Alexander Skarsgard is an icy, sexy Viking in his new Calvin Klein commercial

The other day, I was having a moment where I was really feeling like, “Mm… I should look at pretty pictures of Alexander Skarsgard and see if I can get pregnant just from looking at his Viking body.” I ended up watching a few of his older talk show interviews, and before I even knew what was happening, my lady-parts-buzz had dwindled. He’s sexy in motion, for sure, and he’s pretty to look at. But… his voice bugs me a little. I’m sure it’s just me. But from here on out, I won’t be listening to him when he speaks.

Thankfully, Alex does not speak in his new Calvin Klein commercial. Did you know he’s the new “face” of Calvin Klein “Encounter: A Fragrance for Men”? True story. I honestly think it’s a pretty good fit – CK was looking for someone attractive but interesting, and Alex is a great model, but as he gets older, he’s losing his “pretty” and becoming more rugged/hot/sexy. Here’s the commercial and my second-by-second analysis is below:

*Oooh, Alex driving a car. He should be a car model!

*The lighting really compliments his face.

*Lara Stone!! GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU TRAMPIRE. No, I jest. She’s obviously waiting for a random, h0rny Viking to come to her clifftop glass house in the middle of a hurricane, just so he can bang her senseless. Just wait for it.

*Notice we can barely see her face. The director must have been like, “Meh, who cares about the girl. Can I closeup of Alexander’s bulge please?”

*The architecture of that crazy house is really bugging me. I doubt it’s structurally sound.

*Alex looks into the glass house at the blurry image of Lara Stone, thinking to himself: “This bitch knows I forgot my umbrella. This is my favorite suit too!”

*Lara’s body language is all, “Bang me against the window, yo.”

*Okay, Alex looking into the security camera is HOT. That’s a really hot image. It made me wonder what it would be like to be banged by Alexander in the middle of a hurricane.

*Dear Lara Stone: The Viking is HERE. Stop sauntering around like you don’t know where to go. Take off your panties and wait by the window, for God’s sake.

*HE IS IN THE HOUSE. Get ready for him, Lara.

*Alex’s face is all, “Seriously, I hope she already took off her panties. Can a brother get a towel, by the way?”

*Why is this like a game of hide and seek? Bitch, you saw him pull up in the car. Why are you hiding from him?

*Finally, he sees her. Cutaway to the waves breaking on the rocks. Like the motion of the ocean, Alexander will bang ‘er.

*And basically she has an O just from him touching her jaw and looking intensely at her. Just so.

*lights cigarette*

Calvin Klein ads.

 

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59 Responses to “Alexander Skarsgard is an icy, sexy Viking in his new Calvin Klein commercial”

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  1. Mina says:

    I’m sad they spelled his name wrong (Skårsgard instead of Skarsgård) since he’s so proud of it :( But he’s definitely a good fit for CK

    oh wait I commented without watching, looks like they took that part out after all the fangirls complained lol

  2. marie says:

    ha ha awesome analysis! He is so freakin HOT, he could sell me anything..

  3. Gwen says:

    *lol* :D

    He’s such a fine and sexy man to look at. I don’t mind his voice at all, but I do prefer when he speaks Swedish *dreamy sigh*

  4. Jennifer12 says:

    He is incredibly sexy and I don’t usually go for pretty boys. Have you ever heard him speak in his mative language? *melts into puddle*

  5. Launicaangelina says:

    I’m so ready for the True Blood season finale! I don’t want it to end but I want to see what happens.

    Is it just me or has there been a lot less sexy times on True Blood? Alcide had some hot sex in one episode this season but that’s all I remember… I know my sista-bitches here will help me remember!

  6. Isabella Notarfrancesco says:

    But is the fragrance any good?

  7. beyonce's bump says:

    ugh I know this is annoying when people say it BUT he is giving me all sorts of Christian Grey in those shots. habba habba!

  8. Kaye says:

    The narrative makes it. Brava, Kaiser!

  9. Mirella says:

    That narrative was perfect! The scene where he’s walking up the stairs, the look on his face, unf…

  10. Hmmm says:

    Mr. Skarsgård is so hot hot hot

  11. Hécate says:

    Kaiser that was freak… hilarious!!
    Askar : Yummmm

  12. FreeSpiritedGirl says:

    OHH MY GOD! *swooooon*
    LOL @Kaiser’s comment. ‘get pregnant just by looking at him’. Epic!

  13. FreeSpiritedGirl says:

    @Beyonce’sbump – hell yeah! He does remind of Christian Grey of 50 Shades. OMG! *faints*

  14. Jewbitch says:

    That was a *very* hawt commercial.

  15. Jenna says:

    When the photos first came out I thought he looked great; but he no longer gets my lady parts going (That now belong to Tom Hardy, UNF). Sad. I think it’s an effect of she-who-I-will-not-name. Still think he’s a great actor though. :D

  16. mia girl says:

    Alex – I want to love you, and treat you right… :)

    Kaiser – I vote for more second-by-second analysis of video in the future! So funny!

  17. Minx says:

    LOLing at Kaiser’s play-by-play! Yep, that’s exactly how it went down. Except the last part…Lara’s pregnant with twins now.

    Seriously, unf.

    Hell, I think I might be pregnant.

  18. Black Pearl says:

    He’s so HOT and is the main reason I watch true blood. I keep waiting for more sexy times on d show but i always get disappointed but I hope they make up for it soon. I cant decide if I prefer Alex or Ian(Damon) as Christian Grey.. I’d buy anything Alex is selling. More stories on him please.

    • This Just In says:

      Skarsgard as Christian Grey? That smut porn? I just don’t get this. Is it because of his Eric character on True Blood? You know, he’s done tons of movies and never played a character with such graphic sex and nudity before–or since–Eric. It’s simply not who Skarsgard is. It’s just that one character. People seem to think that is who is he and therefore he HAS to play Christian Grey. It’s never, ever going to happen.

  19. looking foranewlovebaby says:

    Let me ruin some your lady parts fantasy by saying,doesn’t he look good for Kristen Stewart now that “sparkle” dumped her,i think they would look cute together.

  20. Ashling says:

    I don’t have a prob with his voice. But I do think his voice is sexier when he speaks Swedish. The video totally worships his face. Lol.

  21. bokchoi says:

    Anyone who commented on this and referred to “50 Shades of Sh1t” as a novel they may have enjoyed – your opinion is no longer valid. For anything. Go away.

  22. Lara says:

    I thank my parents for giving me the name Lara so I could pretend that Kaiser was actually talking about me with that analysis

  23. Hanna says:

    I’m sorry Kaiser, but he’s just fugly as hell… Just look at those derp eyes. I just cant. I’d do his body though. Anyday. With a bag over his head.

  24. bammer says:

    It’s the overbite and slight lisp he has??? But he is one sexy Viking.

  25. MG says:

    Omg, the play by play had me laughing out loud! I love this man, he is at the top of my “to do” list. After I saw Straw Dogs recently, I’m lusting after him even more…and he was a creepy rapist in that movie!

  26. Married says:

    Celebitchy ,Lara stone is married to comedian Brit David walliams from little britan ,since 2010
    So there is no hookup there or passion.
    Jeez get over it and leave Lara alone.

  27. Alyce says:

    Yes, yes, yes! This makes up for the creepy Cillian Murphy post.

  28. Raven says:

    Kaiser your play by play was spot on. Hilarious! Skars looks hot, but I’m waiting for them to shoot him with someone as hot as he is. She’s meh, IMO. Awful shoes, too.

  29. hairball says:

    That analysis had me dying laughing. Seriously, that was hilarious!

  30. hairball says:

    *Alex looks into the glass house at the blurry image of Lara Stone, thinking to himself: “This bitch knows I forgot my umbrella. This is my favorite suit too!”

    *Dear Lara Stone: The Viking is HERE. Stop sauntering around like you don’t know where to go. Take off your panties and wait by the window, for God’s sake.

    *Why is this like a game of hide and seek? Bitch, you saw him pull up in the car. Why are you hiding from him?
    *****************************

    Ha ha ha!!!! My favorites!

  31. Camille (The original) says:

    Now *that* was a sexy commercial. He is so ridiculously sexy. Yum.

  32. Mourning the Death of Music says:

    Christ, that is one fine man!

  33. Amy says:

    I love that commercial! He looks ridiculously good.

    It kind of reminds me of a more sedate/classier version of the Evan Rachel Wood/Chris Evans Gucci commercial.

  34. This Just In says:

    Oh I love him to pieces. I’ve even forgiven him for the Bosworth catastrophe. He looks incredible in this CM but overall I’m not loving it. I just don’t really like CK’s style.