As I’ve been saying ever since Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries reached their three-week anniversary, this marriage is doomed. They are already living separate lives, everybody hates Kris because he’s a terrible douche, Kim is making plans to stay far, far away from him all the time, and her family despises him. So, obviously, the tabloids are sticking with the new story line admirably well. Next, Kris Jenner is going to propose a four-hour E! special: “A Very Special Kardashian Divorce”. Here are some highlights from this week’s tabloids (via Jezebel and Hollywood Life):
*When Kim arrived in NYC from Dubai, Kris Humphries didn’t meet her at the airport. Or at home. He was out clubbing and partying. Some random club girl gave him a lapdance and then Tweeted: “Just danced in Kris Humphries lap… SORRY KIM. Best night of my life.”
*Kris doesn’t show up for Kim. “He’s breaking Kim’s heart,” a source tells Star. “Originally he was supposed to come to New York for a guys’ weekend, but at the last minute he switched it to Miami. I guess he thought that way they could drink and do whatever they wanted without Kim finding out.”
*Kris has been seen “holding hands” with a blonde chick. He’s been “acting like a single man,” says Star Mag, and he takes other girls’ cell phone numbers “all the time.”
*Life & Style says that when Kris went to Toronto in September, “he attempted to hang out with his long-time ex-girlfriend Bianka Kamber and had his buddies text her to meet them at a sushi restaurant.”
*Everybody with the last name Jenner or Kardashian absolutely loathes Kris Humphries. A source says, “All Kim’s family and friends positively hate Kris.” Kris Jenner, Scott Disick and Khloe all “play nice” for the cameras but they seriously hate him. And because of the way the wedding special was “edited,” America hates Kris now too. Allegedly, Kris “screamed” at Kim because of the way he was portrayed on the special.
*You know how Michelle Obama admitted in an interview that Pres. Obama didn’t want his daughters to watch any Kardashian programming? TMZ reports that the Kardash Klan were “surprised” by the statement “because Obama personally told Khloe he thought ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ was a ‘great show’ when they met last year.” Whatever, kat-faces.
*Page Six’s sources say: “Kim isn’t willing to change her life, she works hard and cannot take any time out. And she doesn’t have time for his friends… After the wedding, Kim and Kris started filming [“Kourtney & Kim Take New York”] right away, they haven’t even been home yet. They haven’t had any time to settle in together. They have an army of people around them all the time. Kourtney and baby Mason are in the adjacent room and they film until midnight every night. It’s hard for them to be alone and have any quality time together. Most newlyweds would struggle with that.”
*Kim has a pre-nup, and she’s prepared to use it. Star Mag says that she’s already visited a divorce lawyer.
And everybody thinks that Kris is just bored because of the NBA lockout, and that idle hands, etc. Considering Kris has nothing to do, you’d think that he would find the time to escort Kim to some of her red carpet events? But he hasn’t. Honestly, I would not hate a “very special Kardashian divorce” special. I would actually watch that.
Covers courtesy of Jezebel, additional pics by WENN.
Written by Kaiser
- True Blood premiere party photos [Buzzfeed]
- Who went to Courtney Cox’s birthday dinner? [Lainey]
- Guy freaks out at Wendy’s [D-Listed]
- Fug or Fab: Amy Adams [Go Fug Yourself]
- Real Housewives of New Jersey recap [Reality Tea]
- Community’s Dan Harmon apologizes [Pajiba]
- Ozzy and Sharon are back together [Evil Beet]
- Matt Latner wedding photos [Popsugar]
- Kanye West’s mistress changes her story [CDAN]
- Kate Moss is drunk [Celebslam]
- Maniac film review [Moe Jackson]
- Texas mom runs over carjacker [Starcasm]