Lindsay Lohan in 2007: “I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore”

For whatever reason, the tabloids are full of Lindsay Lohan stories this week. My theory for the sudden reemergence of The Cracken: she’s going to be everywhere promoting her Playboy cover in the hopes that her dusty firecrotch will bring her career relevance again. The Enquirer has a BS story about that too – something about Linnocent being prepared to do “anything” (wink, nudge, beej) to start working again. I know the report is BS because they claim LL is even prepared to dump Dina Lohan as her manager. That will never happen – Dina and the Cracken are forever intertwined now. They will never NOT coexist.

I’ll start with the Star Magazine story about LL’s 2008 “diary”. Radar already released some of this a few days ago – in January 2008, LL was writing in her diary non-stop about Heath Ledger being the “love of her life.” The print edition of Star had more details and diary entries, and I just want you to note how LL makes Heath’s death all about her. Her needs, her crack drama, her narcissism. It’s never NOT about Lindsay.

Jan. 22, 2008: “Today, Heath died. I’m in love with him… He was the love of my life. He taught me so much, and he was everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I want to hear him laugh and hold me. I crave his touch and care.”

She writes that she had plans to visit Heath in New York on Jan. 25: “He was going to meet my mom and everything.”

Lindsay reportedly broke down in tears at La Scala when she was informed of Heath’s death: When a person dies the world stops. I’m numb. There’s an emptiness. A whole [sic]. And a desire to feel loved. A need to be held in the arms of someone who understands. But what do you so when the one who understands is gone?”

“I’m sick. My vision is blurred and it’s like a black hole has surfaced overhead. It’s like a game of Jenga, and when one piece slips, it all falls apart. One pill, one sip and it goes down the slope, crashes and burns and it’s over. Why? I ask myself over and over. Cry is all I can do.”

More than a week after Heath’s death, on Jan. 31 2008, LL wrote: “Heath is a prime example of what this industry can do to someone. It craves to see someone fail… It brings enjoyment to us to watch one die. The tragedy and cravings for it can kill. And will. They have.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

The saddest/funniest line, in my opinion was, “He was going to meet my mom and everything.” Dina Lohan and Heath Ledger were going to meet… how would that have gone? Did Heath even know that was happening? Or was LL just some girl he boned and LL built up the one night stand like it was the most epic crack drama of her life? Life is totally like Jenga.

Meanwhile, the Enquirer also had excerpts from a new book that’s making the rounds. It was written by a man named Lee Weaver, who was a “Hollywood bodyguard” for more than 20 years. The book is Memoirs of a Celebrity Bodyguard, and Weaver details the year he spent on Cracken Detail:

Lee Weaver insists his worst client was Lindsay Lohan, whom he protected during most of 2007.

“When she was sober, she was charming. But when she’d done drugs or had been drinking, she was a demon!”

She once told Weaver: “I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore.”

And one night she almost got them both killed. Weaver says she called him at 4 a.m. and asked him to take her to Beverly Hills to “pick up a script.” But when they got to the location, Lindsay approached a man waiting in the front yard and screamed: You ripped me off, you bastard!” With no warning, Lindsay “slapped him so hard that I almost felt it.” She then slapped him again, Weaver writes, and “before I could stop him, he held a gun to Lindsay’s face.”

Weaver moved in to save his client and found himself looking down the barrel of the gun. When a noise distracted the gunman, Weaver says he “punched that man as hard as I could in the side of his neck.”

The man went down and Weaver sped away in the car with Lindsay.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

“I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore.” That’s her epitaph. That or “Move that headstone, I’m Lindsay Lohan!” Anyway, that story about Linnocent slapping some random – that’s her dealer, correct? Pretty much.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

 

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103 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan in 2007: “I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore””

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  1. Ruby Red Lips says:

    ‘Whore’ being the operative word…

  2. brin says:

    LMAO!….the perfect epitaph!
    Nothing to fight about Crackie, we all know you are a whore!

  3. samira677 says:

    I love that line. I can’t stop laughing.

  4. gillie says:

    “Fight like a whore”? That doesn’t even make sense… Forgive me for being obtuse, but whores aren’t notorious for fighting so much as they are for getting paid to have sex.

  5. flourpot says:

    So her parents record family phone conversations for future selling. And the whole diary thing, also sold.

    I’m not sure we can get any worse than this family. I’m really glad that we never hear about the brother. He must be sane.

  6. Steph says:

    Has anyone compared her old pictures from around ’06-07 to now? She just looks so weird.

    I wish she didn’t touch her face, she was just fine before.

  7. Fetch80 says:

    I just can’t make fun of her anymore, she has serious problems and she needs ro be helped not mocked.

  8. iza9 says:

    I could buy that she had a crush on Ledger, but the love affair thing – no! I think this just goes to show that LL was delusional even back then.

  9. mary simon says:

    I recently saw some lovely photos of her in her better, younger days – she was actually beautiful – it’s easy to forget that now. She has seriously destroyed her face with drugs and plastic surgery, all before the age of 24. Who could stand to look at that meth face and those gummy worm lips on the big screen? I don’t think she will ever star in a legit Hollywood film again. It’s over.

  10. Eleonor says:

    I dress like a princess and still looks like a whore, that’s what Crackie wanted to say.

  11. Bess says:

    In all of the photos above Linnocent’s lips are so huge that she can’t even close her damn mouth.

    Also, it would be the ultimate irony and a slap in the face to every unemployed person out there trying to find legitimate work if the PB cover is actually the start of this asshole’s career resurgence. If we think she’s narcissistic now, wait and see what happens if she starts getting acting work again.

  12. Jessica says:

    I favor this line: “It’s like a game of Jenga, and when one piece slips, it all falls apart”… lol

  13. Coucou says:

    Heath probably loved the drugs he did with her and she confused that for love. She is still so very, very young and immature…it’s hard to forget that, as she’s her own worst enemy. It’s almost like we hate her for hating herself. Lindsay, please wake up. We don’t look at you because you’re a beautiful princess on the outside with a hard knock ho on the inside! Your fairy tale is our latest celebrity crime story. The truth is honey, we look at you because when we see a car wreck, we just can’t help but stare…

    Dina should be ashamed of herself.

  14. Boo says:

    “More than a week after Heath’s death, on Jan. 31 2008, LL wrote: “Heath is a prime example of what this industry can do to someone. It craves to see someone fail… It brings enjoyment to us to watch one die. The tragedy and cravings for it can kill. And will. They have.””

    Makes no fucking sense. This was Heath Ledger, not Anna Nicole Smith. Nobody even knew Heath was a drug addict (if he even was…who knows?), and certainly no one was watching, waiting gleefully for him to die. Everyone was stunned by the tragic loss of someone so talented. Now, perhaps she is projecting, because there are a good lot of people who are watching and waiting for HER to die…but she’s trying to make herself seem more talented and interesting by insinuating herself into Heath’s legacy. I wish someone would pop up with real evidence to suggest that she is as full of shit as we all know she is.

    • ShazBot says:

      Lindsay always quotes him as saying the industry builds you up to knock you down, but he knocked himself down – intentionally, but I feel like either she’s lying (probably) or wasn’t listening (also likely), or he really was a huge narcissist. He said he hated the whole tween pin-up romcom image he had and he intentionally “destroyed” that career with shitty movies so he could come back and do good movies that he wanted. And after his comeback, he never got anything but praise for his acting ability and his personal life was on pretty good lockdown – so I’m not sure why he would have thought it was a “knock you down” industry.

  15. ShanKat says:

    You can really hear the opiates in her crazybabble from that period. Seems like she moved on to speedier stuff around 2008.

    I’m fairly certain that I’m done with Lindsay Lohan. It’s just getting too sad.

  16. Zigggy says:

    Ooh, I always knew Courtney Love’s diary would be interesting! Oh, wait….

  17. Spacelamb says:

    “Move that headstone, I’m Lindsay Lohan!” I can’t stop laughing!

  18. Julie says:

    I think she was introducing her mom to Heath so she could manage him as well :)

  19. Tapioca says:

    Float like a butterfly, sting like a venereal infection when she tries to pee…

  20. Alix says:

    Instead, she dresses like a whore and acts like a princess. That pic of her and White Oprah is unbelievable — they look like drunken hookers cruising a truck stop.

  21. sandy says:

    I wish someone would deflate this girl’s lips and boobs because they’re screaming for relief from all the pressure! And oh how i miss Lindsay’s natural red hair.. it so complemented her back then! This blonde hair looks like a cheap dye job that makes her look old and dried up.

  22. boo says:

    She’s back!!!!!!! Oh, My! dusty firecrotch, I know I’m a bad mother, cause I had to call my 16 year old and read that to her, she laughed! This is solid gold I tell ya, so I guess WO sold her daughter’s diary, things must be getting bad in Crackville.

    • MorticiansDoItDeader says:

      Hey, whatever common thread you can find to bond with your daughter. As long as you aren’t whoring her out, drinking with her and feeding into any crackle delusions she may have **cough cough white Oprah cough cough**

      **waves to all my ladies**

      **swigs a cracktini**

  23. Cathy says:

    I almost threw up when I read her supposed diary excerpts. I do believe she is delusional enough to actually believe what she wrote about Heath Ledger. Time for her whole family to go crawl back under the rocks they came out from under. They’re useless trash.

  24. Innocent says:

    Love her and she is on track with her Community Service :D

  25. Sisi says:

    not that there’s a standard for such things, but I never wrote about ‘my mom’ in a diary, just about ‘mom’.
    this gives me the feeling that these so called diaries were intended for public consumption.

  26. Firecracker says:

    Heath probably didn’t even know who she was. She probably got an autograph from him, and that automatically made him a “good friend.”

    • Madisyn says:

      Hey Firecracker

      I’m gonna venture one of two things happened here.

      1. She passed him the lobby of a hotel on her way to the bar and presto, they’re LUVAH’S.

      OR

      2. She blew him the bathroom ONE TIME at the Marmont and it was TRUE LOVE FOREVER!

      Take your pick

  27. TaylorB says:

    And here is the whole “quote”… “I can dress like a princess and still fight like a whore, look and act like a whore, and smell like a whore.”

  28. Nikki Girl says:

    I think she meant “I can dress like a whore and act like a princess.” And did she seriously compare Heath Ledger’s death to a game of Jenga? Seriously? Her whole diary entry is so melodramatic and over the top considering I highly doubt she knew him very well. She is utterly delusional. Good riddance.

  29. the original bellaluna says:

    “wink, nudge, beej” is my new favourite! Golden, Kaiser, golden.

    The resurgence of The Cracken is probably also due to her upcoming court date. It’s the 14th, right?

    5 days to go ladies. We need to start planning the menu for the crack tail-gate!

  30. jacquie109 says:

    This is one disney star that should have retired once her contract was up. UGH she is a disgusting human being…

  31. Rio says:

    “Life’s like a game of Jenga, man…”

    Jesus. That’s just brilliant. It sounds like something my stoner roommate would come up with after the second pipe.

  32. Masque says:

    And now we have the title of the new reality show from E!…

    “The Jenga Life, starring Lindsay Blowhan!”

    (coming to E! this Spring, check your local listings for show time)

  33. the original bellaluna says:

    D-Listed has the link to Blohan’s leaked PB spread. It should win the photo-shop of the century award!

    *waving to the usual suspects*

  34. skuddles says:

    Fight like a whore? How exactly does a whore fight Lindsay?? Wielding a crack pipe in one hand and a stolen necklace in the other? What a total moron.

  35. connie says:

    I was suspect that any “diary” was not legit considering the source, but ” I’m numb. There’s an emptiness. A whole [sic]. ” made me think this could actually be authentic, knowing LL’s poor spelling, writing style & comparisons.

  36. Madisyn says:

    “Weaver says she called him at 4 a.m. and asked him to take her to Beverly Hills to “pick up a script.”

    Yeah, ‘script pick-up’ is always at 4 a.m.

    “Lee Weaver insists his WORST client was Lindsay Lohan, whom he protected during most of 2007.”

    I believe him too! Don’t you?

  37. Hellen says:

    I am positive Lindsay has written this quite recently, as a way to “explain” her life (might come in handy as a defense in the next court appearance).

    Dina is probably standing right behind her telling her what to write: “Say that he was going to meet your mom and everything!” after which Lindsay dutifully scrawls: “He was going to meet my mom and everything!”

  38. Newtsgal says:

    OH MY GOD!!!!! Please help me!!!
    I need to go to an eye doctor I just saw the LL Playboy pics…..ouch….it hurts, it’s like little shards of glass in my eyes…..quick ladies… I need 2 shots, 1 for my nerves and the other for my eyeballs.
    Who do I sue for the damages?

  39. Madisyn says:

    Quick question: WHO will buy the magazine when we can all see the pics for free?

  40. Lisa says:

    It’s like a game of Jenga. LOL.

  41. Lauren says:

    The photo with her in the black dress looks like a Crackie Granny. Very sad.

  42. ViloDeMenus says:

    “Move that headstone” a classic for sure!

  43. Boo says:

    I must confess. I looked at the pictures. Hef got robbed blind, even if he only paid her ten bucks. And I do mean BLIND.

  44. Madisyn says:

    Bess, belle, Mort, Boo or any of the usual suspects

    Anyone up for a ‘chat’ tonight? Lots to discuss. Say 6 or 7 PST?

  45. katie says:

    you can see like 5 pics from her playboy set on imgur.com. they paled her out to make the freckles disappear.

  46. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    Well, I looked. I can’t believe she had them draw on the Marilyn mole.

  47. Bess says:

    I’m surprised that PB didn’t get the vag shot after all the hype. Hef must be furious that the photos leaked. Anyone think that Lohan, Inc. may have something to do with the leak?

  48. Bess says:

    The Cracken has invaded Hawaii. Be on the alert for strange bacteria in the water.

    http://rumorfix.com/2011/12/lindsay-lohan-in-hawaii-see-the-photos/

  49. JaneWonderfalls says:

    Ain’t that the truth!!!

  50. Callumna says:

    Guess she wants us to think she’s tragic and talented like Heath Ledger? Nice try.

    But somebody tell this girl when they call you a “whore” after the deed it isn’t all the slapping they’re talkin about.

    I bet she thought she took her clothes off for money just like a “princess” again too.

  51. imabrat says:

    Dressing up a pig like a princess does not make a princess be.

  52. Victoria says:

    I was going through the tween teen section of my mega movie collection the other day and couldn’t help but put on freaky friday and mean girls. This girl was so beautiful. I had liked ever since the parent trap remake. She made me like it because I thought no one could do what Haley Mills did for that role. But she was good and lovable. I want to remember her that way. Because I have a feeling Lindsay will end up like Heath.

  53. Sarah says:

    I think we should exchange the words ‘fight’ for ‘look’.