From the Desk of Clive Owen: With a heart as big as my…


Have you bitches missed me? I have missed you, if you couldn’t tell by my haggard-yet-handsome face. I know, I’m not aging spectacularly and even though I was wearing a beautiful tuxedo last night, I still looked rather tired and drawn. On the bright side, I’m not going in for facelifts. I would never. I draw out the real fans by who still love me even when I’m slightly paunchy. Everything still works properly, you know. And I could still do some absolutely filthy things to you. Simmer on that.

So these are some photos of me and Olivier Martinez, Jet Li, Jerry Hall and Kathleen Turner in Germany – where we were being honored at UNESCO’s 20th anniversary gala. I was honored for my work with the Aegis Trust, and for the work I’ve done on genocide awareness, especially in Rwanda. If you’d like to read my speech, in which I describe taking my then 12-year-old daughter to Rwanda to meet survivors and family members of the 1994 genocide, go here. It’s devastating. So perhaps you’ll forgive me if I’m not looking particularly dashing and dongy in these photos – perhaps you’ll instead be turned on by how big my HEART is. Because I give a s–t. Deeply.

And even though I’m a scruffy, paunchy bastard, you know you would still want a go with me. And I’m wearing the hell out of this tux. Admit it.

Yours always,

PS… There have been some mutterings about my marriage, and how I haven’t been wearing a wedding ring lately. That’s got you perked up, hasn’t it?

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

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25 Responses to “From the Desk of Clive Owen: With a heart as big as my…”

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  1. RobN says:

    “I’m not just the president of Hair Club for Men, I’m also a client.”

    Really needs a better toupe.

  2. brin says:

    Clive baby….it’s been way too long!
    Looking tired but still sexy!

  3. carrie says:

    nice prize!
    sad for his marriage!
    i LOVE his voice!
    and he deserved a better career!

  4. Jaded says:

    Jeebuz, what happened to Kathleen Turner???

    • bluhare says:

      That’s funny. I was just thinking she looked a bit better!

    • Cerulean says:

      She has a serious metabolic disorder that devastated her looks. She was very ill from it. Plus she had addiction issues.

      • Laughing Librarian says:

        Kathleen turner does not have a metabolic disorder, not a primary one at least. She has rheumatoid arthritis and may be on prednisone or some other corticosteroid again. She was taking Enbrel, an immune modulator, with some success, but RA is a rocky road. Many of the drugs have punishing side effects, and the disease itself is horrible and all encompassing:
        The “addiction issues” were rumors tied to an inability to control her pain before the better drugs like Enbrel came out. She may have been drinking, too, but can you imagine why? My mother (b. 1925) had RA and yes, she “self-treated” with alcohol. In her day, the first line treatment was high dose aspirin-the treatment standard was to take doses of aspirin high enough to cause tinnitus (that’s ringing of the ears) and usually bleeding ulcers, too.
        Kathleen looks good to me, and happy. May she fare well.

      • Celebitchy says:

        Turner dealt with chronic pain from RA and she admitted during her book tour in 2008 that she went through a period where she was drinking vodka excessively. Check out these two links for more on that.

  5. heatheradair says:

    Oh, Kathleen Turner…..

    how the mighty have fallen. now I need to go “romance the stone” to remind myself how her cheekbones used to look.

    As for Clive — ya’ll can have him. He continues to “not do it for me.”

    BUT, maybe if he continued the slide toward full-on paunchiness and got rid of some of that floppy Timothy Dalton hair, I’d consider it……

  6. Ashley says:

    Where is his wedding ring? and why isn’t his wife there?

  7. tooey says:

    Kathleen Turner is awesome; if you didn’t catch her dirty turn on Californication you missed out! She is the bomb no matter what she looks like. But she did have some health problems and a pretty significant battle with the bottle.

  8. Ashley says:

    I loved the write up. Totally described him

  9. Hollowdoll says:

    Kathleen will always be amazing. We all get older, we all change. She’s had her ups and downs like the rest of us. I agree Kathleen rocked it on Californication.

  10. bluhare says:

    I’ve missed you, Clive. Go on a diet.

  11. Launicaangelina says:

    He was a hot piece in Closer!

  12. madpoe says:

    Oh so perky to have you Clive catch up on some bed rest in my bed.

  13. Christine says:

    Clive, I love you. You make me giggle like a 19 year old virgin.

  14. Tee says:

    Clive owen=yum! I am loving the paunch…sad to hear his marriage might be rocky…i like the fact that he’s married to a regular gal and not some supermodel

  15. To ashley says:

    Love it lol. To ashley- He hasn’t been seen wearing a wedding ring for something like 9-12 months. No idea why. His wife was hardly ever at his premieres and never goes to all the parties he attends. As for his weight, look at those legs. Toothpick legs. Definitely needs to learn to not let them photograph him from below. Still cute, though. He’ll always have those great eyes.

  16. Camille says:

    Yep, still love him. So sexy.

    I hope his marriage isn’t in trouble.

  17. JaneWonderfalls says:

    I just want to say to all the ladies drooling over Clive, backoff! He’s my man! …lol

  18. hammer says:

    No problem JaneWonderfalls, you can have every bit of him. Never did a thing for me. He’s always reminded me of a horse, and I feel like dozing off when I hear him speak.

    But Kathleen Turner, she’s the bomb! I loved her turn as Chandler’s “father” on Friends. She’s a hoot and doesn’t take herself seriously. I hope she’s doing better these days.

  19. Laughing Librarian says:

    I adore you, Clive, but you would disappoint me if you turned douchebag on your lovely wife. I love you for your nobility as much as for your looks. What a heartbreaking paradox!

  20. 88Modesty88 says:

    Excellent Kaiser! That made me lol.

    I have a pretty wild imagination and can totally picture him channeling Kaiser channeling Clive.

    Down the rabbit hole…