Woody Allen's French nanny was summoned to Colin Farrell's hotel room for some awkward quickies before the London premiere of "Miami Vice." She says he's got a small dick and that he really sucks in bed. He made love to her three times in just an hour and a half. He invited her to the premiere and after party, but she left once she saw that he was getting cosy with Gong Li:
"Moments later he kissed me hard on the mouth, grabbed me and threw me on to the bed. He tore at my clothes and kept saying how beautiful I was. When I was naked, he ran his eyes up and down my body, gasping with pleasure." The couple made love on the bed, against the bathroom wall and in the shower.
Angelique said: "He was enthusiastic and athletic. He was so keen to have me, he didn't want to wear any protection. He just said, 'It'll be OK, it'll be OK'. But for all his ardour, it was like he was reading from a text book, lurching from one position to another. He loved it when I climbed on top. He was cooing, 'C'est bon, c'est bon'. It's clearly the only French he knows.
"We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total. At one point he lifted me up and carried me to one side of the bed so we were both looking in his full-ength mirror. He said, 'Look how beautiful you are'.
"To be fair, he did try and give me pleasure, kissing me all down my body - but his heart wasn't really in it. I kept having to fake orgasms - one, two, three - to keep him happy and let him keep his dignity. It seemed the polite thing to do."
Despite Colin's bad-boy reputation - the Dublin-born actor once told Playboy magazine: "I've always been a firm believer that casual sex is a good thing" - Angelique says he seemed nervous, clumsy and unsure.
"He must have told me I was beautiful eight times, or more. And he was always looking me in the eye. I found that rather off-putting, as if I were some kind of school project. It was too clinical. He didn't at all come across as a sex god who had slept with countless woman. If I didn't know better, I could almost have thought it was his first time...
"He kept saying 'C'est bon (it's good), you're beautiful, c'est bon'. He sounded like James Blunt.
"Once he'd got what he fancied - in about 10 seconds flat - he just wanted to go to sleep."
The best part is that she compared him to James Blunt. That's so nasty that Colin didn't wear protection!
I would like confirmation that he's poorly endowed, though. Has anyone seen Colin's sex video? He's all covered up in the screencaps. (NSFW)
It sounds like this woman is bitter than Colin didn't contact her again and hooked up with Gong Li instead. I believe her, though. Colin sounds like a teenager with no staying power. Maybe he'll be embarassed enough by this story to use a condom and some manners next time.
Here are some candids of Colin taken on 8/3. [via]
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Did Woody authorize his nanny to service Collin? Because nannies need guidance. My nanny runs everything by me. You can be sure that she would not be allowed access to anything that I wanted for myself! And PS I have heard that he is quite large & rather thick! (just fyi)
I hate women who "kiss and tell".Why did she think that the whole world wanted to hear about her and Farrell? She needs to climb back into the sewer where she came from and Farrell needs to pick women who have an I.Q.over 80.Please as a fan,start making better choices where your love intrest are concerned,you are making a fool of yourself.
I'd still do him