Lindsay Lohan cast in a low-budget, direct-to-Netflix “psycho-sexual” LA noir

Lindsay Lohan was just cast in another movie! Can you believe it? I can’t. So when I heard about it, I went and did a little bit of research, and as it turns out, this film seems very “experimental”. And by that, I mean it probably won’t even get a distributor, and it will end up finding a home on Cinemax two years from now.

The backstory: writer Bret Easton Ellis and director Paul Schrader wanted to work together on a film project which Ellis penned called The Canyons. Their goal was to an “LA noir” with a “micro budget” – and filmed completely on digital… oh, and the film’s “release” will be on Netflix, so my immediate reaction about the lack of distribution was right. Anyway, the film managed to get some investors (via Kickstarter). The plot of The Canyons sounds very softcore p0rn:

The film will follow a small group of Los Angeles twenty-somethings, in a psycho-sexual thriller that will have both crime and redemption elements. As Ellis has suggested, both the male and female leads will have nudity as a requirement, but we’re told it won’t be employed salaciously.

There is already an open casting call for the five lead roles: Christian, a trust fund kid, power player and major manipulator, who is a film producer that enjoys filming his own three-way sex sessions; Tara, his girlfriend and former model; Ryan, a bartender and young actor who is angling for a role in Christian’s horror movie; Gina, who works for Ryan and is in love with him and is also looking for a role in the horror pic and finally, Lindsay, a former actress turned yoga instructor who is sleeping with Christian, and falling in love with him.

[Via IndieWire]

Ellis just tweeted that Lindsay Lohan was cast in the part of “Tara” and p0rn star James Deen was cast as Christian. Apparently, Lindsay auditioned for the part, and in Ellis’s words, “Lindsay nailed it.” Filming begins on July 9, and will only go on for three weeks (digital is faster and cheaper, thus the condensed film shoot).

So… basically Lindsay has signed on a for softcore p0rn film which has a shoestring budget and minimal plot, and she’s going to have to do a lot of nudity and “acting” and if she makes it three weeks without a cracktastrophe, I’ll eat my hat.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Lifetime.

 

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146 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan cast in a low-budget, direct-to-Netflix “psycho-sexual” LA noir”

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  1. Cathy says:

    ROFLMAO….Cracktinis all around!!!

  2. Eve says:

    I’m amazed that she’s still being hired for anything.

    There are so many struggling actors out there who would love to have a chance to be in a movie, even if it’s a Lifetime/direct-to-Netflix one.

    Some of the great actors of today started in shitty movies and soap operas, let’s not forget that so why not give a chance to someone new and professional?

    Hiring Lohan is a waste no matter what kind of movie we’re talking about.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Agree. She’s lucky to be getting work, period. This sounds like it’s going to be a terrible movie. Anyone who is familiar with Brett Easton Ellis’ work knows that much of his literature is very sexually graphic and violent. Between this, the Victoria Gotti film, the Linda Lovelace biopic, the Playboy pictorial, and the sketchy prostitution rumors it seems like a clear path lays ahead for Lindsay.

      • sunmoonstars says:

        Yeah, I read “American Psycho” because people always acted like it was some great book, and I HATED it. In fact, the only book I hated more was “Catcher in the Rye”. I was so mad when my basement flooded and I couldn’t take it back to the bookstore and get my $14 back! Sometimes I wake up at night thinking about that $14 and the things I could have spent it on :(

        Maybe I’m weird but why would anyone want to read horrible stuff like that? Like real life isn’t gross, depraved and evil enough? Same with most movies. Sex scenes just make me uncomfortable and I am confused as to how people get turned on by that stuff, or why they’d even want to see it in the first place. And especially with Lindsay, who wants to see an old, used-up town bicycle spreading their nasty STD-ridden rotten roast beef? WHAT’S THE MARKET FOR THIS?

    • deep says:

      Legit people trying to break into the industry aren’t going to ruin their reputations right off the bat by doing porn. I don’t know maybe they do…but, I would think if they really took their acting serious they wouldn’t do that. Would they??

  3. Happy21 says:

    Jeezus! I’m so tired of seeing her everywhere STILL! Liz Taylor, a car accident, lies, another movie. Why the hell is she even still relevant? Is it like a train wreck? We can’t look away? I’m so tired of her freakin’ face!

  4. DreamyK says:

    I love James Deen. He’s too good to be in a straight-to-video with Lindsay in it. If they f*ck, I hope he makes her pay for the privilege like she did with Alex Torres (Voodoo). Burn!

  5. lower-case deb says:

    Me and my speed reading. When I read “Christian”, I thought this is the first installment of 50 Shades of Canyon.

  6. Maguita says:

    Didn’t her father DENY that she met with a p0rn actor not long ago??

  7. Zigggy says:

    God she looks like Gollum in that picture.

  8. Madchen says:

    One step closer to the porn career, poor girl. She is some kind of train wreck.

  9. logan says:

    Two words stick out in that headline-
    LOW BUDGET. Describes Ms. Lowhan to a tee. I will skip this one also. No desire to see her bits and pieces.

    • Macey says:

      very low budget. someone posted on TMZ that the budget was only 100K but as of May 5th, they’ve only been able to raise $5580.00. the poster said it came from yahoo news but I wasnt able to find it.
      Also, they are claiming James Deen is the lead but he has not officially signed on yet. Not sure who he is but I cant imagine any actor, porn or not, would want to be in it with her.

  10. lucy2 says:

    I bet it was more like. “I nailed Lindsay. Oops! I mean, Lindsay nailed me. Oops! I mean, she nailed IT. It. The audition.”
    Seriously, who wants to see her doing…anything. Ew. Me thinks someone saw all the publicity for Lifetime and wants to get that for themselves.

    Side rant – kickstarter seems great for many things, but I’m getting kind of bugged by established, wealthy people using it to fund projects they can either fund themselves or find other investors for. I know it’s all voluntary, but with the economy still so bad, it just seems a little weird for see millionaires asking people for money to make movies.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Lucy-totally agree with you about Kickstart. Seems like you should have to prove that you are below a certain net worth in order to seek funding through kickstart. Although, I guess part of the fun is that people want to be part of a project, regardless of whether the NEED for funding is there or not? I don’t know…does anyone know why they don’t bar the wealthy from seeking money that they don’t necessarily need through Kickstart?

    • lunabell says:

      Agreed. That’s what bothered me most about the story. Isn’t Kickstarter supposed to be for struggling artists? Seeing a famous person with connections use such a grassroots method of raising money irritates me. It seems disingenuous. This project sounds like pervy, self-indulgent sh*t anyway.

  11. RocketMerry says:

    Well, soft porn seems to be about the only next move that would make sense.
    She’ll do a terrible job at this “Liz and Dick” thing (Dear oh dear, the puns one can’t stop inadvertently think of with that movie title…), she’ll hustle desperately trying to make this serious actress thing happen and then porn will be the only thing she’ll have left in her career.
    And I’m not being judgy of porn actors. I’m just being judgy, in a very negative way, of walking major-accident-in-the-making Lindsay Lohan.

    You know what? I want to stop being negative about this. I actually think this would be much more hilarious if I went the whole opposite direction that I feel like going, so… I want to address Lindsay directly, since she probably reads this site:

    SURPRISE ME. PLEASE.

  12. Kaboom says:

    Netflix has the ambition to become the next HBO so the Cracken or not I wouldn’t discount them as a future player for quality output.

  13. deep says:

    I knew she would wind up doing porn!! I called it on another LILO celebitchy post!! This is her gateway..this is it. LOL

  14. johnnybadboytapia says:

    her big comeback has now led to softcore porn, that my dear is not a comeback!

  15. Incredulous says:

    Look at that first picture. Look at it. Yet she still has not been cast as a zombie in The Walking Dead.

  16. Bess says:

    For the love of god, how the hell is this twit still getting any kind of work? Liz & Dick is stunt casting, but what is this “The Canyons” crap???

    I don’t have any addictions, attitude problems or a criminal record and I haven’t been able to get a full time job in my field in over three years. Yet this cracktastrophy has managed to get another acting job.

    There is no justice.

    • deep says:

      It’s soft core porn…be proud of yourself for being an upstanding person. And, I hope you can find a job soon. Hang in there. :) I know a lot of people that are having the same problem as you are. and, I know it’s tough. LILO is a loser..plain and simple. the porn industry can have her!! I’m sure
      Dina is soooo proud.

    • ZenB!tch says:

      I’m at almost two years – yes I temped consistently for 18 months but all that did was cut my unemployment check by ~$400 a month. Had I stayed unemployed (I used a week) I would still be within my 99 weeks. I seriously feel like I was screwed for being a good little jobless person. *END OF RANT*

      @Bess the board for my field on Indeed.com has gone from a place to ask work advice from your peers to a support group for un/underemployed women (I am in a female heavy field).

      Any thoughts on stunt office hiring?

      • Bess says:

        Zen, I’ve been working part-time in retail for a year now.

        The thing is that I live in an area where there a very few jobs in my field. I need to relocate, but few employers are willing to take a chance on an out-of-town candidate when there are many local people.

        Also, I didn’t know that Indeed.com had a support group. Can you post the link?

  17. lower-case deb says:

    from Liz & Dick to Linz & Dick.
    that’s one additional alphabet.
    good on you, darling. you’re going places.

  18. Rory says:

    My gawd, she looks like a “Face of Crystal Meth,” completely burnt out and wasted at 25, to the point where she needed new teeth and plastic surgery? Forget it, just forget it. Hello Club 27!!

    • deep says:

      Yeah..she def has a druggy face and did have to have her her teeth capped from all of the drug use. She has the look of a true drug addict and that’s for sure. And, how sleezy is she….now she can be a good lil porn star. What a joke. She’ll never work in the “real industry” again. Way to go LILO…u just sunk your own ship. And all this time we thought she was on the “comeback” trail. LMAO!!!

      • Rory says:

        Too much sugar and smoking like a fiend, too. Gah. I know people in their late 40′s who look better, seriously.

      • deep says:

        Agree Rory..I’m a touch older than my 40′s and I take really good care of myself..exercise, diet..etc and I can assure you that LILO looks older than I do. A fast life will take it’s toll on people and that’s for sure. Her face should be used as a public announcement for an anti drug campaign. And, put up in all schools to show kids..this is why you don’t do drugs. It steals your mind, body and soul and makes you look like you are over 50 when you are only 25!!

  19. NerdMomma says:

    $50 says Amanda Seyfried ends up with this role too

  20. Launicaangelina says:

    Speaking of Netflix, I saw a documentary called The Best Worst Movie, which documents the cult following and cast of Troll 2. Maybe this movie will be The Worst Worst Movie of all time?

  21. Choupette says:

    Is this the same LA Noir that Jon Berenthel will be in? Oh baby love it. Stupid Shane and the Cracken in a movie together. This will go on my Bad Movies For Rainy Day list.

  22. the original bellaluna says:

    Well, we all knew porn was the next step for her, now didn’t we? There’s no LEGITIMATE filming company that’s willing to work with her, especially now.

    What I find funny (ha-ha funny) is that all these “film shootings” are taking place in mere weeks! Gotta try to stuff as much film in the reels prior to her imploding and taking us all out with! seems to be the prevailing attitude when working with the Cracken.

  23. Roma says:

    Okay – this was an open casting call for people to upload videos for the producer. I know two girls trying to break into the biz who participated.

    Either Lilo was doing blow with these guys or she uploaded an audition video.

    My boy’s parents are producers and when we talked about this project, they were like no one wants to put money towards what is essentially a homemade drug and sex vanity project.

  24. Boo says:

    I read the budget for this BEE movie is $100,000, out of which more than 90% has yet to be raised. How will Lindsay collect her 1 million dollar paycheck from this one?

  25. Jayna says:

    I just saw her in that thriller where she has a twin and some pervert cut off her leg. Her acting was so wooden. Her talent we all talk about hasn’t been evident for years. The Liz and Dick movie will show that as well. I think any chance at a revival past getting a Lifetime movie or straight-to-DVD movie is over.

  26. ladybert62 says:

    Finally she has found her real market – porn!

    Next she will be cast in the movie of that new porn: 50 Shades of Gray!

  27. SCREEEE says:

    Don’t judge me, but I like James Deen. From the p0rn.

  28. Krock says:

    Awesome career choice Lindz! Way to be taken seriously as an actor! lol!

  29. the original bellaluna says:

    I think we’re going to need these, Ladies. *places trays of cracktinis, shots of delusion, and bowl of melon balls out for everyone*

    WHAT? They had a sale on seedless watermelons!

  30. kibbles says:

    I can’t even make fun of this girl anymore. Thinking of what she had and what could have been is so sad and unfortunate. She is in charge of her life now, but she certainly did not have the necessary parental support in her first 20 years of life to have respect for herself. She won’t be the paparazzi darling forever. After a few bad films, the public will realize that she is not committed to getting better and she will finally be relegated to the back of the tabloids. She will always have a certain level of notoriety, but so what? It won’t help her pay the rent or get her out of the continued legal mess she is in. Eventually all she will rely on is porn and direct to DVD films for her income. Her life will not end well and when she dies everyone will look back to her first film, The Parent Trap, and wonder what went wrong and who could have saved her. It’s tragic.

    • LeeLoo says:

      It stopped being tragic a long time ago. What’s tragic is that she is still being coddled and given chances in this industry.

      • deep says:

        Well, she’s really not getting noticed by the legit industry. She’s getting some attention from the C/D industry. If she’s headed into the porn industry, a legit acting career is totally over. She’s toast anyway. I don’t think she cares. I think at this point she will do anything. She has no self respect.

      • ZenB!tch says:

        I think more than half of my suburb is supported by the adult film industry. Vivid video’s offices are across from my former gym.

        I live in a nice suburb but 5 miles north is full of thousands of formerly nice areas that went to seed when the auto industry left – the homes still look good on film.

    • deep says:

      @kibbles It’s very tragic and it sells tabloids. So, I don’t think that’s going to go away anytime soon. People love a train wreck. But, LILO’s brain is fried. She has zero self respect and she thinks she is still a star. She will always think she is a star. But, in reality she has damaged her brain with drugs and will never be the same again. She is so fried. One only has to look at her to see that she has drug induced mental illness. And, at this point it’s not going away. She is a delusional mess. And, it’s not fun making fun of her anymore..you are right..it’s just tragic. She needs to be taken away from California and New York and put somewhere to get off drugs. And, maybe try and have a life away from the industry that she still thinks she is a part of.

      • duncecap says:

        (She needs to be taken away from California and New York and put somewhere to get off drugs.)

        Okay, you do it. Seriously. You wrestle her violent, drug-fueled body and PHYSICALLY remove her from any area that could possibly tempt her base instincts.
        No? Okay then.
        I don’t think anyone in their right mind would. What’s the saying? A wild animal is most dangerous when it’s wounded? Best to just steer clear.

      • ZenB!tch says:

        (She needs to be taken away from California and New York and put somewhere to get off drugs.)

        Meth is a bigger problem in the Midwest. I don’t even know what meth is. I just know that meth makes you get old quick and your teeth fall out. That is how I know she is on meth.

        Please don’t generalize. LA and NY are not these big bad places full of drugs. This crap is everywhere. Google East Saint Louis or Detroit – nah let’s not rag on them either, they are depressed (mentally and economically). I know! the heel of Missouri – that is meth country. Should we ship LiLo off there instead? I’m sure they have coke and heroin and Rx pills too.

        Druggies will find drugs and non druggies will remain clueless.

      • the original bellaluna says:

        There’s a reason Oxy is called Hillbilly Heroin. Drug abuse in NOT exclusive to LA, NYC, OR Cali!!

      • deep says:

        Point well made. You guys are right. Drugs are everywhere. I love NYC..go there at least twice a year. And, I also love and visit parts of California as well. Now…I don’t care for LA…but whatever. The reason why I mentioned those two places specifically is because that’s where LILO likes to hang out. And, that’s where her drug connections are. I just meant to get her out of her comfy drug zones and try and get her some help. No disrespect to NY or Cali.

      • the original bellaluna says:

        deep, no offence taken. I don’t like LA either, and I’ve lived everywhere from LA county on south to Del Mar. (Now I’m in Podunk Nowhere, NoCali. Send me presents.) ;)

        The bottom line is that if Crackie wants drugs, Cracken will find them no matter where she lives. It’s inherent to being a drug addict. Until she looks at herself in the mirror and says “F*ck, I hate you; we have a serious problem here” she’s not going to change.

        No amount of chances or movies (porn or not) or opportunities is going to make a difference. Neither will her locale. LA County is simply making it easier for her to get away with her cracknanigans.

    • duncecap says:

      it’s not that tragic…

      And I’ve said it before. Porn is a good step for her. All her hustling on the side was dangerous. At least porn is kinda somewhat regulated sometimes.

  31. Izzy says:

    “She really nailed it.” Did anyone else let out a giant whoop-snort of laughter when they read that? It really made my day…

  32. Sisi says:

    Imagine how the kickstart investors feel about funding The Cracken’s project

  33. ViloDeMenus says:

    It’s just stunt casting at this point, and the sad fact is she will work dirt cheap just to get and keep her SAG card so she can call herself an actress again.

    Whatever, vodka water bottle girl, it’s just a matter of time before you blow another gasket publicly and probably kill someone in the process.

  34. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Hola!

    Can someone pass me a cracktini pls…feel the need to celebrate ;)

    Just read that police found a used water bottle in the boot of Lindsay’s porsche full of….wait for it, shock, horror…’hard liquor’

    girl was so drink driving & lying to police…prison time is a calling so thinking her p0rn career will have to be put on hold!!

    Happy cracktini’s everyone *raises glass*

    Edit: Just read that she is in the clear over this so you probably all know already & its old news ;( Oh well will just have to drown my sorrows in the cracktini instead…

    • the original bellaluna says:

      *passes Ruby Red a cracktini* It’s okay; there’s always the c-c-c…hang on…c-c-c-c…DAMMIT!…court systemBWAHAHAHAHAHA!! *dissolves into fits of laughter*

      I’m sorry. I couldn’t get that out with a straight face! :D With regard to the LAPD:

      Well, it wouldn’t be the first time the LAPD has botched evidence-handling with regard to the Cracken. Remember the “coke pants” and the officer who threw said bag of coke into the trash, thus contaminating the chain of evidence?

      Honest to God, have they been this f*cked up since back in the days of LA Confidential? Is there anything they HAVEN’T f*cked up?!?

      • Ruby Red Lips says:

        Hey Bella, 4got about the coke pants! you’re so right – even if they saw her drinking the liquor whilst behind the wheel & actually charged her the judge would just give her a pat on the back & say ‘you’re getting your life back on track’

        Arrrrh!! Seriously how the f*ck does she get away with this time after time?! The court system is a joke!!

        Thanks for my cracktini *glug glug* tho feel I may need many many more! ;)

  35. AfroSappho says:

    I am very disappointed that James Deen would do anything with Cracken. I love him. He’s like the boy next door who will eff your brains out.

  36. LittleDeadGirl says:

    Sad part is she’s only been good for porn for a while now but with the drugs and alcohol she isn’t even good for that anymore. She looks so damaged!

  37. Lisa says:

    God, how recent is that picture? She looks like death warmed over, if the microwave failed.

  38. MBGB says:

    There’s a typo in your story.

    It should read “Lindsay nailed HIM” not “Lindsay nailed it.”

  39. hillbilly in the corner says:

    I wonder……………………… how she “nailed the part”
    on her back
    or on her knees !!!!

    Cause we know she and the lead man James have aready “Nailed” their parts several times in one night from what I read…….or at least Jamess nailed it…..

  40. janie says:

    Oh my god this lucky undeserving crackhead. I would do anything with James Deen for free.

  41. dee says:

    When yiu are making the same career moves as Octomom, it’s not a good sign.

  42. Snowpea says:

    Ummmmm… forgive my crassness…

    …but how on God’s Earth is Lindsay NOT DEAD YET?!

  43. jwoolman says:

    Hardly surprising. Both her movie and modeling projects in recent years seem to have mostly required willingness to be naked in front of the camera. That must be a smaller pool of actresses and models, and her weak acting isn’t a liability. But the fact that Playboy had to so extensively photoshop her makes me wonder if she will be desirable for porn now. I’m not the target audience, though, so maybe to the real target she looks fine rather than sad. I don’t think the bar is set too high for acting skills in porn. But they still have to meet production schedules. I’d love to hear Jenna Jameson’s opinion about Lindsay’s chances in the porn industry. She knows the business from both sides of the camera and although she has a reputation for being kindly, she is likely to give an honest assessment.

  44. Chris says:

    All this one way traffic is pretty boring. Do any of you guys ever feel like sticking up for her just for the sheer entertainment of going against the flow? I know I do!

    James Deen? (Rolls eyes)

  45. Flora Kitty says:

    Dana Plato reincarnated.

  46. Jellybean says:

    This picture is going to give me nightmares for days.

  47. Marie_Antoinette says:

    I hate to say it but I’m really not sure she can convincingly play a twenty-something anymore. Well, perhaps if IL&M pull out all the SFX stops…

  48. erika says:

    i’d say at this point, anyone who employs lindsay lohan is almost like an accomplice to murder…let me explain.

    i said “like” an accomplice to murder, but this girl, ‘woman’ is CLEARLY on a path to her own ruin, come on, that is a fact, so any and all enablers out there are…well..enabling her to reach her own demise.

    she is clearly very, very sick and not well mental health wise. She is self destructive, unaware, unable to take care of herself. Any income, media attention, family/friends who enable her to live her reckless ways are only contributing to her ultimate demise.

    if anyone truly cares/loves this woman they will do their best to remove her from hollywood (and NY, Milan, Cannes, etc.) and let her mentally/emotionally/psyhically ‘SOBER UP’ a year? more like a few. five!!!

    she’s a 5150!!!

    and if SHE wants to live, she’ll do this for herself.

    anna nicole, dana plato, keith (?)ledger, kurt cobain, on and on and on….what makes her so different??

  49. FrenchyKrisis says:

    Hey there, i thought you guys might be interested by the trailer…

    http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/videos/daft-punks-thomas-bangalter-scores-lindsay-lohan-surf-film-20120611

    Is it really her? Surfing? Really?

  50. santacruz says:

    It is like watching Amy Winehouse’s destruction. And on another point, if she keeps driving like a maniac, she may kill someone, possibly a child.

  51. the original bellaluna says:

    Bottom line, Ladies: she’s not going to stop, nor be stopped, until she either kills herself or someone else. (Hopefully it’s the former and not the latter.)

    No one can do anything to help her, because she’s been “gone” for years.

  52. Jazz says:

    Ellis has been writing the same shit since the 80′s.

  53. dallasite40 says:

    I think that’s a misprint. The release said that it’ll be a direct to pornhub or youporn release. Not Netflix!

    New reader! Love this site!