Madonna’s 12 rules of visitation for Guy Ritchie

As we reported yesterday, Guy Ritchie was joyfully reunited with his sons after not seeing them for weeks following the breakup of his marriage to their mother, Madonna. You can see how happy both Guy and Rocco are to see each other in the photos at the Daily Mail. But according to that same publication, the boys were accompanied by a long list of rules to be followed while they were with their dad.

According to a text photo at Daily, the following rules were set by Madonna for visitation:

1. Under no circumstances should they be allowed to read newspapers, magazines, or watch TV or DVDs

2. They must adhere at all times to a macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet with no processed or refined food

3. All water they drink, even when it is to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water

4. They should wear only the clothes Madonna has sent with them, if they need to be bought anything new, it should not contain any man-made materials

5. The boys’ hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places

6. They should not be bought toys that are spiritually or ethically unsound

7. The divorce should not be discussed with them

8. Madonna should have contact by phone with them when and how often she chooses, as often as three or four times a day at times she sets

9. Guy should not introduce the boys to any of his new friends, especially any new female friends

10. Madonna wants the boys to spend their time she’s given with Guy, and not large amounts of time with his parents, their grandparents

11. The boys should not be photographed when they are with Guy and it’s his responsibility to arrange security so it doesn’t happen

12. At bedtime, Guy should read Madonna’s English Rose books to David

I’m sending transcendental encouragement to Guy Ritchie for a long movie night, with delivery pizza, soda pop, friends and grandparents and the phones shut off. And a permanent ban on the English Rose series from the home.

The more I read this list of rules I imagine safety-pinned to Rocco’s shirt, the more incredulous I become. Would Madonna really expect more of Guy than she does herself? And does she really believe she still has control over the time the boys spend with their father? Then I think about those questions and I realize that yes, she probably would and probably does. It’s a long standing tradition that parents who are no longer together have a power struggle when it comes to how the kids will be raised when they are in the custody of the other. Watch any divorce based movie. I just watched The Squid and the Whale, a perfect example, and a depressing movie. The kids suffer way more than the parents when a battle for the parental upperhand occurs.

Guy Ritchie is shown outside his Punchbowl Pub on 11/7/08. Madonna and Rocco are shown outside the Kabbalah Centre in LA on 11/8/08. Credit: WENN

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51 Responses to “Madonna’s 12 rules of visitation for Guy Ritchie”

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  1. dr.grrl says:

    that’s one of the most disgusting things i have read….. and this is MADONNA we are talking about!! :roll:

    those poor,poor kids. if madge doesn’t let up a whole hell of alot, those kids are going to be demons in the teen years!

    isn’t it ironic how controlling the piece of Gristle is, yet she can trapse about the country (and globe) with these kids and you can be damn sure Guy hasn’t sent a laundry list of rules to follow.

    AND she has her new boy toy following her all around, doesn’t that violate rule #9? I hope Guy gets custody of the boys… let madge control her mini me and let boys be boys.

  2. mel says:

    shes such a bitch. could you imagine having her as your mother? good lord. i cant wait to read the books these kids will write about her after she’s dead..

  3. mojoman says:

    Lets hope Guy “misplaced” Maddona’s note, disconnect the phone and have a groovy time with the kids..voila, problem solved!

  4. geronimo says:

    Lol! Either she’s lost what’s left of her mind or this is artistic licence on the part of the tabs. While I believe that these are the terms Madge would LIKE to impose, I seriously doubt that even she is quite so removed from reality that she thinks she could get away with this.

    Although if it is genuine, all the better for Guy’s case when it comes to who gets custody of these poor little kids. Just makes me sad even thinking about it.

  5. Syko says:

    That is totally ridiculous. She’s made up rules for him that she wouldn’t think of abiding by herself. She doesn’t seem to realize that the kids are just as much Guy’s as they are hers, she hasn’t “given” him time with them, he’s entitled to it, and he may have his own ideas as to how children should be treated.

    I hope his ideas include root beer floats, greasy pizza and watching contact sports together on TV.

  6. Kaiser says:

    Gee, I wonder how The Daily Mail got a copy of the note? :lol: Well played, Guy.

    Gristle’s gonna be *so* pissed. And yeah, these poor kids. *fingers crossed Guy gets custody*

  7. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa says:

    LOL – she’s nuts! I hope this list isn’t true… that’s just crazy. That woman needs help if this is the real thing. I’m with everyone else – he should just buck the list and enjoy his time with the boys. I always think, if life ended tomorrow, what would I want to do today? Go Guy – party with your kiddies: laugh, eat, drink (non-kaballah juices) and relax! You’re out from under the iron fist and you should encourage the boys to be too!!

  8. SeVen says:

    It should be a mandatory rule that all children at some point be able to enjoy a pizza with far too much cheese, a soda of some sort, ice scream they will then mess all over their clothing, then sports or activity of some sort in the back yard where they will further soil their clothing with dirt and grass stains.

  9. Baholicious says:

    That list is the pettiest piece of kyfe I’ve ever read – the key word in all of this being “should”. I’m sure she knows Guy will treat his boys as he sees appropriate, she’s just casting her shadow (pall, spectre whatever)over the visit. That is if indeed, gristle can even cast a shadow…

  10. Lauri says:

    Um, since when does one parent get to set all the rules for visitation?

    I hope he sent the list back to her with a note telling her to get her head out of her ***. They are HIS children also–she does not get to automatically dictate their time with their father.

  11. Leandra says:

    I think Madonna does abide by these rules. The boys will rebel as soon as they are allowed to choose which parent they want to live with. I can see Rocco out of there by the time he’s 12 and back with Dad. No t.v. for kids is a good idea…I’ve seen firsthand how kids blossom, read more, interact more with life when they have no t.v., do better in school, and one big bonus – they become more respectful people.

  12. Chris says:

    No TV, newspapers, magazines or movies?? She’s out of her effin mind Is she trying to make these kids socially retarded or does she just not want them to find out how she’s spent her life being a filthy whore?? I’m curious to know if Carlos puts up with this laundry list of ABUSE. I’m sure her daughter will be so proud when she sees her slutty mom’s SEX book.

  13. abbizmal says:

    Yikes, this bitch is out of control and, yes, I believe all of it. Why can he not introduce them to new female friends when they’ve already met the man she was screwing BEFORE the divorce? A little junk food and tap water never hurt anyone. She is a controlling, narcissistic viper.

  14. heehee says:

    Yeah- shouldnt see TV or DVD etc because then they would find out what shes been up to all her life. Wouldnt want the kids to follow her bad example…Duh Lady! Think before you act with kids around to see it…

  15. Anthony says:

    If you become this freaky when you have money, then I am perfectly happy the way I am!

  16. actingrc says:

    leandra – lack of TV does not equal more respectful, nor does it automatically entail all of those other things, or every child born before 1935 (and every child in a third world country) would have been totally and completely angelic and loved school and reading. it’s not the TV itself, it’s the kind of family who would forbid TV. They tend (TEND) to be middle to upper-middle class white families, often with a strong academic bent in the parents, liberal in both the political and parental senses. it’s not really a shock when those kids end up with a healthy respect for themselves, others, and learning.

  17. JaundiceMachine says:

    Didn’t she make her millions masterminding her media image and whoring herself out in the spotlight? And now her children aren’t allowed to watch Sponge Bob or read a (scholastic) newspaper? IRONY.

  18. dovesgate says:

    I agree with #7 and #11, but only if she’s following those rules as well. The kids don’t need to hear all the gruesome details between the adults nor do they need to be photographed while they are dealing with the stress of the divorce. I even agree with #9, not introducing the kids to new girlfriends. It would be nice if Madge did the same – kids don’t need to be exposed to the dating lives of their parents unless and until the boyfriend/girlfriend is going to be a permanent fixture in the kids’ life. Its too confusing and causes more heartbreak for the kids if the new person they get attached to has to go away because the adult relationship ends.

    #5 is somewhat reasonable. A little hand sanitizer after using a public restroom or a public playground is probably a good idea. #6 might be ok too, depending on what the toys she has in mind are. Guns and things like that are traditionally boys toys but I’m pretty sure if I had boys, they wouldn’t be allowed guns. Erector sets, legos, lincoln logs, and cars ok – weapons not ok.

    #12 would even be reasonable if it weren’t only Madonna’s books. Reading to kids at bedtime is a great routine.

    But only drinking holy water? Never getting to have even a frozen yogurt with the grandparents? Lourdes never being able to pick up a Teen Vogue or one of those silly Teen Beat mags? Constantly calling and checking up on the kids or the kids having to be waiting by the phone in case she calls? Way too excessive and controlling.

  19. 99 says:

    Sounds like the rules for visiting a high security prison inmate. Ironic that Madonna’s career was founded on her rebellion against her own family’s strict control over her behavoir. She is now doing the same to her own on a much greater and kooky level. Cant wait to see these kids’ rebellion. Should be a whopper !!

  20. Lisa says:

    Sorry, but these don’t even sound normal. Read English Roses every night? These are made up. Besides, Guy has enough money to fight for his own list of rights as well. Where are those? I’m not a fan of Madonna, but come on…

  21. Anne says:

    I can see the ban on TV, it’s mostly crap. I restrict certain channels and time spent watching TV for my son. He watches Discovery channel a lot. But news papers?? Isn’t it important to know what’s going on in the world???

    Ever since I heard she won’t let the kids watch TV or see other media I’ve had the feeling it has to do with not wanting her kids to see what people write and say about her. Nor does she want them to see footage of her past.

    I agree, 99, she is so strict they are going to rebel big time just like she did!

  22. Feebee says:

    I’m speechless. Needless to say if Madonna was worried before about winning in the court of public opinion, she should be REALLY worried now. Then again her head so far up her own ass she probably doesn’t care and she has enough fawners around her to mitigate the disgust regular people are registering.

  23. RReedy says:

    Obviously, Madonna lives in another world. These kids must be so happy to be with their NORMAL parent.
    Guy should tell her to F–K OFF and let the kids enjoy life, including peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or a hot dog from a street vendor. She must be the most miserable, petty person the planet. Really.

  24. prissa says:

    I’m shocked as well. Madonna seemed “cool” when she was younger. When did she turn into this super control freak and why???? Weird. :roll:

  25. Ana' says says:

    Okay, I can’t imagine that this list is real but if it is, Oh man would it be all out war! I’d give the kids twinkies for breakfast and tell them the were organic bars made from blessed Kabballah grain flown in from Israel. How does she get to set rules and stipulations for a visitation when no court ruling has been given on custody? Actually, if Guy wanted to really bring the fight to her, he could refuse to send the kids back.

  26. Anon says:

    It must be a terrible thought for Madge that the kids could be outside of her control for a few days and like it way better in the normal word… they might not want to return to Cult Madonna!

  27. Mairead says:

    Well, she’s doing a pretty f***in’ stellar job of No. 11 as it is. :roll:

    I’m hoping that this list is the usual made-up nonsense out of the Daily Mail, who have nothing better to do with their time now that Mohammed al Fayed has given up the “Royal Family murdered Princess Diana” ghost.

    But you will notice that it mentions only the boys – not Lola. If it is true it looks like Lola won’t be seeing Guy for quite some time. Sad.

  28. aleach says:

    ew if i were madonnas kid, i would hate her!! what shitty rules!

  29. Obvious says:

    She is pschopathic and shouldn’t be allowed access to these children. I’m hoping Lourdes has less strict rules because her own father fought. If not MAdonna is in for a worl of pain when the children eirher A) choose to live with daddy or B) emancipate themselves, move out and write tell all books about their lives as prisonors of Madonna.

  30. sandy says:

    does rocco’s gum in the picture count as refined/processed?
    anyway, I would make a secret agreement with the boys to bend every rule on her list and not tell “mommy dearest”.
    my #1 rule with my kids-
    NO English Roses books allowed!!!

  31. caro says:

    :twisted: poor kids! she’s totally control freak!

  32. Codzilla says:

    Pardon my ignorance, but which toys qualify as “spiritually or unethically sound” these days?

  33. vdantev says:

    Sounds like a title for a really crappy reality TV series.

  34. sam says:

    This list cannot be true!? Surely it is natural for a child to ask their parents about the divource? Surely reading a newspaper encourages awareness and political thinking. They can always censor the articles about mummy dearest!

    I think its the last rule that makes me think this is made up

  35. I don’t put it beyond her. She’s got huge balls. I hope he gets at least 1/2 custody of them. Poor Lola. Maybe her daddy can fight for custody?

  36. mif says:

    If this is true, I hope Guy told her to eff-off. And I support his fight to have the boys remain in London with him.

  37. Sarah says:

    With any other person involved (well… maybe except for Tom Cruise), I would have called the Daily Mail list bull… but since it is Madonna, I totally buy it and wish Guy just ignores it totally and does exactly the opposite of anything required!

    Guy, can you actually see that you WASTED the last couple of years ta a FREAK! Make sure you get freaking custody of the kids!

    I start to print shirts: Team Ritchie – who wants one?

  38. Jeanne says:

    Poor kid has a witchy ass, control freak, gender confused mother. Can you imagine all the people parading in and out of Madonna’s house? And yet she’s worried that Guy might let the grandparents visit too much with the kids.

  39. SixxKitty says:

    Don’t you get a shorter sentance for murder than Guy has served as husband?

  40. spoonman says:

    She is an old washed up tired rag muffin.

    Get real and live in the real world you self centered controlling Bitch!!!

  41. Jessica says:

    Gross!! What is up with the discoloration on her arms????

  42. Hotgirl says:

    Sigh. She’s a crusty has been. If I have to see a pic of her 50 yr old crotch poses ever again, I’ll have a break down. GROSS and OLD.

    I feel horrible for her daughter. Madonna is probably jealous of her youth.

  43. Lila says:

    This is all his fault. What was he thinking when he hocked up with a person like Madonna!

  44. Cathy says:

    This may sound ridiculous and exagerated but given madona’s success i find odd how people question her principles. If i got a divorce i would rather not inflict the pain on my children, knowing how bad fast food and pop is for you i think shes doing the smart thing for her kids, i’m not of the same faith but jews bless their food and so to Muslims so i don’t see why she wouldnt. Maybe her boy likes to be read that book bet no one thought of that. And the news, TV magazines and stuff are full of negative images and especially for children of superstars and any parent should be concerned about what their kids watch. Just by looking at her millions soon to be millions the tremendous success in so many area she must be doing something right. Stop hatin! (fyi i’m sure after living by those rules for so many yrs this is not new to G. Richie)

  45. Trashaddict says:

    “PAPA don’t preach”???!!!

  46. brianna says:

    she really needs to loosten up on those rules & let the kids live. you only have one oppurtunity to be a child and you should live it up to the fullest, eat as much ice cream as you can, stuff your face up with pizza and watch spongebob and laugh so hard that your stomach hurts. i love madonna, but seriously, she needs to loosten up. i agree with Trashaddict: PAPA DON’T PREACH!

  47. That’s Too nice, when it comes in india hope it can make a Rocking location for youngster.. hope in which arrive true.