Another day, another crack catastrophe. In case any of you think that I feel bad or sorry for Lindsay Lohan, I don’t. Whatever sympathy I might have had for her because of her sketchy parents or her addiction(s) is long gone. Now I just pray that she doesn’t destroy or end innocent people in her shameful spiral of destruction.

As we discussed yesterday, Linnocent was turned away at the LA county morgue when she waltzed in 40 minutes late for her training appointment. TMZ points out that when she arrived, she rolled up in her new car, the $80,000 Porsche Panamera. You can see photos and video of her arrival (at the wrong entrance) here. Speaking of, yesterday Linnocent and her rep claimed that her lateness was “due to a combination of not knowing the entrance to go through and confusion caused by the media waiting for her arrival.” Well, Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter told TMZ that that excuse is made of crack lies, because LL has been to the morgue before, and even if her crack brain is too fried to remember, the Coroner’s office “even went out of its way to avoid confusion — giving the actress specific step-by-step directions on where to go.” Of course they did. And LL very carefully wrote down the instructions and then rolled up the piece of paper and used it snort a big pile of coke. TMZ also had this “Linnocent is SO FAMOUS, and she worries about her FAME so much” story:

The staff at the L.A. County morgue has been warned — the wrath of God will come down on anyone who tries to take a picture of Lindsay Lohan while she’s on guts duty … TMZ has learned.

Sources tell TMZ, staff members were put on notice Wednesday — if anyone is caught taking a photo of Lindsay working, that person will be terminated immediately … no questions asked.

We’re told staff was reminded that they are prohibited from taking pictures inside the morgue for non-official purposes.

As for what else Lindsay can expect when/if she decides to show up later today — the fabled linen patrol … i.e. washing the corpse fluid-soaked sheets that line the autopsy tables.

We’re also told the smell inside the morgue is so cripplingly noxious … it’s not uncommon to spontaneously vomit from the stench — and here’s the kicker … everyone has to clean up their own puke.

[From TMZ]

“No photos” is probably a good rule because many of us would pay to see photos of Linnocent puking on a corpse (that poor corpse). But! “No photos” is a horrible idea because LL will only go places where she thinks she’ll be photographed. If she’s not being photographed doing something, how does she know that she did it?

A few more stories – this is a funny one from Page Six:

Lindsay Lohan spent last weekend pursuing the lead singer of Foster the People. On Saturday, LiLo followed the hip band to West Hollywood’s Beverly Lounge, was seen lurking around frontman Mark Foster and tried to crash the band’s table.

A spy said, “Mark turned his back every time Lindsay came to the table to talk. He did not want to be associated with her.”

The band did mingle with celebs including Nicky Hilton, Michael Bay and Dane Cook.

[From Page Six]

Those Foster the People kids are really cute, but I LOVE that Mark Foster was all “THIS BITCH.”

Speaking of, Mother Crackhead is trying to get someone to publish her “tell-all” book… about Lindsay!

Lindsay Lohan’s mom is trying to expose her own daughter’s dark secrets, blowing the lid off of Lindsay’s alleged drug and alcohol use in a memoir that she’s shopping around town — shopping it as recently as 2 weeks ago — as Lindsay was looking down the barrel of a hostile judge and a jail sentence.

TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan’s memoir, which Dina’s rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes:

“I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.”

Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age:

“How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.”

When Lindsay began acting crazy, accumulating mugshots and what not, Dina says she was helpless, claiming she couldn’t demand that Lindsay return to New York. Dina also confesses she was conflicted since she was both Lindsay’s parent and manager.

Dina and her rep were soliciting meetings via email two weeks ago, to brainstorm how to make her book “a best seller.”

Our sources say a ghost writer actually wrote the prologue after long sit-downs with Dina and her rep, and both were solidly on board.

As far as we know … so far, no takers.

[From TMZ]

I could see some publisher going for the book proposal, giving Mother Crackie an advance, and then Dina never following through. Of course, the publisher would then just hire a ghostwriter and then chaos would ensue. “MOVE THAT MEMOIR, I’M LINDSAY LOHAN!”

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.