As I mentioned yesterday, Duchess Kate and the state of her womb took the covers of several tabloids this week, likely as an effort for the second-tier publications to compete with People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive issue. I missed that Kate also took the cover of Us Weekly too – but unlike In Touch and Star, Us Weekly is claiming that Kate is definitely not pregnant right now, but that she and William have “penciled in” a pregnancy for next year. This girl… she has turned waiting into an art form. Like, she’s her own installation piece. No wonder she wants her charity work to revolve around the art world – her life’s work is Waiting. It is an art. Here are some gems from the Us Weekly piece:
A palace source stresses that Prince William and Kate “are ready to start a family.” Based on the royal couple’s own schedule, baby news could come as soon as 2012. Says the insider, “Next summer would be the perfect time to announce a pregnancy.”
First, Prince William will leave for the Falklands in February. “A date would not be put down for him to go to the Falklands until they knew exactly when they were hoping to start a family,” says a palace insider. Regarding William’s six-week absence, Kate’s confidant says, “It will be a very testing time for her.” She will be alone as a royal for the first time, with barely any contact with her husband.
At the same time, Kate will officially begin a life of royal duties – meeting foreign heads of state, patronizing multiple charities.
The palace source also says the couple don’t want a pregnancy to distract from next spring’s four-day countrywide celebration of the queen’s 60 years on the throne. “William and Catherine do not want to overshadow that.”
But the events will be over by early June, and there is a window to break the news. “Kate’s always planned things in her life meticulously,” says a longtime confidant. “It’s impossible she hasn’t penciled in the right time for having a baby.”
Waiting has always been part of the plan – “Kate has said that she didn’t want to be too young a mother,” says the confidant. “Or else she’d have no wisdom to impart to her children. She will firm but fair – they will have fun and freedom, but I doubt she would let them get out of line!”
“William is the only man she imagined having children with…her university sweetheart will be the father of her children. If only we could all have that luck!”
[From Us Weekly, print edition]
There’s more in there about how Will and Kate really might move to Scotland permanently after Will finishes up in Wales next year, and how Kate would love to raise her kids there. Which I don’t believe. I think Kate likes London. I think she likes shopping and getting her hair done for five hours at a time at her favorite salon, and spending time with her family and gossiping with friends and such. I think she would go bonkers in Scotland if she had to live there for three years as an adult – obviously, she spent four years in Scotland as a student, but that’s different. She was trying to snag a prince – now she’s snagged him. London it is.
But I really wanted to discuss the three laugh lines in the piece. First of all, “At the same time, Kate will officially begin a life of royal duties”… do you see what they did there? They moved back the start date again! She was supposed to buckle down and start doing royal work in January. Now it’s February. Next month it will be March. You see it, right? I’m not hallucinating.
Second laugh line – “Kate’s always planned things in her life meticulously. It’s impossible she hasn’t penciled in the right time for having a baby” – this does not inspire confidence in so many levels. It makes her seem plotting and devious, like she’s a villainess with a master plan, which… I’ll buy that she’s got a devious, plotting streak (she got the prince, after all), but so much of this was an experiment and she didn’t know how it was going to end. She’s not that much of a planner – she’s more of a gambler and a waiter. Also: penciled in? Seriously? Penciling in a time to have a baby is so romantic! Third laugh line – “Kate has said that she didn’t want to be too young a mother…or else she’d have no wisdom to impart to her children.” Wisdom = The Art of Waiting. The Wisdom of Lowered Expectations. The Art of Laziness. The Wisdom of Shifting The Goal Posts.
Photos courtesy of WENN.