl named Lindsay Lohan

  45. andyconda says:

    you can blame her family for alot of things…but after awhile she becomes the problem… they are making her do therapy, she is not going by choice.(Not going to work)..the courts made her go to rehab (Didnt work). next they have to see if long jail time will work.
    If it doesnt, atleast she is away for awhile….
    Katie she has hurt so many people in the past…dawn Holland lost her job.
    assistants mother scared for her life…3 boys in a car could have lost their lives…law suits.. stealing..and the worst is cali has wasted millions in court for her mistakes….been much easier to do the right thing and put her behind bars

  46. ladybert62 says:

    Her hair looks absolutely nasty in those pictures – wonder if something lives in it?

    When is her next court date? Its October isnt it? Cant wait to see what excuse she comes up with for not doing community service etc – I so want to see pictures of her working in the morgue!!!

  47. Ruby Red Lips says:

    *passing Madisyn a double crackmopolitan* Enjoy!!

    Re Dina’s insistence about Linnocents potential 3 films – Mother Lohan is where Linnocent gets the crack delusion from…so I think that says it all

  48. Isa says:

    I’m shocked at the pictures in which she’ s obviously snorting.
    She doesn’t even care anymore if she’s papped with white stains on her dress or using in front of a window.

    Rock bottom or is there more to come……??

  49. newtsgal says:

    @ AndyConda,
    Hey baby….how have you been?
    By the way…you really should take it easy on Katie/ Dina…..hehehehe!

  50. bagladey says:

    “Clever of him to funnel her some money and create a diversion through Plien. It’s just too transparent.”

    @G33 – That was exactly my thought, so maybe some of the players in Europe are simply entertaining “Vikram’s girl”.

  51. andyconda says:

    she is not peddling pus*sy…Its cold in europe, she is just keeping their penises warm in her “FIRECROTCH”…
    its just a parking garage for their retro dingies

  52. andyconda says:

    Iknow I know, but they provoke me….

  53. G says:

    I guess it beats hanging around a bench in Venice buying baggies of sea jasper?

  54. Original Tiffany says:

    Cracktini for me! I can’t WAIT for her non-call girl self to hit her Russian “diplomats”. It’s going to be epic!

    I’m not a call girl, I’m Lindsay Lohan!

    Can anyone imagine what your life is like when you have to say that to your friends? Talked about bottom of the barrel.

  55. Kloops says:

    There’s no need to besmirch the reputation of call girls. She’s clearly a crack whore.

  56. the original bellaluna says:

    katie – growing up in a bad home environment is not a license to behave like an entitled asshole for the rest of one’s life.

    G – Yup! Now her sea jasper is part of her *ahem* compensation package!

    Ruby Red – I’d love one!

    *waving to all the ladies*

  57. OhMyMy says:

    @katie: She’s not the only celebrity with family issues (I can think of a few names right off the bat but I won’t name them here because they don’t deserve the slight to be mentioned in the same breath with Linnocent). She’s not the only celebrity with substance abuse issues or less than likeable personality traits.

    I agree her family are obnoxious in their neverending famewhoring and delusional insistence that they’re some sort of powerful entertainment dynasty. Most people take legal action if they have to minimize the damage to their careers. She sues Pitbull but not daddy? Puh-leeze.

    If she for one tiny shred of a moment acted like a decent, caring human being to other people like waitresses or valets or anyone not sucking up to her I’d leave her alone. She never has.

    Did you know that the LA Downtown Women’s Center had a fundraising gala event on 9/26? Can you even imagine how much awareness LL could’ve brought if she bothered? God forbid she use her name to support a good cause. She’ll make some coinage using her twitter feed as an adserver but not even a tweet about it?

    She doesn’t deserve any respect or consideration in my book.

  58. Madisyn says:


    “she doesnt have kids, no one depends on her”.

    Obviously she doesn’t have kids but Dina, Ali, Cody, and probably Mike Jr. ALL depend on her financially.

    Ruby Red

    Thank you for the crackpolitans. Your right, that delusion comes from somewhere.


    The hearing is Oct. 19th in the a.m., I believe around 10am. I too, can’t wait for the excuses, if she admits any. She does have until May but since she’s been out of California for OVER 3 weeks of today, whats going on with her court-ordered ‘therapy’?

  59. FUTMZ says:

    Actress Designer Musician Director/Writer/Producer Artist of many things. These are the claimed credits on Linds’ Twitter page.
    Actress. Please. That’s “former child actor”. Let’s call it what it is.
    Designer. What has she designed? Example, please (be specific). It doesn’t make you a “designer” to license your name to a bunch of WalMart rubbish and call it your own. PLUS – you actually have to SELL some of it, I think.
    Musician? OK, Explain a drop-D tuning or a E7 diminished, Linds.
    Director. Again, please list confirmed directing credits. That doesn’t mean “LNor!! Get me my PetPads!!! NOW!!!!”
    Producer. The only consistent production Linds can claim is those nasty snail-trails she leaves all over the place.
    Artist. Since when can you cut a perfect spiral out of a gram of cocaine and call it “art”?
    Delerious snatch.

  60. Ruby Red Lips says:

    @ Bellaluna, help yourself :) Note the delicate twirled piece of orange peel around the edge of the glass!!!

    Anyhows, @ Madisyn, I cannot wait until the hearing, I really hope that cameras are allowed in…does anyone know if they will be?

  61. Denise says:

    Biggest laugh line in the post, “lucky girl in love”. Where do they come up with this crap?

  62. FUTMZ says:

    Linds bought Casey Anthony a gift for when she gets away with something new. So did DUIna and AA Ali, too. She made me get one, so I got some chocolate chip cookies, but I ate them all. AA Ali got her a new diary with a bunch of lies already in it – makes things easier later. Linds got her a little cocaine, but she stole it back already. DUIna got her a shrunken head. She gets those for everybody.

  63. Firecracker says:

    Hey all, I would like a cracktini and a crackmopolitan.

    So if she’s on probation, why is she allowed to go out of the country? Guess they probably got permission from the judge or something.

    Move that probation order, I’m Lindsey Lohan!

  64. dragonlady sakura says:

    I don’t get it. How can someone so young look so old?! I’m starting to think she’s an older looking version of Donatella Versace. Yikes!

  65. Alice says:

    Oh man, her face. She looks bloated and saggy and at least 47 in that middle-bottom picture.

  66. MissilePanda says:

    shes givng international hookers a bad name, Belle du Jour was a much classier lady than that skank.

  67. Hellen says:

    Every time she’s shown or described as holding hands with some guy, I just cringe and reach for the hand sanitizer. Those have got to be the filthiest, grimiest, most germ-laden paws in the world.

  68. Lady D says:

    It occurs to me, she doesn’t have a pet. Most of Hollywood has one. I’m very, very, glad she doesn’t, but I wonder why?

  69. Madisyn says:

    Ruby Red

    I don’t know if Judge Sautner is going to allow them. She hasn’t in the past except for the last one in July, so theres hope. If I remember correctly, NO ONE knew until that morning that she was going to allow cameras. TMZ, Radar etc. didn’t report until the morning of the hearing. I guess were just going to have to be in suspense until the 19th.

  70. kimberly says:

    I love the last pick with the 2 white stains on the front of LL’s little black cum infested dress.

    She’s a whore, literally, let’s be real about this.

  71. andyconda says:

    by the first pic,she looks like she wipes way up high on her back..thank god to the johns its not the other way

  72. Annie says:

    Dang, she is just so unhealthy looking. If I didn’t know anything about her I’d assume she was either a drug addict, chronically ill, or bulimic just from looking at her. She’s too sick looking to pimp out so I don’t think she’s “officially” a call girl she just has these skeevy little sex for drugs and contacts arrangements probably arranged by Dina and Pootie.

  73. the original bellaluna says:

    Lady D – I think it’s because she’s incapable of feeling towards anything other than herself. That, and she’s incapable of taking care of herself, so why bring a pet into the mix? (Also, no boarding fees to keep pet alive while she’s doing her “international hooker” thing.) ;)

    *passes Firecracker a cracktini*

    Madisyn – Fingers crossed judge allows them and Blohan continues her Continental Crack Tour 2011.

  74. FUTMZ says:

    OK, Lindsay, let’s go over your lines.

    “Hey baby! You wanna party? You lookin’ for a date? You got some rock? I bet you’re a firecracker!”

    Now keep saying that ’til you don’t even have to think about it.

    “Hey, those lines aren’t in the script”.

    No. You need to practice those for your future. Your line is “Alright kids, and now for something really fun!”

    Isn’t it great to be back “on set?”

  75. imabrat says:

    Complete denial. Not a call girl, and considers herself to be an accomplished actress and beauty icon, also referring to herself as a modern day Marilyn Monroe.
    It’s funny how Lohan sees herself so differently than others do. From here, she looks like a 50 yr old hasbeen child actress that is indeed, a call girl.

  76. Madisyn says:


    Speaking of her “Intl. Crack Tour”, how many papparazzi are there in Russia? To take pictures of ‘diplomats’? I understand here, Europe, but Russia? I wonder if she’ll fly the paps with her on Vikrams jet?

    I think if she actually goes to Russia and something were to happen (and by ‘something’, I mean her blowing the court off, its happened before) and she did NOT make it back for her progress report, I think I might keel over from laughter.

  77. OriginalGracie says:

    I am 53 years old and I look younger than her.

    No Linnocent, you are not a “call girl”. That would be too classy for you. You are a prostitute.

  78. ldim says:

    she looks way too old for her age = ugly

  79. mollination says:

    What the dick is going on with her bloat??!?! Look at that crackface! My god…

  80. Lady D says:

    @FUTMZ, missed you on TMZ. It’s good you’re back. You are very amusing. I quit commenting on TMZ,when they changed their story about Crackie being in a restaurant and ordering something that wasn’t even on the menu. It was 1/2 way through the day, with pages of comments reflecting the lie and TMZ went and changed the story. It made me wonder who had the power to get a story changed on TMZ to make skank look good. How did they do that?

  81. erika says:

    god please help lindsay.
    pls pray for lindsay at this troublesome time

  82. Ruby Red Lips says:

    @ Firecracker – there’s a crackmopolitan on the edge of the vodka vat with your name on it ;)

    Night ladies, no doubt I’ll cu tom for another crackie story as there seems to be one every day at the mo!

  83. Jo says:

    @26 — Thank you for this - – which includes this –

    What do you object to about Momagers?

    I don’t think you should be your daughter’s best friend. You’ve got to be a mother. The other night I was at that Lovecat/V Magazine party during Fashion Week and [Lindsay Lohan] threw a drink on somebody and she was there with her mother. I just know that if my daughter threw a drink on somebody, she’d be over my knee getting an old-fashioned whooping. No matter what age. You don’t do things like that. First of all, my daughter would never do something like that. It’s not in her nature. You have to have something in your nature to do something like that. I find it tragic, because Lindsay to me is extremely talented. I just wish that she had the influence of somebody like me or somebody around her — not that I have time to wear a manager hat anymore, but I’m just saying that I just don’t like these moms that run these careers. How do they even understand the industry? When I was working for my daughter, you had to know when to step aside. The spotlight is not on you. It’s on them. These moms, they just don’t get it. It kind of upsets me. Because I think you’ve got to be a mother first and foremost, and I personally think when you’re in recovery and trying to get better, you shouldn’t be going to parties. You shouldn’t be going to parties and your mom shouldn’t be going with you. That’s my humble opinion.

  84. FUTMZ says:

    @ Lady D:
    TMZ is all over the place with their priorities. They’ve banned at least two of my ID’s…. I just make new ones. Clam Ronson, AA Ali (banned now), DUIna, LNor, BeezidBee…. all me. I’m also FULSD right now. It’s pretty bizzare the way they keep flipping – support Snortcake/slam her…. stay tuned. Bee back later with some more ridiculousness!

  85. andyconda says:

    Michael Lohan Tweeted that his daughter Lindsay Lohan not only had an affair with music mogul Tommy Mottola when she was 17, but also that she is HIV positive!!

    she has been selling split tail for a long time…this is not something new…
    How else do you think she got into the music industry..
    then when she got caught lip syncing shortly after her music was over…she did two concerts. and they bombed bad…
    and rumor has it that the album she did,was not her voice

  86. JaneWonderfalls says:

    Thank God! Where are the modeling pics, I think she looked nice in those.

  87. Firecracker says:


    What are you doing to get banned on TMZ? Didn’t know you could get banned from there. I’m D on there (there’s two D’s, mine’s the one with a tiger pic).

  88. Callumna says:

    No one should pay for that, with all the sluts in the world how she and Tara Reid earn a living at this game is a mystery Sherlock couldn’t unravel.

  89. Firecracker says:

    Bellaluna and Ruby, thanks for the drinks!

  90. OhMyMy says:

    @FUTMZ: Love your work. Big fan. Glad to see you posting over here. TMZ has gotten so weird lately I don’t even bother reading much over there any more.

  91. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    **cheers @LadyD, @Firecracker**

    thanks for the crackpolitan @ruby red!

    I just saw the third episode of Ringer, and it is getting better. There’s definitely room for improvement though. I saw an interview with SMG where she described the style of the show as film noir, so you’re spot on with your estimation.

    @Madisyn, it’s definitely NOT a party until you show up with your float! No cannonballs into the vodka vat please. I just got my hair done ;)

    *waves @ladybert*

  92. the original bellaluna says:

    Morticians – Are vodka watermelon balls in the vat ok? I’ll just glide by on my float, I promise. (And yes, Ringer is intriguing to me. I think it has real potential.)

    Madisyn – I think if she ends up “stuck” (ha-ha!) in Russian, I will also laugh my cracktini off! :D It would be interesting, though, wouldn’t it?

    Thank you for the link, Jo, I didn’t have time today to search for it.

    andyconda – WHAT? I’ve never heard that one before!

  93. Madisyn says:


    Ah, shucks Morticians, its just not a party with you either. Have another crackmopolitan. No worries, I can just slide onto my raft, no waves, just smooth easy sailing.


    I too, am curious what FUTMZ did to get banned?

    *raising cracktinis* to all the ladies.

  94. hillbilly in the corner says:

    TMZ is on the payroll of Lohan Inc….and as long as they get their money they will play nice…..but Lohan Inc misses a payment and they trot out Lindsay Pony again…..LOL

    They did some creative cleaning this week of the comment board when things got to hot on Lindsay…to bad that Lohan Inc really trying hard but as fast as they whitewash their little money makers tracks ..shes running fast making new nastier ones….

  95. andyconda says:

    Due to a passport mishap, Lindsay Lohan will be a no-show at her mandatory court hearing on Thursday morning.

    According to TMZ, Lindsay claims that someone stole her passport in Cannes, and she was denied when attempting to board her flight back to Los Angeles Tuesday. She will meet with the US Embassy Thursday morning to receive a new passport.

    But the judge for her hearing, Marsha Revel, has said she will put out a warrant for Lindsay’s arrest if she fails to show up Thursday at 8:30 AM.

    Lindsay has been on DUI probation since her 2007 arrest. Any violation of that probation, such as skipping alcohol education classes, missing court hearings or excessive alcohol use, could land her in jail.

    Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, told TMZ, “I was on the phone with Lindsay’s assistant the entire night and we’re doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to LA.”

    “Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to LA today to do more alcohol education classes and appear in court tomorrow,” Holley continued.

    watch it happen again..oh by the way she never completed those classes either. she did 10 out of 12

  96. LeeLoo says:

    *Pondering the state of Lindsay Lohan while sipping her moonshine cracktini*

    Okay so Lindsay’s not a call girl because call girls don’t…
    1)Accept drugs and money for sex.
    2)Have sex with any man regardless of marital status.
    3)Are never seen with 3+ men in more than a span of a week.

    Maybe the cracktinis are starting to get to me. Have I been wrong all of these years about the definition of a call girl? My world has come crashing down on me. I’m beginning to wonder if I have misinterpreted anything else like what is up and what is down. PLEASE! Will someone explain to me what is going on?!

  97. Madisyn says:

    hillbilly in the corner

    I always thought it was the other way around. If Blohan’s reps (Dina) didn’t get a GOOD payday, Blohan and company would stop giving TMZ ‘exclusives’. I thought TMZ just stopped paying their price, so TMZ stopped writing up IDIOTIC stories. OK, I’d see your point if TMZ was writing ‘positive’ stories but they’re not even doing that. The ‘Lohans’ are not rolling in dough, even with these ‘paid crack whore’ gigs, how is that possible? I’m going to pop on over to TMZ and see if my “She’s such a fuckin SLAG” comment is still there. On a previous post, it kept getting deleted and I would just go right back and post it. Finally the moderators went home, cuz the next morning, my last post was there. Bottom line, I know what Blohan would get out of it but what would be in it for TMZ? Curious for your reponse.


    Watermelon balls are ALWAYS ALLOWED in the pool, its why we built the thing, afterall. She won’t get ‘stuck’ in Russia, but if she goes about the time of her court date, I have no doubt she’d come up with another “Michael Lohan hired someone to steal my passport”. Remember that bullshit?


    No worries, your fine. Blohan thinks if she or Dina say it, it automatically is true. Epic delusion.


    All I can add is: GOOD FUCKIN TIMES!

  98. FUTMZ says:

    I may have been banned from TMZ right around the time I made a post that someone could have taken offense with. I believe that it might have had something to do with bowling ball bags and a bloody severed head. That’s just a possibility. It’s anyone’s guess as to what might piss someone off. It could be a lot worse – I can certainly do better without the Gypsy Grifter Curse. That thing’s getting nastier and much more evil. Just look at AA Ali in the last few weeks – cacexia meets heat gun – pretty vile. No thanks.

  99. FUTMZ says:

    Madisyn –

    I’m betting that in the beginning, it WAS the Gypsy Grifters who were being paid by TMZ – as it should be – but as her “career” disintegrated, flipflipflip. TMZ’s got the power block now and you just know Linds and DUIna are furious. DUIna spinning at 100 mph, suing left and right, Linds smashing champagne glasses and peeing on the floor. Poor LNor. Oh well, she’s doing it to herself. She should flee while she still has free will – unless it’s too late. It obviously is for AA Ali. What a life.

  100. andyconda says:

    I got banned way back when, by mentioning a cash crop in cali

  101. Madisyn says:


    I completely concur with Blohan’s ‘career disintegration’, TMZ having the ‘power’ back to pay the Family von Crack the minimum amount, and both Blohan and Dina being ‘furious’ one source of income is dried up but it still begs the question: If the Lohans are paying TMZ, how much could they possibly be paying them and how would TMZ benefit? They must make more money on ‘hits’ from advertising than the Family von Crack could possibly be paying them.

    Look forward to your response.

  102. the original bellaluna says:

    Mad – I was thinking more along the line (ha!) of her getting caught doing something wrong (transporting drugs across country lines – ha!) and sent to a Siberian gulag. Wouldn’t that be a HOOT! No more dodging her CA CS; no more probation; no more traveling the world over for her “modeling” gigs.

    Yeah, I remember. And it was kinda funny too, since her passport was visible on the glass table next to the lines she was “framed” for snorting!

  103. Ron says:

    I will say it again. I feel sorry for those girls with their piss poor excuse for parents. Unless something changes she is going to die young and then who will support Mommie Dearest?

  104. Dawning Red says:

    Hi guys!

    I don’t post much right now because of school and all, so I see these articles and by the time I get home, all the good stuff has already been said, so I just keep quiet. But I do miss you guys.

    FUTMZ, yeah I remember you from occasional posts at TMZ. You always had the funniest stories there!

  105. Madisyn says:


    I too remember that debacle. I’ll bet dollars to crack hits that when “Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, told TMZ, “I was on the phone with Lindsay’s assistant the entire night and we’re doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to LA.” My first thought at the time was the lawyer probably said, “Burn that passport and make sure you apply for a new one, don’t get caught with the old one.” Andy did remind me of one thing in the recap and that was if she was suppose to ‘leave’ on Tuesday, why wait to go to the passport office on Thursday. We all thought that ‘highly’ suspicious (pun intended) and then it was leaked, she was on an invite party guest list for Wednesday night. She really is such a slag and I’m soo glad Judge Marsha (my hero) made her pay and pay dearly for one stickin party. Was it worth it Blohan?

    Ha, “Burn that passport, I’m Lindsay Lohan”

    Dawning Red

    Glad your well. I know what you mean if you get to a post late and everything your thinking has already been said. I hear ya. Its afterhours, join us for a cracktini.

  106. Bess says:

    FUTMZ & Madisyn,

    I thought it made more sense that TMZ would post more positive Blohan posts in exchange for “exclusives”- like getting the first shots of LL “making out” with Phil. A Lilo story still does generate a lot of traffic for most gossip sites.

    I also think another main source of LL’s income must come from making deals with certain paparazzi in a “photos” for money deal.

  107. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    @madisyn, thanks for the crackmopolitan.

    *picks up pool skimmer to scoop some delicious mellon balls out of vodka vat*

    **tosses one @the original Bella** yells “catch!”**

    @the original Bella, me, you and @ruby red will have to discuss Ringer over
    cracktinis after @ruby red catches up on all the episodes :)

    did anyone see the tmz video of Michael Lohan outside of that restaurant after he threw up on another restaurant patron? looks like he’s doing as well with his sobriety as his “beautiful” daughter.

  108. FUTMZ says:

    Madisyn (and anyone else, actually):

    “Your” correct, I’ll bet – Team Sociosnatch isn’t paying TMZ anything, and why would they? They don’t pay anyone else. No, I bet they’re still squeezing a few nickels out of their “exclusives”, but it ain’t jackity-splat compared to what it should be.

    In Lindsayland, though they wouldn’t admit it even in the face of a forensic accounting of their finances, $200.00 or $300.00 is worth putting down the pipe for – briefly. Stumble out of the Clam Ahoy lesbian bar again *flashflashflash*. Another hideous tittie fell out. Again. *flashflashflash* A hapless passerby at Linds’ non-mansion runs from the porch, fully engulfed in flames and screaming their last sounds while Linds poses with some useless product that she’s “sponsoring”. *flashflashflash* If they were getting nothing, something would change.

    With all of DUIna’s scheming, manipulating and flat-out lying, this is as good as it gets. It must feel miserable to know that THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS and pretty much every last opportunity for a last chance at any career in the entertainment industry are GONE. In five years.

    Forget AA Ali’s “modeling” gig, unless she plans to be featured as the “after” example in a autopsy training course. I hope this crap goes on for years. I really did cancel cable, and don’t think that this entertainment catastrophe didn’t figure into that monumental decision.

    {{The preceding comment NOT subject to TMZ-brand pointless censorship}}

  109. Ben says:

    The saddest thing about these TMZ comment deletions is the vague possibilty that she’s aware of them. IMAGINE if she read any of our comment threads – wake-up call or bulldozer to her (non-existant? fragile?) soul?

    Whatever. I know more than one addict (hi, family) and this is NOT a ragging-on-addicts thing. It’s a ragging-on-terrible-human-beings thing. She’s just a raging jerk, and it’s gone on so long she’s just laughable and repellent. No one else’s fault.

  110. Bess says:

    I wonder if whoever is supervising Linnoncent’s “work” at the Downtown LA Women’s Shelter will have an opportunity to comment to the court on LL’s attitude when she bothers to show up for CS? I would think that LL shows the people at the shelter the same level of respect she shows the other peasants- zero.

    I so want to watch Judge Stephanie bitch slap Linnocent at this hearing. She’s been partying and “Working” non-stop for the last 2 weeks.

  111. Ben says:

    Wow… this makes me long to spend time with Gwynneth, Madonna, A-Rod, Blow-up Lively, Tiger, LeAnn, even Mel ‘sociopath’ Gibson, and all the other prizes I tend to rag on. K, I know one of those things is not like the other (and sorry, guys, I didn’t really mean it), but I’d HONESTLY prefer to spend time with the racist, violent, homophobic tool that is Gibson than with Lydnsy McCrackenWhore. Achievement? asks Dina…

  112. FUTMZ says:

    Of course they read this shit. DUIna does for sure, and probably makes LNor do it to. That’s likely her primary function. DUIna sees to it. What else do they have to do all day? No one is posting pics of DUIna shopping or otherwise spending, and even Linds is getting turned down at the counter for her attempted extravagant purchases. Wait…. the last one wasn’t technically her – she made Fagtrick (her lesbianist) do it while she powered down a few more Parliaments.

    No jobs to go to, running low on cocaine, and day and night to monitor the gossip sites and plan the next lawsuit.

    Good times.

  113. andyconda says:

    you just cant take,take, have to give back once in a while…Greed has destroyed her.whats wrong with giving back to the people that made you..volunteer work..not avoiding court ordered DWC..and the India fiasco..people see how she treats others and it disgust them..I am surprised she has any fans left

  114. andyconda says:

    supervisor at DWC ” Judge sautner your probationer lindsay shows up at noon and leaves at 1 or 2.. she also takes a 45 min lunch break..I do not know why she answered to eleanor,and some times she shows up looking like pirates of the carribean,with a beard and all.she smells like a yaks ass…and insults all of us..she demands that the women at the center move out of her way and throws drinks at them..there is baggies she brought in that she says contains sea jaspers…the 40 hours she has done here has been a nightmare..please send us Paris”

  115. Wella says:

    I believe not only she is Lindsay a call girl for rich people but Dina is to.

  116. Sara says:

    I just realized Lilo is going down the exact same path as Gia Carangi.

    It’s really the same story- pretty, talented woman starts doing drugs, gets into trouble, family issues, no one cares, no one will hire her, turns into a hooker and ends up dead.

    I’m really interested in seeing how this story ends.

  117. Madisyn says:

    Post 27 said:

    “She’ll probably end up marrying some Saudi prince or dictator’s son”.

    I’d smoke good crack rock with Dina to see that. Those Saudi’s and dictators son’s aren’t going to take her crap. Forget dying of an OD, she’d be never make it out of either country alive and we’d never hear from her again.

    Only problem with the Saudi Prince is she’d NEED to be ‘pure’. Blohan falls ‘a little short’ in that department. As for the Dictator’s son, I don’t think he’s going to be letting his ‘bride’ sleep with Indian millionaires in New York, German ‘designers’ in Milan, or nightclub impressarios in Paris.

    So thats out too! I give up, who will have her?

  118. tmbg says:

    Those pictures nauseate me. She really is becoming Marilyn Monroe, but not the glam version she envisions.

    I haven’t read every comment here, but how can she be doing this stuff without the judge of her case stepping in and demanding a drug test? This is nuts that she’s disintegrating right before everyone’s eyes and no one can or will do anything.

  119. e.non says:

    you just know at some point there is going to be a video of her completely stoned and engaged in some very nasty shit. just imagine the money to be made from something like that…

    if she’s going to russia, i do hope she’s got someone along watching out for her.

  120. hillbilly in the corner says:

    TMZ is on the which ever side brings in the most money and hits on their site…..and in the last few months they have been sliding down the slippery hill toward the deep blue sea of cancelation on their tv show..and the web side also…

    Lindsay was a big draw for the site and they run her hard but as her outragousness got bigger and bigger her hits have gotten smaller and smaller and she is about the most disliked pony they got in their stable now she even passes old Mel in the dislike tally…Her fan base is down to 2 and they are slowly fading….
    Look out for something big in the next week..cause Lohan Inc is desperate for some positive feedback…but whether they are in control or she is even listening to them anymore is anybody quess….
    Soo stay tuned to this channel for next weeks exciting the Lindsay Lohan’s “Life in the Gutter”….to be continued……..

  121. hillbilly in the corner says:

    Radaronline has pictures from last night party rule and I gotta say it Her pupils are the side of dimes and she has bruises all over her legs and arms…what the heck does she do every night to get so many ?

    If she don’t come back home soon well as a commenter put down “thats death staring out the car’s back window ” and dam but he might be right …..

  122. the original bellaluna says:

    hillbilly – The term “falling down drunk” comes to mind. ;)

  123. FUTMZ says:

    If you’re referring to that giant bruise that used to be called her pelvis – that’s the result of years of cocaine-fueled violent clam-slamming. Many, MANY victims. She has single-handedly enriched the financial lives of many an orthopedist. DUIna has (predictably) already tried unsuccessfully sue them for a piece of the action, claiming Linds helped mack them rich.

  124. LeeLoo says:

    As harsh as it may sound, when I look at Lindsay I see that Darwin’s theories on natural selection are always at work.

  125. theotheryael says:

    my first thought:

    “move that call girl! i’m lindsay lohan!”

  126. hillbilly in the corner says:

    LOL ….TMZ deleted me again …its gettin to be a regular occurance for them …I’m starting to get a feeling somebody over there don’t like me none at all…….

    I just pointed out how nasty her mouth looked in today pics all red and nasty inside and swollen out on the outside…
    or it mught have been the comment about customs stopping her from reentering the country and guarantining her butt for thirdy days to make sure she not bringing in a new european strain of STDs into the country after all she been a busy girl ……sleeping with all that euro trash and all….

  127. Deven says:

    Whatever she is these days, she has managed to make her face into a ravaged, cheek-popped, duck-lipped 65-year old. My god…what an appearance disaster. She looks like she’s been dragged down a road behind a moving vehicle, something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Her face now looks like a large, damaged thing she has to take with her everywhere she goes…a fate worse than death!

  128. gg says:

    no, you’re a cokewhore. Big difference.

  129. Seal Team 6 says:

    Carangi was turning her life around, even if her career was finished, but then discovered she had AIDS.

  130. andyconda says:

    frankenAli was deemed so terrifying that mama lohan has stuffed her in a dungeon. and eleanor has shained her to the wall..
    Frankenlinds will be back from europe to take the gobblin out in public sooe enuf

  131. matt says:

    “I always invite my “friends” into my home, ply them with coke and liquor, have sex with them and then give them my credit card to go on a shopping spree.”

    Well, I’m gonna just gonna go with the obvious.

    Can we be friends?

  132. corey says:

    smh Like Tara Reid 2.0(only with actual acting talent)……Does she ever tell the truth about anything?!! Geeeez I actually felt sorry for her while looking at the pics of her and fat millionaire guy. She’s definitely back on the good sh-t (assuming that she stopped) Things are looking bleak, no going up from here and noone to help her. What can you say?

  133. The Bobster says:

    Damn, she looks like she’s 80.

  134. The Bobster says:

    I just pointed out how nasty her mouth looked in today pics all red and nasty inside and swollen out on the outside…
    or it might have been the comment about customs stopping her from reentering the country and quarantining her butt for thirty days to make sure she not bringing in a new European strain of STDs into the country after all she been a busy girl ……sleeping with all that Euro trash and all….

    I suspect it was your second comment that did it. ;-)

    Some people don’t like reading the truth.

  135. Boo says:

    Say what you will, the skank has a special talent for choosing the most unflattering clothes. Case in point:

    And for the record, I don’t think she has any more talent than Tara Reid.

  136. Magsy says:

    Trainwreck is too classy more like subway, pissed up, pissed on, coked out wreck. Those freckles on her back are yuck too.