'06
All went well on their first date and she ended up in bed with the salt & peppered lothario. It was going so well she agreed to a bit of rear entry as
“It was ****** (Salt and Pepper Lothario nomenclature deleted), what was I going to do? Say no?!”
He rang her for second date, back to hotel, he flips her over again, although she’s a bit miffed. Anyway, she’s biting the pillow when she hears a strange gargling noise, looks over her shoulder and he is there, having a thoroughly good time, choking himself with a tie.
George Clooney and The Ties that Blind
Dateline London: George Clooney at the Tradesman’s Entrance
Following the lead of top UK publication Holy Moly — Vanity Fair, in an unprecedented editorial move, decided its November cover and indeed the entire issue had become irrelevant. The late breaking Clooney News meant it all had to be re-done — regardless of cost or timing. In a move that has stunned the the publishing world Vanity Fair Editor Graydon Carter has pulled all issues of their November Magazine featuring George Clooney on the cover.
The November issue was already available on newstands in L.A. and N.Y.C. as of October 5th — and was scheduled for release elsewhere in the U.S on October 10 … but STOP THE PRESSES. Vanity Fair trucks have been collecting unsold issues for pulping and bird cage lining … and Newstands across the country are on Standby for delivery of the Emergency re-edit.
We spoke to one Upen Piggybhai Patel at New York’s Grand Central Station … where he has been a newspaper and fine publications vendor for over thirty years.
“I first came to know about Graydon’s fixation for relevancy and very nowness from his mother, but still when I hear this recall tamasha I thought he has decided to pull a fast one. Scandal comes and goes … why make such a fuss.
“I mean he signed one after another big banner film stars for his covers and never recalled previously. He has always held Clooneybhai in the highest esteem. He was always looking forward to working with him.”
The shocking news of Clooney’s Ride down the Perilous Hutchence Highway fully banalized the original articles.
Even such formerly fascinating information as the Clooney-esque take on prostitution:
“I’d never seen a hooker in my life, coming from Kentucky and all these girls came up to the car and were like, ‘Baby, want to party? You want to party with me?’ And I was like, ‘Girls love me, man! I ‘m on fire in this town! I should have come here a long time ago! Chicks dig me!’ And Miguel goes, ‘They’re hookers, you idiot.”
Became patently absurd as wastes of glossy page space.
The homo-chic tweak of his manly Georgian views on the hotness that is Clive Owen:
“(He is) the big find in the past two or three years. I think he’s a movie star. He’s, like, a man - there’s a sexuality and a masculinity that I think is really interesting.”
These cologne scented observations — even while nestled between high end folded fragrance samples — now had the resonance and relevance of a breaking story on John Kerry’s Botox use.
What will Graydon bring Forth … now that we all know ?? How will Vanity Fair handle the substantive issues raised by this very contemporary tale of ties that bind? How will Dominic Dunne manage to name-drop while auto-asphyxiating ?
Vanity Fair’s readers worldwide are poised by their mailboxes.
You lucky buggers get to see it here first.
This post was originally published on Grumpy Old Indian Man, and is republished here under a content share agreement. If you would like to link it, please link directly to Grumpy Old Indian Man’s blog.
Written by Grumpy Old Indian Man
Posted in Art, George Clooney, Parody, Sex
Pages: 1 2
18 Responses to “George Clooney, Why You Cheeky Little Bugger!”
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I know, right? What else is he into? This article is hysterical and I love the double entendres. GOYIM outdid himself.
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Oh,… bleaccccchhhh!
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What do you think would have happened if he passed out in the middle of this? Geez, what a fiasco that would have been. How erotic!
the middle-schooler in me wants to say, “Barf.”
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this was the hardest thing i’ve ever read. where did the original writer go to school? elementary school? geez…
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could someone translate, this article makes no sense.
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George Clooney bumfucks some chick while strangling himself with HIS OWN NECKTIE.
or maybe it’s George Clooney BUMFUCKS SOME CHICK while STRANGLING HIMSELF with his necktie.
… yeah I had a bit of difficult with it as well, but thankfully there’s a picture. I kind of liked the way the author presented the “news” though. =)
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… sort of like an English teacher on ‘roids.
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I love men with a wild streak in them.
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Was this when he was dating Renee Zellweger, perhaps? Because she doesn’t have much of a rear to enter, so he’d obviously look for that satisfaction elsewhere.
I cannot believe I’m actually thinking about this…and I just saw Screech being intervieweed on MSNBC. Gahhhhh!
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The mental image this article gave me is going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life. Especially since I never thought George Clooney was all that sexy in the first place.
Bleeeeeaaaaaaaaacccccccccccchhhhh.
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hmm. This remembers me an episode of either 6FU or CSI. The suffocation makes the satisfaction you get greater.
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Oh god, ignore my grammatical anomalies.
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I’m confused–I just got my Vanity Fair, with George Clooney’s article and with him on the cover, in the mail yesterday. Does this mean I get a whole new issue soon with all new stuff in it? And, why? The article was fine. Who cares if he’s into kinky sex? Aren’t we all, just a little?
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I reckon George just got himself a whole new fan base.
Hope he sues the cow that squealed
(or pig). -
What! He’s into bestiality now too? Just kidding. I couldn’t resist.
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Well, this surely tuned out ot be a total hoax. I picked up my copy on the newstand yesterday. I’m starting to have serious doubts about the credibility (and sanity) of this website. Wouldn’t they know that their story would be proven false after the mag was readily available on newsstands throughout the country. What a total waste of time. Get a life, people.
Izzy:
Tips:
Viv:
lelo:
clint:
Lars:
b!:
JENNY:
jeffers:
OMG! Clooney is a freak!
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