The other day, I was having a moment where I was really feeling like, “Mm… I should look at pretty pictures of Alexander Skarsgard and see if I can get pregnant just from looking at his Viking body.” I ended up watching a few of his older talk show interviews, and before I even knew what was happening, my lady-parts-buzz had dwindled. He’s sexy in motion, for sure, and he’s pretty to look at. But… his voice bugs me a little. I’m sure it’s just me. But from here on out, I won’t be listening to him when he speaks.
Thankfully, Alex does not speak in his new Calvin Klein commercial. Did you know he’s the new “face” of Calvin Klein “Encounter: A Fragrance for Men”? True story. I honestly think it’s a pretty good fit – CK was looking for someone attractive but interesting, and Alex is a great model, but as he gets older, he’s losing his “pretty” and becoming more rugged/hot/sexy. Here’s the commercial and my second-by-second analysis is below:
*Oooh, Alex driving a car. He should be a car model!
*The lighting really compliments his face.
*Lara Stone!! GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU TRAMPIRE. No, I jest. She’s obviously waiting for a random, h0rny Viking to come to her clifftop glass house in the middle of a hurricane, just so he can bang her senseless. Just wait for it.
*Notice we can barely see her face. The director must have been like, “Meh, who cares about the girl. Can I closeup of Alexander’s bulge please?”
*The architecture of that crazy house is really bugging me. I doubt it’s structurally sound.
*Alex looks into the glass house at the blurry image of Lara Stone, thinking to himself: “This bitch knows I forgot my umbrella. This is my favorite suit too!”
*Lara’s body language is all, “Bang me against the window, yo.”
*Okay, Alex looking into the security camera is HOT. That’s a really hot image. It made me wonder what it would be like to be banged by Alexander in the middle of a hurricane.
*Dear Lara Stone: The Viking is HERE. Stop sauntering around like you don’t know where to go. Take off your panties and wait by the window, for God’s sake.
*HE IS IN THE HOUSE. Get ready for him, Lara.
*Alex’s face is all, “Seriously, I hope she already took off her panties. Can a brother get a towel, by the way?”
*Why is this like a game of hide and seek? Bitch, you saw him pull up in the car. Why are you hiding from him?
*Finally, he sees her. Cutaway to the waves breaking on the rocks. Like the motion of the ocean, Alexander will bang ‘er.
*And basically she has an O just from him touching her jaw and looking intensely at her. Just so.
Calvin Klein ads.
Written by Kaiser
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